The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 29 Raising the sails of children's self-confidence (2)
In daily life, parents must not criticize their children's aggressiveness and self-confidence for pride and arrogance.Full of energy and high emotions are important conditions for children to continue to study hard and achieve good results. Not only should they not be beaten, but they must be carefully protected.

The famous World War II general MacArthur received a very good education from his mother when he was a child. His mother never criticized him at will, and often praised and rewarded his progress.Because his father was in the army all year round, all his learning and personality development came from his mother.When MacArthur was proud of his good grades in studies, his mother always gave him appropriate encouragement and told MacArthur in time not to be proud, but to keep working hard.Such a family environment made MacArthur full of confidence no matter what he did, and eventually became a famous general.

Children often like to express themselves in front of guests, or dance, sing, or write, or draw pictures, in order to seek approval and affirmation.This is a positive attitude, in line with children's psychological development.Parents shouldn't accuse them as long as they don't make too much of it.

It is even more natural for a child to be elated and elated when he achieves excellent results in exams, when he wins a competition, when he is praised by the teacher or rewarded by the school.Seeing this situation, some parents severely criticize their children. The parents may have good intentions and hope that their children will not stop here, but continue to learn humbly and keep making progress.But it is wrong and unreasonable to criticize children when they are happy.You can't be happy when you have achievements. Is it humility to be frowning and indifferent at all times?In such a situation, parents should also treat it with enthusiasm, and congratulate him in an appropriate way to strengthen the child's good behavior and carry forward the existing achievements, instead of criticizing the child at will.

Parents do not criticize their children at will, and can give correct and timely praise to their children's achievements, which will be very important for cultivating children's self-confidence.

In fact, every successful person has one thing in common, that is, when they were young, they were often praised by their parents, and their parents never criticized and criticized their children casually.

As a child's parents, whenever the child is excited about his achievements, he should recognize and praise the child's achievements, and give the child encouragement and support, instead of criticizing the child at will and stifling the child's enthusiasm.

[Easy interaction]

1. Think about it, do you criticize your children at will?

2. As a parent, do you think criticism is beneficial to educating children?
3. What do you usually do when your child is proud of his achievements?
【Parent-child total product】

Criticism is a means of education, as well as a subtle art of education, clever criticism will produce unexpected results.Parents should also show love when criticizing their children, pay attention to the artistry of criticism, and strive to give children positive stimulation.

1. Criticize and punish children without hurting their self-esteem. Do not reprimand or beat children in public.

2. It is inevitable that there will be a "storm" and "thunder and fury" when parents criticize their children in anger, which is a great devastation to the children.At this time, it is best to bear it for a while, and then choose an appropriate way to criticize and educate the child after you calm down.

3. Choose the right time and place to criticize children in order to achieve the desired purpose.In a harmonious atmosphere, children are in a relaxed state of mind and will be happy to accept criticism.

4. With the help of fables, stories, fairy tales, etc., make appropriate extensions, inspire and induce children from the side, and criticize and educate children implicitly and euphemistically can often receive good results.

5. Sometimes the child is deliberately indifferent to make him feel the silent punishment, so as to reflect on his own mistakes.

6. According to the characteristics of the child's competitive spirit, use the "provocative method" to stimulate the child so that he can correct his shortcomings and mistakes.

7. Using humor as a means of criticism can eliminate children's rebellious psychology, so that they can recognize their mistakes and reform with laughter.

【Harvard view】

Confidence is the internal motivation for growth, let children hold their heads up and walk
Self-confidence is the great driving force for people to succeed. Only with self-confidence can we be brave, strong and dare to innovate. Without self-confidence, there will be no innovation, and it will be difficult to succeed.

In real life, some parents dote on their children too much, especially in one-child families. Children grow up surrounded by parents, which is very harmful to children's exposure to real life and the cultivation of their self-confidence.

There is a famous educational saying: "Let every child walk with his head up." "Head up" means full confidence in yourself, in the future, and in what you want to do.

As parents, in daily life, we must pay attention to providing opportunities for children to develop their talents.Many children lack self-confidence because parents often arrange their children's affairs, so that children lose the opportunity to exercise and develop their talents.

If parents can provide more opportunities for children to display their talents, and even encourage children to help parents do things, children will experience a sense of accomplishment and gain self-confidence in practice.

When a child gets a question right, gets a full score in the test, or washes a piece of clothing, he will feel that he has achieved a result, and he will hope that he will do better next time.At this time, parents should encourage their children in time, so that children can gain self-confidence while giving full play to their talents.

Children who lack self-confidence are generally in a state of self-denial for a long time, and negative self-prophecies have been established in their hearts, that is, "I am useless", "I have no confidence", etc. This kind of psychology makes children less and less afraid Trying new things, less and less confident.

For this kind of child who has no self-confidence, parents should strengthen positive praise. "I can do it!" "I am no worse than others!" "My goals will definitely be achieved!" "I am the best!" "Small setbacks are nothing to me!" Children's words should be encouraged.

Parents should consciously ignore the child's lack of self-confidence, and give positive praise and encouragement in time when the child shows self-confidence, so that the child can weaken the psychology of "I can't" and build up the self-confidence of "I can do it".

Parents can also tell their children how others have changed from lack of self-confidence to full of confidence through equal communication with their children, so that children can learn some experience from other people's examples, which is easier for children to accept than direct reasoning.

Harvard educators define confident teenagers like this: Self-confidence is the collection of confidence and feelings that a person has about himself.

In order to cultivate children's self-confidence, they suggest that parents can also try the following practices:

1. Show love from the bottom of your heart to your children
Hold your child in your arms and tell him you're proud of him, and praise him regularly and sincerely.

2. Give timely and accurate correction to the child's behavior
Don't say "You have a bad temper," which will make the child think that he can't control himself.You can say something like this to your child: "You're really mad at your brother this time, but I'd be more than happy if you didn't yell or hit him."

3. Create a good family atmosphere
Children will lose self-confidence when they feel insecure or abused at home, such as parents who often quarrel.Make your home a safe haven for your children and keep an eye out for signs of abuse.

4. Pay attention to the tone of the child's speech

Not only should the child be praised when he is doing well, but after the child has made an effort, even though the expected goal has not been achieved, do not say "work harder next time and try to be selected." Instead, say "it is okay if you are not selected." , you have made an effort, which is very satisfying."

5. Discover and correct children's wrong beliefs in time
Except for some homework, the child has good academic performance in all subjects, and the child may think that he is a stupid student.You can encourage your child like this: "You are a good student, that is just one of several subjects, as long as you spend more time, your grades will be good."

6. Let the children face difficulties

The successful crossing of difficulties is an affirmation of oneself and will increase self-confidence.Children should be encouraged to learn to act bravely and constantly overcome difficulties, such as washing clothes, taking out garbage, playing chess, playing ball, etc.When children overcome difficulties and realize their wishes, their self-confidence will increase.

[Easy interaction]

1. Do you think your child is very confident?If your child is not very confident, have you considered helping him develop self-confidence?

2. In life, do you often provide opportunities for your children to develop their talents?

【Parent-child total product】

Jack Welch, chairman of General Electric, who created a business miracle in the 20th century, is known as the world's number one manager.

Jack was born in a typical middle-class American family.The mother asked her son to start with self-confidence and strive to control his own destiny.Jack stuttered since he was a child, but his mother said it was not a defect, and even praised him: "You have a little stutter, which just shows that you are smart and love to use your brain, and you think faster than you speak." big confidence.

Jack has been very fond of sports since he was a child.I especially like playing hockey, and often go to other cities to participate in competitions with my classmates.Other children have to be accompanied by their parents when they go out, but Jack's mother treats her son as an adult early on, and she always lets him go to the competition alone.

After Jack was admitted to the University of Massachusetts, he felt that the university was not ideal and felt very depressed. He didn't want to go to school and retake the exam next year, but his mother encouraged him to go to the University of Massachusetts.Not long after Jack entered college, the original depression turned into joy.He said: "If I had chosen MIT at that time, then I would have been suppressed by my former partners because of poor admissions results, and I would never have a day in the top. However, this smaller state university allowed me to get A lot of confidence. As it turns out, my mother was right to put me in UMass."

A few years later, Jack really became the top student at the University of Massachusetts.

(End of this chapter)