Be a Man and Do Things Pillow Book

Chapter 9: Be a Self-aware Person (2)
People who don't like themselves often show excessive self-criticalness.Moderate self-criticism is beneficial, healthy, and conducive to personal development; but beyond this level, it will affect our positive behavior.If a person is too self-critical, when he is engaged in something, he will feel that he is clumsy and timid, and thinking of his own shortcomings, he will not have the courage to continue.In this case, his worst enemy is himself. In the "Bible", when Jesus met the tortured people, he did not ask why these people were like this, nor did he give much sympathy, but said: "Your sins are forgiven, go home, And stop sinning." Forget the mistakes of the past, love yourself, and you'll be a giant when you think you're a giant.

Learn to accept yourself.

Everyone is independent, it is difficult for one person to accept another person, but it is even more difficult for a person to accept himself.We are often dissatisfied with ourselves, annoyed and annoyed by our own shortcomings, and try to cover up in every possible way.When confronted with ourselves, we often get caught up in fear and regret.

However, I am not like other things, I can throw them away at any time if I don’t like them; I am not like others, I get along when I get along, and break up when I don’t get along, and I don’t need to compromise.It is impossible for us to throw ourselves away unless we end our own lives.You are always entangled with yourself, whether you like it or not: when you are satisfied, it stays with you, and when you are not satisfied, it will not leave you.The helplessness of life also lies in this.

Some people accept themselves very early, and some people cannot accept themselves until they die.

Everyone wants to be a perfect person and live in a perfect world.We always expect ourselves to be more beautiful and attractive, because beauty not only brings us sensory pleasure, but also makes us instinctively confident.

Although we know that appearance, character, and life are the same as life, we cannot choose freely, but dissatisfaction with ourselves tortures us all the time.Ugliness makes us dare not speak loudly, walk with our heads up, and face the gaze of others. In front of beautiful people, we instinctively feel inferior.I always hope that one day, the magic mirror will suddenly appear and tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.

Temperament is also formed unconsciously.While we are not entirely responsible for our looks and temperament, we have to deal with it every day.Socrates was able to know himself and accept himself before he declared that he knew his ignorance.Although we cannot be like Socrates and know that we are ignorant, we can accept that we are ignorant.

There are many ways to accept yourself, because there is a mirror to reflect your face in the world, but there is no mirror to reflect your heart, and also because this is your own private matter, and no one else can interfere.

The more mundane one is looming.For our own advantages, we don't try to point out our own advantages, but do everything possible to induce others to say it. Although the people who say it are just different, the mystery is very deep.What you say by yourself is called self-boasting and showing off; what others say is "objective" and "seeking truth from facts."Smart people are the best at using this trick, and they will ask the other party to say, you are so humble.

It is difficult for us to accept our own shortcomings, and we are even less willing to be pointed out by others, especially in public.Every time the leader makes a report, he has to say something like "Criticism and corrections are welcome", but you must not take it seriously.This opinion cannot be "pointed out", much less "positive", it can only be treated as if it does not exist, preferably not in the first place.Otherwise, you will definitely get many "little shoes" to wear for free.

The smarter one is: people are valuable to have self-knowledge.Only when you know it, if you notice a problem, and correct it without anyone noticing it, is the best policy.

The wise thing to do is to keep silent.Don't take the trouble to tell others that "I still have a little self-knowledge", that is actually deceiving yourself and others, blindly wanting to change yourself, and asking for more.Introverts hope that they can be brighter, extroverts hope that they are deeper, straightforward people hope that they are smooth and sophisticated, and smooth and sophisticated people hope that they are simple and happy, all of which are meaningless.

To be a person, you must accept yourself, don't cover up yourself, say one thing, muddle along, and don't do your own way and be self-willed.Accepting yourself is essentially understanding yourself.By accepting our own strengths, we will be more confident, and by accepting our own shortcomings, we will be more rational.Be frank, upright, peaceful, unaffected, and not ostentatious.

Accepting yourself takes courage and perseverance.Accepting yourself is a long and arduous process, and it is also a process for a person to grow up and mature.This is of course a painful experience, because we will gradually find that we are not so perfect, and it is impossible to become an ideal self. Accepting our own strengths and shortcomings, it takes courage to face our own strengths, and it is even more difficult to face our own shortcomings. Honesty is needed, tolerance is needed.

Knowing our own strengths and weaknesses, understanding that we may not be able to do what we want to do, and understanding that we may not be able to do everything well, we will have self-confidence, self-control, and self-improvement, and our lives will be more happy and less troublesome.On the contrary, dwelling on our shortcomings and not forgiving our mistakes will make us depressed and inferior.

Reality smashes our ideals and our dreams of ourselves.By accepting who we really are and treating ourselves objectively, we can be kind to ourselves and others.

Face your true self.

To be successful, one should pursue truth.Don't take your eyes off the truth.All successful people start by seeing through deception and deception.Each of us has an ability to see through reality, but this ability will become dull if it is not used for a long time, and it will be completely lost over time.

We should always pursue the truth, try to make ourselves face the truth, and not deceive ourselves.The success achieved by distorting the facts, even if it can be regarded as success, is in the final analysis nothing more than accidental and short-lived.The real road to success cannot avoid truth and reality.Although it may be a thorny road, you can only grope your way forward on the soil of facts.Because there is no other way to the bright summit of success.

Human society should be supported by the three pillars of truth, honesty and integrity.Those pioneers who have achieved success all follow these three factors.

In daily life, for everything and every action, you should always ask yourself: "Is this true? ... Is this what he (I) thinks seriously?" If you can say "yes" with a straight chest, if If you can get an evaluation of "Yes, that idea is serious", then your understanding can be said to be probably correct.Any goal can only be achieved by positive action, and the result of action depends entirely on you.Only by always seeing the truth clearly can the road of success continue forward.

No matter what kind of environment you are in, authenticity is the most crucial condition for becoming a healthy person who can correctly understand himself.Know the truth, accept the truth, and there is hope for success.

A person who is good at recognizing the truth must be sensitive to the differences between himself and others.Not only do you understand yourself, but you can also see through what others are looking for and what they are pursuing.

Success is a process that cannot be achieved overnight. Don't we still have a lot of time left?But don't forget, too, that the pendulum of time never stops for a second.The goddess of victory never smiles on those who give away their time.There is no free time in this world to squander.

Know your own strengths.

Research by American social experts shows that people's IQ and talent are balanced. Maybe you have an advantage in one aspect, but you may not be able to beat others in other aspects.Where there are advantages, there are also disadvantages.

In fact, everyone has certain advantages of their own, and has a job or career that suits them.At the same time, people are not perfect, and it is impossible to be outstanding in every field, and some aspects even have obvious defects.Different people have different physical qualities, psychological characteristics, and intellectual structures.Some are multi-organized and good at analysis; some are more aura and full of fantasy;As long as you find your goal or direction relatively accurately or roughly correspondingly, you will have outstanding performance sooner or later, near or far.

When some people have not discovered their talents and expertise, they often do not know the point of doing things, have no achievements in learning and work, and always feel that they are very humble.This may be due to environmental conditions or situations forcing you to fail to show your talents, like traveling in the dark, bumpy.

Know yourself objectively, know your own strengths, find your own development direction, and walk your own path. This will have a multiplier effect on your future development and your success.On the contrary, if you work hard in an area that you are not good at, the results may not be great, or even return without success.

Darwin's "Autobiography" shows that it is precisely because of his deep understanding of himself that he grasped his own quality characteristics, maximized his strengths and avoided weaknesses, and made breakthrough achievements.He said very humbly and confidently: "I love science, I am tireless in thinking about any problem, I am persistent, I am diligent in observing and collecting facts, and I have a little sound thinking." But he also thinks that his talents are very ordinary: "My memory is wide, but rather vague." "I'm not outstanding in imagination, nor can I talk about wit. Therefore, I am a poor critic." Dissatisfaction: "It is difficult for me to express my thoughts clearly and succinctly... I have an incurable weakness of intellect, which makes my original expression of my opinions and hypotheses either wrong or not clear." Great Marx had many talents, but after writing many poems to Jenny, he found that he did not possess outstanding poetic talent, and made a profound self-dissection: "A vague and shapeless feeling, unnatural, comes purely from the mind. Fictional. The complete opposition between reality and ideals, rhetorical considerations have replaced the artistic conception of poetry." The writer Zhu Ziqing also analyzed his shortcomings in the lack of novel talent, and said in the preface to the collection of essays "Back View": "I I have written poems, novels, and prose. Before the age of 25, I liked to write poems. In recent years, my poetry has dried up and I have been writing for a long time... I think novels are very difficult to write, not to mention novels, but short stories, which are economical. I can never write in my life with such a strict structure. I don’t know how to dispose of my materials so that they will be in their proper place. As for drama, I still dare not get involved. Most of what I write is prose.”

The understanding of oneself cannot be completed at one time. The process of understanding is not only based on self-dynamic adjustment based on feedback, but also relies on the pertinent opinions of others.

There are two anecdotes from Xuelin that deserve our deep consideration.

Famous historian Fang Guoyu.In addition to studying hard in school courses when he was a child, he also used holidays to study poetry with Mr. He Deqian.He admired Li Bai, envied Su Shi, and hoped that he could become a poet one day.But in the past six or seven years, I have never been able to write a decent poem. In 1923, he went to Beijing to study. Before leaving, he and Mr. Deqian recited Yu Ruan Ting's sentence "if you have a different talent in poetry, you must learn it first, and if you have a different interest in a poem, you must first understand it." "Talent" and "fun" cannot become a poet, but if you can work hard, "study theory" can be achieved, and you will be able to become a scholar.Fang Guoyu kept in mind the words of his mentor. After arriving in Beijing, he studied under famous scholars and studied history for a few years. He made some achievements.From then on, he made up his mind and devoted his life to the study of the history of the motherland.

The famous historian Jiang Liangfu also had a similar experience. In the 20s, he was admitted to the Research Institute of Tsinghua University.At that time, he wanted to become a "poet". He sorted out more than 20 poems he wrote when he was studying in Chengdu Higher Normal School, and asked Mr. Liang Qichao for advice.Unexpectedly, Liang bluntly pointed out that he was limited by "rationality" and had no talent, so he was not suitable for literary creation.Jiang Liangfu returned to the dormitory and turned "Xiaojizi" into ashes with a match.The dream of a poet woke up, and since then he has devoted himself to studying Chinese history, language, Chu Ci, folklore, etc., and has achieved a series of results.It can be said that "the east corner of the lost, the mulberry elm harvested".

Find your true self through the eyes of others.

People in the world look at the moon. Some people like the full moon, maybe because it symbolizes perfection; some people like the crescent moon, maybe because it is poetic; different people will have different ideas about the moon when they look at the moon.However, no matter what people think or feel about the moon, the moon still has to follow its own trajectory after all, and it will never be able to meet all expectations anyway.What's more, how people look at the moon, what kind of thoughts and perceptions they have about the moon, reflect people's own state or needs, not necessarily because of the moon.As for how others look at us, it often reflects their own mental state: Some people are cynical and resentful, and they are equally dissatisfied with everyone, and of course they are no exception to us; Within 3 minutes of knowing us, you already have prejudices against us; there are also people who don't care about others at all. For such people, you can behave well or not, anyway, he is a person who speaks according to his own mood.If we care too much about what these people think, it will only show that we have no confidence in ourselves, and it will only increase our troubles.

Of course, there are other people, such as our parents, elders or friends, who really love and care about us.If we listen carefully to their ideas or suggestions, it will be of great help to ourselves, because they are people who really care about us.However, even parents may not be able to fully understand the needs of their children. Sometimes parents often have excessive expectations of their children due to their own limitations, let alone other people.Therefore, even though we can understand and empathize with those who love us, we still have to go through our own review and filtering of their suggestions and analysis.After all, you have to be responsible for yourself, and the one who knows you best is often yourself.

This is not to say that we don’t have to care about the thoughts of those who are not thinking about us, it just means that we must clearly know not to use emotions to respond to other people’s dissatisfaction in personality and habits, so that we can calmly accept those who treat us badly. Helpful advice.As for those who care about us, the relationship with each other should be sharing and listening, not changing according to each other's expectations.For those expectations that are really unacceptable or unattainable, you still have to reject them in a timely manner, otherwise it will easily become a hidden bomb that causes a break in the relationship.There are also times when our ideals conflict with those who care about us. Maybe we are very clear about why we made such a choice and clearly know the future development, but others don’t know. If we want to stick to our choice, we have to Do your best to communicate clearly.

All in all, in our interactions with others, others will have their own ideas about what we do.When we listen to other people's opinions, we must first understand how they feel about us, and then carefully consider whether their suggestions are suitable.We should always listen to what other people think or suggest about us, but always remember that we cannot meet everyone's expectations; and the ultimate goal is to see through others as if in a mirror Be clear about yourself, and then show your true self, not blindly shaping yourself into a perfect image in the eyes of others.

Only you can liberate yourself.

There is an entrepreneur in the United States, who is worth billions of dollars, but he smiled wryly during the festival: "Now that I have money, I don't know what to enjoy!"

Today, no one pursues the poverty-stricken life of "one sack of food, one bean soup" like the ancients, but every day abalone, ginseng, wing and belly seem to be suspected of being violent.The pursuit of luxury houses, famous cars, and fashion is just like eating abalone fins.Gambling can be fun, but nine times out of ten, you will lose. Besides, gambling is not tolerated in terms of law, reason, or self-cultivation.To pursue beauty?Even less desirable.After all, following the feudal customs of three wives and four concubines can only be laughed at.

"What is your favorite? What is it that fills your heart and makes you feel extremely happy?" If you seriously reflect on your inner needs, you will be able to find the answer.

Because the "self" is not hidden deep in your heart, but at a height you can't imagine, at least at a higher level than the "self" you usually know.To truly recognize your own inner desires can only come from your nature.Only oneself is qualified to be one's own comforter and liberator.

Qian Yong of the Qing Dynasty once said: "Poverty and lowliness are close to elegance, wealth and honor are close to vulgarity. If you have vulgarity in elegance, you can make a living. If you have elegance in vulgarity, you can live in the world."

In the dead of night, I keep looking at a piece of art of my own, then close my eyes, remember it and dream about it.When you are resting your mind, you may think of a childhood past, or the bloodiest business war you have ever experienced, maybe... this can be regarded as a way of "being born" and "being in the world" between the refined and the vulgar. .Montaigne said: "The most important thing in the world is to know how to let yourself belong to yourself", "You must close the door and re-own yourself."

(End of this chapter)