Be a Man and Do Things Pillow Book

Chapter 11 Be a person with your own personality (1)
Failure mostly stems from the failure of personality.

Individuality is universal, and everyone has their own individuality, but some individuality has no shining point and cannot attract the attention of the public.Of course, personalities that are not admired are more likely to reflect personal weaknesses that are often the source of failure.

A failed personality has a huge impact on a person's life. "At the beginning of a person, he is like a rough jade, and his nature and emotion are both plastic." Many bad habits formed in the day after tomorrow, if he does not pay attention to it, will gradually form a failed personality. Will seriously hinder a person's path to success.

For example, a low self-esteem personality leads to a life of low self-esteem. This is a typical example of failure stemming from personality failure.Inferiority is a state of mind that occurs when a person lacks self-confidence, despises himself, and thinks he is inferior to others.Peng Duanshu, an essayist of the Qing Dynasty, told such a story in "To Learn a Poetry":
There are two monks in a remote area of ​​Sichuan, one is poor and the other is rich.One day the poor monk said to the rich monk, "I want to go to the South China Sea, what do you think?" The rich monk said, "What do you rely on?" "I've wanted to buy a boat to go to the South China Sea for several years, but I haven't been able to do it yet. You want to go with a bottle and a bowl. It's just a joke." As a result, in the second year, the poor monk met the rich monk again and told him that he had Came back from the South China Sea.The rich monk was ashamed.From Sichuan to Nanhai, thousands of miles away, the rich monk failed to go but the poor monk succeeded.

From this story, we can understand that if a person wants to succeed, he must be confident.If you are too low self-esteem, you will lose your self-confidence, you will lose the courage to act, and then you will give up the pursuit of ideals, and the result will be nothing.

Many reasons can lead to inferiority complex. The generation of inferiority complex does not come from "facts" or "experience", but from the experience of facts and the evaluation of experience.For example: I can't lift weights, or I can't dance, etc.Then, he danced so well, or he lifted weights so well, I was really not as good as him, and the inferiority complex came into being.

Similar to jealousy, the emotion of inferiority complex also arises from childhood.This kind of inferiority complex manifests itself in childhood as a love of avoidance, dislike of competition, and dislike of communication.When you grow up, low self-esteem develops into a deep psychology, a subconscious state.It makes people socially disgusted, withdrawn and strongly unconfident, and ultimately leads a useless life that accomplishes nothing.

Seeing only one's own shortcomings but not one's own strengths, only seeing one's own failures but not one's achievements are also the reasons for low self-esteem.When comparing with others, one always compares one's own shortcomings with others' strengths, and of course the result is not as good as others.When encountering failure, misfortune and setbacks, bleak future, and difficult reality, only seeing the dark side, exaggerating the negative side, not having the slightest confidence in overcoming difficulties, etc., may make people feel too inferior.

Inferiority makes people pessimistic, makes people lose confidence and courage, underestimates their own abilities, and underestimates their position in the eyes of others; when they act, they are timid, afraid to muster up the courage to pursue their ideals, afraid of being ridiculed by others, and unable to stand up Difficulties and setbacks hit.Inferiority is like a shackle, which locks your vigorous and youthful heart and makes it dull.Inferiority is like a witch, constantly stopping your desire for adventure, making it crawl slowly like a snail; inferiority is like a poisonous snake, constantly devouring your newborn confidence, preventing it from growing and supporting your bright sky... …

In fact, everyone is yourself, a unique person like everyone else in this world. You can make great achievements, achieve greater achievements, and have everything you want... All possibilities exist, as long as you If you build up a strong self-confidence and throw away the heavy and dark psychological burden of inferiority complex that weighs you down, you will surely be able to make your dreams come true.

We all know Pele, who is respected and admired by all fans around the world. However, once upon a time, he was also very inferior. In that era, as a black player, he was always worried that those famous stars would look down on him. "They'll refuse to play with me, even if the big players want to play with me, it's just because they want to use their superb skills against my clumsiness and ignorance. My God, if they are on the field Trick me and send me home like an idiot, what am I going to do?" The low self-esteem is evident in his autobiography.

In the end, Bailey finally overcame his inferiority complex, built up his self-confidence, and continued to achieve glory. Only then did he realize that he could do so well, even better than anyone else, and he opened up a new era.At this time, at the pinnacle of success, he recalled his inferiority complex, and secretly thanked himself for not succumbing to the pressure of inferiority complex.

Indeed, there is nothing that emphasizes the size of the kneeler and the smallness of the kneeler more than kneeling.However, just as you kneeling down are not the real high you, the self imagined by the inferiority complex is by no means the real you. Much higher than "it", much greater.

There is a proverb: "The eyes are the bear, the hands are the hero." It means that when we actually do something, the fact is not as difficult as we imagined.

Inferiority psychology is mostly caused by one's own subjective "thinking" of one's inability, "thinking" that one is inferior to others, "thinking" that one cannot succeed, "thinking"..., to be precise, it is a kind of psychology Self-defeating by suggestion.However, if we don't simply imagine, but do it directly and take action, we will find that we are deceived by our own eyes, and it turns out that it is not that difficult or unattainable.

Liu Zongyuan told such a story in "The Donkey of Guizhou":
The tiger, the king of beasts, was frightened by the donkey and fled far away, not daring to approach it.However, when it bravely plucked up the courage to try again and again, it discovered that the donkey was just a seemingly powerful waste.In the last attempt, it became more and more determined that the donkey "skills stop at the ears".So it was effortless and clean to kill it. "Break his throat and use his flesh." What a delightful experience.

In real life, each of us is a tiger, but with low self-esteem, we think that we are useless sick cats who can only live on the charity of others.

Then there are those who were once confident, but eventually their confidence crumbled under the blow of a series of failures and setbacks.

In fact, whether it is work or study, setbacks and failures are inevitable. Suffering setbacks and failures just means that there is no success, but it cannot be equated with "incompetence".On the contrary, failure shows that we have not accumulated enough knowledge in this area, and we still have to work hard, and it should not be a reason to lose confidence and fall into inferiority complex.There are many examples of losing first and then winning in life. For example, in the college entrance examination, many people failed once and twice, but through their own efforts, they finally got admitted to a well-known university.The French novelist de Maupassant wrote since he was a child, and he was unknown until he was 20 years old.Later, he not only published "Ball of Fat", but also became a famous novelist after that.If he was discouraged by setbacks and failures, fell into low self-esteem and gave up writing, then wouldn't the world's literary treasure house lose a number of precious works?
Even if you really fail many times in a row, but you still can't succeed, and the facts prove that you are indeed "not this material", then there is no need to feel inferior.

There are many things we can do. If we are not good in one aspect, it does not mean that we are not good in all aspects.Everyone's conditions are different, and the careers they pursue are of course also different. For example, some people can't read well, but they have very strong hands-on ability.However, people with low self-esteem do not think so. They will go to the opposite, even extreme, and eventually waste their lives, or even destroy their lives.

In short, low self-esteem is a kind of heavy mental pressure that suppresses the self, and it is a kind of reaction force that we strive to make progress.It begins with self-doubt and self-repression, and ends with self-depression and self-burial. It is a failed personality.Its only function is to lead people to failure.

Success comes from a successful personality.

We say that failure comes from a failed personality, so success is naturally inseparable from a successful personality.There is incredible power in a successful personality.

There are some people who can always deeply move others with their enthusiasm.Many people are attracted to them, both intellectually and emotionally, and the attraction is so willing that they unconsciously work toward their goals.

So where did their prestige come from?What factors constitute these prestige?What makes these gentlemen and ladies so attractive?
Is it just the result of extravagant rhetoric?Or is it that they have a natural tact in dealing with people?Or maybe they have a knack for trying to stand out, and it's that knack that keeps us running around them?
Indeed, the above are all reasons, but only part of the reasons. A more scientific term is that they have unique "personality charm".Charisma is the ability, determined by your personality, to positively influence others through mutual physical, emotional, and intellectual contact with them.Personality charm includes the following elements:
(1) Silent language.
Silent speech is a signal that you unconsciously send to those around you. A look, the way you look at your shoes when you speak, the way you shrug your shoulders, or an unnatural smile, a non-enthusiastic handshake, or even It's not well dressed.All of these will form our "silent language" your "image".

(2) Expressive ability.

Maybe we have a great idea, but if we don't talk about it, who will know?If you don't say it properly, who will agree?

(3) Listening skills.

For those who have not received much education or training, listening more is also a key to communication, and it can also be refreshing.

(4) Persuasion skills.

This is a technique for encouraging people to accept your leadership or to adopt your ideas.No matter how correct and great a point of view is, if it is not recognized and adopted, it will be useless.

(5) The ability to use time and space.

Again, this is often overlooked.In fact, the use of time and space can both enhance and destroy relationships.

(6) The ability to adapt to others.

It's impossible to want to relate to another person without knowing their style.So, in order to build good relationships, work on improving the adaptability of your behavior in order to relate to others.

(7) Important insights.

Maybe we're a powerful orator, maybe we're great at building relationships, maybe we're good at image, listening, and taking advantage of the time and place, but if we don't have anything good to say, we're always An empty shelf.

It can be seen that the charisma of a person is not composed of a single factor. In fact, the reason why a leader is charismatic is precisely because he has such a series of integrated skills and methods.

However, there is another piece of good news. IQ genetics, property, luck, and social status cannot determine charisma, which can be mastered through personal efforts.

We usually make some mistakes, and it would be a mistake to think that these are small shortcomings.Because of these disadvantages the compounding speed is very fast.These shortcomings will greatly reduce people's impression of us.

A person's character traits.

It is often said that there are no two identical leaves, and no two absolutely identical faces.Similarly, people's psychological characteristics will not be exactly the same, just as "Zuo Zhuan" said: "People's hearts are different, just like their faces." The difference in "people's hearts" mainly refers to the difference in personality, because personality is the psychological characteristic of personality. core part.Both ability and temperament have a lot to do with people's innate genetic factors, while personality is mainly determined by the environment, and acquired shaping is the main factor in the formation of personality.There are all kinds of wonders in the world. Different times and different environments create characters with different personalities: some are strong; some are weak; some are brave; some are timid; some are irritable; some are gentle. ... Different characters determine different personalities.Whether a person can have a distinctive personality is mainly determined by his personality.So to understand personality, we must first understand character.

The word character was first put forward by the famous ancient Greek scholar Theofrasta, which means: human characteristics, attributes, characteristics, etc.Modern psychologists have different definitions of personality, and the more consistent view is that personality is a person's relatively stable attitude towards reality and the corresponding habitual behavior.Character is the main component of personality.It mainly has the following characteristics:
(1) Character is expressed in man's attitude towards reality and in his manner of conduct.Attitude is a psychological tendency that a person holds when dealing with society, others and himself. It includes evaluation, likes and dislikes, and avoidance of different people and things.For example, when encountering danger, some people are brave, decisive, and go forward; others are timid and shrink back.When national and collective property suffers losses, some people rise up to defend it, even at the expense of their own lives, while others take advantage of the fire to loot, are greedy and selfish, and put personal interests above everything else.This is people's different attitudes towards the same thing, and it is manifested in different behaviors, which constitutes people's different personalities.

(2) Character is reflected from a person's relatively stable attitude and behavior, rather than accidental and temporary performance.One cannot say that a person has a careless personality just because he occasionally forgets a friend's entrustment, nor can he say that a person has a violent personality because he occasionally loses his temper. Only stable characteristics are personality.Because of solid, regular performances, he can essentially reflect his personality.Attitudes and behaviors that are incidental to the situation do not constitute character traits.Just like an honest person concealing the true condition from a terminally ill patient is not an essential deception.

(3) Character shows a person's moral character and world outlook, which is at the core of personality.An honest and determined person will reflect his high moral character.A hypocritical and treacherous person will often do things that benefit himself at the expense of others.A person's excellent moral character and scientific world outlook will inevitably be reflected in his attitude and actions, thus forming a part of his character.

Know your own personality traits.

Modern people know that people's personalities vary widely, mainly because of the different psychological characteristics that make up their personalities.For example, say that a person is honest, simple, brave, and decisive, and these psychological characteristics represent a person's character.Specifically, the elements of personality include four aspects: the attitude characteristics of the personality, the will characteristics of the personality, the emotional characteristics of the personality, and the rational characteristics of the personality. The different combinations of various psychological characteristics make people's personalities very different.

(1) Attitude characteristics of character.

The attitude characteristics of personality are manifested in a person's attitude towards society, the collective, and others.Some people care about society and the collective, are sincere, frank, sympathetic, considerate, sociable, and polite; withdrawn, arrogant.The attitude characteristic of character is also manifested in a person's attitude towards himself.For example, some people are always very humble, full of self-confidence and can be strict with themselves; while some people are proud and complacent when they have a little achievement, showing a high-spirited demeanor, but when they encounter a little setback or are not as good as others I feel inferior and despise myself.

Another example: honesty is usually regarded as a virtue, but it is actually an attitude character trait.The German poet Heine wrote: "It is impossible for life to bloom brilliant flowers from lies." Honesty is a correct attitude for a person to treat others and recognize himself. It shows the simplicity of human nature and the desire to return to nature.Being a person should be based on sincerity.As long as you treat others honestly, you will make your personality shine and win the respect of others; only by being honest with yourself can you understand yourself correctly and overcome yourself.

Self-confidence is another important character attitude trait.Self-confidence can make people fully realize their own abilities, and be sure of themselves, no matter what they do, they have their own opinions.A person who doesn't even believe in himself means that he has lost the most reliable power in the world, and what awaits him is helplessness and sadness.

A man went out to sea in a boat, but unfortunately the boat hit a rock and sank.He was thrown into the sea, but he thought: Well, what is this, I can cross even the Pacific Ocean, not to mention the inland sea.So he swam with confidence and was finally rescued by the boat.And the other person stumbled and fell into a small puddle on the side of the road.He was terrified: God, I can't be saved.I must die.After a desperate scrambling, he drowned.It was later discovered that if he had stood up at that time, the water in the puddle would have covered his waist.The former saved his own life by self-confidence, the latter lost his precious life by denying himself completely.

(2) Will characteristics of character.

We all know that a positive and optimistic attitude towards life is a good character, but it is only a necessary condition for a person's success, not a sufficient condition.Enthusiasm for study and work is not enough. It also requires a persistent challenge spirit to achieve the predetermined goal, that is, a strong will.Good character and will is the guarantee for us to succeed on the basis of ability.

(End of this chapter)