The psychology of the aura that makes your heart strong

Chapter 12 Praise adds points to your aura, be the most praiseworthy person in the world

There is great energy in praise

A salesperson of an encyclopedia in the United States did this.When the prospective customer showed a little intention to buy, he immediately called the prospective customer's children over and said to them: "Do you know? Your father is so kind. In order to let you learn knowledge well, I will start preparing the best for you now." Book. You have to remember that you have a good father who really loves you!" The client was infected by this sacred atmosphere, and the transaction was naturally a matter of course.

Such a master of praise has reached the point of perfection.Give your applause and encouragement to those who like it without losing the opportunity, they will be more sincere to you when they are motivated, and you will get more feedback.

Is the applause of the audience good for a team on the field?The answer is yes.Every team knows that the timing, location, and harmony of people on the field are very important.The enthusiasm of the audience for the team is one of the most important forces to support the team to win the game.Every team admits that the cheers from the fans keep their spirits high and their spirits high.

By the same token, encouragement is important and useful in everyday life.In family life, husband and wife should encourage each other, and parents and children should encourage each other.At work, bosses and employees should encourage each other.In life, friends should also encourage each other.

There is such a story about encouragement.

A trainer trained whales to jump high. At the beginning, he put the rope under the water surface so that the whale had to pass over the rope. Every time the whale passed over the rope, he would be rewarded. It would be eaten by fish and photographed by others. By photographing and playing with it, the trainer expressed encouragement to the whale.When the number of times the whale passes above the rope is gradually greater than the number of times it passes below, the trainer will raise the rope, but the speed of increase is very slow, so as not to make the whale frustrated by too many failures.The trainer slowly raises the rope and encourages it one at a time.The whale also jumped higher each time than the previous one.In the end the whale skipped the world record.

Undoubtedly, the power of encouragement allowed the whale to jump over the height recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records.This is true for a whale, and it is even more true for intelligent humans. Encouragement, appreciation and affirmation will maximize a person's potential.But in fact, many people are contrary to the trainers. They set a considerable height for others at the beginning, and when others fail to reach their goals, they yell at them loudly.

Pamina Dunan of Connecticut, one of her responsibilities at the company was supervising a cleaner.The cleaner did a poor job, and the other employees laughed at him from time to time, and often deliberately threw scraps of paper or other objects in the hallway to show his poor work.This situation is not only bad, but also increases the workload of the cleaners.

Pamina tried various methods, but with little success.But she found that the cleaners occasionally left a place tidy.So she took advantage of his behavior to praise him in public.Slowly, his work improved.It wasn't long before he was able to do the whole job well.

In 1968, American psychologists Rotarson and Jacobson made an interesting experiment.They predicted the progress of students in six classes in an elementary school, and informed the principal and relevant teachers of the list of students they thought had potential for development in a tone of appreciation, and repeatedly urged them to keep the list secret.In fact, the names of these lists are chosen at random.However, to our surprise, after 8 months, all the students on the list have improved in their studies, have a cheerful and lively personality, have a strong desire for knowledge, and have a strong relationship with the teacher.

Why is there such a significant difference after 8 months?
This is the resonance phenomenon in the expectation psychology.It turned out that after these teachers got the hint of authoritative prediction, they began to look at these students with praise and trust, and treated them kindly and gently. Merit to show trust in them, in fact the teachers play the role of leather marion.It is this kind of implicit expectation and praise that enhances students' aggressiveness, makes them more self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence and self-improvement, and strives forward, so "miracles" appear.This is the effect of the teacher's praise, trust and love.

This story gives us such a revelation: praise, trust and expectation have a kind of energy, which can change people's behavior.When a person gains the trust and praise of another person, he feels that he has gained social support, and thus feels that he has realized his self-worth, becomes confident and self-respecting, will gain a positive motivation, and try his best to meet the expectations of the other person. In order to avoid the disappointment of the other party, so as to maintain the continuity of this social support.However, it is a pity that in real life, people seem to have forgotten the words "trust", "expectation" and "praise". Often instead of giving encouragement and help, they satirize and ridicule them, and always look at them with an old perspective, which greatly hurts their self-esteem and self-confidence, so that they are disheartened, discouraged, and even withdrawn. , Reticence, if things go on like this, it will make them hard to change their temperament.

Everyone likes to "play what they like"

If you want a stranger to accept you, you must not rush for success. You should first consider what interests he is concerned about.If we can grasp his "excitement point", then everything will be easy.

1. to meet the needs of others

There is a well-known newspaper in Australia. A few years ago, the editor-in-chief of the newspaper changed.Those big-name reporters were not convinced by him, and everyone was not optimistic about him, and even wanted to "throw him away".But how did the editor-in-chief use his favorite strategy to turn defeat into victory?On the first day he took office, he smiled and said to his colleagues in his inaugural speech: "I know that I am here to take up the post, not to mention being the editor-in-chief, even being a staff member in the reference room is not qualified, because in terms of data management, I only know a little bit. Therefore, I have a kind of wish, I hope to ride in the big car of journalists, and at the same time, I also hope that after taking the big car, I can gain the trust of colleagues in the field. In the future, I will go to the bank to ask for cooperation and do it for my colleagues A kind of home purchase installment payment close to the city..."

Before he finished speaking, there was already a round of applause at the table, and everyone supported his coming to the stage.He knew that his predecessor stepped down because the housing problem was not resolved, and these old reporters were most concerned about this.It was precisely by grasping this vital point that he found a foothold.

2. Cater to the interests of others

A female star in Taiwan needs one or two short scripts, and she hopes that a well-known Japanese writer can write for her.This writer is well-versed in Chinese and Western, and his writing style is humorous, but his temper is very eccentric, and he often rejects the invitations of ordinary people.

The singer called her friend for advice on how to ask him.

"What skits are you going to ask him to write?"

"I hope he will write about gender-neutral love for me, but there must be new content, not the old story."

"That's fine, he's written a lot of these things before, and you just have to say you know he's written them and you admire him."

Two days later, the singer called her friend and said happily, "He agreed to write two short plays for me without waiting for my request."

Her friend said: "During your dinner, you kept talking about his past masterpieces, didn't you?"

"You guessed it right, I mainly talked about how his works are loved by people in Taiwan."

What this female star uses is actually the art of catering to other people's interests in interpersonal communication.In fact, interpersonal communication is really not difficult. We just need to grasp the psychology of others and use a little trick to win the battle.Through learning, everyone can become a communication genius.

Compliment Skills You Should Master

Compliments help people form a good relationship, and then make a deal and maintain a good relationship.Compliments are very important for salesmen. Complimenting others is a good thing, but it is by no means an easy task.If you don't judge the situation and master the praise skills, even if the salesman sincerely praises the customer, it will turn a good thing into a bad thing.When complimenting clients, the following techniques can be used.

One is that it varies from person to person.The quality of customers is divided into high and low, and their ages are different. Therefore, compliments should vary from person to person, highlighting individuality, and compliments with references can receive better results than general compliments.Older customers always hope that people can recall their glory days. When talking with them, salesmen can use their proud past as a topic to win the favor of customers; for young customers, they may wish to praise him appropriately and exaggeratedly. The pioneering spirit and fighting spirit of the great man, and comparing the youth of the great man with him, proves that he will indeed be able to rise to the top in the future; for businessmen, he can be praised for his ability to do business and make money; for intellectuals, he can be praised for his indifference to fame and wealth, profound knowledge, etc. .Of course, all praise should be based on facts, and never exaggerate.

The second is to be specific.Usually, it is rare for customers to have remarkable achievements. Therefore, salesmen should be good at discovering even the slightest strengths of customers, and praise them without losing the opportunity.Let customers feel the sincerity, kindness and credibility of the salesman, so that the distance between them will naturally become closer.

The third is sincerity.The essence of speaking is sincerity.Although everyone likes to hear compliments, if the salesman's compliments are not based on facts or from the heart, it will be difficult for customers to believe the salesman, and even customers will think that the salesman is mocking him.

Fourth, it is timely.Complimenting customers requires acting in the camera.Complimenting at the beginning can bring you closer to the customer, and it will be too late to praise the customer after the deal is closed.If the customer has just suffered a setback, the salesman's praise can often play a role in motivating his fighting spirit.But if the client has made some achievements, has been surrounded by praise and has resistance to praise, adding praise is easy to be regarded as a suspicion of sycophancy.

The fifth is to give charcoal in a timely manner.In our lives, people often give praise to those successful winners.However, such winners are very few after all. Many people are hit everywhere in normal times, and it is difficult to hear a word of praise.At this time, sending a word of praise is like sending charcoal in the snow.

Salesmen need to master the necessary praise skills in the process of communicating with people.The timely praise of the salesman to the customer can often make the customer treat the salesman as a bosom friend.In this environment, it is easiest to strike a deal.Of course, for salesmen, don't feel any uneasiness in your heart, thinking that you are selling products by building relationships with customers.This approach works as long as the salesman's compliment is sincere.

Compliments don't have to be expressed in words, you can express your compliments to customers through eyes, gestures or smiles.

Praise should be properly measured

If you want to have a good communication effect, you must accurately grasp the method of praise, so that the praise is appropriate without losing the degree, so as to achieve twice the result with half the effort.

1. Choose your moment
In communication, we must seize the opportunity carefully.Appropriate praise is very necessary. Praise should be in line with the atmosphere and conditions at that time, and have a certain "time limit" constraint.When you find that the other party has something worthy of praise, you must praise it boldly in time, and don't miss the opportunity.Compliments that don't know the time are tantamount to going the opposite direction, and the result can only be the opposite of what you want, can't achieve the desired effect, and even produce certain side effects.At the same time, you should also remember: when your friend finds some kind of inadequacy in himself and needs to correct it, but you praise his inadequacy, it is bound to be self-defeating and counterproductive.There is an old adage of "persuading the good and regulating the bad", which is also a standard of conduct in modern communication.

2. Varies from person to person
In interpersonal communication, you should also pay attention to the age, education level, occupation, personality, hobbies, characteristics, etc. of the communication partner. It should be different from person to person, and you should be cautious. Do not praise or flatter each other at will, especially for new friends.For example, if you say to a girl who is worried about being overweight: "You have such a good figure!" The girl will definitely think that you are making fun of her and will be very unhappy.But if you say this to a girl who is proud of her good figure, it can increase the girl's favor and trust in you.In real life, there are still many insightful people who like to make "fearful friends" who "balance the morals and meet the faults". They like to be "outspoken". The more you point out his shortcomings, the more he likes you, and the more you Praise him, but he hates you more.When interacting with such people, praise needs to be cautious.

3. Appropriate
How well the scale of praise is mastered often directly affects the effect of praise.Appropriate praise without leaving traces and enough praise is the secret of success.Using too much flowery rhetoric, excessive praise, and empty flattery can only make the other party feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable, even embarrassing, numb, and disgusting, and the result is counterproductive.If you say to a friend who has better handwriting: "Your handwriting is the most beautiful in the world!" The result of your praise will only embarrass both parties.But if you say this: "Your handwriting is beautiful!" Your friend must be very happy, and maybe he will introduce to you his experience and experience in calligraphy practice.Of course, if the degree of praise is not enough, it will not be a compliment, and it will also fail to achieve the expected purpose.

In short, praise needs to be sincere and needs to leave no trace.A sincere attitude is the key to people's success in communication. We must try our best to show sincerity, only from the heart can we be sincere.If you know that there is no beauty to praise and you are reluctant to do it, it is better to avoid talking about it.

Aura is the feeling we convey to others.Others can perceive our personality, temperament, emotions, mental outlook, psychological state, etc. through our aura.When our hearts are filled with love, it is easy for others to feel it.Love is a kind of influence, but also a kind of aura. Love makes us stand out in the crowd, love makes the surroundings full of love, and makes us blend into the ocean of love.

(End of this chapter)