Chance encounter

Chapter 4 Live according to your own wishes, others shut up (3)
Afterwards, until now, I regret it very much.Why can't I express my anger and hurt in time?If even a person's legitimate rights, boundaries and dignity cannot be defended, then what's the point of so-called decency, politeness and upbringing?

I am an adult with a voice, and I failed to protect myself at critical moments.In a split second, I instinctively made a decision that might have been reasonable but bloodless.Because I am very afraid that my quick tongue will cause a situation that I cannot control.For example, being hacked.

We have all experienced being ridiculed, isolated, and hacked online, right?
Pinky Cindy, I really don't have a better way, I think you are a minor, and the harm you are getting is from a minor.

For campus bullying, the best prevention mechanism I can imagine is as follows, but it may not be useful, just for reference:
1. Make sure you are safe first.If the campus environment puts you at risk of physical harm, then I support you not going to school.

2. Tell the parents and teachers the real situation and feelings. They cannot be absent or do nothing.

3. Go to school, after school, and on campus, always stay with good friends, and don't act alone.

4. Don't read things that make you sad on the Internet, and be an ostrich once in a while, it's not ashamed.

5. Remember, don't give up on yourself at any time.

I really think that a person's life is a long process of fighting against bullying.The vast majority of us will never reach the top of the biological chain, so we always have to endure humiliation and compromise for the sake of survival, career, fame and fortune, or just for dignity.

This world does not believe in the weak and tears, I know I will not be the strongest one, so I will not recklessly resist.But I want to be flexible, peaceful, and unbroken; I want to be able to learn, grow, and get better.

No matter what the world may be, the only way I can fight it is by never allowing life to bring out the ugliness and malice that lurk within me.However, next time, I hope that I will swear back and throw that cup of tea in the other person's face, always be reasonable, forceful and restrained, but occasionally I can swear, this is my requirement for myself.

Pink Cindy, we all have our share of jokes.You are fat, I am thin, and there are many others. We all have times when we gossip and comment on others behind our backs.

There is no way, but I know, I am not mean, I will not hurt others, I will protect myself.What I want to learn is how to live a braver, calmer, and more "presumptuous" life.

Pink Cindy, I hope you don't get depressed, don't get scared, don't give up.

Finally, I seriously call out to the teachers and parents of Pink Cindy, where are you?It's time to intervene.

Life is not a performance art for others to see
Love sometimes needs to die, and married life needs balance and compromise.

Letter from Honey

Hello Lu Xiaopang, I am a nearly 30-year-old girl who has been in love several times and experienced some ups and downs.I'm surrounded by wonderful independent women, but education can't solve our confusion about love.

I want to ask you, for women who have advanced to a certain level in knowledge and society, love has nothing to do with self-completion, they can independently deal with reality and inner fear, do not need external power to comfort weakness, and have no need for rising hormones The resulting blind love can be calmly observed, and the dependence after a long-term relationship can be calmly dealt with. Then in love, what else can we expect when we lose all the hotness that is neither calm, rational, nor objective?If it is an appreciation of another independent soul, how can it last for a long time?If we have postponed or even put childbearing aside, what other reason urges us to open the doors of the palace of marriage?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Answer Honey's question today. Have you heard the story of "a female but a male"?It is to divide men and women into A, B, C, and D categories according to their careers and abilities. According to secular concepts, marriages between strong men and weak women are relatively stable.

Note that I didn't say happiness, I said stability.So man A matches woman B, man B matches woman C, and so on, then the last ones left are woman A and man Ding.

The question is, if you are a female, do you want a male?Don't say things like "So what about a female but a male, true love is invincible". You must know that two individuals with huge differences mean that the two of you may need to add annotations when chatting, and your three views are very likely to be inconsistent. You probably won't appreciate each other for long.And these are fatal to love and marriage.

According to the description in your letter, you should also belong to that kind of "excellent woman who is independent from the world". The question is, do you want to be independent from the world all your life?The celibate life is of course very free, but whoever says that she (he) has never been weak, scared, and lonely enough to marry (marry) anyone at random is nonsense.When I was a child, I thought of Coco Chanel living alone in a Ritz-Carlton hotel suite when he was old. I felt glamorous, lonely, and sad, which made people envious.When I grew up, I realized that what I admired was Coco Chanel's beautiful clothes, her success, and of course her rich love history, not her loneliness.

When I was young, I lived with my grandma in Shanghai.There is a small room in the yard of grandma's house where a lonely old lady lives.She is thin and always wears black clothes, her hair is not messed up. Now I think she looks cool, but at that time I thought her face was thin, her eyes were deep, and her nose seemed to be hooked. scary.No one knows her life experience, it must be a history of blood and tears.I just remember that when I was so young, every time I looked at her, apart from being a little scared, I felt more pity.So celibacy is not always free and romantic. If I can become Coco Chanel, I will certainly admit it, but deep down I am afraid of becoming that old lady in black.

My best friend's mother once said in that insightful tone: "Women, if you accept your fate, you will be happy." This seems to be a particularly reactionary sentence, but we who are "too young, too naive" should listen to it. Figure out the reason.What she said is that we have to "compromise" with life to a mutually acceptable balance point.I accept her theory, she said the essence of marriage and life: love sometimes needs to die, and married life needs balance and compromise.

Go to some mountain and sing some songs. Honey, when you ask me these questions, it proves that you and life have not yet reached a "compromise", then please continue to die; if one day you are tired and tired, it's okay to find that balance point .Life is yours, not performance art for others to see.

I enjoy celibacy, doomed to be old and homeless in the future?
Self-reliance is precious.If my credit card is the main card instead of the supplementary card, when I look at you, what I see is you, not a long-term meal ticket, not just a companion.

Xiaoduo's letter

Hello sister Lu Yu, just call me Xiaoduo.I am 30 years old, own a house and a car in Beijing, and have achieved good results in my career.I am the only child in my family, and my parents have received higher education. They have cultivated my independent character since I was a child, and I don’t depend on others for everything.Maybe because of family traditions, I gradually became a girl who doesn't like socializing and doesn't know the world.

I have always carefully protected my spiritual world. I am relatively independent financially and spiritually, and I have a group of like-minded friends.The entanglement of some girls around me about love also made me determined to maintain an independent personality and not let the opposite sex become a stumbling block in life, so I also prepared early to be a "leftover woman".But my parents were worried about my attitude of not having any desire for marriage and not being interested in dating.

To be honest, I don’t have much need for love life. My mother said it’s because you are young now, you have everything, you don’t feel lonely, you don’t feel that you need another half, and when you get old, who will accompany you?

In fact, my heart has also been shaken: Now that my parents are alive and my career is going well, but when I was old, could my spiritual food still feed my soul?Will my current attitude towards relationships cause me to have nothing to rely on in the future?
Lu Xiaopang's reply
Answer Xiaoduo's question today.First of all, I want to emphasize that I don’t advocate celibacy. I think it’s great to be in love, to be in company, to be able to take wedding photos, walk the red carpet, receive certificates, and have children with my lover.What I resisted was getting married for my parents. I resisted getting married because I would have to go on blind dates if I didn’t get married when I was old enough. It would be very stressful and troublesome to get married.

Xiao Duo, I have to praise you and your parents hard. It is really amazing that young women of the "post-85s" can confidently say, "I am independent in spirit, personality, and finances."I have always believed that Beggars can not be choosers, which means that beggars cannot be picky and picky. The words are not good, but the truth is right.You have the right to choose, so you don't have to settle for less.For women, self-reliance is precious.If my credit card is the main card instead of the supplementary card, when I look at you, what I see is you, not a long-term meal ticket, not just a companion.

For me, the life of one person is sometimes difficult, but it is better than the life of two people.Of course, living alone and dying alone sounds a little scary, and I'm scared too.However, who can guarantee whose future?Who will definitely accompany whom through the whole life?If you are a pessimistic and uncompromising person like me, then you have to be prepared. In this life, you will be your lover, your own brother, sister, parent, and child. This is not miserable.Because we always spend the most time with ourselves in our lives.If you don't have a lover, you can only love yourself first, and love someone's life.

However, don't be deprived of the ability and desire to love by loneliness.Because compared to being injured, a pale life is more terrifying.Love and marriage are indeed bondage. I am willing to meet someone worthy.Otherwise, I'd rather have freedom of mind.Really, if there is one person, I will live a good life; if there are two people, we will live a good life.

(End of this chapter)