Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 31 Change the Mind, Change the EQ (1)
Psychologist William James said, "Human beings can change their outward appearance in life by changing the inner attitude of their minds."

(Section [-] The human mind is malleable
Emotional intelligence is the result of the number of connections between the rational and emotional centers of the brain.When you practice your emotional intelligence skills, you strengthen this path.Your brain cells gradually fork and make connections between your sensibility and reason - but it takes time.

★Richard's Transformation

Richard moved to the city nine years ago alone, with only his well thought out business plan, a battered pickup truck and knowledge of computer networks.Back then, you couldn't even find the term computer network services in your phone book.He's grown his business from an apartment with the worst neighbors in the city to a national business with over $100 million in weekly consulting fees.He has won the Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year Award, been featured on the covers of The New York Times, USA Today, and Discourse, and has been interviewed on television shows by Fox and ABC News.

Richard has been great at making his company great, but he hasn't always been a model of discipline.In his freshman year of college, he spent time with his girlfriend at the University of Northern California.When his girlfriend was in class, he had nothing to do, so he killed the time in the library.He was very interested in business books, from which he knew the names inscribed on the arches outside the library.In order for a name to be inscribed on the arch, one has to win the Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year award.Richard was deeply influenced by the responsibilities and plans of these entrepreneurs, and he admired what they had done so much that he vowed to one day have his name inscribed on the arch outside the library.These books try to extol the value of one's unwavering commitment to one's goals and careful planning.He wants to develop these skills and be successful, so every day he works hard to realize his business plan.

However, sticking to a business plan is not as simple as putting it on paper.There are often obstacles in the way forward, and each obstacle requires new preparations and focused breakthroughs.With every hurdle broken, a new milestone was reached, and the challenges he faced constantly tested his resolve.Although he sometimes felt on the verge of breaking down, he never really broke down.Today he reflected on how he taught himself discipline: "It was really tough for me in the beginning. There were tons of little things that I didn't know had to be done to make the business work. But as I continued to develop the discipline I found it easier and easier to stick to my discipline. I guess I trained my brain.” Over time, his discipline shifted from forced to natural, a shift that earned him a reputation in the industry. Word quickly spread of his reliability, making him the go-to choice for local companies looking for a reliable network and helping him get his name etched among the greats on the arch.

New findings from Science

In the years leading up to Richard's arrival at UNC, the journal Science published a series of results that neuroscientists knew were all about brain research.This is an astonishing new discovery!Your brain is malleable.

"Plasticity" is the term neuroscientists now use to describe the brain's ability to adapt to stress and change.As Richard endured the discomfort of sticking to his long-term plans, he completely changed his brain.As he continues on his path longer and overcomes new challenges, the more connections his brain forms that increase these disciplinary actions.He wasn't aware of the mechanics of the change, but over time he sensed things were getting easier.Every time he forces himself out of his comfort zone, he has less trouble the next time he faces a similar challenge.

In recent decades, the world has maintained a false belief that the adult brain is "frozen" and unchangeable.The study, published in the journal Science, solves the mystery that learning at any age leaves a physical imprint.New connections in your brain will make you more comfortable using new behaviors.It's not easy to understand how the brain adds new connections. For example, if you start lifting heavy weights a few times a week, your biceps will gradually grow larger.This change is gradual, and the longer you keep exercising, the easier it will be for you to lift the same weight.These new connections added in your brain are similar to changes in the biceps.Of course, being confined by the cranium, your brain doesn't grow like a bicep, instead your brain cells develop new connections to speed up thinking without increasing in size.Each of the 1000 billion cells in your brain communicates with other cells by forking out small "arms" (like branches).A single brain cell can develop 15000 connections with neighboring brain cells.As you develop new skills more and more, brain cells in the affected areas branch off into a growing chain of responses.The path of thinking makes people's behavior more powerful, making it easier for new resources to be turned into actions in the future, resulting in positive results. ★
(The second section EQ can be changed
Those who make the most progress in improving their emotional intelligence are often the ones who ask the most questions.Questions are the result of curiosity, the ladder to points of interest worth exploring.In our conventional wisdom, people who ask too many questions are often seen as ignorant, or lack confidence when investigating a topic.But in practice, we recognize that challenging questions often arise from a desire to know more.

Emotional intelligence skills change based on how well you practice emotional intelligence.Unlike intelligence and personality in general, emotional intelligence is a flexible skill that can be improved.It can also be affected by significant life circumstances, and you may see it fluctuate in response to a job loss, divorce, unexpected encouragement, or other important life events.The real trick is understanding your emotional intelligence skills, keeping an eye on them, and using them to your benefit.The more you do at honing your EQ skills, the faster your EQ level will improve.

As you work to improve your emotional intelligence skills, the process will take many months before you see a noticeable change.Learning to pause appropriately during improvements and learning to think differently about your surroundings are all things you should be doing to get started.It's easy to create new behaviors quickly, and people will notice the change in you right away.Shifting your focus to emotional intelligence will bring you a new perspective that makes it easier to change your emotional intelligence.Like learning any new skill, improving your emotional intelligence takes practice.

A person can effectively process only a few behaviors at a time.Trying to improve all four EQ skills in a single effort is bound to fail.You should improve your emotional intelligence skills one at a time, which requires you to focus on changing a few key behaviors to get good results.For example, if you choose to improve your self-management skills, instead of spending your time thinking, "I need to manage myself..." you need to develop a plan with specific actions to improve your self-management skills. Included in daily affairs.Each of these behaviors represents a significant new challenge, and it's only by mastering one at a time that you can truly form new habits.

It is also important that the four EQ skills overlap considerably with each other.If you start improving your self-management skills, your other emotional intelligence skills will likely improve at the same time.For example, in order to learn not to ignore other people when something bothers you, you know very well that self-management is necessary.This will also improve your relationships with others and improve your relationship management skills.So even the most ambitious of improving EQ skills should believe that persistently improving a single skill will get you far, and that all four EQ skills will work together to your benefit.

If you feel comfortable doing this, you should share your goals with at least one person you trust.Even if that person can only give you minimal support, you will find that he or she will be very helpful in your endeavours.When you make a public goal—or even simply tell someone what you're trying to do—you're more than 10 times more likely to reach that goal.Speaking it out will create a higher level of responsibility within you.As you monitor your progress, someone else can be an important source of information, and they can describe how they see your efforts working.Of course, there are always people you don't want to tell, for a variety of reasons, and that's perfectly normal.For you to benefit from sharing your goals with another person, that person must be willing to engage in comfortable and constructive collaboration.If the person you're telling doesn't want to take the time to understand or is simply going to give you an unmanageable time, you're better off working on your emotional intelligence goals in private.

Emotional intelligence increases with age.Most people develop self-awareness skills throughout their lives and find it easier to manage their emotions and behaviors as they age.Through the test, it is found that the emotional intelligence score of people around 50 is about 20% higher than that of people around 25 years old.

(Section [-] Try to Improve Your EQ
Being able to use some relevant skills constructively makes your everyday interactions with others more positive, enjoyable, and productive.In the process, every opportunity can lead to a more comprehensive development of your abilities and a higher level of self-realization.

★Improve personal ability

Ray Charles, soul singer, lyricist, songwriter and musician, learned to overcome the most downright uncomfortable, the secret to his personal prowess and professional success.He is a rare genius who can master several musical styles, and his works make him a founder in the halls of rock music, jazz and blues music.All of these come from life experiences that were nearly ruined as children.

During the Great Depression, Ray lived in poverty with his mother and younger brother.When he was 3, his younger brother drowned in an oversized laundry tub.Later that year, he began to lose his eyesight. Seven years later, his mother died.He described his mother's death in his autobiography as: "The most devastating thing in my whole life - nothing. Since then, I've been in another world entirely. I can't eat, I can't sleep — I'm in another world. The biggest problem is that I can't cry, I can't let the pain leave me, and that would make things worse."

A neighbor, a middle-aged woman named Mabeck, saw Ray become very withdrawn after his mother died, so she took Ray aside one day and told him verbatim that his mother wanted him to use his talents Stick to living your own life.When he later described the incident as an adult, he said he cried for the first time in her home: "Crying like a baby, wailing for all the pain that had accumulated, for failure and misfortune and The sweet wails that my mother gave me." He overcame the extreme pain in his heart that day, and finally he wrote the emotions these experiences brought him into his music.Those things, he said, were "very weird and very real to me. All the work I've done since then really comes from personal experiences related to those events."Crying and shouting became a hallmark of his contribution to popular music. ★
Personal power is knowing yourself and doing the best you can with what you have.It doesn't require perfection or total control over your emotions; instead, it allows your emotions to express themselves and guide your behavior.

The greatest obstacle to personal advancement is the self-aware tendency to try to escape discomfort.People are often unable to reason logically about things they have never thought about, so they often feel a sting when confronted with their own inadequacies.Overcoming discomfort is the only way to effectively change.

Your goal should not just be to avoid emotion, but rather, to move toward it, into it, and ultimately beyond it.

When you ignore an emotion or minimize its ups and downs, no matter how small or insignificant it may be, you miss opportunities to use it to do something more productive.Worse, ignoring your emotions won't keep you from them, because doing so will only bring them back when you don't want them to.

To improve your ability to recognize emotions, you need to consider the range of emotions people express.

We have so many words to describe the emotions that arise in our lives, but all emotions are extensions of five core emotions: Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Shyness.Each emotion is expressed in different intensities and in different forms.If you can understand that emotions are complex, it will help you understand the true state of each emotion.

In order to recognize an emotion with precision, you must also pay attention to the internal intensity regulators—the mental and physical symptoms that accompany the emotion.

The symptoms are not the emotions themselves but the thoughts and feelings that accompany them.For example, your mind may go blank; you may feel hot, cold, or numb; your heart may beat out of rhythm or beat faster; you may experience muscle tension or hallucinations.Everyone's internal strength regulator is different.The thoughts and physical sensations are a good representation of your normal reactions to the circumstances in which the emotion occurs.

Practicing emotional intelligence skills helps us become more adept at, and more quickly locate, and use emotions to our advantage in every possible situation.

The only people we know of with "extreme emotional intelligence" are those who lead the way.One thing's for sure: They all have too many stories of early failure in their attempts to improve their emotional intelligence.Now that they appear laid-back, their skill seems easy to acquire, and even miraculously maintained, these are just appearances.

Table 8-1: Emotional Signs of Different Intensities
Emotional

strength
幸福
sad
anger

fear
shy
high

elated, thrilled, ecstatic, thrilled with joy, overflowing with joy, ecstatic, enthusiastic

Depressed, disappointed, melancholy, hurt, dejected, hopeless, sorrowful, unlucky

rage, rage, rage, anger, rage

horror, creepy, stiff astonished, stupefied, frightened, panicked

remorse, remorse, vileness, despicableness, disgrace
中

Pleasant, exuberant, gratifying, relieved, satisfied

Heartbreak, depressed, upset, uncomfortable, regret, melancholy

displeasure, anger, rage, annoyance, uneasiness, resentment

frightened, frightened, intimidated, worrying, uncomfortable, shocked

sorry, slander, sneaky, guilty

low

happy, satisfied, happy, nice, like

unhappy, depressed, depressed, overwhelmed, bad, unhappy
Annoyed, annoyed, tense, troubled, irritable
worry, nervousness, timidity, uncertainty, anxiety

embarrassment, disappointment, disappointment

If you are just beginning to recognize your emotional and uncomfortable types, then you can try writing down what you see, do, think and feel in an upsetting or powerless situation .

This will help you discover what behaviors fall prey to your emotions when they work best for you.Talking to friends or colleagues can gain some further insights.They can help you recognize your emotional style and help you make connections between what happened and the way you reacted.

Overcoming your emotional discomfort also involves planning ahead for how you will deal with it when it comes.

(End of this chapter)