Chance encounter

Chapter 25 Topics (1)
I am a 30-year-old "leftover woman", do you have any opinions?

We are not left alone, we just choose someone.Active and passive voice are two very different attitudes towards life.

Letter from July

Hello Luyu, a friend recommended your official account before, and I have been following it silently since then.I've been too depressed recently, I want to talk to you, it's so late, I don't know if I'm bothering you.

I'm thirty this year, and I'm probably what many people call a "leftover woman".I used to talk to a boyfriend who was with me for a long time. After we broke up, I never came out, so I didn't look for it again.I always wanted to wait for myself to adjust my state before starting a new relationship, but I found that the surrounding environment made me feel depressed and breathless.

I used to like to talk with my mother on the phone, chatting about things in life and work, but then my mother asked me to go back to the blind date and stay in my hometown when she opened her mouth. A few words.

Also, we used to have a group of girlfriends, and we often went shopping together to buy clothes. Now that two of the girls have children, we have less time to go shopping, and every time we chat on the phone or wechat, we talk about children, like What milk powder purchasing agent, or the choice of baby products.The two of them had a very happy chat, but I couldn't get in the conversation, which was very embarrassing.

It feels like since when my life has stagnated in the same place, and the people around me have gone far.I couldn't understand their chats at first, and I began to feel that I couldn't fit into their circle.I want to ask you, as an older single, how can I adjust my mentality?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Today’s post is because of a letter from another 30-year-old single woman.

At the Met Ball in New York this year, Madonna wore a black butt-baring evening gown, which I didn't think looked good.I like the kind of low-key and elegant fashion. If it is too exaggerated, too avant-garde, or too revealing, it is not my taste.

But I appreciate her attitude.It is estimated that her red carpet style was criticized afterward, and Madonna issued a statement a few days later.she says:
“My dress at the Met Ball was a political statement as well as a fashion statement. The fact that people actually believe a woman is not allowed to express her sexuality and be adventurous past a certain age is proof that we still live in an ageist and sexist society. If you have a problem with the way I dress it is simply a reflection of your prejudice.”

'The dress I wore on the Met Ball red carpet was a political statement as well as a fashion statement,' she said.Some people think that women are not allowed to express their desires and adventure after reaching a certain age.This just goes to show that our society is full of ageism and sexism.If you have a problem with how I dress, it's because you have discrimination in your heart.

I never thought that a piece of clothing could be so serious before, just like I didn't think it was a big deal to be called "leftover women".Is there a joke, is there some maliciousness, so what?Just a name.However, Madonna's statement made me think a lot.Some seemingly innocuous jokes, comments, and titles are blatant discrimination and malice. Why should we laugh them off?

I say this because a lot of the letters are from women, so-called older women, who are single and longing for love.In the final analysis, the question for everyone is: Do you want to compromise?
My point of view: The emotional world is a war between me and myself, and has nothing to do with others.If a person is too lonely, he can go on a blind date and try to like someone who did not fall in love passionately at first sight. It is a small compromise because he wants to change his state.No one can decide what kind of life I should live or what kind of clothes I should wear at what age.I'm going to make my own mistakes, I admit.

Don't say words like leftover women in the future. "We are not left alone, we choose to be alone." We are not left alone, we choose to be alone.Active and passive voice are two very different attitudes towards life.

Statement, I am not radical at all, I am not feminist, I absolutely do not advocate revolution, the only thing I cherish is the freedom of body and mind.For me, whether I fall in love or not is my command, and whether I get married or not is my own.

"My life is up to me" is a joke.Are you in charge of my life?

Straight male cancer don't take meanness for willfulness, straight female cancer don't take rudeness for fun
Etiquette, propriety, and boundaries are not suppressing human nature, they are precisely protecting human nature.

anonymous letter
Let me state first that I support all legitimate and rational concepts of gender equality.Let me spit out a slot below.

Judging from my communication experience with female friends around me, the level of harshness towards men's speech and behavior is almost a bit of a literal prison.There is a male celebrity who is well-known in the entertainment industry as gay.A while ago, they licked the screen when they got together, saying that this once-in-a-century handsome guy stepped into a detour and wasted resources.I just joked and said that I also think that many lesbians are so beautiful, it's a pity not to give men a chance.Then those few people suddenly pointed their finger at me, straight male cancer hates disgusting bah.Why can't this be a joke?Shall I repeat what you said?

I saw a post before, saying "Jay Chou wants a son, why don't you say he is patriarchal", and the reply with the highest number of votes below was "He is a typical straight male cancer".I want to ask these girls who like it, why do you always say that other straight men are cancerous?Obviously a matter of personal preference.Is it okay to label others as "straight male cancer" if there is a disagreement?
Over time, as long as there are girls around me, I have to think about my words three times before I dare to say them.Saying that rejecting girls’ pre-marital abortion is a straight man’s cancer, saying that supporting wives to take care of the elderly at home after marriage is a straight man’s cancer, and saying that advising girls not to wear too revealing clothes when they go out at night is also a straight man’s cancer.

I just refuse, support, and suggest. There is no coercion, no sense of superiority, and no moral judgment. As for it?

A few of our buddies got together and said that in the future, words such as "gold digger", "green tea bitch", "scheming bitch", "independent bitch" and "scum girl" must be quit. Only women can use negative words to describe women. If we say it, we will definitely be called straight male cancer.To be on the safe side, when you meet a single woman over 30 years old, don’t talk about marriage, when you meet a female driver, you don’t talk about technical issues, and when you meet any woman, you don’t talk about virginity. When a married wife asks if she likes boys or girls, she must say girls, and if she can quit her job. Housewives must say "I am always ready to support you and unconditionally support any choice you make as an independent woman"...

If this is the standard for so-called non-straight men, I can only say that you can entertain yourself.Support women's equal rights but can't even listen to the truth.What exactly is straight male cancer?Ladies, can you stop scolding straight men for cancer?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Did you all have a good Spring Festival?

I haven’t returned to Beijing yet. It’s raining where I live today. It was raining a lot just now. Maybe you can hear the sound of rain in the background.

The reason I don't like the holidays is that you're forcibly pulled away from your usual hectic life, and then when you're just getting used to slacking off and the holidays are over, you're pushed back to where you started.It's a bad feeling that you can't start or end anything.

It is estimated that a hypocritical person like me will probably be labeled as strong, feminist, or something like that.I guess I can't run away if I am strong, but I am really not a feminist.I'm not very gender-conscious, and sometimes I even suspect my lack of empathy, because I'm so against weak and right.

Who I hate or like has nothing to do with gender.I have blackmailed a few people in my circle of friends, both straight men and straight women. In short, they are all those who are not necessarily good at themselves, but they are self-confident, unscrupulous, and especially mean.

Adults really have no right to speak out of their heads.

When your language may hurt others, you must think it over before speaking, and don't use the banner of willfulness and freedom.Words influence actions, and actions determine outcomes.The more discriminatory language is spoken, the more discriminatory behavior becomes the norm.

If a man feels that he is becoming more and more unable to open his mouth in front of women and can no longer make any jokes, then don't say it.Originally, except for your mother, your sister, your wife, your girlfriend, and your female buddies, you don't have to mingle with all the women in the world.

In the same way, women are the same, except for my father, my brother, my husband, my boyfriend, and my best friend, there is no man who should pay for you or carry your suitcases for you.The world is cruel but fair.

Men's sharp weapons against women are nothing more than age, figure, and appearance, while women, even if they are sharp, can respond with bald heads, belly, and vulgar aesthetics.For these, you can laugh it off, or you can get angry, but there are some minefields that you just can't step on.

If any man teases a woman in front of me about being unmarried and infertile after a certain age, or teases a successful woman like Dong Mingzhu, or teases a certain woman with words such as "green tea" and "scheming" followed by a disgusting word One or some women, I will definitely argue with you, and I will definitely block you.

Maybe I'm just so petty and can't take jokes, because some jokes just can't be taken.

Dear Anonymous Male Friend, don't talk about you, I'm sick of stupid, rude women, but I'm sick of stupid, rude men too, so I guess it's the stupid, rude things I'm sick of, presumably the same as you.

Etiquette, propriety, and boundaries are not suppressing human nature, they are precisely protecting human nature.

New year, new weather, I hope.But after the new year, if everything goes on as usual, I think I can accept it.

The whole world is carnival for her at the age of 64, except for the silent straight male cancer
If we don’t condone those who are ugly and obscene, refuse to be objectified, refuse to be restrained and suppressed by demands and comments about youth and appearance, refuse to be a victim and have a victim mentality in marriage, love, life, and career, maybe, we You can also change the environment.

Letter from Xiaoyan

Sister Luyu, let me tell you about my situation first: 25 years old, female, single, working for two years, having two relationships, and having faith in love.I think that the most important thing is to share the same interests, agree with the three views, and be reliable.

My question is, should I find a partner with more love experience or less?Boys with little love experience, love emotional intelligence is not very civilized, they are very dull in caring, caring, caring, and getting along with their girlfriends, just like first love, it is very difficult to get in, so it is difficult to get to the end; if you have too much love experience, I can't play with others.I once met a veteran in love who lied to me in terms of feelings and past experience.

In short, finding a semi-finished man to grow together in love is a lot of expectations but difficult; finding a mature man is easy to get considerate, but it is also easy to be routine.I am just an ordinary girl. I want to have a romantic relationship that is not too rough and find a reliable partner. How should I deal with the opposite sex with different experience points?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
In life, I am very lazy, afraid of trouble, and have an ostrich mentality. I am always unwilling to face problems until the last moment.But people like me have at least one advantage, that is, they will never find trouble for nothing, and create problems without problems.

For example, Xiaoyan, regarding the question of whether to find a novice or a veteran in a relationship, it is a question of having nothing to do.When it comes to falling in love, you should fall in love first and then talk about it, instead of arming yourself with various theories and analyzes before looking for it, because it is useless at all.You will find that either being too rational and sober makes you lose the ability and impulse to love.Or, in the face of love and desire, all data and experience are BULLSHIT (nonsense).

Xiaoyan, let's talk about it later when we encounter problems.No matter a blank piece of paper or an old world, it may be a passer-by in your life, or the love of your life, or the scum who hurt you.

Because love is a matter of luck + courage.

I want to say two things today.After Macron was elected President of France, of course my circle of friends swiped the screen.The female friends I know are all elated, singing or teasing, they are all encouraged anyway.

The straight men basically remained silent on the first day, but from the second day onwards, they sporadically expressed that they would wait for the plot to reverse, such as Macron coming out of the closet or having an affair.

But my girlfriend Loretta in Paris said, what if Macron and his wife Brigitte broke up in the future?That's enough!I totally agree.

There was only one man, a man of culture whom I respected quite a bit, and he sent a paragraph in a weird way, to the effect that: What is the essence difference between Yujiekong and Lolicon?Both belong to special hobbies, how come the former has become love, while the latter has been criticized?
In order to avoid ambiguity in the accurate translation, I searched his circle of friends just now, but he has already deleted this article.My first reaction at the time was to be unhappy and wanted to block him.

I thought it was because I couldn't see self-righteous people being self-righteous.But it's actually because, I feel offended, it's because of my status as an older woman, which makes me have a victim (victim) mentality, which makes me unreasonable.

Yesterday, an article written by a male gourmet about the meal caused public outrage.I read it, and it was praised and forwarded by another male cultural person I respect.I read it and found it incredible.

I really can't stand ugliness, obscenity and inexplicable male superiority.

I want to talk about Macron's wife Brigitte, I really like her.She has normal features, but her figure, especially her legs and arms, are to die for.In the past two days, being stimulated by her made me want to find a personal trainer to go to the gym.

I like her also because she refuses to be a victim (refusing to be a victim).

She is 64 years old, of course there are many wrinkles on her face, and she looks really old in some photos.But when she stood beside Macron, I could feel her confidence, as if to say: I'm good enough—my body, my face, my age is enough. (I'm perfect—my body, my age is enough. face, my age, enough.)
Perhaps, with a woman like Brigitte, there will be a man like Macron.

If we don’t condone those who are ugly and obscene, refuse to be objectified, refuse to be restrained and suppressed by demands and comments about youth and appearance, refuse to be a victim and have a victim mentality in marriage, love, life, and career, maybe, we You can also change the environment.

Having said that, I want to reiterate that I am not a feminist, I like cute men, there are many cute men in my life, and I also hate the so-called war between the sexes.

However, between rationality and ignorance, each of us has to take sides.

There is a kind of friendship that I will not lend you money
Love, friendship, family, if you ask me to rank, at this stage I will definitely rank friendship first.Because family love is born, you have no choice; while love is too weird, elusive; only friendship, you can choose, you can give up, you can save, friendship is extremely precious to me.

(End of this chapter)