Chance encounter

Chapter 5 Take the first step, life may suddenly become clear (1)
What will become of us without our parents?

I have the freedom to decide my life, so I take responsibility and all the consequences, this is life - not cruel, very fair.

letter from yaoyao

Lu Xiaopang, hello, my name is Yaoyao.In my 24 years of life, I have always been self-willed. At the age when I was supposed to study, I had fun, and the result of having fun was to waste my studies.After graduating from technical secondary school, my life underwent another earth-shaking change. I made a mess of my life, then went home and stayed with my parents for five years.I have been in two relationships in the past five years, and each time I said to my family and friends, "You have been together for so long, it's time to get married", I felt that we should seriously consider our relationship.

Especially in the recent passage, I always thought that he was the one who could accompany me for the rest of my life.Because I met him, I gave up the comfort around my parents and wandered with him, leaving only him in my life.I thought we were going to get married, but after I met an old friend, I suddenly wanted to go out and see, and then everything changed.Along the way, I realized that it was not the love I wanted, it was too restrictive, and I wanted freedom, so I chose to separate and return to my parents.

Then I suddenly found that I don't understand love anymore, I don't believe in love anymore, and I'm numb.I told myself that I can adjust, take my time, I am still young, and I will meet the one that suits me best.I wanted to work and see how good I would be, but I found myself lost again.My family originally supported my hobby and let me try it, but when I worked up the courage they said I was impulsive, and then I put it off again.

Now I don't know how to face everything, I don't know how to go.I am with my parents every day.I have nothing, and I remind myself at any time that I wasted too much of my youth, but it feels so difficult to take a new step.Miss Luyu, can you give me some advice?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Yaoyao, your parents should have told you what you said today seven or eight years ago, and they didn't say it was their problem.In my year, my dad and I had the only serious conversation in our life, which made me very uncomfortable at the time.He said: "Starting today, you can make your own decisions about your life. Unless you come to ask for my opinion, I will never interfere." My dad really did.From now on in life, every step of the way is really my choice.

I don't know if I really have my own opinions or just because I am stubborn, and I have never asked for his opinion.Of course, I made a lot of mistakes and did a lot of stupid things. Looking back now, sometimes I wish my dad could take care of his children and me like other parents.But I'm still pretty proud and have nothing to complain about.I have the freedom to decide my life, so I take responsibility and all the consequences, this is life - not cruel, very fair.

But you, Yaoyao, for the past 24 years, you have only been responsible for your own will, and you have never been responsible.Of course, we can write off the debts of our student days. We were underage at that time, and no matter how absurd we are, we can forget about it.Even if you are now an adult, you can certainly live with your parents, but it is absolutely not possible to not work and eat the old.Even if your parents are Wang Jianlin or the Queen of England.It is difficult for a person who is not financially independent to be mentally independent.

Pursuing dreams, I agree with both hands, but no one has the right to ask others to pay for their dreams, even if that other person is your parents.So don't blame your parents for not believing in you.They are your parents, but they don't owe you anything.As for you saying that you don’t know what will happen in the future and how to take the next step, it is actually very simple. If you take a step forward, take a step in any direction, you are not standing still.

24 years old, in time.

Actually, it's never too late.

The saddest life is not how hard it is, but a blank

We need to constantly remind ourselves that no white horse will carry a person to save us, only ourselves is our own savior.

Fifi's letter
Hello sister Luyu, I am Feifei, I like you very much.I remember you said: "For a young man working in Beijing, the age of 30 is just the beginning." For me, this is a very powerful sentence, thank you.

I'm about to turn 30, and I'm still single. I have no experience in love. I had a short-term long-distance relationship, but we didn't meet each other.I am a traditional sensibility, and I think that the hero in love should take the initiative at first, while my character is slow and passive.I have met several times, I was very repulsed, I hope I can meet, so I told myself to wait...

My job is tediously dealing with numbers.I am both introverted and extroverted, and I am happy to get along with others, but I am very cautious when encountering love, and my EQ is very low.Usually careless and independent like a female man, I don't know how to deal with being alone with a man and a woman.She has a straightforward and childish personality, and likes the fresh style of literature and art.

If I tell myself that the person I am waiting for is still on the way, I think I can continue, but now I am confused, is it my way is wrong, or is it a problem with my own personality?My circle is not big. When I am alone, I occasionally cook, bake pastries, practice yoga, and tell myself to love myself and improve myself.However, another year has passed, the work is still mediocre, love is still blank, I am beginning to be confused, is it because I don't know myself enough?

If there is no love in marriage, I would rather be alone.Looking for, I just want to find someone who can warm my heart, a hug with a sense of security... Can I start at the age of 30 in a second-tier city?

Lu Xiaopang's reply
Feifei, your letter made me very confused. Confusion [-]: I thought you were in Beijing at the beginning, but I realized you were in a second-tier city at the end; Confusion [-]: It’s about your personality, because your description is almost Covers all the possibilities of a woman's personality, and, worst of all, seems to be full of self-criticism.In fact, you listed a series of current politically correct requirements for women, such as low EQ and female men.I am very annoyed by these statements, my EQ is not low, and I am not a woman, so what's wrong?Of course, we will not get entangled with this point today, and I will find an opportunity to complain later.

Feifei, your problem is actually every woman, I will leave room for myself, it is the problem that most single women will have, that is, we seem to be very depressed and have low self-esteem, saying that I am not young anymore, I am not long enough Beautiful, my personality is not gentle enough, so who will love me?What I think in my heart is unwillingness!Where am I?Are you all blind?This is your subtext!

In fact, I understand more and more that love is not a necessity, it is a scarce item, a luxury!
It is not daily necessities, rice, oil and salt. Whenever you go to the supermarket, it will be waiting for you in piles there.It is very similar to that limited edition, very expensive leather bag.This example is very materialistic, but I think it is quite appropriate.If you don't line up outside the store, you are not lucky enough, you just can't grab it!Of course I wouldn't die without that bag, but, as a "material" person like me, with that bag, I will become very happy.

Every woman will have a little prince complex in her heart more or less in this life, looking forward to that white horse and that knight.But we need to keep reminding ourselves that no white horse will carry a person to save us, only ourselves is our own savior.

Moreover, even if your horse, that prince, went around the third ring, the fourth ring, and the fifth ring, and finally transferred to your community, then please, you should at least wait for him at the gate of the community. Neither wanted to go upstairs.Then don't expect that horse to carry people from door to door looking for you, and then put the crystal slipper on your feet in a particularly pious and loving way. Such things really won't happen.

You don't have to fall in love, you don't have to get married, you can live your little life comfortably and contentedly alone.However, since you want to fall in love, you have to show sincerity, and go on a blind date when you should!
Baking cakes and doing yoga sounds beautiful, but if you want to be in a relationship, you need to participate in some activities involving the opposite sex.If you stay at home all day complaining about yourself, or even admiring yourself, I don't have the strength to sympathize with you.

A 30-year-old life should have been loved, laughed, cried, experienced, a blank slate of life, really, it is not pure, it is boring, it is a pity.

For example, Zhang Ailing, one of my favorite writers, lived an extreme and solitary life in her later years that is hard to imagine and understand for ordinary people.In my opinion, I can't empathize, but I can understand, because I know she has been through everything.

When you are 40 years old, you will send me another letter. At that time, I hope you will tell me your full life.Even if you encounter one or two scumbags in the process, it's better than leaving nothing in your life.

Now that the weather is starting to get warmer, then you should dress up and go out. If you meet a boy who is pleasing to your eye, you will push him to the corner and leave a WeChat message. If you take the first step, your life may suddenly become brighter!
I'm not that brave, but I encourage you all to be brave!

Work hard to make a living in a big city, or go back to your hometown and live a stable life

It doesn't matter which kind of life is better, because every kind of life has hidden bitterness behind it, the key is to live according to your own wishes, and you can't find a reason to blame others.

thousands of letters

Hello, Miss Luyu.

I have always liked you very much, and I really want to be like you, with clear and firm values.I am a senior student, and now I am faced with some choices, and I am a little at a loss.I really want to go outside in my heart. If I don’t sharpen myself at this age, I feel that I will regret it in the future.But the family feels that a girl needs to be stable and have a stable job to be considered decent and happy.

But what is the so-called decent?Isn't happiness about doing what you want to do?

They always said to find a good job, stay close to home, and take care of the family after marriage, so they forced me to take the civil service exam and the teacher qualification certificate exam. For more than 20 years, I have not resisted their arrangements for me, including where to go to college and what major to choose.But this time, I resisted.I found an internship in Beijing. I made very little money, but I liked the work.It's hard work, but I'm looking forward to it.The family is very unhappy, especially the mother is very angry.

I don't know what to do.I was afraid to even call home during this time, afraid of being scolded for not achieving.Sister Luyu, I often feel that although my parents love me, they regard me as someone who can give them something to rely on.Work better, be closer to home, marry better, be "best" in every way, just take care of yourself and them safely.

Why don't they think about, what kind of life do I want?I want to have a wonderful life and have no regrets.Am I selfish or are they selfish?
Fatty's reply

I took the junior high school entrance examination, high school entrance examination, and college entrance examination in elementary school. I decided all the schools to apply for, and I informed my parents after I filled out the volunteer form.My parents have long been used to me talking about my own ideas, and they let me follow my own temper.My dad just expressed concern about my college entrance examination volunteers, and the tone was completely negotiable.

At that time, my grades were actually not that good, but I don’t know if it was because of superstition or where the courage came from. I only filled in two first-class universities, which were my alma mater, Beijing Broadcasting Institute, and East China Normal University in Shanghai. All others were vacant. .I felt that if I filled in the third, fourth, fifth and even junior colleges, then I would definitely not be admitted to Guangyuan.

In the end, rather than my dad persuading me, it’s better to say that I became sober myself, fearing that if I didn’t do well in the exam, I would really fail to study, so I reluctantly filled up all the schools.

All the way to school, work, love, life, every choice in my life is my own decision.

Don't worry, I'm not telling you these words to show off how awesome it is to be an independent and self-reliant woman, because being an independent woman is really tiring.I also often wonder what it feels like to be raised by someone—please listen carefully, is it raised by someone?

Occasionally when I feel weak and helpless, I envy people who are not so independent, but most of the time, I still choose my current lifestyle: independent, free, but hard, even difficult and lonely.

Wanwan, do you think independence is a fun thing?For you who have been accustomed to being arranged by adults since you were a child, you start to take charge of your life at the age of 22 or 23. I will tell you all the worst possible situations that may arise, and then you make a decision.

You are doing an internship, working, renting a house, or taking the subway in Beijing. Your monthly salary may not guarantee you a dignified life. When survival becomes the top priority, great prospects seem to be fading away.There is also that ghost called love, everyone around you can bump into it, only you may even despise the ghost.

Eventually, your pursuit of your dreams, your independence, will turn into trying to make a living in the big city, and your age will change from 20 to 30 in an instant.Those classmates who are still living in their hometown and listening to their parents' arrangement may have been the mother of the child and the father of the child-then you are probably still an older single young woman.

So, dear Wan Wan, go through these most unlucky but common life stories in your mind first, and then ask yourself, whether you can bear such an ending.

What I can't stand the most are people who just want to be free, but don't bear the consequences of freedom.On this point, I can confidently say that I walk the talk.I have a free and independent life, and I have swallowed all the pain and evil consequences brought about by it.

Before the age of 22, my parents were responsible for my life, and they actually had the right to dictate. Since I was 22 years old, I have earned every penny I spent by myself—financial independence is the only way I can talk about an independent life.

Wan Wan, if you are renting a house in Beijing and still need your parents to support you, then you may not have the right to complain that your parents are interfering in your life, let alone say that their love is somewhat selfish.

In fact, it doesn't matter which kind of life is better, because every kind of life has hidden bitterness behind it, the key is to live according to your own wishes, and you can't find a reason to blame others.

In life, it is better to work hard than to regret.So I choose independence.

Ten thousand, if you are like me, I support you and Beijing.If you choose to listen to your parents and go home to live a stable life, it is another possibility in life.In short, no one knows yourself better than you, talk to yourself, and then make a decision.

I wish you, and everyone, the ability to live according to your own wishes, have the courage to live according to your own wishes, and try not to regret it.

Who said Gemini is fickle?Really long battery life
The same is true about dreams and perseverance, you will know it yourself.If you ask me if I want to give up, it means that I am still unwilling and can bear it, so I might as well persevere.

Mumu's letter

Hello, sister Lu Yu, I am Mu Mu, I will be working in Shanghai for two years after graduation for three years, doing UI design.In the past two years since I came to Shanghai, I thought I did my best. From the beginning of the internship, the salary was less than 2000 yuan, and I became a regular after five months.With a negative equity of [-], I am not discouraged. I work overtime with Master to study, follow up with projects, tests, and corrections, and accumulate experience little by little. It doesn't matter if I get scolded or anything.I know that my background in school is not worth mentioning. If I want to learn real skills, I have to bow my head first.

But two years passed in a blink of an eye, and I looked at other peers and classmates who graduated together. They began to take charge of their business, became popular, and became masters. use" people.His original words were: God does not reward the meal, so there is no use in worrying about it.

I read a sentence in the "Time Management Method": When you invest more than [-] hours in one thing, qualitative changes will begin to occur.

(End of this chapter)