We are all the same in the pursuit of our dreams

Chapter 15 You Are the Warmest Light in My Life (3)
You lie among the flowers with such a peaceful face, like Sleeping Beauty.This is what they said, because I didn't look closely at you, I just looked at your portrait carefully.Because I want to remember your vivid expression and bright smile forever, and I can't accept the way you lie there without smiling.

Looking at the daisy in my hand, I remembered that I sent you the first bouquet of flowers you received during your lifetime.At that time, a flower shop website held an essay competition, invited me to be a judge, and gave me a bouquet of flowers as a reward.I left your address and wanted to surprise you.You were very happy when you received the flowers, and you took pictures and wrote them on your blog.You said, Little D never sent you flowers.I was so proud that I could be the one to send you flowers for the first time in your life.

Later, when I organized your computer files, I found that you put some of your favorite photos in a folder, and some of them were taken by me.It's really beautiful.

We have been rooted in each other's lives.But, why are you willing to leave me like this?
Did we agree to realize our dreams together?We agreed to sign a book together?Did we agree to conceive and have a baby together?You left, and everything we agreed upon was left to me alone.

My dear, I used to listen to Zheng Zhihua's "Don't Cry, The One I Love the Most" and only thought it was nice, nothing else.But now it sounds really sad.Because the lyrics are like what you're saying to the people you love, which of course includes me. "Don't cry, the person I love the most, tonight I bloom like a flower in the epiphyllum, and wither at the most beautiful moment, your tears will also wither irretrievably. Don't cry, the person I love the most, you know that I will never wake up again. The most beautiful night sky blinks, my eyes are the brightest starlight. Do you remember that I proudly said that I have been to this world, don’t tell me what eternity is, I will be destroyed in the most brilliant moment.”

You really left cruelly, really withered at the most beautiful moment, and my tears withered irretrievably.

At that time, my pen name was "Light of Tears", and you commented on me on your blog as "the most hardworking whirlwind girl", and you always called me "Tears of Tears" affectionately.

In the first few days when you left, my heart was filled with grief, and I was in tears all day long, and I almost collapsed.However, I seem to hear you saying to me: "Tears don't cry, tears come on." It's still such a kind smile and such a gentle voice.

After participating in your farewell ceremony, I wrote a farewell essay to you, and I said, "Let me cry for you tonight, and then continue to walk forward with a smile. Losing you, I am like a bird with broken wings , may not fly too high, but I will still try to fly and realize our common dreams one by one. Bless me, my dear. I believe that you have not left, you just turned into a star and watched me in the sky."

I decided to cheer up and turn my grief into strength.Because no matter how many tears I shed, you will never come back.

Honey, time flies so fast.It's been six years since you left.

I'm 33, the same age you were when you left.In six years, I have gradually grown up, but your life is always fixed at 33 years old.

We read Xin Yiwu's novel "To Our Dying Youth" together, and we were moved by the story; later, I went to the cinema alone to watch "To Our Dying Youth", and when I saw Ruan Ruan's tragic death, When Zheng Wei said "Ruan Ruan, only you, only your youth will never decay", I cried uncontrollably.Dear, I think of you again, only your youth never decays.

We went to KTV and sang Liu Ruoying's "Later" together. Now, I am listening to "Later" alone, listening to the song "Later, I finally understand in tears that some people will not be there once they miss it", I can't help it Always thinking of you, sadness hits my heart.do you know?Now Rene is married and has kids, and by the way, she's not married to someone we've discussed.Maybe life is like this, the one who gets together in the end may not be the one you love the most, or you can fall in love with different people in your life.

We once agreed to conceive and have a baby together. Your hasty departure can only bury your wish forever.During the time you left, I stumbled across the blog of a little baby’s mother, relying on the innocence of that little baby to bring me a little joy.I also realized that I have no choice but to create a new life when my life is gone.Later I got pregnant and gave birth to a daughter, whom I named Xin Bao.I don't know why, looking at her smile, I think of you!
Honey, it's been so long, do you still remember your dream?
You said: "I hope to become the best literary agent in China, and make a wedding dress for a good author just like packaging a singer. This is my dream."

After you left, I continued this dream.However, I will never forget that you are the one who ignited my editorial dream, and you are the source of strength for my dream.

If the road to pursue dreams is long and has no end in sight, and you are the guide on this road, it is you who have made me who I am today.If I hadn't met you in this life, maybe I would have missed the book publishing industry.

You have been away for so long, but your enthusiasm and ideas still affect me.

You said: "When it comes to choosing a partner, I have two taboos: money and profit. I don't think such a person can become a real literary person."

You said: "When an author cares more about money than works, the cultural industry should actually shed tears."

I agree with your philosophy. If a certain author talks about "what kind of manuscript fee conditions can you give me" at the beginning of the cooperation, to be honest, I feel a little disgusted in my heart.

Fortunately, most of the authors I work with are more concerned about their works than their royalties.

Don't worry, I will stick to the dream of a text agent, together with your share.

During the Spring Festival of 2015, I spent it in BOB's hometown.On the second day of the Lunar New Year, I followed him to the countryside to worship our ancestors.I saw rows of black tombstones standing among the continuous green hills, and I felt that the people living there were not lonely.The living relatives come to worship them every year, and convey their thoughts to them through the sound of firecrackers.

I thought of you again, I ran to the sparsely populated open mountains, facing the mountains, just like Hiroko Watanabe in "Love Letter", shouting loudly over and over again: "How are you? I'm fine! How are you? I'm fine! How are you? I, very, fine..."

While shouting, I also instantly realized that death is living in another way, living in the hearts of those who love you.

In fact, life does not care how long you live, but whether it is meaningful to live.If you pass away from this world, it is always good for someone to think about you.

do you know?Every year on your birthday, I will send you blessings on QQ or Weibo.I believe that in another world, you live very well.

"Good friends for life", this sentence is not just talk.No matter where you are, I will regard you as a friend, and you will always live in my heart.

forever and ever.

Last night I dreamed that you smiled at me.I dreamed that you came to my bed, smiled and said to me: "How are you recently?" As if you never left.I tried to chat with you, but you suddenly disappeared.

When I woke up, I realized it was a dream.

In fact, life is a big dream. No matter how you spend the short decades of life, whether it is brilliant or ordinary, it will eventually disappear.

But how fortunate, you have been here in this big dream of my life.

Words written at the back
Dear, I once said that after I said goodbye to you, I would never write about you again, and never mention you in front of my friends again.But now I have broken my promise.Because I found that I didn't intend to write before, just because I didn't want to face the fact that you have left.

I was young and fashionable, and I still couldn't accept the reality of your sudden departure. In fact, I was deliberately avoiding, avoiding people and things related to you, and never looked at your photos, planning to selectively lose my memory.

As time went by, I gradually matured and my mentality became calm and calm.I began to be willing to face the past, and I was able to look at your photos calmly.I no longer escape, I grow up and dare to face reality.

Then, I read your words again, and I found that words are immortal, and you are still living in your words.So I plan to write an article for you, I want to let more people know what a good girl you are, I not only want to keep your name in my heart, I also want to keep your name in more people heart.

"The article is beautiful and people admire it, 'Tingting' stands like a fairy." A netizen named "Bruce Traveler" once described you like this.And your editor wrote in your book: "Even if some women are stained with the wind and frost of the years, they are full of light, and the light comes from the stories she lives on. "Book of Songs" is such a beam of light, Shen Wenting, It's that ray of light."

Your name is Shen Wenting, I will remember you forever.May there be another life, we will still be the best sisters.

When I write this article, I can’t help but smile when I recall the fragments of our relationship, as you once said: “Recalling this thing is so good that it makes people feel soft. With it, I don’t know how much happiness I have had. .”

You used to go to Hongde Homeland to visit the children there. You said that the children there longed for love, and you would do your best to care for them. You also hope that the rich can help the poor. When we love our children, we also leave some care for them. Love other people's children.

Spring in Beijing is coming soon, I will take my children to Hongde Homeland to visit the children there, and continue your love.

My world has one more you from now on
Maybe there is a butterfly in your dream, so your mouth is smiling; maybe there is a star falling in your eyes, so your eyes are shining; maybe there is an angel on your back, so you run It seems to have grown wings.

Before you came, I imagined what you would be like; after you came, you brought me unparalleled happiness in this world.

Every time I look at your crescent-like smiling eyes, it seems that the whole world is bright.

I said: My world has one more you from now on.You said: You are my whole world.

"Hand in hand, both of you." She stood on the small chair, with one hand on her hips and the other directing.

BOB and I held each other's hands with smiles on our faces.

"You two hug each other." She continued to command.

I twisted, BOB hesitated, and then hugged each other, and then let go.

She smiled triumphantly, and then directed, "You two kiss."

Me and BOB looked at each other and smiled, then he leaned over and kissed my left cheek.

She was not satisfied, "Kiss."

This little director is too good at pushing his feet.

I suppressed my laugh and carried her off the small chair, "Okay, Xin Bao, it's getting late now, let's go take a shower."

Her attention shifted quickly, "I'm going to listen to 'There's No Money in My Pocket' in the shower today."

I answered and corrected her, "That song is called "Childhood"."

"It's just that I don't have half a dime in my pocket..." she had already sung.

In the past two days, she has been fascinated by this song, and the first thing she said was "I don't have half a dime in my pocket", which always made me think of the beggar outside the university campus who said "give me some money".

Every time we take a bath, we will play a song to cultivate our sentiments.Maybe it's because I always sang while taking a bath when she lived in my womb, and she also liked to sing after she was born.

I like to take a bath with her, we always listen to music, take a bath, and chat.

"I'm going to take my iPhone 6 to kindergarten tomorrow." When she said that, she was rubbing the shower gel into white bubbles with her little hands, then rubbed it on herself, and then on me.

Knowing that she was referring to her toy mobile phone that looked like an iPhone 4, I said bluntly, "Your mobile phone is at most an iPhone 4, right?"

She emphasized: "Mine is the iPhone 6."

I said helplessly: "Okay. Your system has been upgraded."

She suddenly had a whim, "My mobile phone is iPhone 1 on Monday, iPhone 2 on Tuesday, iPhone 3 on Wednesday, iPhone 4 on Thursday, iPhone 5 on Friday, iPhone 6 on Saturday, and iPhone 7 on Sunday."

I laughed wildly, "Girl, you can't do this by analogy. Apple hasn't produced the iPhone 7 yet!"

Xinbao has been good at drawing inferences since he was a child, although he often makes us dumbfounded.

When taking a photo, she said "yeah" while posing with scissors.

I looked at her and smiled, "You bastard!"

She immediately stretched out three fingers and said, "I'm a third grader."

Later, she invented Sihuo and Wuhuo.

Once, Xin Bao pointed at me and said: "This is my mother." Pointing at BOB, said: "This is my father." Pointing at the grandma in the living room, said: "This is my grandma." Finally pointing at himself : "This is my Xinbao."

Once I had a little disagreement with Xinbao, and she said angrily, "Smelly mother!"

BOB smoothed things over and said, "Xinbao, you actually like your mother, and what you want to say is 'Mom, I like you', right? It's like someone who published a book called "Smelly Dad", which actually means that you like your father."

Xin Bao said: "Then I will publish a book called "Smelly Mom"."

One morning when I was brushing Xinbao's teeth, a leaf was left. I exclaimed, "Oh my god, it's such a big leaf!"

She thought this sentence was interesting, and after a while, she imitated me and said, "My God!"

I laughed, pointed to myself and said, "Your mother is here!"

She immediately pointed to me in the wedding photo on the wall and said: "My mother!" Then she moved her finger lightly, pointed to BOB in the wedding photo and said, "My dad!"

Once when I was in the car with her, I looked at the moon outside the window and said to her: "Moon go, baby go."

Later, when we were in the car, she would look at the sunset outside the window and say, "The sun goes, the baby goes."

Later, whenever I was going to go out with my bag, she would get up from the baby dining table and chair and say, "Mom, go, baby." If I said to her, "Mom is going to work, baby is at home with grandma." Play."

She would be unhappy, she curled her small mouth, and said while crying: "Mom, let's go, baby."

I couldn't bear it, so I reached out and hugged her and said, "Mom, give her a hug, and you'll be good, okay?"

After hugging, she smiled through tears.

After having her, my heart became extraordinarily soft and more patient than before.

When she was less than one year old, I coaxed her to take a nap, patted her gently, and sang nursery rhymes softly: "The wind does not blow, the tree does not shake, the birds do not sing, the baby is going to sleep, and the eyes are closed."

BOB stared at me for a long time, deeply puzzled, "You are so impatient, how can you be so patient?"

Not to mention him, even I wondered, where did the quick temper I inherited from my father go?In the past, if BOB woke me up in the middle of the night, I would never end with him; but when Xin Bao woke me up at [-] in the morning, I would willingly get up and undress him.

BOB was very proud of this, "Hey, I sent a soldier over and subdued you."

I:"……"

Having a baby is indeed a huge transformation for a woman. Because of Xinbao, my character has become gentle and patient, my attitude towards the world has become indifferent, and my inner world has become stronger.Along with her growth, I also had a second chance to grow.

Not only has she helped me grow into a better version of myself, but she has also brought me unparalleled happiness in this world.

The thinking mode of children and adults is different, so it creates a lot of comedy effects.So, as long as she is around, the house is always full of laughter, she is the happy fruit of our family.

One day Xinbao wore a new dress, which I thought was beautiful, and I said to her, "Little beauty, turn around and I'll take a picture of you."

She stood by the chair and looked at the magnets intently, without looking back, she said, "Slap me on the back."

I said, "What is there to shoot on the back?"

She said in a shocking sentence: "There is a butt on the back!"

(End of this chapter)