The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 31 The independent child matures early (2)
Parents who are used to arrange arrangements, don't expect the real success of their children
When a child is just born, his physical and psychological functions are immature, and he cannot survive independently. He needs to rely on the care of his parents to survive.As the child develops physically and mentally, he learns to crawl, walk, and speak. Gradually, the child learns to communicate with others and learn to go out by himself... These all show that the child is becoming more and more independent, and he needs to be independent. Facing the society, we need to learn some basic survival skills in order to be able to survive independently in this society.But in reality, there are many parents who take care of everything for their children, feeding them, dressing them, washing their faces, packing their schoolbags, and doing their homework... basically everything they can help, children There is almost no need to do anything, and I always reach out for clothes and open my mouth for food.

According to reports, there was a very smart child who, after finishing his undergraduate degree at the age of 19, passed the postgraduate entrance examination easily.The school believed that he was talented and promising, and decided to send him to study in the United States.Unexpectedly, this "beautiful job" that many people dream of made him worry: "When I study abroad, my mother won't go with me. Who will take care of my life?" The "open mouth" family can hardly take care of themselves. During college, his mother arranged everything in his life, went to school twice a week, helped him wash clothes, and organize housework...

During the training camp before going abroad, he thought about it day and night, worrying that he would not be able to live independently. Therefore, he often couldn't sleep well at night and suffered from habitual insomnia.Later, whenever I heard the word "going abroad", my whole body would twitch and foam at the mouth... Doctors called this strange disease "going abroad phobia".

It was once reported that a student who had just entered university did not know how to eat hard-boiled eggs.It is a pity that some college freshmen have to choose to withdraw automatically because they cannot adapt to the college life away from their parents.

Today's children, especially those in urban areas, are mostly only children.Under the protection of their parents and the "four elders" (grandparents, maternal grandparents), they live a life "nearly worrying about firewood, rice, oil and salt, and far from worrying about disasters and dangers".Children who grow up in this environment and atmosphere tend to be psychologically dependent on their parents for a long time.They have poor self-care ability, lack the spirit of hard work and competition awareness, or are indecisive, lack assertiveness, or cannot get along with others, communicate, etc., all of which seriously affect the growth of children.

Generally speaking, the more parents arrange for their children, the stronger the child's dependence.On the contrary, if parents encourage their children to do their own things, their independence will be enhanced and their dependence will be greatly weakened.

Parents' love for their children is to make their children happy. Many parents mistakenly believe that making their children happy means doing everything for their children and giving them everything they think can make their children happy.In fact, children are thus deprived of the opportunity to be independent, and the sense of accomplishment that comes from an independent life is precisely the source of happiness.

Some parents feel distressed when they see their children lose weight and get tanned by the sun after their children participate in military training, camping and other will-strengthening activities.After returning home, the children are often like emperors, who don’t have to do anything. With guilt, the parents help the children take care of everything, eat the best, do the least, and satisfy the children unconditionally.No wonder the Japanese said: "I am very envious of Chinese children. They enjoy the best treatment in the world. Chinese parents may pay the most for their children in the world."

It is a pity that this "best treatment" does not raise the "best children". What we see are some children who are extremely dependent and have little independence. These children cannot be self-reliant, let alone withstand setbacks test.

Every parent should understand their responsibilities and the importance of helping their children learn to be self-reliant, instead of doing everything for their children.

[Easy interaction]

1. After reading the story in the article, how do you feel?
2. In real life, do you also arrange everything for your child and make your child a "little emperor"?
3. Think about it, in your family, will you encourage your children to do what they can?

【Parent-child total product】

President Roosevelt of the United States paid great attention to cultivating children's independent personality.He has a famous saying: "In front of my son, I am not the president but a father." He opposed children living on their parents, and he let the children support themselves by their own abilities.The eldest son, James, traveled to Europe at the age of 20. Before leaving, he bought a good horse, and then sent a telegram to his father for help.The father called back and said, "Come back from swimming with your horse!" The son had no choice but to sell the horse and return home as travel expenses.After World War II broke out, Roosevelt's four sons all went to the front line.Their father died of illness, and they all stayed on their respective warships to see him off in this special way.

Hong Kong tycoon Li Ka-shing also pays great attention to the cultivation of children's personality and character.When his two sons, Li Zeju and Li Zekai, were eight or nine years old, Li Ka-shing asked them to participate in the board of directors. Not only did the children attend the audit, but he also allowed them to intervene in "participating in state affairs", mainly to learn from his father's knowledge of winning with integrity.Later, the two sons both graduated with honors from Stanford University in the United States. They wanted to display their ambitions in their father's company and start a career, but Li Ka-shing resolutely refused: "My company doesn't need you! You should do it yourself. Let the practice prove whether you are qualified to work in our company." So, the two brothers went to Canada, one engaged in real estate development, and the other went to investment banking. They overcame unimaginable difficulties and managed the company and the bank well. , became a prominent figure in Canadian business circles.

【Harvard view】

Let the child think independently, and his world will be vast and boundless
To enable children to have the ability to survive independently, it is necessary to give children the opportunity to think independently and let them complete their own tasks independently, even if there is no positive result.Because a bird locked in a cage for a long time will have limited thinking and even degenerate. Even if there is a relaxed environment in the future, they don't want to spread their wings and fly high.

Parents over-arranging their children's affairs will not only make the children lose their ability to think independently, but also make them feel insecure.A sense of security can only be built on the basis of coping and dealing with problems independently with one's own ability.Parents who like to arrange things treat their children as their own private property and deprive them of the opportunity to develop their own abilities independently, which is exactly what children need most when they grow up.

In the United States, there is a TV program that is very popular among the public, and that is "Unexpected Things Children Say" hosted by black comedian Bill Cosby.This show will make you think while making you laugh.

Once, Bill asked a seven or eight-year-old girl: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The girl confidently replied: "President!" The audience was in an uproar.Bill made a funny surprise, and then asked: "Then tell me, why is there no female president in the United States?" The girl replied without thinking, "Because men don't vote for her." The audience burst into laughter .Bill said: "Are you sure it's because men don't vote for her?" The girl said disdainfully: "Of course!" Bill smiled meaningfully and said to the audience: "The men who voted for her please raise their hands! "Accompanied by laughter, many men raised their hands.

Bill proudly said: "Look, there are quite a few men who voted for you!" The girl was unmoved, and said flatly: "It's less than one-third!" Bill showed disbelief and displeasure , said to the audience: "All the men present please raise your hands!" Amidst the laughter, the men's hands were everywhere.Bill pretended to be serious and said: "The men who voted for her please raise their hands, and those who don't vote put them down." , is indeed not easy.In this way, although some people still let go, there are many more men who "vote" for her.Bill said triumphantly: "How is it? 'Ms. President', this time, two-thirds of the men voted for you."The girl showed a contemptuous smile that was not suitable for childishness: "They are dishonest, and they don't want to vote for me in their hearts!" Many people were dumbfounded.Then there was a burst of applause, a burst of amazement...

This is a typical American independent thinking, humorous, witty, intelligent and straightforward, and this can only be achieved by those children who are free in spirit and accustomed to independent thinking since childhood.

Children without the ability to think independently have no independence.To cultivate children's independent thinking ability, it is necessary to provide some opportunities for children to think, feel, and judge by themselves: what is right, what is wrong, what should be done, and what should not be done...

However, for a long time, Chinese children have received indoctrination education and lack the ability to think independently, while American children are different.Generally speaking, Chinese children are better than American children in exams, but they are often not as good as American children when it is their turn to do it or do research.American children seem to grow up in a carefree environment. When children are young, they have little homework, and they mainly play when they go home. When it’s time to go to college, they don’t have to go the same way as domestic high school students. The single-plank bridge of the college entrance examination, if American children want to go to university, they only need to rely on the school's accumulated points, teacher's recommendation and social activity performance to apply for university.Enrollment or non-admission depends entirely on the university's needs for talents.Children don't need to worry about going to university, because if one university doesn't admit them, another university can admit them. It can be said that all roads lead to Rome.

Although the growth of American children seems to be a matter of course, American parents are unique in how to let their children have the potential development of independent thinking ability as soon as possible, and put a lot of effort into it.Some people say that Chinese children are raised by cuddling, while American children are raised by crawling. This kind of statement is not an exaggeration at all.In the United States, no matter where you are, you can see toddler children. If the child falls down, the parents generally don't take the initiative to run forward, bend over and stretch out their hands to help the child, but just scream. The child sees that there is no adult. If you can't help, you have to stand up by yourself, unless you fall badly.No matter in the park, on the street or in the aisle of the plane, you can see the thrilling shots of children walking staggeringly in front and their parents running behind.

Only when children fall and get up by themselves, will they think about why they fell, and avoid making the same mistake again in the same situation next time.In the process of children's growth, they also tend to acquire independent personalities, relying on themselves instead of relying heavily on the help of parents or others.

[Easy interaction]

1. Think about it, does your child have a good habit of independent thinking?

2. In daily life, do you pay attention to cultivating children's ability to think independently?

3. Do you think independent thinking ability is very important in the process of children's growth?
【Parent-child total product】

At Harvard, students must not only learn business management knowledge, but also learn to deal with many other topics. They must develop their own decision-making abilities in various aspects, and they must achieve self-recognition of these decisions.In other words, Harvard attaches great importance to cultivating talents with independent thinking ability.

In February 2007, Fan Ben, a young man from Wuhan, received an admission letter from Harvard University. He was admitted to the Department of Chemistry and Chemical Biology. He is one of the six full-scholarship doctoral students admitted by the department in China this year. . After 2 years, the total amount of scholarships is about 6 US dollars.

He said: "Success is 10% talent, plus 30% independent thinking, plus 60% hard work. 30% independent thinking is the most important."

When he was in elementary and middle school, before each big exam, he liked to take "sick leave" to study at home, saying that this way of learning was more efficient.

He once edited two collections of excellent practice questions by himself. Before the exam, he selected 20 questions to redo every day, and analyzed them by comparing the proportions.

When he was in high school, he "shrunk" 8 university chemistry textbooks into 8 notebooks, then "shrunk" into 4 books, and finally "shrunk" each of them into just over 30 pages.

When he was a sophomore at Peking University, he entered the nanochemistry laboratory.The laboratory equipment is mostly used by doctoral students during the day. As an undergraduate student, Fan Ben can only do experiments at night, and staying up late until two or three o'clock is commonplace.Fan Ben found that it is often necessary to transfer carbon nanotubes from one substrate to another in experiments. If the traditional method is very complicated, time-consuming and labor-intensive, and the success rate is low, why not find a more convenient method?
In early 2006, Fan Ben cooperated with others to study a simpler and more effective transfer method. After hundreds of experiments, they finally found a shortcut. In September 2006, Fan Ben applied for the invention patent of "Controlled Transfer Carbon Nanotube Array Technology" as the first inventor.This invention has attracted widespread attention in the industry at home and abroad.

(End of this chapter)