The psychology of the aura that makes your heart strong

Chapter 11 Small humorous atmosphere, people who understand humor become popular people everywhere
People with a sense of humor are more popular
In social situations, people sometimes put themselves in an embarrassing situation due to their own carelessness, or we meet uneducated people, people with bad intentions, and people who are hostile to us, which makes us fall into a more embarrassing situation .In this case, if you retreat, you can escape from the predicament, but being a deserter is always disgraceful, and it will also have a negative impact on your future social interactions.

Experienced people will tell us that in such a situation, only you can save yourself.Use your own humor and eloquence to show your wisdom, and with a few words, you can get yourself out of trouble, maintain your dignity, give the other party a powerful counterattack, and fully demonstrate your personality charm.

Lincoln looks very ordinary. Once in a public place, someone said to Lincoln: "You look like this, why do you come out? It's better to hide at home and not come out."

This is naturally very impolite, but Lincoln just smiled and replied: "I'm sorry, I can't help myself."

"Involuntary" refers to his appearance, he was born this way, and there is nothing he can do about it.Everyone laughed after hearing this, and the embarrassing situation was resolved in this way.

The so-called "uncrowned king" reporter is very good at causing trouble for celebrities.Facing tricky questions from reporters, many celebrities often have the trouble of not being able to step down.If you do not deal with it carefully, your image will be greatly affected, which is obvious.But those celebrities who are full of wisdom and talent have crossed the sea and showed their special abilities, leaving us many interesting stories and beneficial enlightenment.

Crosstalk master Hou Baolin visited the United States, and the American reporters naturally would not let him go, and asked a very tricky question to make things difficult for Hou Baolin: "Reagan is an actor, and you are also an actor when you become the president of the United States. You can also be like that in China." Reagan?"

This question is not easy to answer. You can neither answer "yes" nor "no". After thinking for a while, Hou Baolin replied: "I am different from Reagan. He is a second-rate actor."

Hou Baolin's answer was wonderful, not only avoiding simple "yes" and "no" answers, but also fully affirming his acting talent, which made the other party impeccable.

Embarrassing situations like this always come out of the blue, and people cannot be prepared for them in advance, but people with a good sense of humor often get through them easily and leave us with many anecdotes that we enjoy talking about.

The famous poet Pushkin also encountered a similar embarrassing situation, but he also resolved it with his own humor and wit.

That was when he was young, before he was famous.One day, he was in Petersburg to attend a ball of a duke's house. When he invited a beautiful young lady to dance, the lady dismissed him and said to him coldly: "I won't be with a child." dance."

This made Pushkin embarrassed, but instead of getting angry, he smiled and said to the lady: "I'm sorry, my dear lady, I didn't know you were pregnant."

After speaking, Pushkin bowed politely to the lady and left the ballroom.

Pushkin fought back the arrogance of the noble lady with his own humor, saved his face, and won himself a victory in social situations.

Something similar happened to George Bernard Shaw.

One day, an arrogant and arrogant wife of prominent social status sent an invitation to George Bernard Shaw, intending to invite him to his home as a guest.

The invitation read: "I'll be home Thursday afternoon from four to six."

Bernard Shaw always kept her at arm's length and would never visit her.So, he added a short line of words at the bottom of the invitation: "Me too. George Bernard Shaw." Then he sent someone to send the invitation back to the lady.

He didn't explicitly refuse the other party's invitation, but declared that he would stay at home like the other party. The meaning of refusing to attend the appointment was already clear. This kind of humor also showed Bernard Shaw's wisdom in the social field.

In various social occasions, quickly getting rid of one's disadvantaged situation, invigorating the atmosphere, and winning respect are all inseparable from the unique role of humor.Because there are many unexpected things in social life, many unexpected situations will happen. Therefore, if you want to become a star in social life, you must have extraordinary wisdom and extremely keen response ability.

As the saying goes: "You must learn to swim by swimming." Similarly, people can only learn to socialize when they are social, and learn to be humorous when they are humorous.Be bold and practice it!Without practice, people cannot use their humor more skillfully, and they cannot broaden the paths of life for themselves through social interaction.

A good talker must be good at humor

Humor is the flash of a person's knowledge, talent, wisdom, and inspiration in language expression. It is an ability to be good at catching jokes and humorous imagination. revelations and descriptions of certain unconventional words and deeds.

Under normal circumstances, the people who are really good at the art of conversation are actually those humorists who are good at leading the topic and turning meaningless conversation into funny at the same time.This kind of person is often like a fish in water in the social field, and can be regarded as a master of humor in social life.Monotonous conversation is boring, so a good talker must be good at humor.But this kind of humor does not mean that everything can be used as a joke.Such as religion, politics, characters, and certain sympathetic situations, etc., must never be laughed at.In the eyes of some people, if the words are not humorous enough, it is not enough to show their intelligence. This kind of thinking is unavoidably extreme.

American psychologist Paul McKee believes that a sense of humor plays a pivotal role in the development of people's social skills.

Humorous language can release our inner tension and pressure and turn it into a relaxed smile.In communication, humorous language is like a lubricant, which can effectively reduce the "coefficient of friction" between people, resolve conflicts and contradictions, and enable us to calmly get rid of possible difficulties in communication.

In social situations, people who talk humorously tend to win easily, and people who don't have a sense of humor tend to lose.In communicative occasions, humorous language can easily open up the communicative situation quickly.

People who are good at talking sometimes make fun of themselves out of necessity.

The famous American lawyer Dieter is a person who is good at making jokes about himself.Once, the president of Columbia University introduced Dieter to the audience when he gave a speech: "He is the first citizen of our country!" Dieter seemed to be able to seize this rare opportunity immediately, and joked grandly: "Listen, gentlemen, the first citizen is about to speak." But he would be an ordinary man if he did.

So what should he say?He not only wants to use this introduction to humor, but also to gain the audience's goodwill.He said: "I didn't quite understand the term Mr. Principal said just now. What does the first citizen refer to? Now I think that he probably refers to the citizen often mentioned in Shakespeare's plays. Mr. Principal must be He is a very knowledgeable person in the study of Shakespeare's plays. When he introduced it to me, he must have been thinking about his Shakespeare plays again. You must know that Shakespeare often interspersed many citizens in his plays. Each of these supporting actors said: Most of them only have one or two sentences, and most of them are people without eloquence and insight. But they are almost all good people, even if the first and second positions are exchanged, there will be no difference at all. Before he finished speaking, there was a tidal wave of applause from the audience.

Several Ways to Cultivate Humorous Aura

Many people don't understand humor, much less use it.For people without humor, life without humor is very monotonous.How can I make myself express humor as easily as others?Generally speaking, there are several ways of expression of humor.

1. Wicked puns, clever ridicule
Puns can be divided into two categories, namely semantic puns and phonetic puns.

(1) Semantic puns.Semantic pun is to make use of the ambiguity of words to make the words mean something else, such as the following story in Mr. Xueping's "Humorous Couplets".

In the Song Dynasty, there was a dude who regarded himself as a "poetry talent".He heard that Ouyang Xiu recited poems and composed Fu like clouds and flowing water, so he wanted to compete with Ouyang Xiu, so he took a few volumes of Tang poems and set out on the road.On the way, he saw a loquat tree beside the road, which looked very strange.Immediately, the poetry flourished, and he began to chant: "An old tree beside the road, two big branches." But after reciting these two lines, he could no longer utter the words.

Ouyang Xiuxiu passed by here, so he continued a few sentences: "Before the golden fruit bears, the white jade flower will bloom first."

"Poetry Talent" couldn't help but nodded in praise.So the two went together.Passing by the river, the "poetry talent" chanted again: "Look at a group of geese from a distance, and beat them down the river with one stick." After chanting a few sentences, he ran out of words.

Ouyang Xiu smiled, and continued: "The white wings distinguish the water, and the red palms step on the green waves."

"Poetry Talent" cupped his hands and said, "Okay, I didn't expect you to say a few words, let's visit Ouyang Xiu together!"

So the two came to the ferry and boarded a small boat, and the "poetry talent" became more poetic: "The poet boarded the boat together to visit Ouyang Xiu."

Ouyang Xiu laughed loudly: "Xiu already knows about you, but you don't know about Xiu."

The word "Xiu" clearly refers to Ouyang Xiu, but it implies "shame". The pun is really clever.

There is another story.

Zhang Jun of the Southern Song Dynasty was greedy for money and profit.Once, an actor in the palace acted for the emperor, pretending to be a magician who was good at seeing the sky.He said: "The nobles in the world must be in harmony with the sky. If you use an armillary sphere to watch them, you can only see the stars but not people. Now there is no armillary sphere, you can use a copper coin instead."

Let him look at the emperor, he looked through the money hole and said: "This is the emperor star."

Looking at Qin Hui, he said, "This is Xiangxing."

Looking at Han Shizhong, he said, "This is the general star."

It was Zhang Jun's turn and said, "I can't see the stars."

Everyone was surprised and asked him to read it again. The magician said: "After all, I still can't see the stars, I only see King Zhang sitting in the eye of the money."

The program performed by actors in the palace is intended to satirize Zhang Jun's greed for money and profit. The key point of the program is the last sentence, "I saw Zhang Wang sitting in the eyes of money", which is also a pun.

The pun integrates light and darkness, hiding and revealing in one word, which contains the language wisdom of the speaker.From the perspective of information reception, the listener needs to use the context to understand the speaker's implication.When the literal meaning of the word is successfully transferred to the literal meaning, there will be a heartfelt sense of joy and relief of successful decoding.

(2) Homophonic pun.Homophonic pun refers to the use of the same or similar sound characteristics, so that a certain word literally means one thing, but its meaning means another.

In the first volume of "Xiao Lin Guang Ji" in the Qing Dynasty, there is a joke about "the landlord sees the chicken".

There was a rich man who rented several acres of surplus land in his family to Zhang Sansan, asking for one chicken per acre.Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the rich man murmured, "I will not rent this field to Zhang San." Zhang San hurriedly offered the chicken, and the rich man then said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?"

Zhang San said: "You first said you wouldn't rent it to me, and then you said you would rent it to me. Why?"

The rich man said: "It was nonsense (chicken) talk at the beginning, but later it was acting by chance (chicken)."

"Ji" in nonsense and "ji" and "chicken" in acting according to circumstances are both homophones, and both can be understood in this specific language environment.

Mei Yiqi served as the president of Tsinghua University for a long time, and Tsinghua University has changed more than a dozen presidents since it was founded in 1911. Some of them only served for a few months, and some were dumped by students before taking office.

Someone asked Mei Yiqi: "Why have you been doing this for so many years?" Mei Yiqi smiled and said: "Everyone pours this, pours that, because no one wants to be unlucky (Mei)!" The president of Tsinghua University for many years cleverly used the phonetic similarity between "unlucky" and "plum blossoms" to make a double entendre, avoiding self-appreciation and self-praise, and showing humility and humor.

2. Steal the beam and change the post, avoid the reality and make a joke
The humorous eloquence of stealing the beam and changing the post is to greatly shift and transform the connotation of the concept, so that the expected purpose deviates from the direction, thus producing unexpected effects.The more concealed the substitution is, the greater the gap in the connotation of the concept, and the stronger the effect of humor.For example, you can first look at the following example.

Teacher: "Today we will teach subtraction. For example, your brother has five apples, and you take three from him. What happens?" Child: "Well, he will definitely beat me up."

The child's answer subtly replaced the teacher's discourse concept.The "what's the result" asked by the teacher refers to how many apples are left, which belongs to the category of quantitative relationship, but the child transfers it to the relationship with his brother.

As another example, let's look at a few more such examples.

A: "Compared playing football and ice hockey, which door is harder to defend?"

B: "No matter what door I say, there is no back door that is difficult to guard."

This is to transfer the concrete and tangible goal of the goal to the intangible and abstract goal with a completely different essence.

Another example:

"Sir, how can I get to the hospital?"

"It's easy, just close your eyes, cross the road, and you'll be there in five minutes."

Originally, people asked how to get to the hospital normally, and it didn’t involve getting injured and being sent to the hospital, but the answer mentioned that you will be injured if you intentionally violate the traffic rules, and the result of the injury will naturally be sent to the hospital, answer Although I still went to the hospital, it completely violated the wishes of the questioner.

This seems to be a total nonsense, even a bit of mischief, but why do people still taste it as a kind of spiritual enjoyment?

This is because the questioning party has a definite meaning for the concept used, and this meaning can be understood in the context, so it does not need to be clearly defined in language.Any language has a self-evident element in any situation, and the speaker and the listener are tacit.Without this tacit element, one cannot speak.Because both objective things and subjective thoughts are infinitely rich, it would be too strenuous, if not absolutely impossible, to clarify all the tacit elements.

For example, when you ask an athlete which door is the most difficult to defend, you have to quickly declare that it is a special defense in a specific tangible sport, the kind of door with only a door frame but no door leaf, the kind of door that is usually embedded in the door. The door in the wall that can be opened and closed freely is different from the "door" that we often talk about through the back door. It is the kind of door used in games and competitions that is not exactly a door.This may be more rigorous, but it turns what should have been a simple sentence into an unbearable disaster.

In fact this is completely unnecessary.In a specific language environment, people do not need to give a strict definition to every important concept like scientists do, and clearly stipulate its meaning and external scope.People communicate entirely based on mutual understanding, so the questioner does not need to elaborate on the real meaning of the concepts he uses, and the other party can also fully understand each other.Therefore, the questioner can fully expect the other party to respond within the range of his true referent.

But a humorous answer suddenly shatters this expectation by diverting the real referent of the concept.The loss of expectations creates surprises, and with them a sense of humor.

3. Do not understand the meaning of words, far-fetched will be funny
Among the members of the Japanese Parliament, there is a well-known member of parliament, nicknamed "One-Eyed Dragon".

Once, a congressman couldn't take it anymore, so he raised his hand and said, "The world is so complicated that we can't see clearly with both eyes, let alone you only have one eye!"

Unexpectedly, this "one-eyed dragon" man replied calmly: "Please sit down first, and listen to my explanation. Although the international situation is unpredictable, I can understand it at a glance!"

"One-eye-clear" originally meant "one can see clearly at a glance", but here the meaning has become "one eye can see clearly".The congressman used incomprehension and humorously resolved the ridicule of others.

A certain person started to lose his head when he was just 30 years old, but he didn't take it seriously. He touched his unprecedented head and said to his wife: "I am called extremely smart."

The wife retorted disapprovingly: "According to you, anyone who shaved his head is a smart person?"

"That's not it, that's being smart."

"Jueding" originally means "extreme, extremely, reaching the apex", but here it means "no hair on the top of the head", and "extremely smart" seems to have a causal connection, because of being smart, there is no hair on the top of the head.

According to the different characteristics of the solution, it can be divided into two types: the attached solution and the return to the original solution.

(1) The attached formula does not explain.Attachment-style interpretation is to interpret the meaning of a word into another meaning far-fetchedly, such as Dr. Wu Liquan from the Chinese Department of Fudan University once said the following example.

The craze for studying abroad in Taiwan was earlier than that in the mainland, and the United States is the most popular in terms of countries visited.In this way, the phenomenon of separation between the two places is more common.People jokingly refer to wives studying in the United States as "inner beauty" and husbands studying in the United States as "external beauty".

"Inner beauty" originally refers to the beauty of a person's soul, and here it refers to "the inner man (ancient man called his wife a 'wife') in the United States." "External beauty" originally refers to "beauty on the outside", but here it refers to "the husband is in the United States".There has always been a saying in China that "the man dominates the outside, and the woman dominates the inside." Naturally, this "outside" should not be interpreted as the husband.

The British literary critic Edison said in "On Locke's Definition of Ingenuity": "Anything new and unusual can cause a kind of pleasure in the imagination, because it makes the mind feel a pleasant surprise. Satisfy its curiosity and let it get a concept that it has never had before.” Don’t understand this rhetorical technique, that is, it complies with people’s psychological needs in pursuit of new stimulation and new satisfaction.It uses the words that people are accustomed to in a context that they cannot use originally, changing their meaning, arousing the curiosity of listeners and readers, so as to re-decode and get a smile from the comprehension of the same meaning.

(2) Revert to the original formula.Back-to-original interpretation is to interpret the overall meaning of a word as a simple addition of its literal meaning, so that it returns to the original meaning of the word.

Movie star Elizabeth Taylor was once invited to visit Taiwan.Due to the busy partying, her back hurts, so she invited a blind masseuse to give her a massage.

Afterwards, the masseuse happily met someone and said: "I have liked Taylor since I was a child, and today I not only approached her, but also touched her with my own hands!"

An audience member laughed and said: "This really fulfills a Chinese idiom called 'blind worship'!"

The original meaning of "blind worship" is "respect and admiration without understanding clearly", but the meaning in this passage has become "worship of the blind". "Blind" is not interpreted as a literal meaning from the extended meaning.

"Modern people like to make phone calls and don't like to write letters. What should this phenomenon be called?"

"You don't believe what you say."

"Speaking without faith" originally means that people do not keep their promises, but here it refers to verbal phone calls without correspondence.

Listening and well-timed compliments are timeless communication methods that, if used correctly, can help you open someone's heart.Because communication is actually understanding others, including understanding his needs, desires, abilities and motivations, and giving appropriate responses.No one will refuse your role as a listener to praise him, and, no matter if you are Chinese or a foreigner, no one wants to hear other people's praise.When he smiles contentedly over your compliments, your aura is actually magnified in his eyes.

(End of this chapter)