Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 18 How Emotional Intelligence Affects Your Life (1)
Emotional intelligence has a huge impact on people's happiness and contentment.People who are not proficient in using emotional intelligence skills lack effective ways to manage their emotions and allow their emotions to drive their behavior. As a result, a vicious circle will result, and they will double experience anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.And those who practice emotional intelligence skills will feel more at ease and comfortable in their environment.

(Section [-] How Emotions Drive Us to Action
Emotions are at the center of human life, and our lives include not only our loved ones and those around us, but also the many people we interact with on a daily basis.Emotions affect us so deeply that most of the time they lie outside our conscious control and can spin us out of control.However, we should not be their slaves, we should pay attention to them, reflect on them, and exercise conscious control, so that we can control and adjust our emotions, connect them to our stated goals, and make us richer Act effectively.

★Cruel Boss
She is straightforward, prim and determined.She likes to do things her own way.She often tramples on other people's emotions with indifference and ruthlessness.At first, she was just an ordinary lawyer, but through the shrewd style of monopolizing power and hard work, she finally reached the pinnacle of her career.When dealing with complex legal issues, she is able to get right to the heart of the issue, immediately summarizing and summarizing the situation.Whether in court, in a boardroom, or with clients, she dominates discussions through her ability to hold on to the facts and argue her case forcefully.Her eloquence, her ability to assemble facts and make analysis and reasoning, was recognized by everyone.However, she has few allies and has made many enemies.Few of her staff can maintain a close relationship with her, and no one dares to argue with her, let alone talk back.In her wake is a long record of broken relationships, and she lives in the shadow of loneliness. ★
She is a typical example of verbal intelligence but lack of interpersonal (relationship management) skills.

★Finance director with boring life
He has been with a company for many years and has extensive knowledge of all aspects of company finances—from the company's quarterly profit figures to the cost of office expenses.As long as he browses the report at will, he can predict and analyze the company's cash flow, or find wrong statistics.In meetings, he always speaks in a mechanical monotony, like "a scale that announces the weight of the body."He has an extreme aversion to risk and risky behavior.He was never excited about the company's prospects.He lives in his job and has no interest in anything outside of work.Only on rare occasions does he speak about his personal life in rare ways.The impression he left was that he was a dull, dull man who knew nothing but work. ★
He is a typical example of logical intelligence but lack of personal inner intelligence (self-awareness).

★The "activist" in the office

He is the life force and soul of social activities.He was fun and popular, and most considered him an absolute charmer.He works in customer relations, and he maintains good friendships with all of the company's key customers.In fact, many of them, when called to a meeting, called him by name.As a result, he often hustles between business lunches, group drinks and formal dinners.He's full of anecdotes about other employees and the company.What he likes most is to be surrounded by a large group of people in a bar after get off work. They listen to him with rapt attention, lest they miss a word.He rarely stayed in one job for extended periods of time, and although popular with his colleagues, he was a poor decision maker.Just last time, he negotiated a business deal that cost his company dearly, all because he didn't have the heart to say "no" to a customer he liked.He rarely stops to think about what he's dealing with, and doesn't brainstorm ideas to solve a problem.He always closes the door, analyzes the numbers in his own way, organizes his thoughts, and then makes a decision. ★
This is a typical example of people with interpersonal intelligence but lack of vision, do not know how to use the power to intelligently control and regulate their emotions (self-management, social awareness).

★ Emotion and reason in the game
At the British Open in July 2001, golfer Ian Usnam's caddy Myles made a fatal mistake.He carried an extra club in the bag, which cost Usnam a two-hit penalty.Usnam angrily threw the extra club to the ground.Anger left him with one stroke over par on the next two holes.

What followed was that Usnam returned to normal later in the game and ended up finishing in par.Despite losing the chance to win the Open, we saw that Usnam's ability to sense his emotions and use them intelligently saved him from a disastrous end that day.

Asked about the caddy's mistake after the game, Usnam said: "He's never going to make a big mistake like that again in his life, never again. He's a good caddy. I'm not going to fire him. He's a good boy..."

His decision not to fire Miles was a combination of emotion and reason.

In contrast, tennis star Andre Agassi's "emotional" performance brought him great regret.

Once on the court, Agassi was heard muttering something harsh, which made him feel bad on the court that day.The referee issued a warning to him, but the incident left Agassi even more distraught.After a while, he hit a very easy ball into the net, and he lost the game.

Toxic emotions run rampant in the workplace

Harry, manager of the Australian office of a multimillion-dollar consumer staples company, has just seen his organization go through the second merger in two years, with predictable consequences.The sudden adjustment of the leadership core of the US headquarters made the company fall into the hands of a group of people who were at a loss for business, and the company's future was bleak.What also bothers people is that the second merger and the establishment of the new company have broken the IT system and commodity supply chain that the company has been relying on for a long time.Senior financial managers were forced to use spreadsheets to generate regular reports, counting hundreds of thousands of dollars in revenue for hundreds of product lines.

Just when things look as bad as they could get, the new bosses at headquarters start demanding higher performance from their employees, which Harry sees as a fantasy.These results were simply not possible in the economic climate at the time, not to mention the many uncertainties created by the merger.In addition, the company's existing marketing strategy is based on the traditional retail distribution chain. Compared with the efficient e-commerce adopted by competitors, it consumes too much cost and gradually loses its competitiveness. Therefore, this issue needs to be seriously re-examined. Thinking.Harry and his team desperately communicated their concerns and suggestions to headquarters, but the new management was unmoved.So the emotional dissatisfaction and boredom accumulated over the past two years quickly turned into poison.It didn't take long for the pressure to show up on the company's performance sheets and, ultimately, in Harry.Excessive performance demands made Harry's staff frustrated, angry, and ultimately worn out.Although the manager did his best to help the employees ease the company's mission orders, the relentless pressure from the headquarters eventually sapped the creativity and vitality of the employees and Harry, and the company's financial returns continued to decline.Although the employees are still loyal to Harry, they are already gearing up and preparing to find another way out.Harry also ended his career at the company after a year of relentless pressure from headquarters. ★
Emotions are crucial to our survival, both as individuals and as a species.In fact, emotions are not unique to humans.The existence of a species depends primarily on a number of behaviors, including responding to emergencies, exploring the environment, avoiding danger, maintaining contact with other members, self-preservation, reproduction, defense, and giving or receiving care.As Table 5-1 shows, millions of years ago, emotion was closely linked with human behavior during human evolution, keeping our survival from threats.

Table 5-1: The Value of Emotions to Our Behavior of Survival

emotion
behavior
fear
Danger!Run!
angry
Fight him!

sad
I'm hurt, come and save me!
disgust
do not eat!That's poison!

interest
Let's look around and explore.

Surprised
careful!Notice!
accept
To be on the safe side, do not leave the line.

happy
let's cooperate; let's repeat our actions
We have modified Table 5 to illustrate the ways in which emotion motivates behaviors (Table 1) that, while not involving survival values, are relevant to everyday work.

Table 5-2: Ways Emotions Motivate Our Behavior
emotion
behavior
fear
Act now to avoid negative consequences
angry
against error and injustice
sad
seek help and support from others
disgust
show that you don't accept something
interest
Inspire others to explore and learn
Surprised
divert people's attention to important and unexpected things

accept
I like you very much, you are one of us

happy
Let's repeat (the behavior) (section [-]) Learn about the three principles of emotion

Emotion is very important, it is closely related to our life.Despite their importance, emotions are given very little weight in our formal education.So when it comes time to understand or process emotions, we realize how little we know.

Emotions contain information about ourselves and the world.Emotions arise because there are certain factors that are important to a person, and at the same time, emotions can motivate and guide a person to succeed.At the most basic level, emotions can be seen as:
1.Emotions arise when there is some change in the surrounding environment.

2.Emotions arise unconsciously and rapidly.

3.Emotions cause physiological changes.

4.Emotions change what people focus on and how they think.

5.Emotions are produced in preparation for action.

6.Emotions bring out personal feelings.

7.Emotions dissipate quickly.

8.Emotions help people cope with problems, face challenges, and succeed.

Emotions primarily provide information about people, social situations and interactions.Emotions can tell a lot about you, how you feel, what's happening to you and what's going on around you.But the most important role of emotion is to help us work together and ensure our survival.

When we're angry, what we're signaling to other people is telling them we need to take some time off, or asking them to take something back that was taken from us, or whatever.Our happy smile tells others that we are open, inclusive, and most importantly, approachable.

Most of us will admit that emotions affect certain areas of our lives, which is normal and desirable.On the sports field, when we try to demoralize our opponents or motivate our teams, we see the big impact of emotion.

But what if our job required the use of logic?Can't and shouldn't emotion play any kind of role in making a deeply rational decision?In a famous study, psychologist Alice Eisen found that even the most rational-based physicians alter their thinking and decisions based on emotion.In experiments with radiologists, she found that when they were given a small gift, they made diagnoses faster and more accurately (perhaps the gift gave them a modest mood boost).

The above experiments illustrate that it is unusual for emotions to play an important role in our judgments, yet to be barely aware of them at work.Whether you believe in the role of emotion or not, and whether you are aware of it or not, there is no denying the fact that emotion and thinking are intertwined.

Precisely because emotions operate in such pervasive and somewhat mysterious ways, attempts to suppress them are often futile.Social psychologist Roy Baumeister has found that when people try to suppress their emotions, they tend to remember less information.It seems that suppressing emotions requires energy and attention that, if we were not suppressing emotions, could be used to obtain and analyze information and so on.

This is not to say that we have to let go of our emotions and get overwhelmed by them; on the contrary, there are other ways we can analyze the underlying information and emotional components of a situation in other ways than suppressing them.One of those ways is emotional assessment, where we not only analyze the problems, but try to reformulate them in an appropriate way, we see the situation as a challenge to be dealt with, or, We can learn something from these situations.

Our feelings not only have an effect on ourselves, but also on others, whether or not those emotions are desirable to us.Clearly, no decision can be made without the involvement of emotion.Without emotion, rational thinking cannot occur.

Primitive emotional responses play a vital role in human survival: Fear promotes blood flow to larger muscles, which facilitates running; Gather information on unexpected events well; the generation of aversion will cause the appearance of wrinkles in the face, so that the nostrils can be closed to prevent the entry of foul gas.

Emotions make us truly human, emotions underpin reason, so we welcome them, accept them, understand them, and make the most of them.

Positive emotions can open up space for us to explore and discover.In general, positive or pleasurable emotions can motivate us to constantly explore our environment, expand our mental space, and expand our behavioral skills.Positive emotions can make us dare to be different from others, help us find new connections between things, and thus find new ways to solve problems.

Positive emotions have other effects on us, too.Happy emotions motivate us to communicate with others, and a smile or grin can make others find us friendly and approachable.Positive emotions can strengthen social bonds and make social networks stronger.

Positive emotions can protect us from negative events or emotions.If people were shown a movie that could elicit negative emotions and asked to smile after the movie, they were shown to recover more quickly from the physiological impact of a stressful situation.

Negative emotions are also very important, because negative emotions require us to change our current practices and thinking, which can make our focus areas more focused and prompt us to take more specific actions.

Negative emotions are more intense than positive emotions.There are evolutionary reasons behind this phenomenon, such as the fact that the cost of surviving being attacked or injured outweighs the potential benefits of finding something interesting in the wild.Therefore, displays of dangerously negative emotions are bound to be taken more seriously.Only if what we experience is stronger than positive emotion, we will not be so easy prey for predators.

We all love positive emotions and identify with their role in our physical health and well-being.But so-called negative emotions (such as fear, anger, and hatred) should also have a place in our hearts.We need peace of mind—happy emotions—and readiness to fight—negative emotions.

(The role of EQ in the third section

Emotional intelligence skills strengthen your brain's ability to cope with emotional stress and keep your immune system strong to help prevent illness.Emotional intelligence skills are one of the leading performance predictors in the workplace and the most powerful driver of leadership and personal excellence.

Every dilemma in life will find a mature solution at an opportune time.When a problem is big enough to be seen but not yet resolved, your emotions give you cues to act on.By understanding your emotions, you can skillfully meet your current challenges and avoid them in the future.Your emotional intelligence skills help you better manage the stress you face by helping you tackle difficult situations and tackle emotions before they become unmanageable.The more you practice emotional intelligence skills, the easier it is to have fun in life.

When you suppress your emotions on the contrary, they quickly build up uncomfortable feelings of tension, stress, and anxiety in your body, and unresolved emotions can damage your mind and body.Stress, anxiety and depression overwhelm the body's immune system, and people can suffer from everything from the common cold to cancer.New medical research shows a definite link between chronically depressed mood and a wide variety of serious illnesses, such as cancer.

(End of this chapter)