Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 41 My emotional intelligence is up to me (3)
Self-awareness and an understanding of difference cannot happen without self-disclosure, sharing, and trusting communication.Self-knowledge requires understanding and evaluating differences, not making them.We encourage you to use the information you discover about yourself and others to grow and develop while valuing both sides of the interaction.

The first domain is personal values, which are the core of behavioral dynamics, and all other attitudes, tendencies and behaviors are derived from the individual's values.

The second domain is learning style, which refers to the way an individual gathers and processes information.

The third area is change orientation, which focuses on the methods people use to cope with changes in their environment.

The third domain is interpersonal orientation, which refers to the tendency to interact with other people in a particular way.

These four aspects of self-awareness form the core of the self-concept.Values ​​determine the individual's basic standards of what is good and bad, valuable and unworthy, desired and rejected, true and false, moral and immoral.Learning style determines an individual's thought process, perception, and method of obtaining and storing information; it not only determines what type of information an individual receives, but also determines how this information is interpreted, judged, and how to respond to information.Change orientation determines the adaptability of individuals, which includes the degree of tolerance of individuals to ambiguous environments and the degree to which they tend to be responsible for their own behavior under changing conditions.Interpersonal orientation determines the most likely behavior patterns in interactions with others, and the degree to which an individual is open or closed, decisive or silent, controlling or dependent, affectionate or indifferent depends to a large extent on his interpersonal orientation.Figure 10-1 summarizes the four dimensions of self-awareness and their functions in defining the self-concept.

Figure 12-1: Four core aspects of self-concept

There are many other aspects of self-awareness, such as mood, attitude, temperament, personality and interests.But all of these aspects are basically about the four core concepts mentioned above.What we value, how we feel about various things, how we behave to different people, what we want and what we are attracted to are all deeply influenced by our values, learning styles, change orientation and interpersonal orientation.All other aspects of the self are built upon these most important building blocks.

Self-awareness training not only helps individuals improve their ability to understand and manage themselves, but it is also important in helping individuals understand the differences among people.Most people will regularly run into people with different styles, different value systems and different perspectives than they do, and most workforces are becoming more diverse.Individuals will thus encounter greater diversity in their work and learning environments, and self-awareness training will be a valuable tool in helping them identify with and understand this diversity.The relationships among the four key domains of self-awareness and their management outcomes are summarized in Figure 9-2.

Figure 12-2: Core aspects of self-awareness and implications for management
(Section [-] Strengthening Self-Esteem
An important task in life is to enhance self-esteem.People with high self-esteem tend to have a positive self-concept.Self-esteem comes from accomplishing worthwhile things and taking pride in those accomplishments.The most effective way to boost your self-esteem is to achieve meaningful things and then get positive feedback on those accomplishments.Praise and recognition can help develop self-esteem; appropriate disclosure of one's inner self can enhance self-esteem; appreciation of one's strengths and achievements can also be effective in strengthening self-esteem; and it is also helpful to effectively avoid some situations or factors that interfere with reasonable self-appreciation.

Self-esteem refers to the attitude of appreciating one's own worth, taking responsibility for one's own actions, and being accountable to others.People with positive self-esteem have a deep understanding of their own worth in life, so they also have a positive self-concept.

Please tick the corresponding box if each of the following statements is true for you:

Question number
quiz topic
Be

no

1
I'm always excited about new beginnings every day.

2
Any progress I have made at work or school is due to luck.

3
I often ask myself, "Why can't I do better?"

4
When my boss or teacher gives me a challenging task, I always complete it with confidence

5
I believe that I have reached my full potential.

6
If someone asks me to help, I will clearly tell him the limit of my ability, and I will not feel uncomfortable or ashamed because of it.

7
I often make excuses for my mistakes.

8
I would be in a bad mood because someone else was in a bad mood.

9
I'm particularly concerned about how much money other people make, especially when they're doing the same job as me.

10
When I don't meet my goals, it feels like a failure.

11
Working hard keeps my spirits high.

12
When people comment on me, I always wonder if they are sincere.

13
Commenting on others always makes me uncomfortable.

14
I don't feel bad when I say "I'm sorry".

15
It was very difficult for me to face my mistakes.

16
My co-workers don't think I should be promoted.

17
It's easy to be my friend, you don't need to do me any favors.

18
I always feel like I don't live up to my name if my boss compliments me.

19
I'm just an ordinary person.

20
I hate change.

2.Scoring: Compare your answers with predetermined answers and add one point for each item that agrees.

Table 10-1: Scheduled Answer Form
Question number
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
answer
Be

no

no

Be

Be

Be

no

no

no

no

Be

no

no

Be

no

no

no

no

no

no

3.Table 10-2: Interpretation of Test Scores and Self-Esteem Levels
Score
range
self esteem level
17-20 points

Your self-esteem is very strong.But if you get a perfect score, it may also be because you deny any doubts about yourself.

11-16 points

Your self-esteem is average.You should master some techniques to strengthen your self-esteem so that you will be better off.

O-10 points

You desperately need to strengthen your self-esteem.Talk to a close friend or a professional who provides mental health services about how you feel about yourself.At the same time, use a lot of methods that can effectively strengthen self-esteem.

Self-esteem is made up of two related components: self-efficacy and self-esteem (self-appreciation).

Self-efficacy is different from general self-confidence, which refers to the confidence possessed by the ability to complete a specific task.If you have high self-efficacy, you believe you have the skills you need to be successful at a particular task; and believing that you can do a specific task boosts one's self-esteem.Self-efficacy can improve job performance in many important ways, including enhanced motivation, increased focus on work, increased effort, and reduced anxiety and self-defeating negative thoughts.

Self-respect refers to how a person views himself.Self-respecting people like themselves for who they are, not for what they can or cannot do.Self-respecting people don't worry about comparing themselves to others.The academic concept of self-respect is consistent with what we usually call "self-esteem".Many beggars in the street are not only mentally sound but also physically strong, so one may think that they have no self-respect to beg in the street.Moreover, people who have low self-respect do not respond angrily even if they are often verbally or physically insulted by others, because they feel that they deserve this treatment.

One way to understand self-esteem is to understand how it is formed.Like the formation of self-concept, the formation of self-esteem involves many early life experiences.People who receive encouragement and approval from family, friends, and teachers as children tend to develop stronger self-esteem.A popular explanation for the development of self-esteem is that self-esteem can be developed simply through praise, compliments and hugs.However, many developmental psychologists are very skeptical of this theory.They offer their view that self-esteem arises from accomplishing worthwhile endeavors and taking pride in these accomplishments; being encouraged does not directly build self-esteem, but helps people perform the activities that build self-esteem.

Psychologist Martin Seligman believes that self-esteem is caused by various successes and failures.In order to have self-esteem, people need to improve their ability to deal with the world. "Self-esteem comes from being encouraged and recognized for real success. Excessive praise only inflates the ego, not true self-esteem. A child develops self-esteem not because others say he is good at football, but because he really is. Played well."

People with high self-esteem tend to have good mental health. They are very satisfied with themselves and look forward to life and the future positively.Self-esteem functions in this way in part because it enhances one's ability to resist the negative effects of certain situations.A person with low self-esteem may have a nervous breakdown when someone says he is ugly; if a person has strong self-esteem, he will not care about other people's negative comments on him, but just take these comments as a family statement. Too much unnecessary attention will be given.In the face of small everyday setbacks, such as lost keys, people with high self-esteem think, "There are so many good things in my life, why should I dwell on such a small thing?"

What needs to be pointed out here is that people with strong self-esteem do not blindly ignore negative evaluations, but do not allow themselves to be affected by unnecessary negative emotions when using the useful information in negative evaluations, because they have a sense of security in their hearts.

Employees with high self-esteem also tend to have a good work attitude and are able to achieve good results at work.Because the attitudes and behaviors they adopt are consistent with their belief that they are competent, and these attitudes and behaviors often lead to good job performance.

The nature and impact of self-esteem are summarized in terms of self-reinforcing processes of self-esteem.This couldn't be more appropriate, see Figure 10-3.

People with high self-esteem have more positive expectations, put in more effort, and have a greater chance of success, which in turn strengthens their self-esteem.

Figure 12-3: Self-reinforcing cycle of self-esteem
The study found that changes in self-esteem were more sensitive to productivity than changes in other factors (such as education, basic skills, and work experience).Specifically, a 10 percent increase in self-esteem has a greater effect on productivity than a 10 percent increase in, for example, educational opportunities or work experience.

The process of strengthening your self-esteem will be with you throughout your life, because self-esteem comes from success in your life and positive interactions with others.Here are 5 effective ways to develop self-esteem.

1.Achieve a worthy cause
Achieving worthwhile careers is a major way of developing self-esteem not only for adults but also for children.Merely achieving a lot of general achievement does not boost self-esteem, and mediocre achievement does not build the foundation for a high level of self-esteem.Think about it, getting an A in a class where only the top 10% get an A, or getting an A in a class where everyone can get an A. Which of these two achievements will help you build your self-esteem more?
2.let others know themselves properly
People who can reveal their hearts to a greater extent are open, and vice versa are closed.Self-disclosure can help others accept you, because the more you reveal yourself to others, the more others can accept you from you.On the contrary, if you always cover yourself and hide yourself, then the chances of being accepted by others are few and far between.The more others accept you, the stronger your self-esteem will be, because building self-esteem requires positive feedback from others, and if others don't know you, there's no need for feedback.Remember this sequence: self-disclosure - self-acceptance - self-esteem.

Of course, you have to be careful not to self-disclose too much.People who disclose too much tend to experience rejection from others. For example, if you communicate all your negative feelings and thoughts to another person, that person may find it annoying and leave you.

3.know your strengths
Appreciating your strengths and accomplishments can also be effective in strengthening your self-esteem.First, make a list of your strengths and accomplishments on a piece of paper. It will do more than you expect.

In addition to individual exercises, there are corresponding group exercises.Each member of the group starts by listing their own strengths and accomplishments, and then discusses the list with the group members.In the comments, you will find an advantage that you did not realize, or strengthen the group members' recognition of their strengths through discussion.But sometimes, there will be situations where the cognition of oneself and others cannot agree.One member might say to a group member, "I'm handsome, smart, reliable, strong, funny, confident, and moral." Another member of the group might retort, "I'd add that you also Very conceited."

4.Minimize the factors that interfere with reasonable self-appreciation

There are always situations or factors in our lives and work that interfere with reasonable self-appreciation. If you can effectively avoid these situations or factors from happening, you will rarely feel incompetent, which will prevent you from losing self-esteem.Of course, it is not to turn a blind eye to all the situations that make you feel incompetent, but to use the useful information it provides while not being overly affected by negative emotions. Blindly avoiding negative evaluations will make people unaware of their own inadequacies.

5.Surround yourself with people who can really boost your self-esteem

A person who can really boost your self-esteem tends to be someone with high self-esteem who gives honest feedback to others because they respect themselves as well as others.But, don't confuse them with "nice guys" who can only say "yes."People who can actually help you boost your self-esteem will give you a lot of real and useful feedback, whereas you'll get nothing but flattery from a "nice guy."

(Chapter [-] Building Self-Confidence
The famous Harvard student Henry Thoreau said: "Confidently move in the direction you want! The legal system of life will become simple, loneliness will no longer be lonely, poverty will no longer be poor, and fragility will no longer be fragile."

Building self-esteem can often help boost your self-confidence as well.Because having self-esteem, feeling competent tends to improve how you feel about yourself overall.Thus, the same factors that help develop self-esteem can often also be used to build self-confidence.Here are some other methods that can help build self-confidence. Please choose the appropriate method according to your personality traits and environmental factors.

1.From the little things
Confidence comes from success.But it's not just big wins that have this effect. Accumulating many small achievements can also be effective in helping to build self-confidence.These small accomplishments include learning to operate a new electronic product, getting a good grade on a final exam, or shaving 10 seconds off your [-]K time compared to last month.Small accomplishments build confidence, which in turn leads to bigger successes, creating a success cycle.

2.view yourself positively
To build self-confidence, you must eliminate negative views on yourself, learn to look at yourself positively, and learn to actively talk to yourself.It is especially important to be able to affirm yourself in front of others.For example, learn to say to yourself "I know I can do it", "As long as you give me a chance, I will definitely satisfy everyone", "I have a great chance of success", and so on.

3.learn to think positively
Learn to imagine scenarios that you can calmly handle when faced with challenges. This skill is called active imagination.For example, if you are applying for a loan, imagine that you are confidently proving to a loan officer that you have good credit.Imagine a loan officer listening to you with a smile on his face, ready to sign the relevant paperwork to lend you a loan.Positive imagination can help you become confident, because you have actively envisioned your mental state when facing challenges in your mind, and this positive mental state can better help you deal with challenges.

4.Believe that fate is in your own hands
If you believe that your destiny is in your own hands and take responsibility, those around you will see you as confident and capable of controlling your own destiny, which will further boost your self-confidence.

5.Optimism

Optimistic people tend to be very confident.Of course, if you're naturally pessimistic, there's no need to overhaul your personality traits in order to be optimistic.However, you can actively seek an optimistic assessment of the status quo while retaining a pessimistic view of yourself.If you have worked hard to complete a very difficult task, it is not only a good time to learn from the experience, but also to tell yourself that you will do better next time.

6.dress and behave properly

If you're really happy with how you dress and behave, you tend to become more confident.So please take some time to think about what suits you best to dress and behave.

7.Knowledgeable

If you have profound knowledge and can come up with various constructive solutions to problems, then you will become confident.Intuition is very important, but if you can analyze rationally and scientifically based on objective facts to find the optimal solution to the problem, doing so will often create a confident image.So keep expanding your knowledge through formal education and any other way you can absorb knowledge.

8.master new skills

Most of us know that it often takes courage and confidence to master complex new skills.So if you're learning new skills all the time, and people know you're learning, it can really help build your image of confidence.

love my job

(End of this chapter)