Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 7 IQ is important, EQ is even more important (2)
In fact, the gap between success and failure is often only one step away. Most of the difficulties ahead have made people exhausted. At this time, even a small obstacle may lead to the failure of previous efforts. As long as you grit your teeth and persist, victory is close at hand.From this, I think of Reis, who once announced that he invented the telephone. He did a good job. The only difference from Bell is that he did not turn the screw by a quarter to turn the interval current into a constant current.But because of this, the court awarded Bell the patent for the telephone.Even when the victory was within easy reach, he insisted a little less.How many such examples are there in our life and work?You may have complained that you are unwilling and born at the wrong time. Many times it is because your way of dealing with people is wrong, or because your willpower is not strong. There are many factors for success, and often the smallest step is the most difficult to take.Whether you can persist, your perseverance is very important, and perseverance has a certain relationship with your "emotional intelligence".

1.A healthy mental state is required in a competitive society

Someone once did an experiment, put a most ferocious shark and a group of tropical fish in the same pool, and then separated them with reinforced glass.At first, the shark kept crashing into the invisible glass every day, but it was futile, it could not cross to the opposite side, and the experimenters put some crucian carp in the pond every day, so the shark did not lack prey, but it was still Thinking of going to the opposite side, wanting to try the beautiful taste, I still keep hitting that piece of glass every day, it tried every corner, every time I tried my best, but every time it was always scarred, several times They were all cracked and bleeding, which lasted for several days. Whenever a crack appeared in the glass, the experimenters immediately added a thicker piece of glass.Afterwards, the shark stopped hitting the glass, and he didn't care about the colorful tropical fish, as if they were just moving murals on the wall. He began to wait for the crucian carp that would appear every day, and then used his agile instinct to hunt , seems to return to the fierce and domineering in the sea, but all this is just an illusion. At the final stage of the experiment, the experimenter took the glass away, but the shark did not respond, and it was still swimming in a fixed area every day. It not only He turned a blind eye to those tropical fish, and even when those crucian carp fled there, he immediately gave up chasing them, saying that he would never go there again.

At the end of the experiment, the experimenters ridiculed it as the most cowardly fish in the sea.But people who have failed know why, because it is afraid of pain.Even the most powerful animal in the world will feel the pain of frustration after repeated failures, and has good reasons to give up.Psychological pain is the most difficult to treat. We must maintain our best mental state. No matter what kind of blow we are under, we must tell ourselves to stick to our ideals and goals. Difficulties and pains are temporary.In life, people often suffer failures, but what is important is the mentality when facing failures.There are reasons for failure. When some people encounter difficulties, they just choose the easiest way to retreat. What they think in their hearts is: "We can't do it, let's retreat." As a result, it is inevitable to fall into the abyss of endless failure.In modern society, we are under a lot of pressure, we are afraid of failure, we cannot withstand too many blows, and our psychological injuries are often unforgettable for life.However, this also prevents us from being successful, and the mentality plays a non-negligible impact on our road to success.We often say: the body is the capital of revolution.Now, a healthy body is no longer the only requirement. The requirement of health not only refers to the normal operation of physical functions, but more importantly, mental health: optimistic, positive and enterprising.Let's look at two examples:
★A job seeker with a good attitude

A college graduate, surnamed Chen, was admitted to a prestigious university in Beijing from a middle school in a poor county in Sichuan. After four years of hard work, he handed out cover letters everywhere on the eve of graduation, hoping to stay and work in Beijing.Finally one day, a big company called and informed him to go for an interview the next day at a big hotel.The next day, Xiao Chen arrived at the big hotel 30 minutes earlier.At this time, dozens of job seekers had gathered in front of the hotel.They were all told that the security guards had not been notified by the company and could not go in casually.Most job seekers leave the hotel quickly with a disappointed attitude.But Xiao Chen's mentality was very flat. He thought: The company didn't notify?Such a big company probably wouldn't make such a joke!Did it happen for a reason?After thinking for a moment, he walked towards the gate of the hotel as if nothing had happened, and two security guards immediately stopped him from entering.He said: "I'm not here for an interview. I'm here to see your manager. I'm his friend. I've made an appointment by phone. If you don't believe me, just call and ask." Chen entered the gate.When I came to the elevator room, several candidates like Xiao Chen were waiting there, saying that the elevator was broken and was being repaired.Xiao Chen thought, they might have "mixed" in like me! Now, he strengthened his confidence and understood what was going on: this must be a "roadblock" set up by the recruiting unit!It is intended to assess the perseverance and adaptability of job seekers.He didn't join the waiting queue, turned around and ran up the stairs to the 15th floor.When Xiao Chen walked into room 1508 out of breath, several chief examiners of the company had already been waiting there.Once inside, he introduced himself.The examiner said: "You have been admitted."? He felt a little sudden.The examiner in charge of recruitment said: "Since you have come here, it means that you are fully qualified."?★★

It seems that the company's exam questions are not printed on the "examination paper", but on the way to the interview.With a positive attitude, Xiao Chen beat other competitors with an idea and won a victory on the road of life. He is undoubtedly a person who can enjoy himself.

Take a look at the following story:

★Runaway Youth
There was a young man who managed to get a job and was assigned to an offshore oil drilling team.On the first day of working at sea, the foreman asked him to board the oil rig tens of meters high and hand over a packing box to a supervisor on the top floor within a limited time.He held the box carefully, quickly climbed up the narrow stairs, and handed the box to the supervisor.The supervisor didn't even look at it, but just signed the box, and then told him to send it back immediately.He had no choice but to run down the stairs quickly and hand the box to the foreman, who also signed the box and asked him to send it up to the supervisor.He glanced suspiciously at the foreman, but sent it up as instructed.He was already out of breath when he climbed to the top floor for the second time, and the supervisor still silently signed the box, indicating that he should send it down again.He began to feel a little displeased, and reluctantly turned around and picked up the box to send it down.He handed the box to the foreman again, and the foreman still signed his name and asked him to go up again. At this time, he was already a little angry. He stared at the foreman and tried not to get angry, grabbed the box and climbed up angrily.He was drenched by the time he reached the top floor.He handed the box to the supervisor, who said without looking up: ??
"Open the box!" He tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. Inside was a bottle of champagne and two glasses.He raised his head angrily, his eyes shot at the supervisor with rage.The supervisor said to him again: "Pour two glasses of champagne!" At this time, he couldn't hold back his anger any longer, threw the box to the ground heavily, and shouted loudly: "I'm quitting!" Standing up from the seat, looking directly at him, sighed and said: ??
"What you did just now is called extreme training. Because we are working at sea, we may encounter unexpected situations and dangers at any time. It requires every team member to have extremely strong physical and psychological endurance in order to face It is a test of various dangers. You passed the test with great difficulty in the first two times, and you are only short of the last step to pass the test. What a pity! You can’t enjoy the champagne you brought with you so hard. Now, you can leave! "?★?
In the above two examples, one succeeded because of a healthy mentality and took the initiative to get rid of difficulties, while the other failed because of poor mental control.Successful people always maintain a positive attitude even when encountering difficulties. In their minds, there are only positive ideas such as "I want! I can!" and "There must be a way". If there is no condition to create the condition, we must go up” spirit, actively adjust your mentality, constantly encourage yourself, try your best, and keep moving forward until you succeed.

2.In the maze society, learn to find your own cheese

I believe everyone knows a world-best-selling philosophy book "Who Moved My Cheese", which tells us a philosophical and easy-to-understand truth: "Change is the only constant".The true meaning of life may be different for everyone after reading it, but don’t say that I understand this truth. If so, it means that you are still afraid of changing yourself.

★I want a fishing rod

There was an old man fishing by the river, and a child came to watch him fish. The old man was very skillful, so he caught a basket full of fish in a short time. The old man saw that the child was very cute, so he wanted to give him the whole basket of fish. Shaking his head, the old man asked in surprise: "Why don't you?" The child replied: "I want the fishing rod in your hand." The old man asked: "What do you want the fishing rod for?" The child said: "This basket of fish will be eaten up soon." , if I have a fishing rod, I can fish by myself, and I can't eat it all in my life."★
You will definitely say: What a smart kid.Wrong, if he only needs a fishing rod, then he won't be able to eat a single fish.Because he doesn't know fishing skills, it's useless to have a fishing rod alone, because the important thing in fishing is not the fishing rod, but the fishing skills.Too many people think that they have the fishing rod on the road of life, and they are no longer afraid of the wind and rain on the road of life, so they will inevitably fall on the muddy ground.It's like a child looking at an old man, thinking that as long as there is a fishing rod, there will be endless fish to eat. It's like an employee looking at the boss, thinking that as long as he sits in the office, he will have a wealth of money.Many people are complaining that their position is not suitable for them, that their work is a constraint on themselves, and they always think that they will do better when they see other people's positions.

People who complain about their disappointment are often not IQ problems, but mostly because of EQ problems.Seeing the gorgeous appearance of others, but not seeing the hardships of others, will never achieve your life goals.Finding your own status in life is of course very important, but what should you do after you find it?Do you also cry out when you lose: "Who moved my cheese! Who moved my cheese?"

Today's world is changing rapidly. This is indeed a labyrinth era. In the information society, we don't know what the next step will be. We can only keep looking forward and working hard. When we have some achievements, In particular, we must have the awareness that this is an era of labyrinths, and maybe on that day, everything we have will disappear from our eyes.Some readers stop after reading the story itself and don't read any further discussion of the story.Others were more open to the later "discussion" because they thought it would inspire them to think about how to apply what they learned from the story to their real life.Regardless, we sincerely hope that you learn something new and useful every time you read this story; and that it helps us navigate change, whatever your success goals , it can help you to succeed.I hope you will rejoice in what you discover in the story and enjoy the discovery.Remember one sentence: change with the cheese.Don't complain loudly: "Who moved my cheese!" Here's a quick rundown of what the book is about:
★The book "Who Moved My Cheese" includes three parts.Part One, "School Reunion" - Follows a group of former schoolmates at a reunion to discuss coping with life's changes.The second part is the core of the book - the story of "who moved my cheese".The third part continues with "discussion"——the discussion of those classmates and friends around this story. They discussed the meaning of this story and how to apply the enlightenment brought by this story to people's life and work.Who moved my cheese?It brings us a new perspective to face changes and crises. A seemingly simple fable reminds us how to laugh at changes and achieve success in today's era of change. Using this method, you can get what you want most in life , which is the "cheese" in the book-whether it's a job, health, relationships, love, money...

In the story, two mice and two dwarfs spend every day in a maze, looking for their favorite cheese in it.Sniff and Scurry are mice whose brains are about as simple as those of other rodents, but they have excellent intuition.Like other mice, they prefer a firmer cheese that is suitable for chewing.And the two dwarves, Hem and Haw, work with their heads, which are full of beliefs and emotions.What they were looking for was a cheese with the letter "C".They believe that such cheese will bring them happiness and make them successful.

Their experience later showed us that when it comes to change, the two simple-minded mice do better than the two dwarves, because they always keep things simple; and human emotions, but it always complicates things.This is not to say that rats are smarter than humans, we all know humans are smarter.But looking at it from another angle, why are the overly complex wisdom and emotions of human beings sometimes not obstacles on the way forward?For the mice, the questions were as easy as the answers.Things changed at Cheese Station C, so they decided to change with it.They looked into the depths of the maze at the same time.Xixiu raised his nose and sniffed, nodded towards Shujiu, and hurriedly ran to the depths of the maze, Xixiu followed closely behind.They started moving quickly, looking elsewhere for new cheese, without even looking back.

Know that finding cheese is not an easy task.What's more, for these two dwarves, cheese is not just a stuff to fill their stomachs, it means their leisure life, their honor, their social relationship and more important things .For them, finding cheese is the only path to happiness.According to different preferences, they have their own ideas about the meaning of cheese.For some people, cheese represents a material enjoyment; for others, cheese means a healthy life, or a peaceful and rich spiritual world.For Haw, Cheese means stability, and one day having a lovely family living in a cozy villa in a celebrity neighborhood.For Hem, owning Cheese would make him a great man, able to lead many, many men, and own a splendid palace atop Camebert Hill.Since the cheese was so important to them, the two dwarfs spent a long time trying to decide what to do.But all they can think of is to look in the cheese station C to see if the cheese really doesn't exist.

When it was confirmed that the cheese was really gone, their reactions were different. When Sniff and Scurry were already moving quickly, Hem and Haw were still moaning and hesitating.They were emotional, yelling at the injustice of the world, and using all vicious words to curse the black-hearted thief who took away their cheese.Then Haw started to get depressed, what would tomorrow be like without Cheese?His plans for the future are completely based on these cheeses!The two dwarfs just couldn't take it.How could all this happen?No one has warned them that this is wrong, things should not be like this, and they still can't believe the facts in front of them.So Haw turned to Hem and said, "Hehe, sometimes things change and they never go back the way they were. That's what we're in now. That's life! Life changes, life changes. As we move forward, we should also change accordingly, instead of hesitating in place."

(End of this chapter)