Chance encounter

Chapter 20 Love is always a willing adventure (4)
When the added value can satisfy you, you will live in peace, and you will feel that I love each other very much; once it is not satisfied, the love will die naturally, and problems will naturally arise.

Letter from Wenwen

Hello Lu Xiaopang, my name is Wenwen, I am a flight attendant, I just graduated from university, and I have to be strong since I was a child.Met him my senior year at the college counselor's wedding, sitting at one table for dinner and taking care of everyone.

He is a soldier, and I was instantly fascinated by him. I even gave up my boyfriend who I had been dating for three years because of him.

So, I got together with him soon.He is a soldier, but he breaks discipline because of me. He comes out to date me every night. Seriously, I think that is love. Two people are very happy together. Everything is right. I also dedicate myself to him. the first time.

But the good times didn't last long. After graduation, I worked in Beijing, and he stayed in the southern city where I went to school. We started a long-distance relationship.For various reasons, we rarely see each other.He is seven years older than me, I think he should find a girl who can get married, and I finally broke up with him.

Before the breakup, during the breakup, and after the breakup, I swear I was heart-piercingly sad.But if we don't break up, I'm not willing to go to his hometown city to live a simple life with him from now on. I'm still young, aren't I?
After we broke up, my friend introduced me to a boy who was excellent in every way, just a little fatter and ugly, but he was educated, had a family background, and had a good background.I tried to date him, but I was unhappy every minute. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't let go of those added values.

Sister Luyu, in the face of the added value of love and life, what should I do?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
I would like to explain to you first, and I also apologize, because I have a cold, cough, and sore throat that I have never experienced in a century, so my voice is very thick, and I am uncomfortable listening to myself, so everyone can make do with it.It may not be too long at one go, and this recording may be divided into several sections, so it will sound a bit awkward.

I read Wenwen's letter several times, and then I finally figured out a question, that is, you have no questions to ask at all.You don't need me to give you an answer, you just need me to say with empathy, Wenwen, you are right, for the life you want, love can be given up.However, I will definitely not say that, even if you have no problem, I still want to sort out your problem first.

Look at your boyfriend who left the university, the boyfriend who left the People’s Liberation Army, and now you are struggling, whether to leave this boyfriend who you despise in various ways and who you say is fat and ugly.Do you see a pattern in it?

You have been longing for love, but you have been attracted by things other than love, that is, the added value you mentioned, including a broader vision, possibly a new field, and a better material life.

Then when the added value can satisfy you, you will live in peace, and you will feel that I love each other very much; once it is not satisfied, love will die naturally, so problems will naturally arise.

Why did you separate from that PLA boyfriend?That's because after you graduated, entered the society, and surpassed him in an instant. His previous aura is gone now, so the charm is gone, so the love is gone.

As for the fat boy, the problem is not whether you love him or not, but that he is good enough, but not good enough, good enough, but not good enough, and his added value is not good enough to make you ignore the lack of love.

Choose love or choose something else, I think of course you should choose love!

I will not naively say that people who choose love are more noble, I just think that choosing love is relatively simple and clear.Because love is the standard, love is love, not love is not love, but there is no standard for everything else.How rich is rich?How good a life is a better life?So I always agree with the joke that Sanmao told back then, if you don’t love, millionaires will not marry, if you love enough, multi-millionaires will marry too.

I am a pessimistic person. If we will inevitably be trapped in our own cocoon in this life, we will suffer by ourselves, then I hope this bondage is love.

If almost all marriages are inevitably going to be flat step by step, and even eventually become unsatisfactory, I still hope that its origin is due to love.In that way, I will be willing to gamble and admit defeat, willingly!

And Wenwen, I suggest you just let that fat boy go!Someone tricked you?You can look down on him, but I believe that somewhere, there must be a certain girl who will regard him as a treasure!Life is very difficult, let people who don't love each other let each other go!
You love him so much, why are you always picking on him?

Get together and part sometimes, let go when you don't love.If you love, hold on tight, let go of your figure, forget your pride, don't ask about the way forward, and don't care about the result.

Letter from Lili

Sister Lu Yu, I want to talk about my confusion.My boyfriend and I have always had a very good relationship. We often discuss issues together and express our respective opinions.That day, after watching your "Meeting Lu Xiaopang", I asked him a question: If one day your girlfriend told you that she was adopted before, what would you do?He said: Break up.I was surprised: why?He said: People who have betrayed themselves cannot be accepted.I said: Even if your relationship is already very good, and you may even be married and have children and live happily, you can't tolerate her having such a past?He said: Yes, that's my bottom line.

To be honest, his answer disappointed me a little, because I always thought that everyone has a past and may have made mistakes, but that is the past and has nothing to do with me now.If my boyfriend says he was fostered before, or has done something else, I don't mind and I don't pursue it.But when I told my boyfriend this idea, he said that everyone's bottom line is different, and he just can't accept this kind of thing, and he believes that 90.00% of people in this world will make the same choice as him.At that moment, I suddenly realized that our two values ​​​​are very different, and then a lot of ideas popped up, such as he loves me, not because of "I am me", but because I don't have what he thinks is "unbearable past" , did not cross his "bottom line", but in this way, our love will no longer be as pure as I thought.Sister Luyu, at this moment I really want to know, if it were you, how would you view your lover's "past"?How can two people with different values ​​stay together for a lifetime?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Answer Riley's letter today.On the third day after Faye Wong and Li Yapeng announced their breakup, my friend Lily also broke up with her boyfriend. The plot outline is as follows: After dinner, the two of them chatted, and the boyfriend said that some people broke up when they said it was too immoral. up. Lily got angry at the time, she said, what does this have to do with morality?Love is together, love is not separated, do not hide or cheat, I think Faye Wong and Li Yapeng have done a good job.The normally compliant boyfriend was also angry. He accused Lily of being too casual in her views on love and marriage. The word "whatever" made Lily furious, and as a result, the two broke up.

If you think I'm telling a tragic story of a breakup because of different views, you're wrong.This is a cloak of three different views, but it is actually a clichéd story of two people who don't love each other to make use of the topic and find trouble to break up.Although the consistency of the three views is very important, there are not many opportunities for us to encounter big issues of right and wrong that need to rise to the level of the three views in life. Instead, it is those small things that will make or break a friendship or love.For example, as friends, you better like the spicy crayfish from the same restaurant, or you hate the girl at the front desk of the company together. These "trivial things" will make you closer.Because you eat Ma Xiao four times a week, and you dislike the little girl in the company every day. It is these trivial things that test us more often than the three views.

So do you want to end a relationship or marriage because of your different views?I won't.I will only leave someone I don't love, no longer love, or not so much love, but I will not leave someone I love, even if we are worlds apart.Get together and part sometimes, let go when you don't love.If you love, hold on tight, let go of your figure, forget your pride, don't ask about the way forward, and don't care about the result.

Lili, I have to say that your husband's brain is made of cement. He is very stubborn. He actually cares about someone's past.But your brain is made of high-grade cement, because you actually care about what your husband said he would care about other people's past.If you are sure that you are not looking for trouble to break up, then ignore this conversation between you and live your life.If he cares about nurturing, let him care. What does nurturing have to do with you?It would be great if your husband can be strict with others and more self-disciplined, at least you don't have to worry about him being ridiculous outside.Of course, no one can predict other problems that may be caused by different views, but before the problem arises, you should live steadily. This is not an ostrich, this is the correct posture of life.But I have to ask one more question: Lili, can you be sure of yourself?My intuition is that you are not reconciled to your current life, so all kinds of troubles appear in your life.Hope my intuition is wrong and I hope you live happily ever after.

why your life and love are all elsewhere

Of course, the trivial life may kill the beautiful love, which is quite scary, but what is even more terrifying is that there is no love at all for you to kill in the trivial life at the beginning, and you want to live a life with nothing but chicken feathers?I do not want.

Letter from Oda

Hello Lu Xiaopang, I like your program very much, and I have found many answers to life from your program.Emotional issues are bothering me now.

My boyfriend is very nice to me, but my family background is poor, and my relatives and friends are against us being together.My family background is also average, but I feel that as long as I work hard, I should have a house of my own in ten years, but I am not firm enough.

Recently, I have often been in contact with a couple of employees of the company. Their lives are peaceful, neither extravagant nor compromised. They have a stable small family and occasionally take their children to eat and play in their favorite places.Growing up, this is the first time I know so clearly that this is the life I want, but he can't give such a simple life.We must plan carefully, fearing that the good relationship will be destroyed by firewood, rice, oil and salt in the future, which will be even more heartbreaking.I especially want to have my own house, even if it is small.We are in the same company, and my colleagues all know our relationship. Even if I want to separate, I am embarrassed and have no courage. What should I do?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
I love you, I don't love you, I want to marry you, I can't live this life anymore, I want to break up... The tragedies and comedies of life are staged every minute, with thousands of protagonists, but the common name is: me.My feelings, my needs, are irreplaceable.

But Oda, reading your letter makes me anxious.You said, my boyfriend is very nice to me - is that why you two are together?You also said that your boyfriend’s family background is poor, and your relatives and friends are against it—is this the reason for your wavering?You also said that because you are in the same company, it is embarrassing to want to separate-this is even more unbelievable, is this the reason why you have not broken up yet?But what kind of logic is this?I'm not sure about your pulse, so I can't prescribe this medicine.

Usually, the biggest misunderstanding we have about ourselves is that we think we like to live a certain life, because what we like and yearn for are beyond our current capabilities.Once on a business trip abroad, the team was invited by the richest local Chinese to visit his home.Huge mansion, the kind that you will get lost after walking around.There are lawns and lakes in front of the door, and the city is hidden not far away. If you turn around and turn around, there will be aunts and housekeepers who will ask you what you need.Someone as calm as I would feel envious. I found out that I like this kind of extravagant life where I open my mouth for food and stretch out my hands.However, there was a faint feeling that something was wrong.Maybe his living room ceiling is too high?The sofa is too expensive?Crystal chandeliers too complicated?In short, I miss my own room very much, just like now, I am sitting on the floor of my house talking to you, the ceiling, sofa, and lamps are all normal and normal, which makes me feel very calm and at ease.

I seldom watch short TV dramas from my parents, and I think it’s mother-in-law, but once in a while, I feel that the trivial life is full of fireworks and meaningful.I was busy all day long, thinking that I really wanted to live at home, but when the electricity in my house tripped, the purified water ran out, the window in the bedroom was left to close during the rainy day, and I opened the refrigerator door to empty a large carton of milk. When it was spilled on the ground, when all kinds of trivial things happened, I found that I didn't enjoy it at all.I was irritable and broke down, and I realized that I don't like trivialities at all.

Whether you like someone or not, this kind of emotion is simple and clear, and you can't deceive yourself.But whether you like a life or not is actually an illusion and a misunderstanding.The life you like is often something you can't have and have never experienced for the time being, so why do you say you like it, you are suitable, and you yearn for it?As for the life of your colleagues and family that you envy, it sounds beautiful, but what I envy is that they happen to like to go to the same place, they happen to have the ability to create and enjoy the life together, they happen to love each other and are still willing to stay together .

We actually never know what kind of life we ​​want to live, because we always want to live a life that we can't live.When life is poor and humble, I want fame and fortune, and when I have fame and fortune, I want to return to ordinary life, so I never think that major life decisions should be based on the so-called calm and rational analysis.

I don't know what kind of life I should live, but I know that I want to hold someone's hand and search together.Also, of course, a trivial life may kill a beautiful love, which is quite scary, but what is even more frightening is that in the beginning of a trivial life, there is no love for you to kill, and you want to live a life with nothing but chicken feathers?I do not want.

(End of this chapter)