Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 59
On the earth, there is such a moth, its name is the emperor moth.They can be called the king of moths, having a larger body size than other moths, and their wings are more powerful than ordinary moths.Before the monarch moth is born, they are wrapped in a tight chrysalis, from which it must forcefully pull its wings.This process is painful, and if you can't stand it, you will be the result of survival of the fittest: some moths stop struggling because they can't stand the pain, and will eventually be trapped in the chrysalis; In the process, he kept grinding his soft body. Although it was painful, he developed strong wings for it.After experiencing such adversity, they have the magical power given by God and become the best species of moths.

Sima Qian has a very famous description in "Bao Ren An Shu": "The ancients were rich and honored, and their names were obliterated. They are indescribable, and only those who are very suave are praised. King Gaiwen acted in "Book of Changes"; Zhong Nier wrote "Spring and Autumn" ; Qu Yuan was exiled, but he wrote "Li Sao"; Zuo Qiu was blind, and there were three hundred pieces of "Mandarin" and "Poems", which were written by the great sages." From this poem, we can see that all those who achieve their careers , are people who come from adversity.Only by accepting the adversity arranged by God and fighting against it bravely can they achieve later development.

Mediocre people create adversity, but talented people reverse adversity.Sometimes adversity is carefully arranged by God to help you get rid of the status of mediocrity.Some people not only do not give gratitude and acceptance, but instead curse the ruthless fate and social injustice, they are really fools.The French painter Courbet spent almost all his life in adversity.However, his masterpiece "The Waves" still touches the hearts and souls of the viewers.

Talent emerges from adversity.Many people studying abroad have this experience. They gave up the comfortable life in China and faced various difficulties abroad alone, and gained a lot of growth in such adversity.When studying abroad, almost everyone has had the experience of working hard.They attend classes during the day and work at night, and endure discrimination and bullying from some locals.They are often seen among the crowd carrying big bags on the pier, among the busy crowd in the restaurant, and among the crowd carrying cement on the construction site.When a friend recalled that period of life abroad, he said, experience, every day abroad is like hell.At that time, due to the language barrier, it brought great inconvenience to life.I always can’t understand it in class, and I need to spend ten times as much energy revisiting it after class.Because of their different skin colors, they will always be abused and criticized.I worked three small jobs a day, and had to get up very early in the morning to deliver newspapers for the meager income.I vaguely remember that at that time, I could only sleep for three hours a day.Of course, after going through the darkest road, now is the harvest season.

Adversity is the environment that hone the will.How to grow healthily in the greenhouse still lacks some elements of life.Adversity makes life more complete.People's potential is infinite, and many times we can't bring them out in good times.At this time, adversity comes in handy. It can stimulate our fighting spirit and stimulate our potential.Mencius said: "Heaven will send a great mission to the people of Sri Lanka, and they must first suffer from their hearts and minds, exhaust their muscles and bones, starve their bodies and skins, empty their bodies, and confuse their actions. Therefore, they are tempted to be self-willed and benefit what they cannot." See In the history of China, how many people who have left history have come from suffering, exhausting their muscles and bones, starving their bodies, and emptying their bodies. result.

The edge of a sword comes from sharpening, and the fragrance of plum blossoms comes from bitter cold.Success doesn't come that easily, it's preceded by hardships that hold many back.Only by truly understanding the meaning of these sufferings can we dare to face the bleak adversity.Adversity is a gift from God. Although the appearance is hateful, it is golden and jade inside. Don't refuse it, but accept it bravely!

(Section [-] Life Voyage, draw a new map

The map tells us that there is not only one direction in the world.The compass does not only point us to the south. When the road ahead is a dead end, please don’t wait persistently, imagining that a road suddenly appears one day, you might as well turn around and continue exploring in another direction.Life is always full of dramatic turns, and sometimes it only takes you to turn around, and your life may be different from then on.Therefore, in the journey of life, one should keep a flexible mind, and use a new map to guide one's itinerary at an appropriate time is the act of a wise man.

When our progress is suddenly stranded by the blow of failure, we should not rush to start again at this time, because rushing forward will only bring greater failure.We have to calm down, first judge whether we are sailing according to the previous map, and then we will find valuable experience from the failure, use them to improve our navigation map, and find the best route.If one thing fails, there are roughly three possibilities: one is that the road is blocked, you need to open another road and choose a new direction; the other is that the direction is correct, but there are obstacles ahead, you should find a way to solve it, and sometimes bypass the obstacles It is more time-saving and labor-saving than lifting obstacles; the third is that the barriers or fog ahead cover our eyes, success is ahead, and we need to persevere.Knowing the three possibilities for failure may better fuel your voyage.

"Book of Changes" tells us: poverty leads to change, change leads to success, and success leads to longevity.Sometimes, a smart, flexible choice is better than a thousand hard work.

★A flexible wolf

A rich man was hunting in Africa, and a wolf became his prey.However, he dealt with this wolf for a long time, but in the end he did not succeed.His well-designed hunting traps failed to lure this clever wolf.The rich man had no choice but to give up in the end, watching his prey run away helplessly.

He said to the local residents: "It's a pity. I have been hunting for so many years, and this is the first time I have encountered such a difficult prey. I have caught countless prey before, such as goats, calves, antelopes, jackals, etc., all of which can be lost. However, the wolf I met today was too smart. When I chased it, it was chased to a fork in the shape of a "D", and right in front of it was my partner. Raised the gun and waited for it, and I was chasing it behind, he should have been able to choose a sidewalk to escape, so he fell into my trap, but he never expected it to turn its head and run towards me, I was careful , it ran away. It was terrible, how could it realize that it was a trap?"

The local resident explained to him: "This kind of wolf is very smart. They know that sometimes they change direction cleverly, which buys time for their own survival. If you rush forward with all your heart, you will either fall into a trap or be robbed and killed. They are sensitive to the fact that there are traps on that seemingly smooth road, and know how to adapt to become the secret of this kind of creature's survival until now." ★

The world is constantly changing, and nothing should stay the same.Many people persistently follow an old map to search for treasure, and they either hit the rocks and died, or returned empty-handed.Therefore, wise people must learn to be flexible, like the African wolf who can change direction according to the actual situation and draw a new map in time, in order to "respond to all changes with one change".

In the voyage of life, the wind and rain change suddenly. If you can't make timely judgments, always go your own way, follow the old ways, and use the old thinking or methods, then success will not be smooth.The correct direction of development directly determines the success or failure of life.Sometimes it is not enough to rely on diligence alone for success, and a clever flexibility is better than countless sweats.If sweat represents hard work, then the wise choice is to set your direction, purpose and position.Diligence is necessary, but this diligence must be used in the right direction, and blind diligence can only get twice the result with half the effort.

Some people say that success is achieved by 90.00% sweat plus [-]% talent.Then one percent of talent is the grasp of flexibility. Although it only accounts for one point, without it, success cannot be achieved.Less flexibility means less chance of success.If you always think about the problem from one direction, then the road will become narrower and narrower, and often even into a dead end.Always check whether your life map needs to be updated. Appropriate flexibility can help you find a more accurate direction, so that you can reach the ideal shore through the shortest path.

(Section [-]: Looking for Opportunities in Desperate Situations
Lu You once wrote that there is no way out after mountains and rivers are full of doubts, and there is another village with dark willows and flowers.Many times, we may also encounter the desperate situation of "mountains and rivers, doubts and no way out". At this time, pessimistic people will feel sorry for themselves and do not take any action. When they have nowhere to go, they will still not be hit. They are confident that they will find "another village" in their lives in this fog.

A successful person, even in the face of desperation, looks for opportunities to give full play to his advantages.In the history of the country, King Wen detains and plays the Book of Changes; Zhong Nier writes the Spring and Autumn Annals;In the long history of foreign countries, Sakyamuni, Muhammad, Lincoln and other great men have all found the way to realize their self-worth in the seemingly hopeless situation.Prosperity makes people comfortable, adversity makes people exercise, and despair makes people reborn.

★A family surviving in the desert
In 1959, American Verrell, his wife Lorna, and six children went hiking in the desert. Instead of driving on the roads that people often travel, they took a risk and cut into a small road for desert exploration.Because they did not inform others of their whereabouts in advance, when the car had nowhere to go after 600 meters, their communication equipment failed again, so that they fell into a desperate situation without support.Facing such a desperate situation, the Verrell family did not wait to die in disappointment. They actively looked for opportunities to survive.

The cistern was damaged when Virel bumped into a sharp rock while turning the corner.The water flowed away from the water tank in vain, and the Verrell family not only fell into a situation where they had nowhere to go, but the worst thing was that there was not enough drinking water and food, only a little food mixed with antifreeze remained in the water tank. Cooling water.In order to quench their thirst, even this little water was drunk by each of them.His wife Lorna did not give up hope of survival: she let the children rest in the shadow of the car to maintain their strength; she and her husband cut two blankets into strips to form a distress signal; The planes in the sky sent out a distress signal; the spare tire was soaked in oil so that it could be lit at any time for a distress signal; four tire covers were placed on the ground to collect the morning dew.During the day she put lipstick on the lips and blisters on the skin of her husband and children, and when she found that it was cooler a few centimeters below the surface of the desert, she buried the children's bodies in the sand and covered their faces with objects. cover.She also broke off a nearby tree branch, peeled off the bark and sucked the sap; due to the high temperature at noon, the skin on the children's faces was torn, so the couple collected urine and wiped the children's faces with rags In order to cool down; because they could not find a water source, they cut open the cactus and roasted it on the fire, absorbing water droplets to quench their thirst.After persisting in such a hot and desperate situation for three days, a rescue team finally found their distress signal and rescued them. Although the eight people had experienced the dangers of their lives, they all survived safely.No one gave up life. ★
People's will to survive is very strong, we may not be aware of its existence in the normal environment, but it can be stimulated when encountering a desperate situation.Therefore, when encountering a desperate situation, we must not lose hope. We must calm down and analyze the situation, look for opportunities, and find a solution to the problem.

According to legend, the phoenix is ​​the messenger of happiness in the world. Every 500 years, it will bear all the unhappiness, hatred and grievances accumulated in the world. .Similarly, after the physical body has experienced great pain and reincarnation, they can be reborn in a better body.If the chance of rebirth is only available after the phoenix nirvana, then when we encounter desperation, don't be afraid, let the suffering burn our lives to our heart's content, and believe that our life after rebirth will be more colorful.

(Section [-]: Enduring hardships and being a master of others

People who have read "How Steel Was Tempered" may understand the truth: Suffering tempers life.Numerous examples of successful people tell us the truth: endure hardships and be the best of others.Success is not that simple. If you don't put in more effort than ordinary people, you can't achieve success beyond ordinary people.

Since we were young, we have encouraged ourselves with the story of the hanging beam and the buttocks. In fact, this story comes from two historical figures.During the Eastern Han Dynasty, there was a man named Sun Jing who was a famous politician in the Eastern Han Dynasty.It is said that he was very studious when he was young, and he often closed the door and kept reading alone.Reading from morning to night every day is often a waste of sleep and food.Reading for a long time, tired, not resting.After a long time, I was so tired that I dozed off.He was always at his desk reading a book while everyone else was resting comfortably in bed.Later, he was afraid that being tired would affect his reading and study, so he came up with a special method: he used a rope, one end was tied to the beam of the house, and the other end tied his hair.When you are tired of studying and dozing off, when you lower your head, the rope will hold your hair, which will hurt your scalp, so you can continue to study when you wake up.In the Warring States Period, there was a man named Su Qin who was a politician in the Warring States Period.When he was young, due to his lack of knowledge, he was not reused, and his family was very indifferent to him, which deeply stimulated him.So he made up his mind to study hard.He often reads late into the night. In order to overcome his fatigue, he prepares an awl, and when he dozes off, he pricks his thigh with the awl.The severe pain will drive away his tiredness, and he will continue to study.A few years later, he really knew people and became a politician respected by others.

Of course, telling biographies of these famous people doesn't mean you have to be a dick to be successful.We should not imitate those self-motivated cooks. However, these stories vividly tell us that success is not so easy. Behind the successful people are those who have endured and experienced pain and suffering.Many times we just see their dazzling aura, and we don't know "how can you become a master if you don't suffer hardships?"They have also worked a thousand times harder than us behind the scenes to become celebrities we admire.

In the Jin Dynasty, Che Yin was eager to learn since he was a child, but his father could not provide him with a good learning environment because of his poor family.In order to maintain food and clothing, there is no extra money to buy lamp oil for him to study at night.For this reason, he can only use this time to recite poems.One night in summer, he was reciting an article in the yard when he suddenly saw many fireflies flying in the low sky.The twinkling dots of light seemed a little dazzling in the dark.He thought, if you put many fireflies together, wouldn’t it become a lamp?So, he went to find a white silk bag, and then grabbed dozens of fireflies and put them in it, tied the mouth of the bag, and hung it up.Although it is not very bright, it can barely be used to read a book.The same is true for Sun Kang of the same dynasty. Because he had no money to buy lamp oil, he could not read at night and had to go to bed early.But he felt that sleeping wasted a lot of time.In the middle of the night, he woke up from his sleep, and when he turned his head to the window, he found a ray of light seeping through the crack of the window.It turned out to be the light reflected by the heavy snow, which can just be used to read books.So he immediately dressed, took out his books, and went outside.The weather was very cold, and Sun Kang's feet and hands were frozen, but he still insisted on studying.This spirit of enduring hardships finally allowed his knowledge to advance by leaps and bounds, greatly surpassing those children from rich families with money in their families, and became a learned man.

No pain No gain.Wang Xizhi was a great calligrapher in the Jin Dynasty of my country 1600 years ago, and he was hailed as the "Sage of Calligraphy".There is an ink pool in Jiezhu Temple in Shaoxing City, Zhejiang Province. It is said that it is the place where Wang Xizhi washed his brushes.Wang Xizhi began to practice calligraphy when he was 7 years old. When he was 17 years old, he read the previous calligraphy treatises hidden by his father, and practiced writing after reading them. I know how much ink is written, but I don't know how many pens are broken.He washed his brush in the pool water every day after practicing calligraphy, and over time, the water in the pool was washed into ink.

Whether it is hanging a beam to stab a thigh or taking light in the snow, these stories have become examples to inspire our future generations to not be afraid of hardship.Take pleasure in enduring bitterness, bitterness is the first taste of sweetness, and only by daring to endure all the bitterness in the world can you reap the sweetness in the world.To understand the suffering of life from another angle, maybe your life will suddenly become brighter.

(End of this chapter)