Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 54
Failure is not terrible, what is terrible is the depression after failure.No one will look forward to failure, after all, it is a painful and frustrating thing, but because we cannot avoid it, we can only accept it bravely.Dwelling on past failures doesn't solve anything at all.If Lincoln stopped getting involved in politics because of his failure in the previous elections, I am afraid that there would be a lack of such an excellent president in American history, and even the history of the United States would be rewritten.So failure is not without any benefits, at least we can learn from failure, and we can correct shortcomings from failure.Failure is a ladder to success, and although those ladders are difficult and always hurt us, we have no choice.If you want to be successful, you must bear the blow of failure. Failure is the preface to success. You need to have the courage to read it, and believe that the beautiful content will soon fall into your eyes.

(Chapter Nine bearish on the unevenness of life
There are often unfair things in life. You work hard, but things that don't get rewarded for your hard work don't just happen to you.Since the earth is round, there are always some people who stand on the tangent point of the circle and see the sun a few minutes before you.It is difficult to be fair about things in life. Some people may be born with a golden key, and some people may be born with an incomplete body. These are things that we cannot grasp innately and can only accept.Faced with these so-called injustices, mediocre people will only complain instead of taking practical actions to improve them, and the gap will become wider and wider; wise people will accept them calmly and actively use acquired efforts to change this injustice, He won his own life and won more admiration.

★Scientist in a wheelchair
Stephen William Hawking, the founder of the "black hole" theory and the "quantum" theory, for him, the fate is very unfair, he was born with a central nervous system disabled, due to severe muscle decline, thus lost the action He cannot write or speak clearly, and has to live in a wheelchair all his life.But he didn't complain and care about these physical disabilities, nor did he stop exploring life because of his physical limitations.On the contrary, Stephen William Hawking graduated from Oxford University and Trinity College, Cambridge University successively, and received a Doctor of Philosophy from Cambridge University.

Due to limited physical mobility, he can only use a small bookshelf and a small blackboard to complete his research process.In the course of his research, it has overcome countless difficulties that ordinary people cannot imagine, and finally in the cutting-edge field of astronomy - the study of black hole explosion theory, through the analysis of the specificity of the "black hole" critical line, it has shocked the astronomical world. For his major achievements, he was awarded the Einstein Prize in 1980.

However, the incapacitated scientist's condition deteriorated in 1985, depriving him of even the ability to speak.At this time, he still didn't spend time complaining about his fate. He used a computer sound synthesizer to express his thoughts indirectly, and raced against time to create miracles in his limited life.He manipulates a special mouse with only a few movable fingers to select letters and words on the computer screen to make sentences, and then plays the sound through the computer.Sometimes it takes 10 days to prepare a one-hour taped speech.Such physical inconvenience did not slow down his research speed at all, and he took an important step in unifying the two basic theories of physics in the 20th century-Einstein's theory of relativity and Planck's quantum theory.Today he has been called the greatest living scientist, today's Einstein. ★
Don't be surprised by favor or disgrace, watch the flowers bloom and fall in front of the court; go and stay unintentionally, look at the sky with clouds and clouds.From this couplet, we can deeply understand the life attitude of a wise man.In today's noisy and impetuous society, there are not many people who can look at life calmly and calmly. Most people don't settle down to pursue success. Instead, they only blame society and fate. seek comfort in comparisons.

Sometimes life and life are not as beautiful as we imagined. They have partial treatment for each of us. Some people are indeed born in prosperity and prosperity; some people may not have so many natural advantages.But believe that when God closes a window for you, he must open another window for you.Only by looking down on these injustices can we concentrate on doing serious things.Our hearts and minds are so big, if we are full of complaints and resentment, how can we have the mind to explore our dreams?

The true meaning of life is indifferent.In the face of injustice in life, you can't force it, and it is enough to do your own thing with peace of mind.Life is like this, what it gives you cannot be changed, it is better to accept it calmly, and use what it gives you to realize your own life value.To be indifferent to the injustice of life is to know how to live.People who know how to live are not only successful people, but also wise people.Nothing can develop and change completely according to your wishes. Sometimes things that don’t return after hard work don’t mean that they are paid in vain. I believe they will definitely compensate you in other forms and in other aspects.The imbalance between giving and rewarding sometimes is only a temporary phenomenon and needs to be viewed from a long-term perspective.However, some people just don’t understand this point. They don’t put their energy on struggling and exploring life. Instead, they struggle to find a balance, and what they get in return is nothing but fatigue.The real stupidity is not knowing life like this, only complaining about others.

(Chapter [-]: Learn to laugh it off

There are ups and downs in life, especially for those painful memories, we should learn to laugh it off. This attitude towards life allows us to let go of the shadows of the past and walk in the sunshine of today with ease.

To learn to laugh it off is to develop a life attitude of not being surprised by honor or disgrace, and watching the situation with a smile.The ancients used a pair of peerless couplets to tell us: Life is only a few years in the world, and it is necessary to regard favor and disgrace as ordinary as flowers blooming and fading to be unafraid; to regard fame and fortune as calm as clouds and clouds to be unintentional.Our life is short. If fame, wealth and glory are so important, it is easy to get lost in those superficial things, thus losing the true meaning of life.

It is a kind of wisdom in life to not be shocked by honor or disgrace.The poet Xu Zhimo once said: "I will look for my only soul mate in the vast sea of ​​people. If I get it, I am lucky; if I don't, it is my fate."Although this sentence is his declaration of love, we can still deeply feel the open mind of a romantic poet.Similarly, Lu You, a poet of the Song Dynasty, also wrote in his poem "Book Dream": "Let's laugh at everyone, and life is so difficult." Looking at the feelings of these great poets, they all show a wise outlook on life.To laugh it off is a state of mind that is indifferent to the situation and fully enlightened.Some people place too much importance on things outside of themselves, and thus make their lives oppressive.

Life is only a few years, so there is no need to take other people's remarks or some trivial things too seriously.If you are irritable because of other people's rumors, give up on yourself because of a business failure, and give up your dreams because of a few words of ridicule from bystanders, then life is not your life, you are not living for yourself, but for others raw.You have to be able to hold and let go of the past; you have to listen to those boring remarks with your left ear and let them go with your right ear; only by calmly facing the ups and downs of the world can you live out your true self.

★Don't be surprised by favor or shame, pass the exam

It is said that there was an official assessment system in the Tang Dynasty. During the Tang Taizong period, Lu Chengqing was specially appointed by Tang Taizong as the "examiner wailang" because of his fairness in dealing with affairs, and managed the official performance appraisal.Once, during Lu Chengqing's evaluation of officials, an official in charge of water transportation was negligent because of the sinking of a grain ship.Lu Chengqing wrote a comment to the official, "I lost my place and passed the exam".Contrary to his expectations, the official didn't raise any opinions after hearing it, nor did he show any expression of doubt or fear, and he was not angry at all, and accepted it frankly.Lu Chengqing then thought that the sinking of the grain ship was not his personal responsibility, nor could he be saved by his personal ability, so he changed it to the "lower middle" level, only to see that the official still did not express his opinion, neither said a word of hypocrisy. Thank you words, and there is no excitement, just laugh it off.Lu Chengqing, who had seen too much flattery, admired his attitude towards life, and blurted out: "Don't be surprised by favor or humiliation, it's rare and rare!" Finally, he changed the comment to: "Don't be surprised by favor or humiliation, he passed the exam."★
The Italian poet Dante once had a famous saying: Go your own way and let others say it.A relaxed attitude towards life is also revealed between the lines.In the face of the situation, laugh it off, seemingly negative, but in fact it is a kind of positive life wisdom.A person's life is always full of ups and downs, with peaks and troughs.Wise people can understand this and be calm when things happen to them.Both glory and humiliation are fleeting clouds that cannot stand the test of time.

During the Northern Song Dynasty, Fan Zhongyan insisted on the "Qingli New Deal". When he was exiled to Dengzhou, he suddenly fell from a height to the bottom of his life. The leader Mr. Zhao Puchu wrote in his posthumous essay: "Life is joyful, and death is not regretful. The flowers are still blooming, and the water is constantly flowing. What is there for me, who will rest in peace. The moon is clear and the wind is not to worry about." This short bereavement The article shows his indifferent concept of life, which is worthy of the admiration of future generations. In the middle of the 19th century, American industrialist Field used submarine cables for the first time to connect "the two continents of Europe and America", so he was hailed as "the unifier of the two worlds", and flowers and praises continued.However, because the theory does not match the actual situation, in the process of use, due to technical problems, the signal transmission was interrupted by the cable that was just connected.In an instant, the faces of those common people changed completely, and all their praises turned into rotten eggs, and they all came here, accusing Field of deceiving them, and asking him to compensate for various losses.Faced with this huge change of honor and disgrace, Field did not fail to accept it. He laughed off those humiliations, showing the outstanding demeanor of a successful person. He continued to devote himself to improving his submarine cable business, and finally successfully built an information bridge between the European and American continents.

We must learn from the life attitudes of these successful people, so as to "not be shocked by honor or disgrace, and face it calmly".Our life is full of countless great changes, whether it is good or bad, we should be fully prepared to welcome it with a broad mind.

No.18 Palm to sort out the mood first, and then do things

A good attitude can determine a good destiny.In many cases, people's success and failure are not determined by objective factors, but are closely related to the subjective mentality of the parties involved.Studies have shown that the success rate of engaging in activities in a happy and positive state of mind is much greater than that in a depressed and painful state of mind.So clean up your mood, and there may be unexpected gains.

(The first section never bows to failure
Napoleon said that a soldier who does not want to be a general is not a good soldier.Life is a process of constant pursuit of high potential.People go to high places, water flows to low places, without any ambition to win, it's like sailing against the current, if you don't advance, you will retreat.

The desire to win first comes from confidence in oneself, and only those who are confident have the spirit to win.In the contemporary society motivated by competition, winning is no longer a derogatory term expressed in the old saying. On the contrary, without a winning mentality, one cannot win success.Competitiveness is not only a desire for success, but also an affirmation of self-ability.Only with such a mentality can we motivate ourselves to go on resolutely in a difficult environment until we reach the end.

Only with a victorious heart can we have the determination to persevere to the end and never bow our head.If the desire for success is not so strong, it will be easy to waver when encountering difficulties, give up halfway, and end up with no results.Only the extreme desire for success can ignite the small universe inside human beings, and stimulate your potential that you can't discover by yourself, so as to overcome difficulties and reach the other side of victory.

★Success requires competitive spirit

As for the desire to win, let's take a look at how Sun Weimin, the second largest shareholder of Suning Appliance, interprets it. In 1981, Sun Weimin was admitted to Beijing Normal University, where he studied psychology, an "unpopular" major at the time. Graduated with a master's degree in 1988, and taught at Nanjing University of Science and Technology for 10 years.By chance, Sun Weimin was introduced to the most authoritative air-conditioning media in China as a consultant at that time, and from then on, he became acquainted with the air-conditioning industry.It was also during this period that Sun Weimin met Zhang Jindong, chairman of Suning Appliance.After serving as a Suning enterprise consultant for a period of time, in 1998, Sun Weimin accepted the invitation of Zhang Jindong and became the assistant to the general manager of Suning Jiaojia Appliance Group.After years of struggle. In June 2004, Sun Weimin became the president of Suning Appliance Chain Group.Under the cooperation of Zhang Jindong and Sun Weimin, Suning Appliance was finally listed on the SME board of Shenzhen Stock Exchange.

Whenever Suning's development journey and market rivals are mentioned, Sun Weimin will definitely say that Suning and Gome will always be natural enemies, and the competition will always be.If Suning did not have the mental state of fighting and winning, I am afraid that one day it will follow in the footsteps of some electrical appliances companies and embark on the road of being merged.

When answering a reporter's question, Sun Weimin emphasized: success must first have ambition and ambition.He said this: "If a person wants to be successful, he must first have ambition and ambition, whether he wants to do something, and whether he has any ideas; What is made is not thought out or waited for, things will change and new opportunities will emerge in the process of practice, of course opportunities are also very important, which is also critical to success.”★
Competitiveness is a mentality necessary for success, but this mentality must have a rational premise.Crazy, unrealistic competitive spirit is unhealthy, and it is easy to make people go mad.Sun Weimin also insisted that it is "necessary" to be victorious, but it is "necessary" to be rational, healthy, and practical.When the reporter mentioned that many companies use "massive mergers" as a means of winning, Sun Weimin explained it this way: In China's home appliance industry, although many companies have reached the scale of the top 500 through mergers, the quality of business operations But far from it.There is nothing wrong with pursuing the top 500 level. However, if this kind of competitiveness is based on unreal ability assessment, it is easy to collapse due to unstable foundation.Suning doesn't talk about mergers and acquisitions. It doesn't mean that Suning's ambitions are not strong and its desire to win is not strong, but that Suning's development and competitiveness have always been built on a rational basis.The development of an enterprise cannot be based solely on the expansion of quantity, and the same is true for personal development.Irrational thinking and blind pursuit of victory will only result in loss of wife and soldiers.

Therefore, a competitive spirit is indispensable, and a competitive spirit based on truth and objectivity is especially important.Winning is a manifestation of individual or collective progress.Without self-motivation, without seeking to make progress, you can only go down with the trend like a small boat in the upstream, and finally capsize in the fierce tide.Having a competitive mindset and rational ambition is the first step to success.Because rational ambition not only establishes ideals for you to strive for, but also provides you with the motivation to realize your ideals and the determination not to give up.If you don't have the heart to win now, then act quickly, analyze your own strength, and find an opportunity for yourself to show yourself.

(Second section is always better

In the same garden, the same rose, a positive and optimistic heart will see the beautiful petals and the clear dew in the morning; while a pessimistic and negative heart will see the hurtful thorns under the flower and the slightly cold weather in the morning .A smiling face, a sad face, a different mood, I am afraid that today's results will be very different.A positive and optimistic person can always see a better situation, so in a good mood, he can do everything he wants and do everything with ease; while a pessimistic person always sees those situations that he hates. How can you successfully complete the work under the mood?As the saying goes, unlucky people get stuck in their teeth when they drink cold water.In fact, how can water get stuck in the teeth? Meet the headwind again" subjective feeling.

It can be seen that maintaining a positive, optimistic and enthusiastic heart can sometimes turn things around and make life a miracle of turning point.If a person has a high degree of enthusiasm, a positive attitude, and the belief that he will win, what else can he not do?The world will only open the green light to those who are positive and optimistic, so that their careers will have faster acceleration.Therefore, a successful person must have a positive attitude. He faces life optimistically, so the distance between success and him is a little shorter than others.For most people, they are indeed optimistic and motivated in normal times, but the only shortcoming is that they lose the chain at critical moments.At every critical stage, they lose their self-confidence, enthusiasm and enthusiasm in the past, so most people always miss success. They are really close to success, but they are always a little bit away.

A positive attitude should be maintained at every moment, and you will succeed if you persist.You may not believe it, is mentality really as magical as it says?From the following short story, you can vividly see the difference between a positive attitude towards life and a negative attitude towards life.

★ different mentality, different results
(End of this chapter)