The psychology of the aura that makes your heart strong
Chapter 15 The Golden Rule of Aura Gathering Networks and Creating a King of Social Popularity
Chapter 15 The Golden Rule of Aura Gathering Networks and Creating a King of Social Popularity
Love is the most economical investment
The person who likes others and can make others like him is the most successful person in the world.Most successful people like to socialize and form their own social networks.For example, if you want someone to recommend a few friends, if this person is a failure, he will provide you with one or two people with great difficulty, and find the address and phone number of these two people with great difficulty.Successful people are different. They recommend a lot of friends and look for them on a long list because the list includes all kinds of friends.This can show the difference between successful people and losers in making friends.
Most successful people have a large network of relationships.This kind of network is made up of various friends, including past confidantes, new inbred friends, men and women, seniors, peers or juniors, high-status and low-status, and people from different industries. , have different specialties, and also have different places... Such a network of relationships is a relatively comprehensive network.That is to say, in your network, there should be all kinds of friends who can provide you with different help from different angles; of course, you should also provide them with different help according to their different needs.This is the characteristic that a relationship network should have.
Interacting extensively with people is a source of opportunity.The wider the range of contacts, the higher the probability of encountering opportunities.There are many opportunities that are obtained in the association with friends, sometimes even when they are careless.In many cases, people are given rare opportunities through referrals from friends, information from friends, and a variety of other sources.
For every great winner there is another winner.No one reaches the pinnacle of their career by relying on their own strength. If you are determined to become an outstanding person, you must not ignore interpersonal relationships. You must establish your own interpersonal network, because this network can benefit us for life a kind of capital.
1. Exchange sincerity for sincerity
You may have heard such a story.
A boy was very angry with his mother and wanted to yell at his mother that he hated her. Afraid of being punished, he ran out of the house and went up the hillside and yelled into the valley, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you !” The echo came from the valley: “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” The boy was taken aback, and ran home to tell his mother that there was a nasty little boy in the valley who told him he hated him.So his mother took him back to the mountainside and told him to shout, "I love you! I love you!" The boy did as his mother told him, and this time he found a cute little boy in the valley responding Him: "I love you! I love you!"
If you treat the people around you with sincerity, and others will treat you with sincerity, then you will win more things.
Among the people we come into contact with, there will be all kinds of people, some of them are compatible with us, and some are not.Although we have the right to choose what kind of people to associate with, and we can even try not to associate with people who are not in harmony with our personality, but this is by no means a wise choice.Because no matter at any time, we all live in a group, which means we must get along with such and such people.Only when we actively adapt to each other's personality traits and treat everyone around us sincerely can we establish good interpersonal relationships.
2. Keep a proper distance
Interpersonal communication is an activity that satisfies human needs.Psychologist Homans proposed as early as 1974 that the communication between people is essentially a kind of social exchange, which follows the same principle as commodity exchange in the market, that is, people hope What you get is not less than what you pay for.In fact, if you get more than you pay, people will lose their psychological balance.
One of the mistakes people who are new to the social circle often make is to "do all the good things at once", thinking that doing things for the other party wholeheartedly will make the relationship between the two parties harmonious and close.Not so.Because people can't blindly accept other people's contributions, otherwise they will feel unbalanced psychologically. "The kindness of a drop of water is reciprocated by the spring", which is also a way to balance the relationship.If good deeds are done all at once, making people feel unable to reciprocate or have no chance to reciprocate, guilt will make the beneficiary choose to alienate the beneficiary.Leave room for good things not to be done all at once. This is an important criterion for balancing interpersonal relationships.
Leave room and keep a proper distance, because each other's hearts need a little space.If you want to help others and want to maintain a long-term relationship with them, then you might as well give them a chance to reciprocate, so as not to alienate you because of inner pressure. "Excessive investment", if you don't give the other party a chance to breathe, it will suffocate the other party's soul.Leave room for each other to breathe freely and freely.
3. Let others trust you
An important condition for having a good interpersonal relationship is interpersonal trust.Human emotional communication is homogeneous, love begets love, jealousy begets envy, hate begets hate, this is the positive correlation effect of emotions.Therefore, we can only arouse love with love, repay love with love, arouse trust with trust, and return trust with trust.
Due to many reasons, one of the problems that many people have in interpersonal communication is that it is difficult to trust others. In the eyes of some people, society is as complicated as a black hole, and you cannot see its true colors. Others are unpredictable and untrustworthy. of.Therefore, in dealing with people, there are many doubts, lest you be deceived.It is true that people with bad intentions must be guarded against, but they are a minority after all, and we cannot reject even friends for thousands of miles.Excessive suspicion, suspicion, and mistrust will make it difficult for people to make friends and form corresponding interpersonal relationships.In this atmosphere, work and study will be affected, and psychological pressure will also be great.
However, there are also some people who tend to go to extremes. They are not defensive to anyone in interpersonal communication and have a high degree of trust. This approach is not advisable.Some people are not very discerning, and excessive trust in others will cause them to lose their due vigilance, allowing people with ulterior motives to take advantage of them.
Seven communication rules to enhance aura
When people get along with each other, the popularity index is very important. Usually, the popularity index is directly proportional to the popularity.
1. Make an effort to be interested in others
A person who is sincere and interested in the people around him makes more friends in 2 months than a person who strives to make people interested in him makes more friends in 2 years.
There are some people who spend their lives trying to interest others, without expressing any interest in anyone themselves.Nothing good will come of this.These people are not interested in anyone else, they are only interested in themselves.
If you want to make friends, you must not be selfish and strive to care about others, and this takes time and enthusiasm.
So, if you want to arouse people's interest, the first rule you should follow is: show genuine interest in others.
2. Make a good impression
At a banquet, there was a woman who had inherited a large inheritance, and she was eager to impress everyone.She bought mink coats and jewelry, but she didn't notice the agitation and selfishness of her face.She didn't understand that every man knows that a woman's face is more important than her dress.
Expressions and actions are more expressive than words.A smile seems to say: "I like you, you make me happy, and I am glad to see you." The reason we like dogs is that dogs are always happy to see their owners, and they will jump around with satisfaction!Naturally, we are also happy to see it.Sometimes, we also see fake smiles, but no one can hide this kind of smile.A fake smile can only make people feel fake.To make a good impression on others, you have to show a warm smile, a smile from the heart.
3. Be considerate and considerate of others
A caring person always puts himself in other people's shoes and does not make others nervous, restrained, let alone embarrassing.It is said that Shakespeare is very empathetic, and in the process of interacting with people, he can change according to the different characteristics of the interacting objects, time and place.Literary critic William Hazlitt pointed out: "Shakespeare has no self at all. He can be anyone other than Shakespeare, or anyone else who wants him to be. Not only does he have every talent and every The germ of a feeling, and he can instinctively predict where they will grow with each change of fate, or each conflict of emotion, or each change of thought, and he can follow these germs The bud extends to every conceivable branch."
4. Be a good conversationalist
Where is the secret to a successful conversation?Renowned scholar Charlie Eliot said: "There is no secret at all. . . . Listening attentively is the most important thing. Nothing beats paying attention—this kind of respect for the speaker." Listening can make The other person feels respected and appreciated, which is what the other person wants.
If you want to be liked, please remember the fourth rule: be good at listening to others and encouraging them to speak.
5. To pique the interest of others
If you want to be liked, the fifth rule to follow is: Talk about what interests your interlocutor.If you want to find the key to open your heart, you must talk to him about what he yearns for the most.
When Rambo was about to be elected as the deputy manager, one of the directors suddenly expressed his objection. This accident caused Rambo's appointment to be shelved.
Rambo found out from his friends that the director had a hobby of collecting ancient and rare books, and he was very excited whenever he met a bosom friend and was praised by others.Rambo called the director and said sincerely: "It will be the honor of my life if I can appreciate the precious book praised by people in your study room."
The director invited Rambo to come to his study room, and introduced the origin of some ancient books to Rambo.
Lambo sincerely praised while watching, thanking the director for opening his eyes and increasing his knowledge, and from time to time he cast admiring and admiring gazes at the director.
Through this exchange, the director fully agreed to Rambo's appointment as the deputy manager, and Rambo also admired the director's knowledge, and the two became close friends.
6. Makes people happy when they meet
There is a rule of great importance concerning the conduct of men.If you don't take this rule lightly, you will almost never end up in a difficult situation.Whoever follows this rule will have many friends and be happy; whoever violates it will suffer setbacks.This principle is: respect the merits of others.Follow this guideline and you'll get compliments from those you come in contact with, you'll get recognition for your strengths, and you'll feel like you can make a difference in that little world.
Communication between people mainly depends on language. You should talk about the topics that the other person wants to know, are interested in, and pay attention to, talk about what he likes to hear, and praise him more.If we say that both criticism and encouragement are a means of motivating and stimulating people, then, in most cases, proper praise can often receive better results.A person with a wide smile, who is good at discovering and digging out the advantages of others and giving them compliments will definitely be respected and loved by others.
In life, everyone wants to be praised by others.Praise will stimulate the self-esteem and pride of the praiseee, from which they can understand their own advantages and value; praise can make interpersonal relationships harmonious and bring people a good mood; and, while encouraging and respecting each other, people also Enriched their survival intelligence.
7. Save face for others
Whoever you hurt may have long been forgotten, but the person you hurt will never forget, and he will never remember your strengths.
It's important to save face for others, and we rarely think about it.We often ruthlessly hurt other people's face, their self-esteem, and their feelings, but we are self-righteous.We scold a child or subordinate in front of others, and even make violent threats to them, with little regard for their self-esteem.In fact, as long as you think calmly for a minute or two, say a few words of understanding, and be lenient to others, you can reduce the harm to others, and the outcome of the matter will be greatly different.
In 1922, after centuries of hostility, Turkey finally resolved to expel the Greeks from Turkish territory.Mustafa Kemal delivered a speech to his soldiers. He said: "Keep on attacking. Your destination is the Mediterranean." And so began one of the bloodiest wars in modern history.Turkey ultimately won.
When the Greek generals Dilicopis and Dionysius went to Kemal's headquarters to surrender, the Turkish soldiers insulted them loudly, but Kemal showed no arrogance of victory. He held their hands, Said: "Please sit down, gentlemen, you must be tired from walking."
Then, after discussing the details of the surrender, Kemal comforted the two losers, saying in a soldier-to-soldier tone: "Gentlemen, there are many accidents in war, and sometimes the best soldiers fight. defeat."
Even in the excitement of overall victory, Kemal still remembered this important principle for the long-term benefit - to save face for others.
Be able to discern carefully the intentions, motives, feelings, and thoughts of others.A person with strong social skills must be a person who can calculate. They will consider the consequences of their actions, calculate the possible actions of others, and calculate their own benefits and losses. All these calculations are based on possible changes in relevant factors. made under the circumstances.Therefore, only people with strong cognitive abilities and good at observing words and emotions can make these calculations under complex and changeable situations.Everyone has this kind of interpersonal intelligence, the key is how we can continuously strengthen them and how to make them play out in our lives.
Being polite can increase your social popularity
Etiquette is like spring wind and rain, and etiquette will improve your communication quality.Orison Madden says that if your social relationships are a machine, then politeness is the lubricant in that machine.
As the saying goes, it is not surprising that there are many people who are polite.In contemporary society, social etiquette cannot be ignored. "Courteousness" has become a criterion for judging a person's social status and education level, and also an objective basis for measuring the basic quality of a modern person.In fact, I don’t know if you realize that in most cases, the success of your communication and the development of your career largely depend on whether you respect others.For example, taking off one's hat and hugging in Europe and the United States, and bowing in ancient China are the minimum greetings for people to meet each other.In modern society, people perform a handshake ceremony, that is, when they meet, the two parties often greet each other first, and then shake hands with each other.For close friends, you can stretch out your hands and hold them for a long time and firmly.People with ordinary relationships can reach out and shake hands. This is "ritual".
China has been a country of etiquette since ancient times. The national character of the Chinese is much more subtle than that of Westerners, so they pay more attention to etiquette.In the past, due to the shackles of traditional culture, many people paid attention to red tape, which made people's understanding of "propriety" biased. Modern Chinese people's concept of etiquette is becoming increasingly indifferent, so that they one-sidedly think that etiquette is only for elders and superiors. People who have no stake in it don't need to do more.Some people even think that etiquette is just a means of socializing.
In fact, everyone wants to be respected by others and to live a righteous life.Only when a person is recognized and respected by others can he further affirm the meaning of his life.From this point of view, etiquettes such as respect and understanding are by no means rules and regulations, and they are by no means duplicity greetings, but sincere behaviors from the heart.
So, how to make yourself polite, so as to open up the situation for your social life?Here should start from the following aspects.
1. Handshake
Most of them are used as greetings or greetings, and it is also the etiquette when meeting or saying goodbye to relatives and friends who have been reunited for a long time.It is customary to shake hands as an expression of gratitude or mutual encouragement.For example, after giving a gift or awarding a prize, you can shake hands to express congratulations, gratitude or encouragement.
2. nodding
This is polite manner when greeting others.It is usually used on the occasion of greeting and seeing off, especially when welcoming and seeing off many people. Nodding can be used to greet many people at the same time, expressing the joy when meeting or the melancholy when parting.Nodding is also sometimes used in other occasions.
3. Hands up
This is also polite manners when greeting others.It is usually used when meeting the other party at a long distance or passing by in a hurry. Its intention is to express that you have recognized the other party, but you cannot stop to salute or talk to the other party due to conditional restrictions. This kind of random politeness can eliminate The other party's misunderstanding, and achieve a satisfactory effect similar to a normal greeting.
4. stand up
This is a polite way for a humble person to show respect to a respectable person.It is now often used to pay tribute to the presence of the speaker or the presence of important guests at gatherings.Usually, when a sitting man sees a standing lady, or a sitting young man sees an old man who has just entered the house, or when he watches them leave, he can stand up briefly to show his respect.
5. bow (bend down)
Bending or bowing are both polite manners to express self-effacing to others, which is equivalent to paying tribute to the other party.The difference between it and bowing is only the difference in degree, that is, bowing requires lowering the head, while bowing or bending is just a slight leaning of the body forward, but the head does not have to be lowered, and the eyes can still look directly at each other.
6. to applaud
This is a polite way of expressing approval or congratulating someone.It is usually used to listen to other people's long speeches and lectures, and to express one's appreciation, admiration or best wishes after watching or listening to other people's performances or performances.The applause is generally loud, but it is also possible to just applaud without making a sound, but it should be seen directly by the other party.
7. Fist
This is a polite manner for people with similar status to pay respect to each other. It evolved from the etiquette gesture of long bows when ancient Chinese literati met or said goodbye to each other.
8. Heshi (put your hands together in front of your chest)
This is a polite behavior with dual meanings of respect and gratitude. At first it was only popular among monks, that is, Buddhist disciples, and later it was gradually spread among lay people.Because this kind of polite behavior is very elegant and suitable for both refined and popular tastes, many people are willing to use it.
9. Hugs
This is a polite way of expressing close affection.Usually only used for foreign affairs and special occasions sent to usher.Sometimes, when the misunderstanding is eliminated, the two parties who have previous suspicions often use hugs to express some complicated feelings that are difficult to explain in words.But this kind of expression is used more cautiously among the opposite sex in our country, and it is not used easily.
Of course, there are many polite manners, and here are just a few of the more common ones.Fundamentally speaking, any of us can do these etiquettes. As long as we pay attention to one or two things in our daily life, the various thoughts and feelings contained in them will be integrated into the hearts of others and will be sincerely praised by others. This not only shows that You are a polite person, which can make you feel like a fish in water and smooth in interpersonal communication.
Cultivate an aura of affinity
Some people are very popular, even if it is the first time to interact with people, they are very attractive and likable.What's the secret?
A person is not forced to like whomever he likes.
There is also such a person, although he is the best among us, but we may not be willing to have a deep friendship with him.If you want to ask the reason, there is only one, I feel uncomfortable with him.Because of the excellent momentum he exudes, we feel depressed and inferior.No matter how great the man is, people will keep him at a respectful distance.
Listed below are the three major psychological needs of ordinary people.If you can grasp these three needs well, you can increase your attractiveness and affinity, and let you gain popularity.
1. accommodate
Acceptance is the nourishment of relationships.Everyone wants to be fully accepted and to be able to get along with others with ease.
Under normal circumstances, few people dare to expose themselves completely.Therefore, if someone makes us feel at ease and uninhibited, we are very willing to be with him, that is to say, we hope to be friends with people who can accept us.
People who love to find fault must not be easy to make good friends.Please don't set standards to make other people's actions conform to your own standards.Please give the other party the right to be themselves, even if the other party has some special hobbies.
Don't expect the other party's actions to be completely in line with your own requirements, but make the people around you feel at ease.
People who can accept willfulness and roughness often have great power to drive others upward.
A psychologist said: "To change a willful or rough person, there is no other better way than to show him kindness and let him change himself."
Although many excellent people can influence people who are kind in nature, they are often helpless when it comes to willful and rude people.why?Because good people usually can't accept rough people and don't accommodate them emotionally, how can this make the other person better?A well-known psychiatrist said about tolerance in interpersonal relationships: "If everyone has the tolerance, then we will be unemployed! The essence of psychiatry is that doctors can find out the advantages of patients and accept them. , and allow patients to accept themselves. Everyone is born very relaxed, showing fear and shame at the same time. Doctors listen quietly to patients, they do not preach with offensive morals Come to criticize anyone, so patients dare to tell everything about themselves, including what they are ashamed of and their own shortcomings. When he feels that someone can accommodate and accept him, he will accept himself and have the courage to move towards a better life the road of life."
2. admit
The second longing in every human heart is to be recognized.
Acknowledgment goes deeper than acceptance.Accommodating is actually a passive approach.We accommodate each other's shortcomings and shortcomings, which is just a passive approach.The proactive approach is to find out the strengths of the other party, not just to accept and endure the shortcomings of the other party.
One day a father took a child who he thought was hopeless to a psychologist.The child has been taught that he is useless.At the beginning, he didn't say a word, no matter how the doctor asked and enlightened him, he never opened his mouth, and the psychologist couldn't do anything for a while.Later, the psychologist found a clue to the cure from what the child's father said, because the father insisted: "This child has no merits at all. I think he is hopeless and hopeless!"
Psychologists began to apply the method of recognition to find out the strengths of children-it is impossible for children to have no strengths.In the end, the doctor found that the child liked to sculpt, and it could even be said that he had a high talent in this area.The child likes to carve, and the furniture at home is often scratched by him, with knife marks everywhere, so he is often punished.The psychologist bought him a set of carving tools and gave him a piece of high-quality wood, then taught him the correct carving method, and kept encouraging him: "My child, you are the best carver among the people I know." one of the
Since then, doctors and children have been in frequent contact.In the contact with the child, the psychiatrist slowly finds other advantages of him to affirm him.Then one day, the child took the initiative to clean the room without being asked.This incident shocked everyone.The psychologist asked him why he did this?
The child replied, "I want to make you happy, teacher."
Recognition is what every human being craves, and it is not difficult to satisfy this desire.
If you praise a computer expert for his good vision, good at reading the market, and insight into the development trend of computers, he may not take it seriously, thinking that you are just flattering him.Because he himself has admitted that he is a computer expert.However, if you look at it from another angle, if you praise the home-cooked food he cooks is very delicious, maybe he will be overjoyed.
The principle of praising people is: Only by praising others' strengths that have not yet been shown can people be happy.Everyone has lesser-known strengths, why don't we discover these lesser-known aspects?
3. Pay attention to
Everyone wants to be valued.
The so-called emphasis is to enhance its value.We all want others to value our worth.
The antonym of emphasizing is despising.
Please don't forget that man is the most noble and important creature in the world.In order to show our importance to others, please pay attention to the following methods: do not neglect people; for visitors who cannot meet immediately, we should ask him to meet him as soon as possible; always thank others; treat people "specially".
Former U.S. Postal Service Secretary James Farley was an approachable person who valued others.Mr. Farley is an expert on how to build rapport and make people like themselves.Once, at a "Books and Readers" meeting in Philadelphia, when Mr. Farley and the other speakers were going to a hotel for lunch, they encountered a waitress in the hallway pushing a dining trolley. There are tablecloths, towels and other utensils.Others walked around the cart, and the waiter paid no attention to them.At this time, Mr. Farley walked over to her, held out his hand and said, "Hi, hello, I'm James Farley. Could you tell me your name? Nice to meet you."
As the group walked through the hall, some turned their heads and saw the girl with her mouth open wide, looking very surprised, but a sweet smile broke out on her face immediately.
Farley is a very successful person in real life, approachable in social situations, good at creating a comfortable, natural, relaxed atmosphere, and has good interpersonal relationships.
Everyone thinks of himself as a unique individual, a "special" existence.Therefore, we must pay attention to this point, recognize the unique value of each person, and then pay attention to it, so that we will naturally win the sincere smile and intimacy of others.
Follow the law that peace is the most important thing
There is a famous saying in Confucianism, "peace is the most important thing".There is a rule of thumb for family managers, "everything prospers in harmony with the family".Businessmen have a creed, "peace makes money".Rulers pay attention to peace.It can be seen that seeking "peace" is an important part of life.Throughout the ages, "harmony" has been the realm pursued by sages and benevolent people.In history, examples of seeking "peace" and seeking tolerance are not uncommon.All of this is to show people that "peace is the most important thing" and not to beggars to neighbors. "Harmony" can quell the anger of hatred, so that enemies will no longer retaliate against each other, but turn hostility into friendship.
The Japanese also attach great importance to "harmony", and some entrepreneurs even regard it as their business philosophy and entrepreneurial spirit.But the "harmony" advocated by the Chinese is different from the "harmony" respected by the Japanese.The Japanese "和" refers to completely abandoning one's own opinions, agreeing with the opinions of the group, and finally reaching a consensus.It is closer to the "sameness" proposed by Confucius. "Same" means not having one's own opinions, blindly agreeing with others, and echoing what others say.Confucius said: "Gentlemen are harmonious but different, villains are homogeneous but not harmonious." "Harmony" refers to maintaining one's own independence on the one hand, and on the other hand being able to coordinate with the people around. .
"Peace is the most precious" is also the strategy of the rulers, because it implies peace, peace and security.Those who rule the country hope that the country will be peaceful, without disputes, peaceful development, and without war.Lin Yutang believed that "peace" is an outstanding understanding of human beings. Chinese people especially love peace and oppose war, because the Chinese nation is a rational nation. And the ideal of life for you.
"Harmony is the most important" is also reflected in the harmony between man and the natural environment.The progress of society and the development of science and technology have greatly improved the living standards and quality of life of human beings, but at the same time, they have also brought many negative effects and hazards - air pollution, resource depletion, environmental deterioration... The contradiction between man and nature has become increasingly prominent , apply the concept of "harmony" to integrate people's ideology, guide people to act, and realize the harmony between man and nature.
"Harmony" is still an important principle for coordinating interpersonal relationships today.The diversification and complexity of social life lead to all kinds of discord among people, discord will lead to differences, differences will lead to friction, friction will lead to contradictions, and the intensification of contradictions will lead to fights.Especially when there are conflicts of interest between people, struggle is inevitable, and there are too many ways to fight.There are both open and secret wars.However, no matter what kind of struggle is used, it will hurt the harmony between each other and cause unnecessary losses.
To be a person should seek "harmony", not "sameness", but harmony but difference.Advocating "harmony" does not require people to stick together, stress harmony, compromise and humility without principled positions, but to pursue a harmonious interpersonal relationship that is united and progressive, and to pursue an atmosphere of mutual help and mutual assistance in work. Forgiving and generous to oneself. "Harmony" is a good environment for career success and the goal everyone pursues.A harmonious family will make people feel warm; a harmonious interpersonal relationship will make people feel comfortable; a peaceful environment will make people feel at ease in construction; a peaceful atmosphere will make the world full of warmth.
Get rid of self-centered ideas
When dealing with interpersonal relationships, some people tend to value themselves too much, put themselves in the most central position, take their emotions as their emotions, their will as their will, and only hope to satisfy their own desires in everything.They don't want to make any sacrifices for others, they don't care about others, they demand that all people center on them, and they wish that the whole earth revolves around them and obeys them.They are unwilling to proceed from objective reality and cannot obey others and the collective.This kind of person has a strong desire to be respected by others, but does not know that he has to respect others.In short, these people's hearts are full of self, but they have no other people, and they believe in the creed of "people are not for themselves, and heaven and earth will destroy them".
Undoubtedly, this overly self-centered consciousness is extremely detrimental to him.This will seriously affect his self-image, and he will be disgusted and looked down upon by others.Because this kind of person is all focused on chasing petty gains and meaningless personal gains and losses, he has no lofty ideals and lofty goals, so it is impossible to have good interpersonal relationships.Just imagine, who would like to work with such a person for a long time or as a lifelong companion?People who are very "self" often lose both friends and ultimately themselves because they value themselves too much.It can be said that what this kind of person gets in the end is only sesame seeds, but what he loses is watermelon, which is really not worth the candle.
So how do you overcome this self-centeredness?
1. Change your perception
You have to face up to the social reality. Everyone in society has their own desires and needs, as well as their own rights and obligations. This will inevitably lead to conflicts, and it is impossible for everyone to get what they want.This requires everyone to face up to the objective reality, learn to reciprocate courtesy, and make some concessions when necessary.Of course, you have the right to recognize yourself and satisfy your desires, but you cannot just care about yourself and ignore the existence of others.If everyone has only self in their hearts, then no one will have a good life.
2. Jump out of the circle of self, put yourself in the shoes of others and think for others
Understand others, and learn to respect, care, and help others, so that you can get rewards from others and experience the value and happiness of life from it.
A person who is too egotistical does not know how to respect others at all.However, respecting other people's personality is a good way to win others' affection.Personality, for everyone, is the most important and precious.Everyone has such a desire, that is to satisfy their self-esteem, to be understood, respected and appreciated.If you do not respect other people's personality and hurt their self-esteem, if he is not a person with a very high spiritual realm, he may laugh it off at the time, but he will not like you very much in the future.On the contrary, if you satisfy his self-esteem and make him feel that his own worth has been affirmed, then he will be grateful for everything you do.He has a sense of gratitude for you and will like you for it.
Many good politicians are good at this.In order to win people's hearts and win their support and support, they will never easily hurt other people's self-esteem and feelings.An expert on the political scene in Washington pointed out: "Many politicians can smile and respect others, no matter what other people think, they will agree. They will calculate other people's thoughts and can control the movement of these thoughts."
Don't belittle other people's personality, don't hurt other people's self-esteem.Only when you respect others, others will like you.If you satisfy the spiritual needs of others, others will satisfy your spiritual needs.
3. Improve self-cultivation
Fully realize the unreality, irrationality and harmfulness of self-centered consciousness, learn to control self-desires and words and deeds, put the satisfaction of self-interest on the basis of being reasonable and not harming others, and care about Give some to others, and save some care for yourself.
How to deal with difficult people
Not all people are easy to approach. In life, we often encounter so-called difficult people.Among those who are difficult to get along with, some people are taciturn all day long, even if you ask for a topic, he will not talk to you; People are picky and picky about your work; some people are shallow and boring, full of vulgar tastes... If you only get along with these people occasionally, the problem is that sometimes you will be forced to communicate, get along and work with them for a long time. In this case, your troubles can be imagined.How to get along with these difficult people is indeed an art.
1. Find the reason from yourself and make yourself approachable
You have to figure out if the troubles that make it difficult to get along with others are your own problems, or if you are asking too much of others.You can see if what you consider a "difficult person" is also difficult for others.If others don't feel this way, then you have to find the reason in yourself or in the relationship between the two of you.
If it is your own reason, then you must first change yourself and make yourself as approachable as possible.
2. Use empathy
For a really difficult person, you have to learn to put yourself in his situation, that is, use empathy.You don't have to argue with him, let alone force him to do something, but you should calmly ask him why he treats others in this way. In this case, even if your purpose is not achieved, it can be eased to a certain extent. the relationship between you.Of course, even if the reasons he said may seem ridiculous to you, you don't have to refute him right away, but try to find some real elements from his words (there must be some), in this way, It can further ease the relationship between you and make both parties feel comfortable.
3. Listen and communicate
Of course, it is not an easy task to achieve the empathy mentioned above.Here, I suggest that you learn to adopt some methods often used by psychological counseling experts, that is, learn to listen. "Listening" is sometimes more important than hundreds of "speaking".At the same time, you can also use appropriate methods to let him know that you are very disturbed by the way he treats you.This approach can often ease the hostility of difficult people.If in this case, the other party still does not accept your favor, you can bluntly confess to him that "now" is not the best time to talk, and you will have more exchanges "after a while", and emphasize that this is the relationship between the two of you. Must do work.The purpose of this is to enable both parties to emerge gracefully from the deadlock.If you can deal with "difficult" people in a tolerant way, then over time, the other person will change his behavior consciously or unconsciously, and match your high level, thus avoiding a lot of unnecessary trouble.
4. Exercise self-restraint
A person must have the ability of self-restraint, and never show impatience with the people you deal with, especially those you may particularly dislike or even hate.Don't be impulsive, as long as you calm down and list out the advantages and excellences of the people you hate as much as possible, you will restrain your emotions.If you list a little every day, over time, you will be surprised to find that the person you didn't like has so many lovable qualities.After discovering his likability, you suddenly feel that you have no reason to hate him.Of course, in the process of making these new discoveries about others, others will also discover many new things about you, and discover many lovable qualities in you.
If you've lived more than half of your life and haven't established harmonious relationships, don't assume that nothing is set in stone, you should take definite steps to fix it.As long as you are willing to put in the effort, you can change yourself and become a well-known, loved, and respected person.The following sentence may be used to make us all vigilant: the greatest tragedy of a person is to spend his whole life covering up and justifying his mistakes.It's like having a defective record placed on a record player, and when the record player's needle sinks into the groove of the record, it plays the same tune over and over again.At this time, you must take the needle out of the groove of the record, so that you will no longer hear dissonant tunes, but will hear melodic music.Stop wasting time trying to justify your failures in relationships, and spend that time developing your own character and winning friendships.Because harmonious interpersonal relationship is the most important condition for success.
Harmonious relationship with colleagues
As the saying goes, "the workplace is like a battlefield", everyone has different goals at work, so the relationship between colleagues is also complicated.
1. Learn to get along with sharp colleagues
A commentator emphasized that it is necessary to associate with idiots in order to exercise oneself and make oneself a strong person.People with idiosyncrasies have edges and corners all over their body. You may not be used to interacting with such people at the beginning, and you will be scarred by confronting their edges and corners, but you must not retreat because of this, otherwise you will lose precious opportunities to exercise yourself.Learn to endure and love those who have edges and corners.In this way, no matter how sharp edges and corners you encounter, you will not feel pain, and you will even feel that it is a kind of pleasure.In this way, you may become a well-rounded person, and you can get the greatest joy in your limited life.Long-term association with a person with a habit, the edges and corners of the other party will be integrated into your body and seep into the blood. As the body absorbs the molecules of the other person, you can feel that you have become a deeper person.
In your career, you have to deal with all kinds of people. Don’t dislike them just because they are people you don’t like; you might as well learn how to properly communicate with such people, so that you can gradually grow into a person with measure People who can stand out at work.
2. Colleagues should not talk casually
To be a "company person", social activities are inevitably related to the company.After get off work, having a glass of wine and chatting with colleagues will not only help your daily work, but you may also know news related to the company.Therefore, it is natural to attend all kinds of gatherings held by the company, and it is also necessary to play one or two "social" mahjong games with colleagues and superiors, but one thing must be kept in mind: don't talk casually.
Among colleagues, friendship can exist only when everyone has given up competing with each other, or knows that competition is useless.Otherwise, if you show your sincerity and have real feelings, you will only ask for trouble.For example, A and B are at the same level, and they are good friends, there is only one chance to upgrade.If A is promoted, B will not be promoted, how does B think?If B continues to be friendly with A, it will inevitably be considered as a follower; it is not natural for A to take the initiative to be friendly with B.
3. Foolishness will only lead to unforeseen disasters
A well-known university once held a 13-week business theory workshop on the theme of "The Benefits of Honesty and Straightforwardness." One year later, someone started an investigation and found that more than half of the people who participated in the workshop had left their original workplaces.After a series of follow-up interviews, I learned that they applied the management methods learned in the lectures to their work, which caused serious conflicts and had to leave.
Reasonable frankness and integrity are lovely at first glance, but if applied repeatedly, they will slowly lead to the destruction of friendships, marriages, transactions and careers.For example, a person who is full of theory and has a frank and stupid personality will probably not be welcomed by the people around him.If this kind of person takes the position of director of the company, it is tantamount to exposing the most vulnerable and defenseless side to some subordinates who want to please the superiors in charge, creating many opportunities for them to make small reports by leapfrogging their superiors, and at the same time let their own blame fall on the competition for work in the hands of the opponent.
Everyone has a self-image, and he enshrines this image with the highest sincerity in his heart, and no one else is allowed to damage it, let alone those who are outspoken, arbitrarily pointing out the truth and making merciless criticism.Therefore, those who consider themselves frank must spend a little more time to gain a deeper understanding of this issue.
4. Do not talk about the privacy of colleagues
"Hey! He's really tight-lipped." If a person can be perceived as such by others, he must be a powerful persuasive person.
People often speak ill of their bosses, criticize the boss's style of work, and abuse the company's system by drinking... These are all common phenomena in the company, and these people also like to talk nonsense when they are drunk, Even big talk.
"...Ha... The section chief's wife, Hong Xing, is cheating, no one knows. The poor section chief always tells us not to go outside for flirting. Unexpectedly, his wife...haha"
Colleagues often inadvertently tell what they heard in a certain lounge during office hours.
If this matter got to the section chief's ears, what would he do?People who spread bad things about their colleagues are so immoral!
"...that guy really talks too much, he can't keep a word, it's extremely hateful!" If other colleagues think so, the friendship between colleagues will be over.
Like some extremely vulgar words, if they are heard by colleagues with malicious intentions, they will probably spread them everywhere.Therefore, it is better not to talk about the privacy and secrets of friends.
5. Retreat to advance
Although there are fewer and fewer management positions, the more urgent you want to be a management position, the more it will cause the opposite effect.If your colleagues are promoted to supervisor earlier than you, and you feel jealous, then the position of supervisor will be farther away from you.
When a person is anxious or jealous, his mind will lose balance and produce abnormal psychology.People with abnormal mentality can easily lose opportunities.
When your colleagues are ahead of you, don't be anxious or jealous, but try your best, and the people around you won't be blind.This is a way to retreat.
The ups and downs of working-class employees are entirely determined by the views of their superiors and the surrounding conditions.You must know how to retreat to advance.If you express dissatisfaction when your colleagues get promoted, and if your friends have higher salaries than you, you will be jealous, and you will not be able to stand out.In terms of curvilinear thinking, if you don't understand the tactics of "retreating to advance" and "coming from behind", you will definitely not be able to win.
6. Know the factions within your company
The larger the organization, the more complex the relationships between people.Big companies are not like small companies, how the relationship with each other is clear at a glance.In a large company the stakes are more complex, so it is also prone to some "factional" issues.
Bosses hope to get the support of their subordinates, and the more advocates the better.Therefore, newcomers had to be drawn into factional struggles.Whether it is a subordinate who agrees with him or a subordinate who is submissive to him, the boss wants to be included under his banner.But for those who are subordinates, how to keep up with the right person is a very troublesome thing.Which boss is really interested in his talent, which boss can make his talent play, a new employee must keep his eyes open and observe carefully.
To understand this, it is necessary to understand the relationships within the company.And in these aspects, through activities such as company trips or dinner parties, you can get a glimpse of how your boss treats you when you get along with other people.Of course, it is also a good way to use the news conveyed by colleagues.
Of course, knowing this information does not mean that we should use all means to break into a certain group, that is the style of a villain.We just need to stand on the sidelines and not get involved in bad groups. Maintaining neutrality is an excellent rule.
How do men and women in love win each other's favor?How can the two sexes in marriage win lasting happiness?If you want to win stable love and lasting happiness, you must have something that attracts and moves the other party, that is, you must have your own emotional aura, and use your emotional aura to create "intimacy" so that The other party admires and is fascinated by you, and resonates spiritually and emotionally.This requires you to put yourself in the shoes of each other before and after marriage on the premise of enhancing your own charm, to understand, sympathize, forgive and tolerate each other more, rely on the care and communication of both parties, and jointly improve the quality of marriage and the index of happiness .
(End of this chapter)
Love is the most economical investment
The person who likes others and can make others like him is the most successful person in the world.Most successful people like to socialize and form their own social networks.For example, if you want someone to recommend a few friends, if this person is a failure, he will provide you with one or two people with great difficulty, and find the address and phone number of these two people with great difficulty.Successful people are different. They recommend a lot of friends and look for them on a long list because the list includes all kinds of friends.This can show the difference between successful people and losers in making friends.
Most successful people have a large network of relationships.This kind of network is made up of various friends, including past confidantes, new inbred friends, men and women, seniors, peers or juniors, high-status and low-status, and people from different industries. , have different specialties, and also have different places... Such a network of relationships is a relatively comprehensive network.That is to say, in your network, there should be all kinds of friends who can provide you with different help from different angles; of course, you should also provide them with different help according to their different needs.This is the characteristic that a relationship network should have.
Interacting extensively with people is a source of opportunity.The wider the range of contacts, the higher the probability of encountering opportunities.There are many opportunities that are obtained in the association with friends, sometimes even when they are careless.In many cases, people are given rare opportunities through referrals from friends, information from friends, and a variety of other sources.
For every great winner there is another winner.No one reaches the pinnacle of their career by relying on their own strength. If you are determined to become an outstanding person, you must not ignore interpersonal relationships. You must establish your own interpersonal network, because this network can benefit us for life a kind of capital.
1. Exchange sincerity for sincerity
You may have heard such a story.
A boy was very angry with his mother and wanted to yell at his mother that he hated her. Afraid of being punished, he ran out of the house and went up the hillside and yelled into the valley, "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you !” The echo came from the valley: “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” The boy was taken aback, and ran home to tell his mother that there was a nasty little boy in the valley who told him he hated him.So his mother took him back to the mountainside and told him to shout, "I love you! I love you!" The boy did as his mother told him, and this time he found a cute little boy in the valley responding Him: "I love you! I love you!"
If you treat the people around you with sincerity, and others will treat you with sincerity, then you will win more things.
Among the people we come into contact with, there will be all kinds of people, some of them are compatible with us, and some are not.Although we have the right to choose what kind of people to associate with, and we can even try not to associate with people who are not in harmony with our personality, but this is by no means a wise choice.Because no matter at any time, we all live in a group, which means we must get along with such and such people.Only when we actively adapt to each other's personality traits and treat everyone around us sincerely can we establish good interpersonal relationships.
2. Keep a proper distance
Interpersonal communication is an activity that satisfies human needs.Psychologist Homans proposed as early as 1974 that the communication between people is essentially a kind of social exchange, which follows the same principle as commodity exchange in the market, that is, people hope What you get is not less than what you pay for.In fact, if you get more than you pay, people will lose their psychological balance.
One of the mistakes people who are new to the social circle often make is to "do all the good things at once", thinking that doing things for the other party wholeheartedly will make the relationship between the two parties harmonious and close.Not so.Because people can't blindly accept other people's contributions, otherwise they will feel unbalanced psychologically. "The kindness of a drop of water is reciprocated by the spring", which is also a way to balance the relationship.If good deeds are done all at once, making people feel unable to reciprocate or have no chance to reciprocate, guilt will make the beneficiary choose to alienate the beneficiary.Leave room for good things not to be done all at once. This is an important criterion for balancing interpersonal relationships.
Leave room and keep a proper distance, because each other's hearts need a little space.If you want to help others and want to maintain a long-term relationship with them, then you might as well give them a chance to reciprocate, so as not to alienate you because of inner pressure. "Excessive investment", if you don't give the other party a chance to breathe, it will suffocate the other party's soul.Leave room for each other to breathe freely and freely.
3. Let others trust you
An important condition for having a good interpersonal relationship is interpersonal trust.Human emotional communication is homogeneous, love begets love, jealousy begets envy, hate begets hate, this is the positive correlation effect of emotions.Therefore, we can only arouse love with love, repay love with love, arouse trust with trust, and return trust with trust.
Due to many reasons, one of the problems that many people have in interpersonal communication is that it is difficult to trust others. In the eyes of some people, society is as complicated as a black hole, and you cannot see its true colors. Others are unpredictable and untrustworthy. of.Therefore, in dealing with people, there are many doubts, lest you be deceived.It is true that people with bad intentions must be guarded against, but they are a minority after all, and we cannot reject even friends for thousands of miles.Excessive suspicion, suspicion, and mistrust will make it difficult for people to make friends and form corresponding interpersonal relationships.In this atmosphere, work and study will be affected, and psychological pressure will also be great.
However, there are also some people who tend to go to extremes. They are not defensive to anyone in interpersonal communication and have a high degree of trust. This approach is not advisable.Some people are not very discerning, and excessive trust in others will cause them to lose their due vigilance, allowing people with ulterior motives to take advantage of them.
Seven communication rules to enhance aura
When people get along with each other, the popularity index is very important. Usually, the popularity index is directly proportional to the popularity.
1. Make an effort to be interested in others
A person who is sincere and interested in the people around him makes more friends in 2 months than a person who strives to make people interested in him makes more friends in 2 years.
There are some people who spend their lives trying to interest others, without expressing any interest in anyone themselves.Nothing good will come of this.These people are not interested in anyone else, they are only interested in themselves.
If you want to make friends, you must not be selfish and strive to care about others, and this takes time and enthusiasm.
So, if you want to arouse people's interest, the first rule you should follow is: show genuine interest in others.
2. Make a good impression
At a banquet, there was a woman who had inherited a large inheritance, and she was eager to impress everyone.She bought mink coats and jewelry, but she didn't notice the agitation and selfishness of her face.She didn't understand that every man knows that a woman's face is more important than her dress.
Expressions and actions are more expressive than words.A smile seems to say: "I like you, you make me happy, and I am glad to see you." The reason we like dogs is that dogs are always happy to see their owners, and they will jump around with satisfaction!Naturally, we are also happy to see it.Sometimes, we also see fake smiles, but no one can hide this kind of smile.A fake smile can only make people feel fake.To make a good impression on others, you have to show a warm smile, a smile from the heart.
3. Be considerate and considerate of others
A caring person always puts himself in other people's shoes and does not make others nervous, restrained, let alone embarrassing.It is said that Shakespeare is very empathetic, and in the process of interacting with people, he can change according to the different characteristics of the interacting objects, time and place.Literary critic William Hazlitt pointed out: "Shakespeare has no self at all. He can be anyone other than Shakespeare, or anyone else who wants him to be. Not only does he have every talent and every The germ of a feeling, and he can instinctively predict where they will grow with each change of fate, or each conflict of emotion, or each change of thought, and he can follow these germs The bud extends to every conceivable branch."
4. Be a good conversationalist
Where is the secret to a successful conversation?Renowned scholar Charlie Eliot said: "There is no secret at all. . . . Listening attentively is the most important thing. Nothing beats paying attention—this kind of respect for the speaker." Listening can make The other person feels respected and appreciated, which is what the other person wants.
If you want to be liked, please remember the fourth rule: be good at listening to others and encouraging them to speak.
5. To pique the interest of others
If you want to be liked, the fifth rule to follow is: Talk about what interests your interlocutor.If you want to find the key to open your heart, you must talk to him about what he yearns for the most.
When Rambo was about to be elected as the deputy manager, one of the directors suddenly expressed his objection. This accident caused Rambo's appointment to be shelved.
Rambo found out from his friends that the director had a hobby of collecting ancient and rare books, and he was very excited whenever he met a bosom friend and was praised by others.Rambo called the director and said sincerely: "It will be the honor of my life if I can appreciate the precious book praised by people in your study room."
The director invited Rambo to come to his study room, and introduced the origin of some ancient books to Rambo.
Lambo sincerely praised while watching, thanking the director for opening his eyes and increasing his knowledge, and from time to time he cast admiring and admiring gazes at the director.
Through this exchange, the director fully agreed to Rambo's appointment as the deputy manager, and Rambo also admired the director's knowledge, and the two became close friends.
6. Makes people happy when they meet
There is a rule of great importance concerning the conduct of men.If you don't take this rule lightly, you will almost never end up in a difficult situation.Whoever follows this rule will have many friends and be happy; whoever violates it will suffer setbacks.This principle is: respect the merits of others.Follow this guideline and you'll get compliments from those you come in contact with, you'll get recognition for your strengths, and you'll feel like you can make a difference in that little world.
Communication between people mainly depends on language. You should talk about the topics that the other person wants to know, are interested in, and pay attention to, talk about what he likes to hear, and praise him more.If we say that both criticism and encouragement are a means of motivating and stimulating people, then, in most cases, proper praise can often receive better results.A person with a wide smile, who is good at discovering and digging out the advantages of others and giving them compliments will definitely be respected and loved by others.
In life, everyone wants to be praised by others.Praise will stimulate the self-esteem and pride of the praiseee, from which they can understand their own advantages and value; praise can make interpersonal relationships harmonious and bring people a good mood; and, while encouraging and respecting each other, people also Enriched their survival intelligence.
7. Save face for others
Whoever you hurt may have long been forgotten, but the person you hurt will never forget, and he will never remember your strengths.
It's important to save face for others, and we rarely think about it.We often ruthlessly hurt other people's face, their self-esteem, and their feelings, but we are self-righteous.We scold a child or subordinate in front of others, and even make violent threats to them, with little regard for their self-esteem.In fact, as long as you think calmly for a minute or two, say a few words of understanding, and be lenient to others, you can reduce the harm to others, and the outcome of the matter will be greatly different.
In 1922, after centuries of hostility, Turkey finally resolved to expel the Greeks from Turkish territory.Mustafa Kemal delivered a speech to his soldiers. He said: "Keep on attacking. Your destination is the Mediterranean." And so began one of the bloodiest wars in modern history.Turkey ultimately won.
When the Greek generals Dilicopis and Dionysius went to Kemal's headquarters to surrender, the Turkish soldiers insulted them loudly, but Kemal showed no arrogance of victory. He held their hands, Said: "Please sit down, gentlemen, you must be tired from walking."
Then, after discussing the details of the surrender, Kemal comforted the two losers, saying in a soldier-to-soldier tone: "Gentlemen, there are many accidents in war, and sometimes the best soldiers fight. defeat."
Even in the excitement of overall victory, Kemal still remembered this important principle for the long-term benefit - to save face for others.
Be able to discern carefully the intentions, motives, feelings, and thoughts of others.A person with strong social skills must be a person who can calculate. They will consider the consequences of their actions, calculate the possible actions of others, and calculate their own benefits and losses. All these calculations are based on possible changes in relevant factors. made under the circumstances.Therefore, only people with strong cognitive abilities and good at observing words and emotions can make these calculations under complex and changeable situations.Everyone has this kind of interpersonal intelligence, the key is how we can continuously strengthen them and how to make them play out in our lives.
Being polite can increase your social popularity
Etiquette is like spring wind and rain, and etiquette will improve your communication quality.Orison Madden says that if your social relationships are a machine, then politeness is the lubricant in that machine.
As the saying goes, it is not surprising that there are many people who are polite.In contemporary society, social etiquette cannot be ignored. "Courteousness" has become a criterion for judging a person's social status and education level, and also an objective basis for measuring the basic quality of a modern person.In fact, I don’t know if you realize that in most cases, the success of your communication and the development of your career largely depend on whether you respect others.For example, taking off one's hat and hugging in Europe and the United States, and bowing in ancient China are the minimum greetings for people to meet each other.In modern society, people perform a handshake ceremony, that is, when they meet, the two parties often greet each other first, and then shake hands with each other.For close friends, you can stretch out your hands and hold them for a long time and firmly.People with ordinary relationships can reach out and shake hands. This is "ritual".
China has been a country of etiquette since ancient times. The national character of the Chinese is much more subtle than that of Westerners, so they pay more attention to etiquette.In the past, due to the shackles of traditional culture, many people paid attention to red tape, which made people's understanding of "propriety" biased. Modern Chinese people's concept of etiquette is becoming increasingly indifferent, so that they one-sidedly think that etiquette is only for elders and superiors. People who have no stake in it don't need to do more.Some people even think that etiquette is just a means of socializing.
In fact, everyone wants to be respected by others and to live a righteous life.Only when a person is recognized and respected by others can he further affirm the meaning of his life.From this point of view, etiquettes such as respect and understanding are by no means rules and regulations, and they are by no means duplicity greetings, but sincere behaviors from the heart.
So, how to make yourself polite, so as to open up the situation for your social life?Here should start from the following aspects.
1. Handshake
Most of them are used as greetings or greetings, and it is also the etiquette when meeting or saying goodbye to relatives and friends who have been reunited for a long time.It is customary to shake hands as an expression of gratitude or mutual encouragement.For example, after giving a gift or awarding a prize, you can shake hands to express congratulations, gratitude or encouragement.
2. nodding
This is polite manner when greeting others.It is usually used on the occasion of greeting and seeing off, especially when welcoming and seeing off many people. Nodding can be used to greet many people at the same time, expressing the joy when meeting or the melancholy when parting.Nodding is also sometimes used in other occasions.
3. Hands up
This is also polite manners when greeting others.It is usually used when meeting the other party at a long distance or passing by in a hurry. Its intention is to express that you have recognized the other party, but you cannot stop to salute or talk to the other party due to conditional restrictions. This kind of random politeness can eliminate The other party's misunderstanding, and achieve a satisfactory effect similar to a normal greeting.
4. stand up
This is a polite way for a humble person to show respect to a respectable person.It is now often used to pay tribute to the presence of the speaker or the presence of important guests at gatherings.Usually, when a sitting man sees a standing lady, or a sitting young man sees an old man who has just entered the house, or when he watches them leave, he can stand up briefly to show his respect.
5. bow (bend down)
Bending or bowing are both polite manners to express self-effacing to others, which is equivalent to paying tribute to the other party.The difference between it and bowing is only the difference in degree, that is, bowing requires lowering the head, while bowing or bending is just a slight leaning of the body forward, but the head does not have to be lowered, and the eyes can still look directly at each other.
6. to applaud
This is a polite way of expressing approval or congratulating someone.It is usually used to listen to other people's long speeches and lectures, and to express one's appreciation, admiration or best wishes after watching or listening to other people's performances or performances.The applause is generally loud, but it is also possible to just applaud without making a sound, but it should be seen directly by the other party.
7. Fist
This is a polite manner for people with similar status to pay respect to each other. It evolved from the etiquette gesture of long bows when ancient Chinese literati met or said goodbye to each other.
8. Heshi (put your hands together in front of your chest)
This is a polite behavior with dual meanings of respect and gratitude. At first it was only popular among monks, that is, Buddhist disciples, and later it was gradually spread among lay people.Because this kind of polite behavior is very elegant and suitable for both refined and popular tastes, many people are willing to use it.
9. Hugs
This is a polite way of expressing close affection.Usually only used for foreign affairs and special occasions sent to usher.Sometimes, when the misunderstanding is eliminated, the two parties who have previous suspicions often use hugs to express some complicated feelings that are difficult to explain in words.But this kind of expression is used more cautiously among the opposite sex in our country, and it is not used easily.
Of course, there are many polite manners, and here are just a few of the more common ones.Fundamentally speaking, any of us can do these etiquettes. As long as we pay attention to one or two things in our daily life, the various thoughts and feelings contained in them will be integrated into the hearts of others and will be sincerely praised by others. This not only shows that You are a polite person, which can make you feel like a fish in water and smooth in interpersonal communication.
Cultivate an aura of affinity
Some people are very popular, even if it is the first time to interact with people, they are very attractive and likable.What's the secret?
A person is not forced to like whomever he likes.
There is also such a person, although he is the best among us, but we may not be willing to have a deep friendship with him.If you want to ask the reason, there is only one, I feel uncomfortable with him.Because of the excellent momentum he exudes, we feel depressed and inferior.No matter how great the man is, people will keep him at a respectful distance.
Listed below are the three major psychological needs of ordinary people.If you can grasp these three needs well, you can increase your attractiveness and affinity, and let you gain popularity.
1. accommodate
Acceptance is the nourishment of relationships.Everyone wants to be fully accepted and to be able to get along with others with ease.
Under normal circumstances, few people dare to expose themselves completely.Therefore, if someone makes us feel at ease and uninhibited, we are very willing to be with him, that is to say, we hope to be friends with people who can accept us.
People who love to find fault must not be easy to make good friends.Please don't set standards to make other people's actions conform to your own standards.Please give the other party the right to be themselves, even if the other party has some special hobbies.
Don't expect the other party's actions to be completely in line with your own requirements, but make the people around you feel at ease.
People who can accept willfulness and roughness often have great power to drive others upward.
A psychologist said: "To change a willful or rough person, there is no other better way than to show him kindness and let him change himself."
Although many excellent people can influence people who are kind in nature, they are often helpless when it comes to willful and rude people.why?Because good people usually can't accept rough people and don't accommodate them emotionally, how can this make the other person better?A well-known psychiatrist said about tolerance in interpersonal relationships: "If everyone has the tolerance, then we will be unemployed! The essence of psychiatry is that doctors can find out the advantages of patients and accept them. , and allow patients to accept themselves. Everyone is born very relaxed, showing fear and shame at the same time. Doctors listen quietly to patients, they do not preach with offensive morals Come to criticize anyone, so patients dare to tell everything about themselves, including what they are ashamed of and their own shortcomings. When he feels that someone can accommodate and accept him, he will accept himself and have the courage to move towards a better life the road of life."
2. admit
The second longing in every human heart is to be recognized.
Acknowledgment goes deeper than acceptance.Accommodating is actually a passive approach.We accommodate each other's shortcomings and shortcomings, which is just a passive approach.The proactive approach is to find out the strengths of the other party, not just to accept and endure the shortcomings of the other party.
One day a father took a child who he thought was hopeless to a psychologist.The child has been taught that he is useless.At the beginning, he didn't say a word, no matter how the doctor asked and enlightened him, he never opened his mouth, and the psychologist couldn't do anything for a while.Later, the psychologist found a clue to the cure from what the child's father said, because the father insisted: "This child has no merits at all. I think he is hopeless and hopeless!"
Psychologists began to apply the method of recognition to find out the strengths of children-it is impossible for children to have no strengths.In the end, the doctor found that the child liked to sculpt, and it could even be said that he had a high talent in this area.The child likes to carve, and the furniture at home is often scratched by him, with knife marks everywhere, so he is often punished.The psychologist bought him a set of carving tools and gave him a piece of high-quality wood, then taught him the correct carving method, and kept encouraging him: "My child, you are the best carver among the people I know." one of the
Since then, doctors and children have been in frequent contact.In the contact with the child, the psychiatrist slowly finds other advantages of him to affirm him.Then one day, the child took the initiative to clean the room without being asked.This incident shocked everyone.The psychologist asked him why he did this?
The child replied, "I want to make you happy, teacher."
Recognition is what every human being craves, and it is not difficult to satisfy this desire.
If you praise a computer expert for his good vision, good at reading the market, and insight into the development trend of computers, he may not take it seriously, thinking that you are just flattering him.Because he himself has admitted that he is a computer expert.However, if you look at it from another angle, if you praise the home-cooked food he cooks is very delicious, maybe he will be overjoyed.
The principle of praising people is: Only by praising others' strengths that have not yet been shown can people be happy.Everyone has lesser-known strengths, why don't we discover these lesser-known aspects?
3. Pay attention to
Everyone wants to be valued.
The so-called emphasis is to enhance its value.We all want others to value our worth.
The antonym of emphasizing is despising.
Please don't forget that man is the most noble and important creature in the world.In order to show our importance to others, please pay attention to the following methods: do not neglect people; for visitors who cannot meet immediately, we should ask him to meet him as soon as possible; always thank others; treat people "specially".
Former U.S. Postal Service Secretary James Farley was an approachable person who valued others.Mr. Farley is an expert on how to build rapport and make people like themselves.Once, at a "Books and Readers" meeting in Philadelphia, when Mr. Farley and the other speakers were going to a hotel for lunch, they encountered a waitress in the hallway pushing a dining trolley. There are tablecloths, towels and other utensils.Others walked around the cart, and the waiter paid no attention to them.At this time, Mr. Farley walked over to her, held out his hand and said, "Hi, hello, I'm James Farley. Could you tell me your name? Nice to meet you."
As the group walked through the hall, some turned their heads and saw the girl with her mouth open wide, looking very surprised, but a sweet smile broke out on her face immediately.
Farley is a very successful person in real life, approachable in social situations, good at creating a comfortable, natural, relaxed atmosphere, and has good interpersonal relationships.
Everyone thinks of himself as a unique individual, a "special" existence.Therefore, we must pay attention to this point, recognize the unique value of each person, and then pay attention to it, so that we will naturally win the sincere smile and intimacy of others.
Follow the law that peace is the most important thing
There is a famous saying in Confucianism, "peace is the most important thing".There is a rule of thumb for family managers, "everything prospers in harmony with the family".Businessmen have a creed, "peace makes money".Rulers pay attention to peace.It can be seen that seeking "peace" is an important part of life.Throughout the ages, "harmony" has been the realm pursued by sages and benevolent people.In history, examples of seeking "peace" and seeking tolerance are not uncommon.All of this is to show people that "peace is the most important thing" and not to beggars to neighbors. "Harmony" can quell the anger of hatred, so that enemies will no longer retaliate against each other, but turn hostility into friendship.
The Japanese also attach great importance to "harmony", and some entrepreneurs even regard it as their business philosophy and entrepreneurial spirit.But the "harmony" advocated by the Chinese is different from the "harmony" respected by the Japanese.The Japanese "和" refers to completely abandoning one's own opinions, agreeing with the opinions of the group, and finally reaching a consensus.It is closer to the "sameness" proposed by Confucius. "Same" means not having one's own opinions, blindly agreeing with others, and echoing what others say.Confucius said: "Gentlemen are harmonious but different, villains are homogeneous but not harmonious." "Harmony" refers to maintaining one's own independence on the one hand, and on the other hand being able to coordinate with the people around. .
"Peace is the most precious" is also the strategy of the rulers, because it implies peace, peace and security.Those who rule the country hope that the country will be peaceful, without disputes, peaceful development, and without war.Lin Yutang believed that "peace" is an outstanding understanding of human beings. Chinese people especially love peace and oppose war, because the Chinese nation is a rational nation. And the ideal of life for you.
"Harmony is the most important" is also reflected in the harmony between man and the natural environment.The progress of society and the development of science and technology have greatly improved the living standards and quality of life of human beings, but at the same time, they have also brought many negative effects and hazards - air pollution, resource depletion, environmental deterioration... The contradiction between man and nature has become increasingly prominent , apply the concept of "harmony" to integrate people's ideology, guide people to act, and realize the harmony between man and nature.
"Harmony" is still an important principle for coordinating interpersonal relationships today.The diversification and complexity of social life lead to all kinds of discord among people, discord will lead to differences, differences will lead to friction, friction will lead to contradictions, and the intensification of contradictions will lead to fights.Especially when there are conflicts of interest between people, struggle is inevitable, and there are too many ways to fight.There are both open and secret wars.However, no matter what kind of struggle is used, it will hurt the harmony between each other and cause unnecessary losses.
To be a person should seek "harmony", not "sameness", but harmony but difference.Advocating "harmony" does not require people to stick together, stress harmony, compromise and humility without principled positions, but to pursue a harmonious interpersonal relationship that is united and progressive, and to pursue an atmosphere of mutual help and mutual assistance in work. Forgiving and generous to oneself. "Harmony" is a good environment for career success and the goal everyone pursues.A harmonious family will make people feel warm; a harmonious interpersonal relationship will make people feel comfortable; a peaceful environment will make people feel at ease in construction; a peaceful atmosphere will make the world full of warmth.
Get rid of self-centered ideas
When dealing with interpersonal relationships, some people tend to value themselves too much, put themselves in the most central position, take their emotions as their emotions, their will as their will, and only hope to satisfy their own desires in everything.They don't want to make any sacrifices for others, they don't care about others, they demand that all people center on them, and they wish that the whole earth revolves around them and obeys them.They are unwilling to proceed from objective reality and cannot obey others and the collective.This kind of person has a strong desire to be respected by others, but does not know that he has to respect others.In short, these people's hearts are full of self, but they have no other people, and they believe in the creed of "people are not for themselves, and heaven and earth will destroy them".
Undoubtedly, this overly self-centered consciousness is extremely detrimental to him.This will seriously affect his self-image, and he will be disgusted and looked down upon by others.Because this kind of person is all focused on chasing petty gains and meaningless personal gains and losses, he has no lofty ideals and lofty goals, so it is impossible to have good interpersonal relationships.Just imagine, who would like to work with such a person for a long time or as a lifelong companion?People who are very "self" often lose both friends and ultimately themselves because they value themselves too much.It can be said that what this kind of person gets in the end is only sesame seeds, but what he loses is watermelon, which is really not worth the candle.
So how do you overcome this self-centeredness?
1. Change your perception
You have to face up to the social reality. Everyone in society has their own desires and needs, as well as their own rights and obligations. This will inevitably lead to conflicts, and it is impossible for everyone to get what they want.This requires everyone to face up to the objective reality, learn to reciprocate courtesy, and make some concessions when necessary.Of course, you have the right to recognize yourself and satisfy your desires, but you cannot just care about yourself and ignore the existence of others.If everyone has only self in their hearts, then no one will have a good life.
2. Jump out of the circle of self, put yourself in the shoes of others and think for others
Understand others, and learn to respect, care, and help others, so that you can get rewards from others and experience the value and happiness of life from it.
A person who is too egotistical does not know how to respect others at all.However, respecting other people's personality is a good way to win others' affection.Personality, for everyone, is the most important and precious.Everyone has such a desire, that is to satisfy their self-esteem, to be understood, respected and appreciated.If you do not respect other people's personality and hurt their self-esteem, if he is not a person with a very high spiritual realm, he may laugh it off at the time, but he will not like you very much in the future.On the contrary, if you satisfy his self-esteem and make him feel that his own worth has been affirmed, then he will be grateful for everything you do.He has a sense of gratitude for you and will like you for it.
Many good politicians are good at this.In order to win people's hearts and win their support and support, they will never easily hurt other people's self-esteem and feelings.An expert on the political scene in Washington pointed out: "Many politicians can smile and respect others, no matter what other people think, they will agree. They will calculate other people's thoughts and can control the movement of these thoughts."
Don't belittle other people's personality, don't hurt other people's self-esteem.Only when you respect others, others will like you.If you satisfy the spiritual needs of others, others will satisfy your spiritual needs.
3. Improve self-cultivation
Fully realize the unreality, irrationality and harmfulness of self-centered consciousness, learn to control self-desires and words and deeds, put the satisfaction of self-interest on the basis of being reasonable and not harming others, and care about Give some to others, and save some care for yourself.
How to deal with difficult people
Not all people are easy to approach. In life, we often encounter so-called difficult people.Among those who are difficult to get along with, some people are taciturn all day long, even if you ask for a topic, he will not talk to you; People are picky and picky about your work; some people are shallow and boring, full of vulgar tastes... If you only get along with these people occasionally, the problem is that sometimes you will be forced to communicate, get along and work with them for a long time. In this case, your troubles can be imagined.How to get along with these difficult people is indeed an art.
1. Find the reason from yourself and make yourself approachable
You have to figure out if the troubles that make it difficult to get along with others are your own problems, or if you are asking too much of others.You can see if what you consider a "difficult person" is also difficult for others.If others don't feel this way, then you have to find the reason in yourself or in the relationship between the two of you.
If it is your own reason, then you must first change yourself and make yourself as approachable as possible.
2. Use empathy
For a really difficult person, you have to learn to put yourself in his situation, that is, use empathy.You don't have to argue with him, let alone force him to do something, but you should calmly ask him why he treats others in this way. In this case, even if your purpose is not achieved, it can be eased to a certain extent. the relationship between you.Of course, even if the reasons he said may seem ridiculous to you, you don't have to refute him right away, but try to find some real elements from his words (there must be some), in this way, It can further ease the relationship between you and make both parties feel comfortable.
3. Listen and communicate
Of course, it is not an easy task to achieve the empathy mentioned above.Here, I suggest that you learn to adopt some methods often used by psychological counseling experts, that is, learn to listen. "Listening" is sometimes more important than hundreds of "speaking".At the same time, you can also use appropriate methods to let him know that you are very disturbed by the way he treats you.This approach can often ease the hostility of difficult people.If in this case, the other party still does not accept your favor, you can bluntly confess to him that "now" is not the best time to talk, and you will have more exchanges "after a while", and emphasize that this is the relationship between the two of you. Must do work.The purpose of this is to enable both parties to emerge gracefully from the deadlock.If you can deal with "difficult" people in a tolerant way, then over time, the other person will change his behavior consciously or unconsciously, and match your high level, thus avoiding a lot of unnecessary trouble.
4. Exercise self-restraint
A person must have the ability of self-restraint, and never show impatience with the people you deal with, especially those you may particularly dislike or even hate.Don't be impulsive, as long as you calm down and list out the advantages and excellences of the people you hate as much as possible, you will restrain your emotions.If you list a little every day, over time, you will be surprised to find that the person you didn't like has so many lovable qualities.After discovering his likability, you suddenly feel that you have no reason to hate him.Of course, in the process of making these new discoveries about others, others will also discover many new things about you, and discover many lovable qualities in you.
If you've lived more than half of your life and haven't established harmonious relationships, don't assume that nothing is set in stone, you should take definite steps to fix it.As long as you are willing to put in the effort, you can change yourself and become a well-known, loved, and respected person.The following sentence may be used to make us all vigilant: the greatest tragedy of a person is to spend his whole life covering up and justifying his mistakes.It's like having a defective record placed on a record player, and when the record player's needle sinks into the groove of the record, it plays the same tune over and over again.At this time, you must take the needle out of the groove of the record, so that you will no longer hear dissonant tunes, but will hear melodic music.Stop wasting time trying to justify your failures in relationships, and spend that time developing your own character and winning friendships.Because harmonious interpersonal relationship is the most important condition for success.
Harmonious relationship with colleagues
As the saying goes, "the workplace is like a battlefield", everyone has different goals at work, so the relationship between colleagues is also complicated.
1. Learn to get along with sharp colleagues
A commentator emphasized that it is necessary to associate with idiots in order to exercise oneself and make oneself a strong person.People with idiosyncrasies have edges and corners all over their body. You may not be used to interacting with such people at the beginning, and you will be scarred by confronting their edges and corners, but you must not retreat because of this, otherwise you will lose precious opportunities to exercise yourself.Learn to endure and love those who have edges and corners.In this way, no matter how sharp edges and corners you encounter, you will not feel pain, and you will even feel that it is a kind of pleasure.In this way, you may become a well-rounded person, and you can get the greatest joy in your limited life.Long-term association with a person with a habit, the edges and corners of the other party will be integrated into your body and seep into the blood. As the body absorbs the molecules of the other person, you can feel that you have become a deeper person.
In your career, you have to deal with all kinds of people. Don’t dislike them just because they are people you don’t like; you might as well learn how to properly communicate with such people, so that you can gradually grow into a person with measure People who can stand out at work.
2. Colleagues should not talk casually
To be a "company person", social activities are inevitably related to the company.After get off work, having a glass of wine and chatting with colleagues will not only help your daily work, but you may also know news related to the company.Therefore, it is natural to attend all kinds of gatherings held by the company, and it is also necessary to play one or two "social" mahjong games with colleagues and superiors, but one thing must be kept in mind: don't talk casually.
Among colleagues, friendship can exist only when everyone has given up competing with each other, or knows that competition is useless.Otherwise, if you show your sincerity and have real feelings, you will only ask for trouble.For example, A and B are at the same level, and they are good friends, there is only one chance to upgrade.If A is promoted, B will not be promoted, how does B think?If B continues to be friendly with A, it will inevitably be considered as a follower; it is not natural for A to take the initiative to be friendly with B.
3. Foolishness will only lead to unforeseen disasters
A well-known university once held a 13-week business theory workshop on the theme of "The Benefits of Honesty and Straightforwardness." One year later, someone started an investigation and found that more than half of the people who participated in the workshop had left their original workplaces.After a series of follow-up interviews, I learned that they applied the management methods learned in the lectures to their work, which caused serious conflicts and had to leave.
Reasonable frankness and integrity are lovely at first glance, but if applied repeatedly, they will slowly lead to the destruction of friendships, marriages, transactions and careers.For example, a person who is full of theory and has a frank and stupid personality will probably not be welcomed by the people around him.If this kind of person takes the position of director of the company, it is tantamount to exposing the most vulnerable and defenseless side to some subordinates who want to please the superiors in charge, creating many opportunities for them to make small reports by leapfrogging their superiors, and at the same time let their own blame fall on the competition for work in the hands of the opponent.
Everyone has a self-image, and he enshrines this image with the highest sincerity in his heart, and no one else is allowed to damage it, let alone those who are outspoken, arbitrarily pointing out the truth and making merciless criticism.Therefore, those who consider themselves frank must spend a little more time to gain a deeper understanding of this issue.
4. Do not talk about the privacy of colleagues
"Hey! He's really tight-lipped." If a person can be perceived as such by others, he must be a powerful persuasive person.
People often speak ill of their bosses, criticize the boss's style of work, and abuse the company's system by drinking... These are all common phenomena in the company, and these people also like to talk nonsense when they are drunk, Even big talk.
"...Ha... The section chief's wife, Hong Xing, is cheating, no one knows. The poor section chief always tells us not to go outside for flirting. Unexpectedly, his wife...haha"
Colleagues often inadvertently tell what they heard in a certain lounge during office hours.
If this matter got to the section chief's ears, what would he do?People who spread bad things about their colleagues are so immoral!
"...that guy really talks too much, he can't keep a word, it's extremely hateful!" If other colleagues think so, the friendship between colleagues will be over.
Like some extremely vulgar words, if they are heard by colleagues with malicious intentions, they will probably spread them everywhere.Therefore, it is better not to talk about the privacy and secrets of friends.
5. Retreat to advance
Although there are fewer and fewer management positions, the more urgent you want to be a management position, the more it will cause the opposite effect.If your colleagues are promoted to supervisor earlier than you, and you feel jealous, then the position of supervisor will be farther away from you.
When a person is anxious or jealous, his mind will lose balance and produce abnormal psychology.People with abnormal mentality can easily lose opportunities.
When your colleagues are ahead of you, don't be anxious or jealous, but try your best, and the people around you won't be blind.This is a way to retreat.
The ups and downs of working-class employees are entirely determined by the views of their superiors and the surrounding conditions.You must know how to retreat to advance.If you express dissatisfaction when your colleagues get promoted, and if your friends have higher salaries than you, you will be jealous, and you will not be able to stand out.In terms of curvilinear thinking, if you don't understand the tactics of "retreating to advance" and "coming from behind", you will definitely not be able to win.
6. Know the factions within your company
The larger the organization, the more complex the relationships between people.Big companies are not like small companies, how the relationship with each other is clear at a glance.In a large company the stakes are more complex, so it is also prone to some "factional" issues.
Bosses hope to get the support of their subordinates, and the more advocates the better.Therefore, newcomers had to be drawn into factional struggles.Whether it is a subordinate who agrees with him or a subordinate who is submissive to him, the boss wants to be included under his banner.But for those who are subordinates, how to keep up with the right person is a very troublesome thing.Which boss is really interested in his talent, which boss can make his talent play, a new employee must keep his eyes open and observe carefully.
To understand this, it is necessary to understand the relationships within the company.And in these aspects, through activities such as company trips or dinner parties, you can get a glimpse of how your boss treats you when you get along with other people.Of course, it is also a good way to use the news conveyed by colleagues.
Of course, knowing this information does not mean that we should use all means to break into a certain group, that is the style of a villain.We just need to stand on the sidelines and not get involved in bad groups. Maintaining neutrality is an excellent rule.
How do men and women in love win each other's favor?How can the two sexes in marriage win lasting happiness?If you want to win stable love and lasting happiness, you must have something that attracts and moves the other party, that is, you must have your own emotional aura, and use your emotional aura to create "intimacy" so that The other party admires and is fascinated by you, and resonates spiritually and emotionally.This requires you to put yourself in the shoes of each other before and after marriage on the premise of enhancing your own charm, to understand, sympathize, forgive and tolerate each other more, rely on the care and communication of both parties, and jointly improve the quality of marriage and the index of happiness .
(End of this chapter)
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