Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 45 To defeat others, first conquer yourself (2)
There was a speaker in ancient Greece. At first, because of his stuttering, he was often refuted by his opponents and was unable to fight back, so he was laughed at by others.Perhaps, many people will say that this is beyond his own ability, and it is a wise choice to give up. However, it was this orator who insisted on giving a speech every morning. After unremitting efforts, he became the most famous speaker at that time. speecher.It can be seen from this: Innate insufficiency, others' ridicule, and various reasons are not the thorns that hinder your success. Only you give up persistence and struggle for security and enjoyment, for small profits, and for temporary satisfaction. Only by fighting will you never be able to surpass.

My friends, I think everyone knows Helen, Edison, and self-defeating. Yes, throughout the ages, countless successful people are the most perfect interpretation of "overcoming yourself".If you are still shrinking, please quickly understand how urgent it is to overcome yourself; if you are still hesitating, please see how the winner walks step by step; if you are already challenging yourself, then you have to persevere and succeed Will open up eventually!
There are many reasons for people's pain, either from frustration or misfortune in their emotional life; or from frustration in pursuit of ideals;Regardless of the pain caused by any reason, the common emotional experience is to fall into emotional sorrow, contradiction, and worry and cannot extricate oneself.Therefore, to eliminate painful emotions, first of all, you must overcome yourself.Learn to comfort yourself and say to yourself: Putting yourself in pain will not help solve the problem, on the contrary, it will make the mood worse.In this way, you will regain your strength.

(In the fourth quarter, defeating oneself is a process of continuous transcendence
People often complain that there are too many enemies in life, including the gullies encountered in learning, the mountains that are difficult to climb in career, and the hidden traps in life.In the era of competition, many opponents have been added, challenging and attacking you from time to time, just like guns to guns, sharp knives to sharp knives in TV dramas.If you become paralyzed or hesitate for a moment, all previous efforts will be wasted or your future will be ruined.But how do you know that the real enemy is not in front of you or behind you, but yourself in the middle.If you want to overcome all kinds of difficulties and hardships, you must first overcome yourself.If you can't even defeat yourself, how can you talk about defeating others and all kinds of obstacles?

This point of view has been convincingly confirmed in the elegant 28th Olympic Games.Du Li, a little-known girl from Shandong, under the attention of all the people, faced with a forest of strong opponents, and the psychological pressure was as heavy as Mount Tai. If she didn't play calmly and accurately, could she win the gold medal?At this moment, what she shot was not the target, but to eliminate her cowardice and nervousness.The 69kg weightlifting gold medalist Zhang Guozheng, who was suffering from back pain, endured the pain to participate in the competition. He tried to lift 192kg for the third time, but collapsed and could not move.At this moment, what he lifts up is his courage and strength, while what he steps on is sickness and weakness.Sports competitions are competitions that go beyond limits, including psychological and physical limits.At this moment, athletes overcome not only their opponents, but also their own difficulties, fears and various unhealthy mentalities.

To defeat yourself, you must first have the determination to constantly surpass. "Blue comes out of blue and is better than blue", which is not only the negation of blue to blue, but also the sublimation of blue.Our progress includes both the sublation of yesterday and the negation of today by tomorrow.Achievements can only explain the sweat that has flowed in the past, and can only be used to ignite the glory of tomorrow.Athletes are unwilling to deny the gold medals of the past, and may not even get the bronze medal today.Strengths have become weaker, and old horses have stumbled because they have been overwhelmed by past achievements, and their ideological burden has flattened their courage and confidence.The cicada chrysalis drilled through the hard shell of the ground like a calf, bravely climbed up the tree trunk, and resolutely tore its own body, allowing itself to drill a flying cicada from behind and sing loudly; Peel off from the air, fly out brilliant wings, and soar freely among the fragrant flowers.After denying themselves and defeating themselves, they moved to a higher level.

To overcome oneself is to create a brand new self, not to go backwards.The tadpole hated that he couldn't jump and sing on land like a bird, so he tried his best to stretch out his limbs, reluctantly cut off his tail, and turned into a frog.This is progress.However, the chrysalis, envious of the flying and beauty of the butterfly, took off its coat and stepped out of its body, only to become a moth that harms the crops.In addition, it is said that the ancestor of the sea lion was once a kind of lion. It grew up in the mountains, but dreamed of life in the ocean, and finally evolved into a member of the ocean family, but its former majesty and ferocity disappeared. Only a few cat-like long whiskers remained.This is not the evolution of creatures, but the retrogression of things. This kind of negation is not advisable.

On the road of pursuing success, we find that some people fail, while others succeed. What is the reason for this?The main reason for this is: the former is defeated by himself, but the latter can defeat himself.

★Toothed star
There is a lady named Kath Dailey in the United States. She has a good voice and wants to be a singer. Unfortunately, her mouth is too big and her teeth are too big.When she sang on stage for the first time, she tried to cover her teeth with her upper lip, thinking that it was a very attractive expression, but she didn't know that it left a funny feeling to others.A male listener told her bluntly: "There is no need to hide your sharp teeth. You should open your mouth to your heart's content. The audience will definitely like you when they see your true and generous expression. Maybe the sharp teeth you care about will be for you." You bring good luck!"

For a singer to expose his flaws in public, he must first convince himself with reason, and also have the courage to defeat himself.Kath Dailey accepted the male listener's advice and no longer bothered about having sharp teeth. She opened her mouth to her heart's content to give full play to her potential and strengths, and finally became a big star in the American film and television industry. ★

A person who wants to challenge himself does not rely on opportunism or cleverness, but on confidence.Florence Chadwick, a world-renowned swimmer, once swam from Catalina Island to the Gulf of California. She soaked in sea water for 16 hours, and when there was only one nautical mile left, she saw the fog in front of her. After sending out the signal "when can I swim to the other shore", she suddenly felt sleepy and lost confidence.So she was pulled into the dinghy to rest and lost her second chance to set the record.Afterwards, Florence Chadwick knew that she was about to reach the other side of success, and it was not the fog that hindered her success, but the doubts in her heart.It was she herself who lost confidence in setting a new record after the fog blocked her view, and then was captured by the fog.After more than two months, Flurence Chadwick revisited the Gulf of California again. At the end of the swim, she kept saying to herself: "We are getting closer and closer to the other shore!" This time we will definitely break the record!" With the signal, she immediately became energetic, and finally Florence Chadwick finally achieved her goal.

When a person has confidence, he will have will power.The biggest difference between people, between the weak and the strong, between success and failure lies in the difference in willpower.Once a person has the power of will, he can overcome his own weaknesses.

When you need courage, you can overcome your cowardice;

When you need to be diligent, you can overcome your laziness;

When you need to be honest, you can overcome your selfish desires;

When you need to be humble, you can overcome your pride;

When you need tranquility, you can overcome your impetuousness.

(In the fifth quarter, the only one who defeats you in the end is yourself

A famous person once said: "After comparing his strength and weakness with others, if a person still can't see the difference, then he will be easily defeated by his enemy."

★I am the best boxer

Muhammad Ali, an American professional boxer, is known as the "Champion of Boxing". In 1981, Ali bid farewell to boxing.A year later, at the age of 40, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and developed language and movement impairments.But his unyielding spirit encouraged him to stand up and acted as a UN peace ambassador, often dragging his sick body to war and conflict areas, advocating reconciliation and calling for peace.While the world is overwhelmed by this spirit, it is also amazed at what has sustained Ali, led him to countless victories, and later overcome terrible illnesses.The answer to it is fully explained in Ali's readme.

In Ali's life creed, what has always supported his victory is this sentence: "I will never fail unless I am sure that I have failed."

In countless boxing matches, Ali always regarded himself as the strongest. As long as he believed that he would win, then no one would beat me.This belief was formed when he was 12 years old.In Ali's self-report, there is such a paragraph:
I was a big talker when I was 12, which caused my parents a lot of headaches.I wandered around in my Gold Gloves jacket, swaggering, talking big, and boxing.It was the 20s, and I like big talk, when people in Louisville, Kentucky, thought that young black people shouldn't be like this.

That was before and after I went to the wrestling ring to see Gorge George (Gorge George, an American professional wrestler who combined wrestling with acting and was a box-office hit—Editor's note).He was a big guy at the time, a white wrestler who spent more time performing in the ring than actually wrestling.He came out in costumes and kept teasing the audience. "Don't mess with my beautiful hair, I'm cute," he said, striding up and down the stage.He wore a large red cloak, and his yellow hair was blown up. "Don't mess with my beautiful hair," he yelled repeatedly, to boos from the audience.I noticed then that the wrestling ring was packed.The more the audience booed, the more tickets he sold.

When I got home, I was more arrogant, more boastful, and more boastful.My poor parents were even more disturbed.When I was boxing against imaginary opponents, I always said: "I will become the best boxer." Until now, my own company is called G.O.A.T. Company, which means "the best fighter". "company.I knew at 12 that I was going to be the best boxer.

In every amateur boxing fight I've ever had, I've always maneuvered, punched and won.I smacked my breasts and bragged about how good I was, and I always knew, I just knew, that I was cuter than Gorge George.I also know that I can sell more tickets than that wrestler.

I'm not alone, a lot of my classmates are boxing at the school and we're always talking about being the next boxing champion.One teacher thought I was a big talker.She looked down on us as if she hated us self-confident boxers.She didn't believe in our potential at all.I've always thought of her as one of those no-brainers.We were doing boxing poses in the hallway one day, and she came up to me, looked me in the eye and said, "You're never going to get anywhere."

At 17, I won the Gold Gloves in Louisville.The following year, I won the gold medal at the 1960 Rome Olympics.I became the best boxer in the world!The first thing I did when I got home was walk into the classroom where the teacher was teaching.I asked her, "Remember what you said I'd never do well?"

She looked at me, surprised.

"I'm the best boxer in the world," I said as I dangled the gold medal ribbon in front of her. "I'm the best boxer in the world." After saying that, he put the gold medal in his pocket and walked out of the classroom without looking back.The teacher who doubted my potential made me vow to be the best boxer I could be.I knew at 12 that I was going to be the best boxer. ★
Recalling some of Ali's characteristics, his life and words give us inspiration.He didn't hoard anything from the past—neither in his office nor in his memory.He had no vision of the future—no thought of what he should do for others, nor what he intended to be done for him.

He once said: "I will never fail unless I am convinced that I have failed. I have met some strong and rough people, but I lack the ability to adapt to them. They think they have beaten me. The matter is made public and published. In the magazines. That's how I was defeated, failed in all eyes, probably in a dozen different newspaper lines. Stories about me showed that I was deeply in debt and short of money , and have driven my rivals away. Things may not be good in my country. We are sick, ugly, mean, and notorious people. My children may be worse off. I also seem to be breaking my promise To my friends and customers. That said, of all the confrontations I've been through, I haven't been able to really arm myself for that particular match. So I've been beaten by history. But I know, always know, I Never lost to anyone, never even played that game. When my time comes, I will definitely rise up and beat the opponent."

In fact, life is not like this.There will be countless opponents in your life, and they will challenge you in various ways, but in the end, the psychology of failure often starts from your own heart.

(Section [-] Save yourself by yourself

In the constant struggle of life, everyone will fall into the vortex of success and failure. In the constant struggle and struggle, the winner chooses to save himself, while the loser trusts God to take care of him. When his belief does not match the reality, In the end he will choose self-confusion.

When you are constantly fighting against life, only you can save yourself. As long as you have a little courage to fight, there is a little hope of success.Since the emergence of human beings, we have been constantly fighting against nature. It is not so much the survival of the fittest, but it is human beings who win in this struggle.

On the rough road of life, we need to constantly struggle with the environment.In fact, the enemy is already like that. The key lies in whether you have denied yourself from the bottom of your heart. If so, no matter how comfortable the environment is, it will not make a successful person.

★two patients

Two people went to the hospital to see a doctor at the same time and took X-rays respectively. One of them was seriously ill and got cancer, and the other was just doing a routine health check.

But because the doctor took the wrong film, they gave them the opposite diagnosis. The person who was not in good condition was full of joy when he heard that his body had recovered. After a period of recuperation, he really recovered completely.

And the other person who was not sick, after the doctor's sentence, felt a lot of fear in his heart. He was anxious all day long, lost the courage to live, his will was depressed, and his resistance was also weakened. As a result, he really fell seriously ill. ★
When I saw this story, I really couldn't laugh or cry. Should a person who is seriously ill due to psychological pressure blame the doctor or himself?Ustinov once said: "Those who think they are destined not to escape from the prison of the soul will regard arranging the prison as their only job." He thought he had cancer, so he fell into the panic of an incurable disease, and in his mind Thinking more about "funeral affairs", where I still have the mind to have fun, I was defeated by myself.But the real cancer patients defeated the disease and themselves with the power of optimism.

More often, people are not defeated by the outside world, but by themselves.As the saying goes, "There is nothing more sad than death." Desperation and pessimism are synonymous with death. Only those who challenge themselves and never give up are the biggest winners in life.

Victory over yourself is the greatest victory.It is not so much a victory over the disease as it is a victory over oneself.When work is not going well, we often find all kinds of excuses, thinking that the leader deliberately made things difficult and entrusted us with impossible tasks; we think that the recent poor health has led to low efficiency...We want to be lazy, but give reasons for being lazy Justification, I always think that there are still three days in the deadline, and I will fight tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and I might as well relax today.

In fact, overcoming difficulties is relatively easier than defeating yourself, so some people say: "I" is my own worst enemy.Conquering oneself depends on confidence, and when a person has confidence, he will have strength.

The biggest difference between people, between the weak and the strong, between success and failure lies in the difference in willpower.Once a person has the power of will, he can overcome his own weaknesses.

(End of this chapter)