Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 64
There was a friend who was single, and his choice was puzzled or even rejected by many people.When asked if he would stick to it, he shrugged easily and said, "Why not? I like this way of life. I feel free and happy, which is no different from their family happiness. I won't force Others accept my way of life, but I will not force myself to change, force myself to adapt to the lives of the people around me." Live in the way you like, I think, this is the only way to live out yourself, if you have to It may be even more unfortunate to walk in the way of others.

Dare to live according to our own way of life, maybe only then we are not passive, maybe only at this time when we face our own thoughts and feelings, we are truly being ourselves.Life should be simple, and only by living in your own way can you draw colorful patterns on a simple basis.

(Section [-]: Learn to decompress yourself

Professor D. Burns of Harvard University recently conducted a survey as part of his research on work performance and emotional health.He posed a series of questions to 150 salesmen earning between $15 and $40 a year and found that about 40 percent of them were perfectionists.Predictably, the [-] percent experience far more stress than the rest of the non-perfection population.

In the face of society, no one can easily say that I have no pressure.The same is true of the fact that the increasingly fierce competition makes our pressure everywhere.As a result, symptoms such as depression, sub-health, nervousness, and insomnia have increasingly entered people's lives.We suffered from headaches, indigestion, poor spirits, insomnia, etc., but when we actually walked into the hospital, we found that we had no symptoms.At this time, maybe a psychiatrist can tell you the real reason: it's time for you to lose weight for your soul.

Stress, it makes each of us feel tense and keep going.Appropriate pressure is ideal, and it can motivate us to continuously transform into the driving force for progress.However, research reports in recent years tell us that too much stress is no longer a phenomenon suffered by a few people, and more and more people have become victims of too much pressure.

Especially for young people, they are often in a state of anxiety when they are struggling.Excessive anxiety index is not only not conducive to his growth, but will hinder his work and life.For them, there are two sources of stress, one is work pressure, the other is psychological pressure, and often the aggravation of work pressure directly leads to the escalation of psychological pressure.Normal pressure is right, but the terrible thing is that under heavy pressure, personal work status will be negatively affected, and psychological problems will also appear one after another.

★Li Lu who was "overwhelmed"
Li Lu worked as a software engineer assistant in a financial software company after graduating from the computer department of the university. Soon, his superiors assigned him a larger project, which was very important to him: if he did it well, he could do it well. Become a full-time employee and get an upgrade in salary, otherwise you will end up packing up your bags and leaving you.

After taking over this project, he searched information and read programs day and night, without holidays for several weeks in a row, even if he slept at night, he always couldn't sleep well, almost to the point of forgetting to eat and sleep.After a month of hard work, his work finally came to an end, and his health also gave him a red light.Under the heavy pressure of work and psychology, such a strong young man still fell ill. ★
There are quite a few young people like Li Lu who face such a predicament.If you don't learn to decompress yourself, then you will definitely follow the same path.In the face of stress, first of all, don’t be afraid of it, learn to take it lightly; stress is nothing more than a psychological reflection, it is like a paper tiger, the more you fear it, the stronger it will be; in addition, reduce the pressure in your heart, The key is to adjust your mentality to balance.When encountering heavy workload, high difficulty and other difficulties at work, you should maintain an optimistic and positive attitude and not be pessimistic or negative. This will not only be detrimental to the progress of the work, but will delay the work process due to mental fatigue.

Decompression is not to give up the seriousness of work and life, but to change one's mentality subjectively, so as to face their way of life optimistically.

Try to decompress yourself, you can start from the following directions: first, find your own hobbies in life, and through those hobbies that make you happy, you can relax yourself; second, learn to cooperate and authorize: everyone's ability It is limited. If you do everything by yourself, not only the pressure will be huge, but also the efficiency and results will not be good. Therefore, when encountering a huge workload or life problems, first calm down and analyze whether it can be done with the help of others. It would be unwise to rush forward foolishly.Sharpening a knife without cutting firewood by mistake is still applicable today.Third, learn to rest; learn to relax after working for a period of time, go out for a few minutes or close your eyes and listen to music, which is not only conducive to physical recovery, but also can improve your work efficiency.Fourth, actively participate in physical exercise, the body is the capital of the revolution, and a healthy body is the prerequisite for a happy life.If you are already feeling too much pressure, you may consider playing a game of basketball, climbing a mountain, or going hiking. These are all choices that are both relaxing and good for the body.

Life is not for work, but for life, so no matter how busy you are, you must reserve a period of time for your life.During this fixed time, you can relax and talk, take a slow walk, hum a ditty, listen to a song, let yourself experience the beauty of life in this leisure time, so that your busyness can be more valuable.Learn to decompress, and you will know how to live better.

(Section [-]. To help others is to be kind to yourself
Gifts of roses, hand a fragrance.We are not omnipotent God, many times we need the help of others to complete the task, of course we also need to help others when necessary.Those who help others are also blessed by God. When you help others, you treat yourself kindly.It is conceivable that in a large group, if everyone helps the person on the left, then after a circle, the effect is the same as helping himself. The collective should be more civilized and advanced.Therefore, when human society develops to the stage of modern civilization, we should do something in line with modern civilization: help others as you help yourself.

★Hepburn's life experience
Hepburn has a very interesting record: she never saw a psychiatrist.A doctor named Staller became very interested in it.Because he often receives calls late at night from some famous hosts and movie stars, asking him to give him psychological help.These people are well-fed, have a lot of admirers, and seem to be some of the luckiest people in the world.As a psychologist, Stahler wanted to find some research breakthroughs from Hepburn.As a result, he found that Hepburn had been a goodwill ambassador 67 times. From 1956 to 1963, she went to the Wharf Prison and black communities to do volunteer work almost every month.Once she turned down a $[-]-an-hour invitation from Bell to do a free nursing service for a young boy in the hospital.Stahler took the finding seriously, thinking there was something psychological about it.By extension, he conducted research on other public-spirited celebrities, and finally found that these people have few eccentricities and bad records. Like Hepburn, they have almost never seen a psychiatrist. ★
From Hepburn's experience, we can discover such a secret: a person who is willing to engage in public welfare activities, when she helps others, also comforts her spirit and treats her soul kindly.

When others encounter difficulties, extend a hand generously, you give him a support, maybe he can send you a hug in the future.

★The value of a glass of milk

There was a poor little boy who was selling products from door to door in order to save enough tuition fees.He was very hungry after working all day, but he only had a dime.He decided to ask a family for a meal.When a beautiful girl opened the door, the little boy was a little overwhelmed. He didn't beg for food, but only begged for a sip of water.But the girl brought him a large glass of milk.The boy drank the milk slowly and asked, "How much should I pay?" The girl replied, "You don't have to pay a penny. You are in trouble now, and I should help you." Firmly remember this gift.

A few years later, the little boy has become a famous doctor. Unfortunately, the kind girl got a rare serious disease, and the local doctors were helpless.So she was transferred to a big city for treatment, and one of the specialists was the little boy back then.

The expert immediately recognized the patient lying on the bed as the benefactor who had helped him.In order to repay the kindness of milk, he was determined to do everything he could to cure the girl.God paid off, after hard research, the operation was finally successful.

When the medical expense notice was delivered to this special patient, she dared not look at it, because she was sure that the cost of medical treatment would cost her all her belongings.In the end, she mustered up her courage and opened the medical bill. The small print next to it caught her attention. Suddenly, she burst into tears: "Thank you for the glass of milk back then."★
Helping others is being kind to yourself.Each of us does not live alone on the earth. We need to love each other and fight against some difficulties and disasters together.Perhaps this is the difference between heaven and hell: hell, a space for selfishness and not for others; while heaven is a garden of mutual benefit, love and care.So, don't be stingy with your little effort, while picking a star for others, you can also feel its radiance.

(Section [-] Give yourself another chance

People can not escape from doing wrong.Life is a process of constantly coming from mistakes and finally reaching the truth.So no one's life is perfect, and making mistakes is a part of our inevitable experience.There is nothing good that can be improved after passing by.As long as mistakes can be corrected, that's fine.Many people dwell on the past, immerse themselves in failures or mistakes, which is obviously stupid behavior.Many times, we can forgive the mistakes of others, so why are we so harsh on ourselves?Be kind to yourself and give yourself another chance.

In the journey of life, sometimes you may not be able to harvest fruits from farming, and you may not be able to exchange sweat for a smile. At this time, do you easily give up and be disappointed in yourself?There are always some errors in the balance between giving and harvesting, and there are always some failures ahead of success. If we give up walking because of a fall, when will we be able to climb to the end?

Failure is not terrible, what is terrible is giving up confidence, giving up hope, and not even leaving yourself a chance to fight again.Looking at the successful people, they all have a persistent heart, what are they afraid of when they fall down, and give themselves a new chance when they get up.

★After being rejected 1009 times

Sanders was penniless at the age of 65. When he got his first relief check, the amount was only $105, but instead of complaining, he asked himself: "What can I do to people? What about contributing? What can I give back?"

(End of this chapter)