Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 63
We live our lives for ourselves, and no one has the right to deprive us of our personal value and happiness.To cherish yourself, you must live out your own splendor every day, and don't let yourself be wronged in the shadow of others.Life can be learned, but life cannot be copied. None of us is a substitute for anyone else. Choose a happy life, live your own characteristics, and make every day a fulfilling and valuable life.

(The first section is to live out your own splendor

Life is precious.I don't know how many years, we have been busy walking, imitating the footsteps and routes of others, and we can't find our own image in the mirror.In fact, we are not a substitute for anyone, each of us is a beautiful landscape, and it is worthwhile to walk around the world if we live out ourselves.

Time flies, probably from the day we were born, we have been busy, learning to walk, learning to speak, learning knowledge, earning money to support our family... In just a few decades, we have no direction and are busy in a normal way. Yes, but it is also a few decades of life, some people can be famous in history, and some people have been unknown all the time, why?Those celebrities we admire can always do valuable things in their limited lives, and they will not let time be wasted in distress and complaints, so they live wonderful lives and have different lives; while most mediocre people Ignoring the value of time, failure, suffering, and difficulties scare them and make them stagnate. As a result, when they get old, they find that life is blank, but it is too late.

Life is God's gift to us, we should make good use of every day of life.Believe that each of us is unique, we should not always live in the shadow of others, look at the scenery of others and forget our own steps.We can't save the past time, we can only cherish every day in our future.Everyone's innate conditions are different. Don't deliberately imitate others, find your own value, and live out your own style.

2000 years ago, there was a young man in Shouling, Yan State. He had a big problem, that is, he had no confidence in himself.He often laments that fate treats him unfairly. Someone next door is more handsome than him, whoever is stronger than him, and even other people's food, clothing, housing and transportation are better than him.After a long time, he even forgot who he is, always imitating others.

One day, this young man heard a few people chatting on the road, saying that the walking posture of the people in Handan is very beautiful, so he was moved. People walk.After arriving in Handan, the young man's eyes became straight, and he was really beautiful.Those children walked lively and lightly; those young people walked steadily and gracefully; I didn't even learn the posture, but I couldn't even remember how I walked before, so I had to crawl back to my hometown in the end.This is the story of a toddler in Handan.There is nothing wrong with imitation, but when imitation exceeds the limit of self, then it is too much.Each of us has our own strengths and characteristics. If we ignore our own value and have to let ourselves go the way of others, then I am afraid that we will eventually lose ourselves.

Everyone has their own shoes, if we have to wear other people's shoes, it will not only be uncomfortable, but also will squeeze our feet.Wear your own shoes, walk your own path, and let others talk.

As far as life is concerned, every age group has its splendor, the simplicity of ten years old, the vitality of 20 years old, the struggle of 30 years old, the stability of 40 years old, the knowledge of the world at 50 years old, the life perception of 60 years old, etc. Wait, we don't need to stand at the age of 20 to envy others at the age of 40, and we don't have to stand at the age of 40 to lament the passing of youth. No regrets.

Life is short and we cannot let it pass by in self-pity.Since we have no ability to prevent the end of life, then we should cherish every day in this world and let ourselves live a chic and valuable life.Don't be captured by some material interests, do the work you want to do, say what you want to express, and experience the life you want to experience.Happiness is the most important thing, a happy person has a wonderful life.Fame and fortune are fleeting, don't force yourself to do things you don't like for some illusory things.Maybe some people drink wine against their will and say things against their will in order to chase some fame and fortune. Even if he is finally promoted to the height that has been peeped for a long time, then he is still living under their control.

The true meaning of life is not material enjoyment, but spiritual enjoyment.Only when you are happy, unrestrained and optimistic can you live a free life.Remember, living a wonderful life is not about having countless wealth or a high status, but about living in a good mood and being able to spread this happiness to the people around you.A healthy and happy life is a real life.

(Second section, don’t be hard on yourself

In the journey of life, many things are not in our control, but we can control ourselves flexibly and reverse the direction in time, so that we can get the bright future.Persistence like a dead end is no longer a respected attitude towards life. Try to relax, try to change, and don't make things difficult for yourself.

Most of the distress in life comes from self-disturbance. In many cases, it is not because of having less, but thinking that you can get more. When there is a distance between reality and imagination, trouble and disappointment appear at this time; then you start to torture yourself, thinking that My own life is a failure, and this kind of meaningless self-pity is just competing with myself.If these unnecessary self-competitions can be put on the struggle against fate, I think it must be a different scene.

Man's ability is limited, if you calm down and think about it, you will find how insignificant man's power is to the universe.Therefore, many things in life are beyond the power of human beings. At this time, don't put the responsibility on yourself.Insomnia, depression, and loss are all punishments imposed on us by ourselves. We must clean up these mental garbage in time and travel lightly so that we can get rid of the past and welcome a new tomorrow.Of course, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations for yourself. Try to use your own strength to solve problems. When you encounter a situation where human resources are beyond your reach, don't embarrass yourself. As long as we do our best, then we have a clear conscience.

In the face of life, you must know how to make choices, know how to give in, and don't make things difficult for yourself. This is the wisdom of life.Let's take the example of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This problem may cause headaches for many people.Look at the conflict between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law from the standpoint of an outsider: the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law are angry, the mother-in-law complains to the son, and the son blames the wife, and the wife will get angry no matter what is reasonable or not. It's all about myself and myself.In fact, the two sides understand each other a little bit, not only to give each other a space, but also to give themselves a bright future.From a mother's point of view, children have their own blessings.Now that the children have grown up, you should let them grow up. I have worked hard for most of my life for the children, so let them go the rest of the way!Intervene less, worry less, you can't stand the toss when you get older, so why not embarrass yourself again with your children's affairs?From the perspective of children, even if there is no blood relationship, the other party is the close relative of the person you love, but from this point of view, respect and care should also be necessary.Don't be stingy with property or care, you will gain more if you give it properly.Only a fool who can't get along with himself will make his family a mess. Believe in one thing: everything will prosper in family harmony.

Take a step to calm the waves, and take a step back to broaden the sea and sky!It is wise to accept others with a broad mind.Whether a person lives happily or not is not determined by how much wealth and rights he owns. The key is his mentality. A happy heart contains tolerance, tolerance, understanding, and not competing with oneself. This is the way to cherish Be yourself, love yourself.

Don't make things difficult for yourself, it is a kind of spiritual freedom.When you are in a gloomy mood, find a breakthrough for your depression to vent.Successful people have one thing in common: they have an active pastime to relax their minds.Many things in this world are beyond our control. We cannot control our destiny, but we can control ourselves; we cannot change the status quo, but we can change ourselves;There is no hurdle that cannot be overcome, no gap that cannot be overcome, why use some foreign objects to torture yourself and demand yourself?Have confidence in yourself, have tolerance for others, and have a smile for life, this is the only way to treat yourself kindly.

Don't make life difficult for yourself, let your life be full of hope and happiness.Give yourself a hope every day, make a little progress every day; give yourself a smile every day, and keep a happy mood every day.Life is not monochromatic, and life is not just one goal, so let go of your vision, let go of your mind, and treat yourself every day.

(Chapter [-] Let hobbies give you happiness

In addition to work and struggle in life, there is another very important state, that is hobbies.Hobbies fill our lives outside of work and give us happy moments in our lives.

If a person only knows how to work but does not know how to relax, then he is not a successful person, at best he can only be said to be a workaholic; a truly successful person has his own hobbies besides hard work, which can be A kind of music can be a kind of painting, a kind of sport, a kind of landscape, or even a kind of pastime for the masses.

Tao Yuanming, a famous poet, loves landscapes and pastoral scenery. This strong love makes his resignation seem so reasonable. Perhaps many people find it hard to understand why he should go into seclusion if he does not leave his official career.What I want to emphasize is that what Tao Yuanming chose is not only the pastoral scenery, not only the hobbies of life, but more importantly, what he chooses is a kind of happiness in life.In just a few years, why not choose a happy lifestyle?

Mr. Lu Xun's favorite thing in his life is collecting books.These books not only satisfied his reading needs, but also gave him the joy of life.Looking at the 24-year account of "Lu Xun's Diary", it records in detail more than 9600 books and more than 6900 rubbings of ancient cultural relics that he purchased and preserved in his life, a total of 16500 books.

It is said that Lu Xun always took advantage of various opportunities to find and purchase a large number of books.Books are to Lu Xun what a deserter desires for an oasis.Once, Lu Xun's mother persuaded Lu Xun to buy a few acres of paddy fields, so that he could eat white rice for the family, so that he would not have to buy rice from the grain store every month.Lu Xun smiled and said: "The field is useless, I don't want it!" Then he said loudly: "It's better to buy more books if you have money!" If Lu Xun earned a total of 1 silver dollars, he could spend nearly 20.00% of the cost of buying books alone. But the happiness that this 20.00% brought him far exceeded the 80.00% of the cost.” After 1920, Lu Xun Mr. Lu Xun's financial income declined, and this period was the stage of struggle when Lu Xun was the most depressing in his life, he was most confused in his thoughts, and his health was most damaged.However, at this time, books became his life-saving grass, and also became his pistachio.He bought a lot of books and read a lot. Under the influence of such thoughts, his spirit was comforted and he was able to smile happily.

Books are Lu Xun's most cherished spiritual wealth and material wealth.The collection of books gave Mr. Lu Xun the joy of life. Even in the face of the tragic current situation in China, he can use books to soothe his pain.A celebrity in Portugal commented on personal hobbies: hobbies are the first step in acquiring knowledge.Mr. Lu Xun's immortal works such as "A Brief History of Chinese Fiction" and "Outline of the History of Han Literature" refer to an astonishing number of ancient books and documents, most of which come from his carefully collected books.He also used his collection and borrowed books to edit "Ancient Fiction Gou Shen", "Tang and Song Legend Collection", "Fiction Old News Notes" and so on; in order to translate some foreign literary works, he purchased a large number of reference books in advance, and even entrusted friends from Europe. , Japan to buy the original foreign language.From "Lu Xun's Diary", we can see more than 9600 books and more than 6900 rubbings of ancient cultural relics that he purchased and preserved in his life, a total of 16500 books.

Although we are not celebrities, we also need hobbies.Like Mr. Lu Xun, hobbies can not only cultivate our sentiments, but also increase our knowledge.Healthy hobbies will give people a spiritual sustenance, a more fulfilling life, and a healthier and happier body and mind.The hobby itself is to make yourself and others happy, and people with the same hobbies may be able to get closer.So not only how busy you are at work, you can't give up your hobbies.At the same time, hobbies are also a feature of your life. Of course, you can't choose what people you admire because of what they like.Hobbies come from the heart and can arouse your love and passion for life.No matter what kind of state you are in in life, whether you are proud of the spring breeze or secretly frustrated, remember that you still have a hobby, and life is beautiful because of it, isn't it?
(Section [-] Live on your own terms

What is success?After thinking a lot, I found out that success is not about making money, nor is it about having a high position.Summarize success in one sentence, that is, being able to live happily in your own way, this is success.

You may have imagined such a scene: you can have such a space, you are the master of it, and you choose to live in the way you like.There are no disputes, no hidden wounds, and your ways can provide happiness to relatives and friends; you can cry loudly when you are sad, and laugh loudly when you are happy, this is freedom.The essence of pursuing one's own way of life is the pursuit of freedom in life.

★Yao Min's lifestyle
Yao Min, the representative of Jinling, has three identities: in the morning, she is the chief representative of the Shanghai Representative Office of the Co., Ltd. System Planning; in the afternoon, she is the founder, "art director" and paper art teacher of Zili Paper Art Museum; Is a writer.

As the chief representative of the Shanghai Representative Office of the System Planning Co., Ltd., she needs to sit in front of the computer in the morning, contact the Japanese side, quote, contact the factory, and find a manufacturer for the Japanese company.For Yao Min, who has worked in the Shanghai Representative Office of the famous Shimizu Construction Engineering Co., Ltd. for three years, he is not only competent but also very happy.In the afternoon, Yao Min's scope of activities expanded, and her talents were given room to display.She loves paper art, three-dimensional painting, etc., and she feels that her life has been enriched when she is engaged in these instructional work.

Yao Min said that she liked writing very much when she was in college and had published many articles, so she may focus on writing books in the future.When she was studying and working abroad, she once gave up a part-time job with a salary several times higher in order to work in an editorial department.She participated in the editing of the Chinese part of "Six Mandarin Conversations", and this book has become a treasure that she treasures to this day.She has now published five books.She said that she did not write books for fame, but because of her hobbies, and she did not want to give up her favorite lifestyle because of some negative public opinion.The media said that whether she pursues fame or is bookish, none of these can hinder her lifestyle. ★
Maybe each of us should learn something from this successful lady.The first is the affirmation of oneself, no matter what others say, believing that one's choice is right; the second is the pursuit of freedom, not to be restricted by foreign objects to fly in life, and to fly in one's own way, in order to fly more Higher, farther and happier.

Therefore, there is no distinction between low and low lifestyles, and the best is the one that suits you and makes you happy.In the final analysis, life is the form of human existence, and the way of life is the living habits of people.We cannot exaggerate some ways of life and underestimate others because of our personal likes and dislikes.People are different, so the way of life they choose should also be different.We should give a certain amount of respect to other people's lifestyles, which also ensures that we can freely choose the lifestyle we like without having to bear such a heavy psychological burden.

Sometimes people always force themselves to change according to other people's opinions, but they just lose their most real and lovely side.Don't rely too much on the views of the world, everyone should live in the way they like.Because life itself is the most precious, is there anything more worth fighting for than a happy life?Life is colorful, so there is no absolute good way, if you like it, if you feel free and happy, that is good.

(End of this chapter)