Be a Man and Do Things Pillow Book

Chapter 8: Be a Self-aware Person (1)
Don't lose yourself.

Indeed, so have thoughtful philosophers.Who am I, where do I come from, and where am I going? These questions have been asked by people since ancient Greece, but no satisfactory results have been obtained.

However, even so, people have never stopped searching for themselves.Because of this, people often get lost in themselves, are easily hinted by the surrounding information, and use other people's words and deeds as a reference for their own actions. Herd mentality is a typical proof.In fact, people are influenced and suggested by others all the time in their lives.For example, on the bus, you will find such a phenomenon: when a person opens his mouth and yawns, several people around him can't help yawning.Some people don't yawn because they are less suggestive.Who are the most suggestive?This can be checked with a simple test.

Have a person extend their hands horizontally, palms facing up, and close their eyes.Tell him that a hydrogen balloon is tied to his left hand, and it keeps floating upwards; a large stone is tied to his right hand, and it is falling downwards. After 3 minutes, look at the gap between his hands, the larger the distance, the stronger the suggestion.Self-knowledge is called self-awareness in psychology, and it is the process by which individuals understand themselves.In this process, people are more susceptible to cues from external information, resulting in deviations in self-perception.

In daily life, it is impossible for people to reflect on themselves all the time, nor can they always put themselves in the position of an outsider to observe themselves.Because of this, individuals rely on external information to know themselves.Individuals are easily hinted by external information when they know themselves, so they often cannot perceive themselves correctly.

A psychologist once asked college students to judge whether it is suitable for them with a general sentence that can be applied to almost anyone. As a result, the vast majority of college students think that this sentence portrays themselves in detail and is extremely accurate.The following passage is material used by psychologists. Do you think it is suitable for you?

You have a great need to be liked and respected by others, you have a tendency to be self-critical, you have many abilities that you do not use to your advantage, and you have some weaknesses, though you can generally overcome them.You have some difficulty with the opposite sex, and although you appear calm on the outside, you are anxious and insecure inside.You sometimes doubt whether the decisions you make or the things you do are the right ones.You like some variety in your life and hate being restricted.You pride yourself on being an independent thinker and do not accept the advice of others without solid evidence.You do not think it wise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.At times you are outgoing, approachable, and sociable, while at other times you are reserved, cautious, and reserved.Some of your ambitions tend to be quite unrealistic.

This is actually a hat that fits on anyone's head.

A well-known juggler named Shawman Barnum commented on his performances that he was popular because the show included everyone's favorite ingredients, so he made "every minute someone Be deceived".People often think that a general and general personality description reveals their own characteristics very accurately, and this tendency is called "Barnum effect" in psychology.

The Barnum effect is very common in life.Take fortune-telling as an example. After consulting a fortune-teller, many people think that the fortune-teller is "very accurate".In fact, those who ask for help in fortune-telling are inherently susceptible to hints.When people's emotions are low and frustrated, they lose their sense of control over life, so their sense of security is also affected.A person who lacks a sense of security has greatly increased psychological dependence, and is more suggestive than usual.In addition, fortune tellers are good at figuring out people's inner feelings, and if they can understand the feelings of help-seekers a little bit, help-seekers will immediately feel a kind of spiritual comfort.The fortune-teller then says some general, innocuous words, which will convince the help-seeker.

Do you have a herd mentality too?Are you also losing yourself in the "Barnum effect"?

The important thing is to know yourself.

There is an old saying, "It's hard to draw a dragon or a tiger, but it's hard to know the heart when you know the face".Unpredictable.Knowing people is difficult, being known is even more difficult.But it is even more difficult to know yourself.That's why there is a saying that "people are valuable in their self-knowledge".

However, how easy is it for a person to know himself?There are many people who have done tragic things without knowing themselves all their lives.Today, there are still some young people who cannot stand the slightest setbacks, blows, pessimism, disappointment, distress, complaints, and hesitation just because they don’t know themselves and fully understand the situation in today’s society. Let the time go easily.

Knowing yourself is very difficult.But having a correct understanding of oneself is a minimum requirement for being a human being.

For some people, only they don't know what kind of person they are.Since it is rare to have a real frame of reference to evaluate ourselves, we are often able to do stupid things with confidence.

Please get to know yourself well first!You may not be able to solve so many math problems, or remember so many foreign words, but you have your own expertise in handling affairs, you can know people well, solve problems, and have superb organizational skills; maybe Your physics and chemistry are poor, but you are good at writing novels and poems; maybe you can't even draw a chair, but you have a beautiful voice.Maybe... so to be a human being, you must first know yourself and your own strengths. If you can maximize your strengths and avoid weaknesses, look for your goals, and seize the time to do a job or a study hard, you will naturally bear fruitful results.

Knowing yourself is like having a pair of wise eyes.

The ancients have long said: "It is better to retreat and form a net than to envy the fish in the abyss."Only after you know yourself, can you become confident, firm, and become a strong man with resilience and combat effectiveness.

Know yourself, and be full of yourself, so that you will not lament that the world is so big that you cannot find your own footing.

Give yourself an accurate positioning.

In real life, people often forget their own existence, forget to care for themselves, never ask questions like "where do I come from, where do I go", and when I think about it occasionally, it's just a blank blank.

On the stage of life, it can be described as: chaotic, I come on stage after you sing, and deny that the other country is my hometown; it is absurd, in the end it is making wedding clothes for others.

To give yourself an accurate positioning, you must discuss and understand your own problems.The understanding mentioned here is not the same as what Cao Xueqin said in "A Dream of Red Mansions". We should still pursue those things outside of us.We do not object to the pursuit of "things outside the body", and we do not encourage people to abstain from sex in this life and enjoy happiness in heaven in the next life.

On the contrary, we must strongly encourage people to pursue the real things outside the body, because after all, only these things outside the body can reflect whether we are living well in this life, and we can see whether our life is worth living.But at the same time, we absolutely do not agree with treating these extraneous things as the only ones.Those who regard external things as the only ones will be confused when their pursuit is satisfied. As a result, they can't find their "self" and don't know where to go, so they will degenerate and seek sensual pleasures.

It can be seen that people must have a clear understanding of themselves, not only to build a very rich material home, but also to build their own spiritual home.To be a person is to pursue material things, but while pursuing material things, one must also have spirit.Without spirit, no material can withstand people's scrutiny, and without spirit, no material can satisfy people to the fullest.

First of all, people should give themselves a position, and they must have a very clear description of what they are doing in this world.Without this description, people will be confused, lose their direction, and wander at crossroads. Such a life is meaningless.

Get to know yourself from an experiment.

How well do you really know yourself?Has your inherent sense of self-image contributed to your success?
Let's do an experiment.

First, you need to write down all the characteristics or personality traits that describe yourself, and what you believe you are.PLEASE NOTE: Not how you think others see you, but how you see yourself, write these in any order.Our personalities have multiple directions, and each direction has some influence on our behavior and our achievements.If you want to start off easy, follow this technique and start by writing words that you feel describe yourself adequately, such as "honest" or "confident," or multi-word words such as "dedicated" or "open-minded." ".

Next, take care to write with your non-dominant hand, for example, if you are right-handed, use your left, and so on.It may be difficult to do this, and you may have to write very large, but as you keep at it, you will find that it becomes easier and easier.As long as you can decipher each letter after the fact, you don't need to worry about your handwriting being crooked.Start writing your list now and give yourself enough time.It helps if you can stay relaxed while doing it.As you reduce the distractions of your conscious left brain, deeper, honest insights emerge.

The left half of the human brain is related to language and logic, while the right half is related to intuition and feeling.Your dominant hand and the same side of your body are directed by the other side of your brain, for example, your right hand and the right half are directed by the left brain.So when you're doing the above experiments, the less habitual or subconscious side of your left and right brain is being used to some extent.This simple experiment can bring out subconscious insights that you might not be able to write with your dominant hand.Only when they are discovered by you do you realize they are real.Some of your first barely recognizable words may be predictable and agree with those you wrote with your more common hand.But as you keep writing your list and allow your subconscious mind to run free, you'll get more revealing self-image words.When there is an apparent contradiction that constitutes a huge conflict with usual impressions, you need to be completely honest with yourself and discern which one is really applicable.A list that is often written with the dominant hand will look like it was written for "mass consumption" and will not explicitly address deeper self-beliefs.For example, "smart" written with your dominant hand may become "smooth" or even "opportunistic" when written with your non-dominant hand.In many cases of experimentation, relatives and close friends will confirm that writing with the non-dominant hand is closer to the truth.

Go over each word on your list carefully, and if you are not sure of the definite meaning of some of the words you have written down, try to express each word in a sentence but again you will have to use your non-idiomatic hand to write.Each of these words can be expanded to become a statement of one or more specific concepts.For example, "friendly" might include the specific belief "I like people visiting my house," while "down-to-earth" might cover "I'm good at making things myself."The beliefs that are written down with your non-dominant hand and expanded into more obvious sentences are the ones that are likely to explain your actions and outcomes, not the few beliefs that you can immediately perceive.

Next comes "self-hypnosis," where each belief is put to the test in your mind.First, choose a belief that you think is positive, and then imagine yourself in an actual situation where your belief is being fulfilled.For example, if you are good at engaging children's interests, such as telling stories or singing nursery rhymes, imagine yourself doing it and enjoying the feeling that you are doing well.This example might have been inspired by the words "friendly" or "likeable" on your list.To make it feel real, you need to imagine something visual. It could be a child's face, a storybook, anything around you.This authenticity is even stronger if you can feel any sound you hear, including your own voice speaking, singing, or experiencing anything related to what you are doing.In other words, you'd better use your senses, all five if necessary, with sight, hearing and feeling being the most important.This feels a lot like self-hypnosis, you have to put yourself into a relaxed state first.

Now turn the situation to something that is not pleasing to you, namely those negative self-beliefs.For example, if your co-workers are having a heated discussion about something, but you can't cut in, you don't like to see yourself doing it or being in this state.This may be what words like "restrained," "shy," and "difficult to communicate" inspire.You can think about a bad experience in the past, or you can imagine an event that may happen in the future, as above, the more real it feels, the better.

Through the two steps above, you have experienced two different images of yourself, positive and negative, each reflecting a particular self-belief.Compare these two imaginations, and you'll start to see some differences.This does not refer to the difference in the content of the two scenarios, such as the difference in storytelling, singing nursery rhymes and difficulty in communicating with colleagues, but the difference in visual, auditory and sensory aspects.

Maybe this is the first time you get to know how you feel about yourself, your self-image.After re-examination, you can use those powerful words to create the beliefs you want to have, change those beliefs that are no longer useful, and then develop your potential.

Your thoughts determine who you are.

There is a famous saying in Europe: "A person's self-thought determines his character." Behavior is the flower of thought, and people's external words and deeds, whether natural or deliberate, are all sprouted from the seeds of thought hidden in the heart .

The star of the American holster industry, John Beachian, was a former police officer who just loved making holsters in his spare time.He later founded Bianchi International, the nation's largest manufacturer of holsters and belts for law enforcement and the military.He has also served as a consultant to Huntington Holdings and as a spokesperson for Safari Corporation.Bianchi is such a magnet in the industry that when he showed up at the leather case booth, people lined up in the showroom just to see him, like a country western star meeting his fans.He told others such a story: "Believe it or not, 38 years ago, when I was young, I worked in a coffee shop. I saw the bosses of the company coming in and out. When I observed them, I asked myself: They're different? What are they doing? I should look into that. One very important thing I've found is that they have an important characteristic, which is confidence. They're fearless, they're self-assured. Since then , I thought about it and found out that fear is the root of many problems. You have to have faith in yourself, and if you don't have faith in yourself, no one can trust you."

Lenet is an ordinary repairman.His friends have similar conditions to him, but their salaries are higher than his, and they live in high-end residential areas.Lennett felt very confused, how could he be inferior to them?After seeing a psychiatrist, he found the crux of the matter.He found that since he was sensible, he has been extremely unconfident, underestimating himself, not thinking about making progress, and muddling along. He always thinks that he cannot succeed, and he never thinks that he can change this.So, he made up his mind not to demean himself anymore, but to be confident.He quit his original job, passed the interview, and entered a well-known maintenance company. Two years later, he became a famous person in the industry.

In both of the above examples, their success was taken into their own hands.A man's attitude towards himself can be used as a weapon to destroy himself, or as a sharp weapon to create a new world of infinite happiness, firmness and peace.

Psychologist Maslow mentioned the concept of "self-acceptance" in "Motivation and Personality"."The main concepts in recent psychology are: spontaneity, release, spontaneity, self-acceptance, sensitivity, and contentment," he says. Our minds are often overwhelmed by guilt and past and present mistakes.We gradually lose the ability to respect and love ourselves.In order to learn to like ourselves, we must face our flaws and live with them.It's not unmotivated or lazy or anything, it just means we have to recognize that no one, including ourselves, can be 100% good.It's unfair to demand perfection from others, and it's even more absurd to demand perfection from yourself.So, don't be so hard on yourself.Sometimes, we have to try to practice self-relaxation, laugh at some of our mistakes, and learn to like ourselves.

(End of this chapter)