The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 21 Squat down and communicate with children on an equal footing (1)
(Harvard representative: Zhao Yuanren) In front of my son, I am not the president, but a father.

——Harvard alumnus Roosevelt
【Wonderful Guide】

Biography of Zhao Yuanren

Zhao Yuanren (1892～1982), courtesy name Xuanzhong, was born in Jiangsu, a linguist, and was born in Tianjin. In 1910, he was the second batch of overseas students from the Academic Affairs Office of Youmei. In 1918, he received a Doctor of Philosophy degree from Harvard University. In 1920, he returned to China and served as a professor of psychology and physics at Tsinghua School. In 1921, he re-entered Harvard University to study phonetics, and then served as a lecturer in the Department of Philosophy and a professor in the Department of Chinese at Harvard University. In June 1925, he was employed as a tutor at Tsinghua National University, where he taught "Modern Dialectology", "Chinese Phonology", "General Linguistics" and so on. At the end of June 6, after the Institute of Chinese Studies was over, he was employed by the Academia Sinica as a researcher and director of the language group of the Institute of History and Linguistics. At the same time, he also served as a lecturer in the Chinese Literature Department of Tsinghua University, teaching "Phonology" and other courses. He has taught in the United States since 1929. In 6, Zhao Yuanren was elected president of the American Linguistics Association. In 1938, he was appointed as a professor of Oriental languages ​​and philology at the Agassi Foundation. In 1945, he gave lectures at National Taiwan University. In 1952, he was elected president of the American Oriental Society.

His major works include "New Poetry Rhyme in Mandarin", "Research on Modern Wu Dialect", "Guangxi Yao Song Records", "Introduction to Cantonese", "Aspects of Chinese Society and Language", "Grammar of Chinese Language", "Reading Materials for Chinese Language" ", "Language Problems", "Tongzi Scheme", published "Selected Papers of Zhao Yuanren Linguistics" and so on.

【Character Story】

Everyone Created by Equal Education

Zhao Yuanren's father, Zhao Hengnian, has a unique concept of family education.When Zhao Yuanren was still very young, Zhao Hengnian began to educate him. He paid great attention to the independence of children and let them give full play to their strengths.Contrary to the patriarchal style of educating children in China at that time, he often encouraged children to get along with him on an equal footing. He was very good at communicating with children on an equal footing, which deeply affected Zhao Yuanren's later development.

Zhao Hengnian likes to communicate with children very much. He is very generous with his time. Although he spends little time with Xiao Yuanren at home, he always finds time to communicate with Xiao Yuanren.He regards Xiao Yuanren as his friend and respects Xiao Yuanren's opinions. When Xiao Yuanren has a better performance, he often praises Xiao Yuanren, which makes Xiao Yuanren feel very relaxed when he is with his father , you can talk about everything.

Zhao Yuanren showed a strong language talent when he was a child, and his father also actively developed his talent. He invited a foreign language teacher to teach him English and French, and communicated with him in time. learning situation.In the communication with Xiao Yuanren, he also put forward some of his own suggestions and opinions from time to time. Due to the equal and friendly communication, Xiao Yuanren also accepted his father's opinions very happily.Under Zhao Hengnian's education, Xiao Yuanren made great achievements in his studies. Later, he was successfully admitted to Harvard University and became a famous contemporary linguist.

【Harvard view】

Only by squatting down to communicate with the child can we really enter his heart

When parents educate their children, only by thinking from the perspective of the child, communicating in the way the child likes, putting down the airs of the parents, and squatting down to communicate with the child on an equal footing can truly enter the child's heart.

A teacher once asked a student in the class: "Do you have a good relationship with your parents?" The classmate said to her helplessly: "Teacher, I have less and less communication with my parents now. At home, I shut myself in the room, except for eating together, my parents and I basically didn’t talk.”

When it comes to communicating and communicating with their children, many parents often think that they are doing a good job. They will say: "I tell my children every day to study hard and go to college in the future!" "I spend all day with my children and accompany them. Do homework and prepare a schoolbag for him, isn't this communication?"

Parents are accustomed to attribute their "lessons", "orders", and "rebukes" to communication.In reality, this communication is negative.This way of communication will make the child block his own heart, and even alienate the relationship between parents and children.In fact, what children need is an opportunity to communicate with their parents on an equal footing, not accusations and lessons from their parents.

Xiao Ai traveled to the United States, and once was eating in a restaurant. A little boy about four or five years old was unhappy because his sister sat in one seat first, and stood there unwilling to sit in another seat.My mother knelt down and said to him: "These two seats are actually the same, right? Since my sister has already sat down, why do you have to sit in hers? Next time I have a chance, I will let you sit first, okay?" "The child blinked and looked at the seat. It was indeed the same, so he sat down and ate happily.Later, whether at a friend's house, in a children's playground, or walking in a park, Xiao Ai often saw that when adults talked to children, they would always squat down, stay at the same level as the children, and often hold the children's hands with both hands. The little hand looked at him kindly, with a pleasant face, and talked to the child in a consultative tone.The children also seem to be very sensible, blinking and nodding frequently.

Later, an American friend told Xiao Ai: "Of course you have to squat down when talking to children. They are too young and haven't grown tall yet. Only when adults squat down can we talk at eye level. Our parents have always talked to us like this since we were young. Otherwise, how can we communicate on an equal footing? Children are independent people just like us, and should be respected by their parents!"

In fact, whether to squat down and talk to children is just a matter of method. What matters is whether parents respect their children and treat them as individuals with independent personalities like themselves. This is the essence of the problem.This will affect whether parents can treat and educate their children with a correct attitude.

Only when parents communicate with their children on an equal footing can they win the true respect and recognition from their children.

In the process of communicating with children, we must not only consider whether the children can understand, but also use the communication methods that children like.Blindly use preaching, ordering, coercion, etc. to make children listen to you, and children will inevitably feel disgusted.The way to communicate with children can be chatting, and parents should integrate the principles of education into the process of chatting; it can be storytelling, through storytelling, let children understand the truth from the story, which is much better than simple preaching; It is to communicate during the game, because children are in a relatively excited state and are relatively easy to accept parental education.

When communicating with your child, pay attention to the language used. For example, when you ask your child not to play outside after school and come home on time, you should say: "If you don't come home on time after school, mother will worry!" You will feel the care of your parents and it will be easier to accept their opinions.If you say: "You are not allowed to play outside after school, go home immediately!" The child will feel that you are restricting him, feel that the communication with you is unequal, and will inevitably have a rebellious psychology.

Of course, in the process of communicating with children on an equal footing, you should consider your child's feelings and pay attention to your child's feedback.You can get this kind of information feedback from the child's language. For example, when the child says: "Well, I see, mom, stop talking." This shows that the child is already a little disgusted. I can't hear it anymore.Sensible parents should stop teaching and turn the topic to other aspects.

For young children, it is more important to pay attention to the child's non-verbal responses. For example, if the child starts to look left and right, and has trouble concentrating, parents should stop communicating or change the topic.

[Easy interaction]

1. In your mind, do you think children are equal to yourself?
2. Think about it, are you willing to communicate with your children on an equal footing?what do you usually do

【Parent-child total product】

Young writer Wang Ke received kindergarten education in Chengdu, and completed primary and secondary education in the United States with her parents who were studying in the United States. In 2003, she was admitted to Harvard University.In her "Growth 1+1", she wrote about a series of topics that high school students are interested in, such as how she prepared for Harvard, how to socialize, and how to deal with high school romances.What's interesting is that at the end of each chapter in this book, her father commented on her daughter's articles and thoughts from the father's point of view, truly recording two generations with different cultural backgrounds growing up together The contradictions and understandings experienced in the process.

Father is more like a friend of Wang Ke's.He said that the lighter side of life is more exciting, and he supports his daughter in participating in beauty pageants and participating in various social activities.Parents are the first teachers of their children, and equal communication is very important in family education.Children learn this equal way of communication, and when they grow up, they will also use this equal way to communicate with others.He said that he would never use beating and scolding to educate children, and the way to resolve differences is to communicate with children on an equal footing.He explained the consequences to his daughter and signed a contract to urge her to give up her puppy love.

【Harvard view】

Listen and let your child open up to you
After all, children are children. Some of their problems and doubts are very naive and innocent. At this time, you must not comment on your children’s opinions hastily, despise or make fun of them. Instead, you should listen to their complaints patiently and discuss with them how to deal with them. and the solution.

In reality, our parents do not listen patiently to their children's complaints or even ignore them.

We often see scenarios like this:

When the child came home from school, he saw his mother cooking in the kitchen, and he happily said to his mother, "Mom, let me tell you something..."

Before the child finished speaking, the mother shouted: "Have you finished the homework assigned by the teacher?"

Obviously, the child who just entered the door must have not finished his homework, so the mother scolded: "Don't hurry up and do your homework, what can I say after finishing your homework!" The frustrated child had to go back to the room to do his homework in despair.

When the child finishes his homework, he obviously has no desire to communicate with his parents, and the parents have completely forgotten that the child "has something to say" just now.The opportunity to communicate with the child and listen to the child's story just disappeared.

(End of this chapter)