Chance encounter

Chapter 26 Topics (2)
A letter from a kite
Hello Xiaopang, before telling my story, I would like to briefly introduce my friendship.I'm female and have a lot of friends, both male and female, but only a few that really matter to me.What I want to talk about today is one of them.She and I got to know each other after work, we admire each other, and we have a lot in common.We have experienced many things together, we have dealt with bad people and bad people together, traveled together, shared our thoughts, and introduced each other's friends.We both valued this friendship very much and thought it would be a lifelong friend.But in fact, a few small things overturned the boat of our friendship.The common cause of these things is: she thinks that I am equally good to everyone, and feels that I am not that important; I think, "You are my best friend" is just clear in my heart, and there is no need to keep talking about it. Behavior, especially in group gatherings, I don't want people to feel like I'm being treated differently.

We argued about this several times, had cold wars, reconciled, and remained silent until one day, she completely disappeared from my life.Although it has been two years since this incident, I still feel very sad when I think about it to this day.I know that the friendship of adults is very precious, especially the friendship between adult women, and I have also reflected on myself, whether there is a problem with my way of thinking.In fact, I really don't like the word "girlfriend", and I can't stand the friendship of cuddling and hugging.I have always felt that the friendship between women seems to be no different from that between men, and they should be friendships between gentlemen.And as long as you are my friend, there will be no barriers between us. No matter how serious things happen, drinking a lot of wine is not a problem.But gradually found that this logic does not seem to apply among girls.It seems that no amount of drinking can soften the thorn in each other's hearts.Some people say that there is no true friendship between women, I disagree.But I am very confused, I don't understand why this friendship is so fragile if it is so rare?What is the correct way to treat friendship between women? Am I doing something wrong?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Love, friendship, family, if you ask me to rank, at this stage I will definitely rank friendship first.Because family love is born, you have no choice; while love is too weird, elusive; only friendship, you can choose, you can give up, you can save, friendship is extremely precious to me.In the family, I don’t think I’m a good relative; in love, sometimes I may not be a competent lover; however, I can say without hesitation: I am the reliable and dedicated friend .

What is a good friend?What is a good friendship?Well... last month, I had dinner with two good friends, really good friends.We chatted a lot throughout the night and said a lot of heartfelt things, and we had a very high conversation afterwards.But suddenly, one of my friends made me a joke, and in an instant, my little glass heart broke.My eye circles were red at that time, and I felt very wronged and sad.The two of them should not have seen my emotional fluctuations, because I swallowed my tears alive.But for a week after that, I didn't take the initiative to contact that friend again.She probably realized that she had lost her speech that night and hurt me.

I admit that I am glass-hearted, admit that I am narrow-minded, but I don't think my reaction is overreacted, I think my reaction is normal.Because I am defenseless in front of my friends, I am extra vulnerable.And because we are friends, we understand each other's weaknesses better, and we have to understand the difference between jokes and sarcasm.Even friends can't cross that boundary, otherwise they are not enough friends.

Another friend of mine, Xiao A, has a delicate mind and will always do her best for her friends. She has never said anything about my affairs.One year I was so busy that I didn't have time to travel with my friends, and later I didn't even have time to go shopping with them.As time went by, I didn't even feel like explaining to my friends anymore.Later I realized that Little A was alienated from me, and I understood why.In Xiao A's eyes and heart, she must feel that I think she is not important, and I know I did something wrong.Of course, I didn't run to Xiao A, explain to her, and apologize to her.I just started to change the way I get along with my friends. No matter how busy I am, I still have to find time to communicate with my friends. At least I want to tell them: Honey, for the next week, I will be doing shows like crazy, and I don’t have time to talk to you. Please forgive me.No matter how busy I am, I will go to the circle of friends and give them a like under their information.I just want to tell them that I care about them.Because friendship is sometimes as fragile as love, but friendship is fairer and more reasonable than love.Friendship does not value whether you do it or not, but friendship values ​​whether you work hard or not.

I talked about these two trivial things, but if you think about it carefully, it also contains a very profound truth about friendship.A good friendship is equal, give to each other, and care about each other.Good friendship makes people feel warm, down-to-earth, comfortable and casual.But even in the best friendships, there will be jealousy, suspicion, and even betrayal.A friend's departure is sometimes like a lover's departure. It may be because we hurt each other unintentionally, it may be because we are no longer suitable for each other, or it may be just because she found a better one.No matter what the reason is, when a friend leaves, you still have to give her blessings, don't have any regrets, and say to yourself: Say goodbye to the wrong one, so that it is possible to reunite with the right one.This is the only way to comfort myself.

People will experience a lot of pain in this life, and friends and friendship are bodhisattvas who help us cross that river of pain.I am especially grateful for the letter from a kite, which made me think a lot about the past when I was with my friends during the flight from Beijing to Hong Kong today.Very touched.

The best best friend is to bear the pain separately and only need to be with each other
Between people, even if they are as close as father and son, mother and daughter, brother and sister, lover or husband and wife, we are still first and foremost independent individuals.The boundary between individuals is the last line of defense for a person to maintain independence, freedom, safety, and dignity. Please respect it.

Letter from Jingjing

Hello Xiaopang, I really can't make up my mind, I hope you can give me some advice.

Xiaoli is my best sister since high school.Over the years, we have witnessed each other meet the right boy, fall in love and get married.She was pregnant with a baby four months ago, and she was about to be happy, but I suddenly found out that her husband had cheated a few days ago!
It happened last Friday night at our annual company dinner.My husband and I arrived a little late, and as soon as we entered the box, we saw Xiaoli's husband sitting next to a girl from our company's sales department. I was shocked at the time.After a few minutes, her husband found an excuse and slipped away. I wanted to question that female colleague but my husband grabbed me.

My husband reminded me that Xiaoli was pregnant, and the matter was not clear.I asked two old colleagues from the sales department, and they said that the female colleague and Xiaoli's husband had been dating for half a year!

I've been struggling with this for two days!
Xiaoli and him have been married for less than a year, and the two families are very happy to know that they are pregnant with a child. I will tell her at this time that the scumbag cheated on her. Xiaoli and the old man will definitely collapse!But I can't just watch her being harmed by this scumbag.I firmly believe that dogs can't change eating shit, marrying this kind of person will ruin your life!I thought of a lot of ways to deal with it but it didn't work. Now I tell her that she can still get a divorce, and that the child can be aborted in a relatively safe way when she is just four months old.

My husband said that it is best to talk to Xiaoli's husband first.Just thinking about him makes me sick.Fatty, what should I do?Should Xiao Li quickly see the face of this scumbag?In case the child is born, she will have no regrets.

Lu Xiaopang's reply
I had a nightmare a few days ago. I dreamed that I was awakened and found that someone had entered my house. I was scared to death. I hid behind the door and was so nervous that I was at a loss when I suddenly woke up.I don't know whether it was out of fright or in a hurry, but I cried so much that my face was full of tears.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend, and it happened that she also had a nightmare about her scumbag ex-boyfriend.In the dream, there was a wife and a child, and the two of them pushed the baby carriage, looking very harmonious and happy.My best friend was angry, hurt, and anxious in the dream, and when she woke up, she also had tears on her face.Obviously, she still loves that man.I fully understand the feelings of my best friend, I never believe that after breaking up, as long as you live better than me.If I don't love you anymore, it doesn't matter how you live. If I still love you and I can't get over your hurdle, then why should I hope that you will live better than me?

If your life is still wonderful without my participation, how can it embarrass me?I can kindly allow you to not be too bad, but I really hope that without me, there will always be such an important piece of your life missing.

This is my true narrow mind.I often have a lot of similar, very politically incorrect views, but I don't take them seriously.Because thinking about not breaking the law, I didn't do anything, and I wouldn't do anything, because I am a measured person.I respect the boundary (boundary) between people.This word, I especially want to tell Jingjing.

There are actually several serious questions today, but I think I have to answer Jingjing's question first.Because other people's problems are not handled well, at most it will harm her own life, but if Jingjing's problems are not handled well, she will harm other people's lives.

What is particularly lovely about us Chinese is that we treat people with warmth, and the human touch can be so strong that there is no barrier or distance between people.But here comes the problem.When I need privacy and space, I may not find the boundary that brings me a sense of security.

I read Jingjing's letter several times, and I finally understand that the evidence of your so-called girlfriend Xiaoli's husband cheating is that at a party in your company where only family members can be brought, you saw a female colleague sitting very intimately. Xiaoli's husband, and then ran away when he saw you.

It must be said, Jingjing, that your reasoning and intuition are absolutely correct.They were at least more than just friends, so, by any standard, it was an affair for a married man.But the question is, what kind of infidelity is serious enough to disintegrate a family?This varies from person to person.In other words, even if the husband is a scumbag and cheats, some women will choose to accept it because of love, because of children, because of money, sense of security, and for various reasons.How to choose is the right of the person concerned, and others have no right to interfere. This is the boundary.

Between people, even if they are as close as father and son, mother and daughter, brother and sister, lover or husband and wife, we are still first and foremost independent individuals.The boundary between individuals is the last line of defense for a person to maintain independence, freedom, safety, and dignity. Please respect it.

Jingjing, if it was my husband who dared to have sex with others when I was pregnant, I would definitely divorce him and destroy him.But your girlfriend may not be as decisive as I am, you are not her, you have no right to decide for her.

As a girlfriend, you can have an open and honest talk with his husband to frighten him.But for your girlfriend, at this stage, I can only hint and persuade her to take care of her husband.Others, Let it be.It's not enough friends, it's just enough friends.Don't use the banner of "I'm doing this for her own good".You are not her, and you don't know what to do for her.

Another point, even if you want to divorce, why can't the child be born?Jingjing, I know, you love Xiaoli, and you don't want her to suffer.But in life, we can only bear some pains individually, and the only thing you can do is to accompany her.

This is friendship, this is life.

Would you like to be a full-time housewife?
I like working, and I believe that people who work are beautiful.But everyone has their own ambitions. If you like family and are suitable for family, stay in the family and be a housewife is as great.

Letter from Dabao and Xiaobao's mother
When I was seventeen or eighteen, I often imagined that I would be a career-oriented strong woman when I was 30 years old.Wearing CéLINE, going in and out of high-end office buildings in the CBD, the dark blue KS bag may contain the new plan of the district meeting in the morning. Amateurs and college girlfriends drink various afternoon tea, watch pioneer dramas, travel to Yunnan and Taiwan, and experience a lot of things all the time. It is an intricate triangular relationship between a literary heart, a bustling city and a few steel coins in your pocket.

This is what I looked like before I was 26.After that, my husband’s company went public, and I concentrated on taking care of the children at home. Since then, I have been classified as a full-time mother with two children.Before my eldest was two years old, my life was very dull.First of all, I found that all the life skills that I have been trained for more than 20 years and I am proud of are all invalid, and what I have to learn are some new skills that I am particularly resistant to.

For example, I have a closet of OL dresses and high-heeled shoes put away, and I can go shopping in the supermarket with a non-woven bag on my back every day; for example, I no longer need to write articles and novels with logic, jokes, or green tea factors. It’s fine if I’ve pulled it a few times today; for example, I no longer need to invite my girlfriends to watch night clubs and underground movies. As long as I always care about when the renminbi will appreciate, I will stock up on three stages of milk powder from purchasing agents; for example, I No more time to bake more than three cute little treats, as long as I can get the housework done and dinner ready every day while the kids are taking their naps.

OMG, these heartbreaking changes...

letter from sophie

My husband is the financial manager of the unit, and usually has a lot of entertainment, whether it is a unit party, a friend party, or a comrade-in-arms party, I am very annoyed that he does not go home for dinner.I was bored at home all day, and I just wanted him to come back to accompany me and talk to me at night.So as soon as he came back late, I would quarrel with him. After a long time, he would lie to me. He said that he was having dinner with his comrades, and he said that the unit had a visitor. When he came back, it was usually after twelve o’clock, and I became angry. .He still doesn't understand me, saying that I have too many things to do, that I am not satisfied, and so on.Sometimes when friends gather, people bring their wives or girlfriends, but he doesn't take me because I have to take care of the children.After a long time, I felt very uncomfortable, wondering if he didn't love me anymore, thinking that I couldn't take it out because I was too old.

letter from the sea
We are a family of four: my husband does some business, and I watch our two children.I have been a full-time wife for this year, and I feel that our family has a very big problem.My husband and I basically had nothing to say and were too lazy to talk, and we became unhappy when we couldn't say a few words.I am not a long-winded person, but my husband is very picky.Alas, I feel that the demands on me are extremely high. I must do my best to do housework and take care of the children, otherwise it will be all my fault.He has almost no interaction with the children.This year, I will take the children out no more than five times. When I say going out, I mean going on a trip to a distant place, or going to a supermarket or a park.I was the only one taking care of the children eating, drinking, and studying, and I was helpless.Apart from taking money from him, I don't know what purpose he has to exist.I'm so tired of living like this, what should I do?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Today's topic is really difficult.I haven't been a housewife myself, but I have very good friends who are housewives.When I was young, I disdain the concept of housewife. I want to grow up to be a career woman, how can I stay at home?Now when I am very tired, wronged, or even scared, I really envy housewives. I want to hide at home to be safe and warm.

(End of this chapter)