Chance encounter

Chapter 27 Topics (3)
I remember one year during the November holiday, I went abroad to visit my friends.She married abroad early and has lived there with two daughters.For a week, I stayed at her house, and I got up every morning to accompany the family to have breakfast, accompany her to the supermarket to buy things, wash clothes, cook lunch, wash dishes, make dinner and wash dishes, and then go to bed very early sleep.Lying in bed every night, I feel extremely at ease and quiet inside, and I especially envy her.Thinking about such a day, I can only live for a week, it is very sad, and it seems that I have shed tears for it.Of course, I understand that she is also very envious of my life. This is the relationship between inside and outside the siege.

Of course I understand myself, I can't do that kind of thing, I can't live that kind of life.One week is fine, one month is fine, what should I do after a long time?Life is fair, what is gained is what is lost.My life seems glamorous, but I have to bear pressure, competition, and criticism; her life seems comfortable, but she has to endure loneliness, monotony, and occasional fear of being out of touch with the world.

Back to today's topic, a few friends who are very confused, I think you are just venting to me and acting like a baby, right?Your life should not have reached the point where you can't go on, I don't think your husband has done anything to apologize to you.If so live on.Remember, never give up on yourself, make yourself beautiful at any time, appearance is very important.

Also, sometimes you can give your husband a little space and let them go.I just want them to work hard, stop talking when they go home, stop eating if they don’t eat with me, you don’t have time to talk to me, and I don’t have time to talk to you.Have your own interests and your own friends.At home, you have to live openly and confidently. Being a housewife has no salary, but you have to pay at least half of everything in this home.If I were you, spending my husband's money (of course I wouldn't make it), I would be justified.But I will still go to work, because I like to work, and I believe that people who work are beautiful.But everyone has their own ambitions. If you like family and are suitable for family, stay in the family and be a housewife is as great.

Have a good time.Life is not easy, and each has its own responsibility.Occasionally, if you have any psychological pressure or feel uncomfortable, you can come to us to release and vent, and then go back and continue to work hard to find the meaning of life.Someone once said to me, and this is someone I trust so much, who said, "Life has meaning if you just try to find it."

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Every relationship has its own trajectory. It is best to let it grow naturally. Many times I can only believe: Things that don't kill you can only make you strong.
Letter from Xiao Meng

Hello Xiaopang, my surname is Meng, I am 27 years old, divorced for a year and a half, and I am a civil servant in a small city.

I have a weak body, and I have worked hard to learn yoga and dance in the past few years, just to make myself stronger.Due to physical reasons and the setbacks brought about by the divorce, I still dare not tell my relatives and friends that I am "divorced".I feel insecure when interacting with strangers.

Where I live, the concept of marriage is relatively traditional.People in small places especially like to talk about it, and gradually people knew that I was divorced.Sometimes gossip gets to me and it feels like they see divorced women without children as monsters.

In the past year, I have dated three boyfriends one after another. What makes it difficult for me to accept is that they dare not disclose their relationship with me, or they are afraid of being hurt by rumors, or they are afraid that my parents will not agree to my divorce.

Divorce at the age of 27, is this heinous and unforgivable?After a girl ends a wrong marriage, she no longer deserves respect and happiness?Why do some people discriminate against divorced women so much, while they are so tolerant of divorced men?
Affected by heart disease and stress, the body has frequently appeared recently.I have always been a worry-free child in the eyes of my parents since I was a child, but now I make them worry too much.Fatty, is it because I am not hard enough and strong enough to get rid of this inferior and weak self?If my body and self-reliance get stronger, will they automatically shut up?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Yesterday, I did something that I admired myself, please allow me to be embarrassed first.

After the rain, the Tiger Cave Monastery in Bhutan, the mountain road is particularly muddy, slippery and rugged.Those steps are high and very long, as if they will never reach the end. In short, everything makes people desperate.Under the worried gaze of the tour guide, I refused the temptation to ride up the mountain, and climbed up step by step by myself, and it didn't take much time.

It takes nearly two hours to go up the mountain and an hour to go down the mountain, which can really exhaust people to death.

Along the way, my cleanliness, fear of heights, laziness, and other problems seemed to have been cured.My goal is very clear, that is, to climb up. As for why, I don't know.Since I am not religious, I keep a calm and polite distance from all religions.I also hate sports.I'm an urban animal again, not so moved by nature.I am also not interested in visiting places of interest.So I really don't know why I want to climb the Tiger's Cave Temple.But since I'm here, and I don't think I'll come again, I'll give it a try and climb.

I also regret it when I feel exhausted.But when I got down the mountain, got in the car, took off my dirty sneakers, and put my feet on the back of the front seat, at that moment, I felt that the process was really worth it.Because I have memories, the pictures of the monasteries on the cliffs surrounded by clouds, the sound of chanting, and the monks carrying firewood up the mountain, and I still have the capital to go home and brag.

As a staunch atheist like me, a person who is not spiritual at all, the moment I stood in front of the temple, my eyes were a little wet.However, that was not because I felt the power of gods and Buddhas, but because I seemed to understand myself: I may be like this all my life, just doing a lot of inexplicable, laborious, long and painful things, and then the result may not be what I want. .When I’m doing it and after I’m done, I’ll be entangled, I’ll question myself, but everything in the past, even if there are no traces, even if the consequences are dire, I’ll still heal the scars and forget the pain, thinking: it’s better than nothing did not do.

This is my experience and some insights I shared with you yesterday. Next, I will answer Xiaomeng’s question. Xiaomeng asked: Do women depreciate after divorce?
In theory, of course not.Needless to say more about the truth, but the problem is, it is very likely to be true in real life.It depends on who you are, where you live, and who you hang out with.For example, Xiaomeng lives in a small city, like the old-minded boyfriends she associates with, and she herself is weak and seems to be a timid person.All these have determined that in the marriage and love "market", Xiaomeng may be "unsalable".

If I were Xiaomeng, I would either be repressed and tolerant all my life, watching people's faces and listening to people's gossip like a doormat, or I would pat my ass and leave and find a place where no one cared about my past.Of course, each option has its pros and cons.If you're a potted plant, don't uproot yourself and replant hastily.I agree with what Xiaomeng said: it's because I'm not strong enough.

If you are strong, others will not shut up, but if you are strong, your armor is thicker, maybe, the outside world will not be able to hurt your bones.Xiaomeng's problem is actually not that big, he is young, 27 years old, everything is in time.

I also want to say something off topic today.Gossip and curiosity are understandable because we are all like that, but stupidity and unkindness are unforgivable.It is unwise to expose family background, secret life, and emotion to the broad daylight.The phrase that family scandals should not be publicized sounds a little pedantic, but it can be summed up in another word that is more up-to-date: dignity, dignity.

When you turn a person's private life into a public orgy, you cruelly and stupidly deprive that person of their dignity.This practice is inexcusable.

Every relationship has its own trajectory. It is best to let it grow naturally. Many times I can only believe: Things that don't kill you can only make you strong.
Rent or buy?There is always another way to live in life

Whether to buy a house is the same as whether to get married or not. Not everyone can do this, let alone what everyone has to do.The first half of the sentence is reality, and the second half is attitude.

Letter from Shardwalk

I have a female classmate who is average in appearance and ability. She has been working hard to make up and study, but she can't become outstanding.Because of so much hard work in vain, she almost became the talk of everyone when they have nothing to do.After graduation, she met a boy and soon entered the marriage hall.Here we need to explain the gist of the story: they were married naked, and until today they have a one-and-a-half-year-old baby, and they still live in a rented house.However, our evaluation of her is: she married a good man, and she earned it.

What we know about them is limited to their classmates' wedding banquets (the wedding banquet is the only opportunity for classmates to reunite after graduation).Every time she would bring her husband to participate, during the whole process, her husband took good care of her, and he was not ashamed to show his affection in front of others, to the point where there was no one else around.Once everyone ate a buffet, she didn’t need to leave the table from the beginning to the end, her husband brought her all the things she liked to eat, and the meat would be cut into pieces and put in her bowl after roasting, the gentle attitude made all the male classmates Outraged.Our female classmates are so happy every day.We find her increasingly feminine, even forgetting that they're still renting until now.A house is a support, and when we can find a more firm support than this in another person, the house can wait.

Letter from Sichun

I have been working in Shanghai for seven years and have been renting a house.Although the house is well-equipped, there is always a feeling of "this has nothing to do with me", so I have been too lazy to buy items to decorate the house.A few days ago, the landlord told me that the rent will increase by 300 yuan next year. I figured it out, and I might have to look for another house to move.From graduation to today, I have moved nine times, and each time I am exhausted physically and mentally.In this city, I have never been able to find a real place to stay, and I always feel like a "foreigner".

Fatty, to be honest, the house is too expensive, and I really can't afford it by myself.But I also really really don't like renting at all.As long as I have the ability to buy, I will definitely buy a house, even if I have to work hard to repay the loan.Colleagues told me that after having children, I need a house even more, because without a registered permanent residence, I can't even go to school.In my opinion, there is no comparison between renting a house and buying a house.I can't accept living without buying a house and only renting a house. I don't want to live the life of being driven away by the landlord at any time.I want a house, a home that really belongs to me, and a sense of belonging in this city.

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Whether to buy a house is the same as whether to get married or not. Not everyone can do this, let alone what everyone has to do.The first half of the sentence is reality, and the second half is attitude.Of course, if you have money and need the sense of security that real estate can bring you, and you come across a house that you can afford and look good on, it’s like you have met a partner who can get married, then get married , buy it.Otherwise, renting, moving, re-renting, and re-moving are just like changing partners in love. Some people will feel turbulent, but others will be envious to death.

If it wasn't for today's topic, I almost forgot that I once had a rich rental experience.After graduating from university, I rented a house twice in Beijing, once in Shanghai, once in Seattle, USA, and seven or eight times in Hong Kong... I really can’t remember.Looking back at the past, I was happy with the situation, full of interesting "bad tastes".For example, I lived in an apartment near Jianguomen for almost a year. The walls of the bedroom were actually covered with the same kind of soft wall covering as in the karaoke private room. The pattern was ambiguous and dim. one year.In the high-rise apartment I rented in Shanghai Hongqiao, the living room had a strange diamond shape. I even bought the same diamond-shaped dining table from "Nordic Style", but because of the many corners, I would be hit by that table countless times every day.

In Seattle, the apartment I rented was called Belltown Court. It was only a 10-minute walk from the vegetable, fruit and seafood market by the pier. There was actor James Earl Jones among the neighbors.It was considered a place with a sense of design back then, and compared with Beijing, the rent is simply touching.Two years ago, I went to Seattle to participate in an international forum, and I took a car to revisit the old place, but the building felt that it was "running out", and the vicissitudes of life were terrible.It was quite sad to watch. From 1996 to 2002, I worked permanently in Hong Kong. In those years, renting a house and moving was very capricious: the house is too small, move!Actually increased the rent, move!If you are too far or too close to the company, you have to move!Too quiet, too noisy, you have to move!In short, if there is a disagreement, move!I can't imagine that I once commanded two workers to pack sofas, bookcases, a large number of books, and clothes, pack them, load them into cars, unload them, and stuff them into their new homes.After the workers basically returned the items, I actually assembled the various connections of the DVD player by myself, and watched a movie in the new home in the middle of the night.It's just a pity that the new home is close to the viaduct, and I almost collapsed in the noise on the first night, and immediately decided to find an agent and move again the next day.I miss the vigor, the life force and the recklessness of running around.

In fact, regarding whether to buy a house or not, everything I say seems hypocritical, because I own a house.But when I was young, my grandparents and I lived in a small room in Shanghai.The room is very high, with a small attic, and a wooden ladder is erected next to it.There is no bathroom, and a kerosene stove is required for cooking, so to this day, I like the smell of kerosene.Later, when I returned to my parents in Beijing, the family of four lived in the family dormitory in Sanlihe. The long tube building is just like a school dormitory. Each family has a room, and all families share the bathroom, water room, and kitchen.

At that time, I also envied my classmates who owned two or three bedrooms alone, but I never felt that my life was miserable.It's not because I'm young and ignorant, it's just that I instinctively don't care about all the temporary hardships and difficulties. This is an innate attitude towards life.Looking at it now, it is simply a gift from God, allowing me to grit my teeth and go through difficult times. Anyway, everything is temporary.

Once chatting with a Danish architect, he said: "You Chinese like big houses, but why do you want to be so big? How big is big?" I retorted him and said, "That's because you have no shortage of houses. When we get used to having our own space, we will return to the basics like you.” The necessary process, no matter how naive and full of mistakes it is, there is no way to omit it.

Happiness certainly has nothing to do with houses.However, all the life insights about happiness that have nothing to do with the house can usually only be done in your own house.Therefore, I can only wish everyone the ability to buy a house as soon as possible, but remember that there is always another way to live in life.

Stefanie Sun has a song called "A Perfect Day":
I want a big house / with big floor to ceiling windows / the sun shines on the floor / also warms my quilt / a room with the fastest internet / a room with a lot of guitars / a room with my beautiful clothes /A room with a friend and his lover/We don't sleep at night/Think in bed during the day/Puppy runs around the house/Have a perfect day

Hope your big house comes out soon, hope it finally brings you not 30 bad years but perfect every day.

(End of this chapter)