The psychology of the aura that makes your heart strong
Chapter 16 Strong aura
Chapter 16 Strong aura
How to maintain attraction between lovers
The so-called sense of mystery refers to the fresh, strange, unfathomable and other experiences arising from the gender differences (including physical and psychological) between men and women.It plays a special promotion and vital psychological role in the whole love process, and even in the life of husband and wife after marriage.The mystery between men and women is grateful for the curiosity between the sexes. Driven by this curiosity, the two require contact and explore each other. In the process of contact and exploration, if they appreciate each other and are attractive, they will have a good impression.On the basis of good feelings, the attraction is generated by the mystery of the other party. Through further understanding, if many shining things are found in each other, then love will arise.If there is no exploration of this mystery between the opposite sex, then there will be no attraction between the two, and there will be no love at all.
In order to enhance the sense of mystery and maintain the attraction between lovers, the following specific methods can be adopted.
1. Joy of life, changing a single, day-to-day, unchanging life
For example, suddenly bringing a surprise to the other party, or changing yourself, changing your hairstyle, or changing your room layout will make the lover feel fresh and happy.
2. Be polite and respect each other
Although the two have been passionately in love and have no distinction between you and me, they still have to maintain the etiquette like they did when they first fell in love, and don't lose the original tenderness and consideration, because any disrespect for each other's words and deeds will greatly damage their own attractiveness.
3. Occasional brief separations
Love does not lie in day and night, as the saying goes, a small farewell is better than a newly married.Especially after some conflicts have arisen, the brief separation will not only give both parties time to calmly think and reflect, but also multiply the sense of mystery when they meet after separation.
4. Try to avoid and reduce physical contact
Behaviors such as kissing, hugging, and touching in love are beyond reproach. They can beautify and promote the love between two people, but the frequency should not be too frequent.This is the same as our diet, eat less with more flavor, eat more with less flavor.
For premarital sexual intercourse, from the point of view of sexual physiology and sexual psychology, it is not suitable to carry out.Don't be exposed to your lover frequently and naked, which will make you lose the mystery of sex.Everyone's physiological response to sexual intercourse is basically similar, but their psychological states are different.Pursuing the mystery and freshness of sex is the psychological motivation and driving force of those who love the new and dislike the old.
It is a very difficult art for men and women to maintain mutual attraction, and its specific methods are far more than the above points. I hope to draw inferences about other cases from one instance.However, maintaining a sense of mystery is by no means mystifying, concealing and deceiving each other.Otherwise, it will be self-defeating.
Both parties in love should give each other free space
The furthest distance in the world is not "I'm by your side, but you don't know I love you"; it's two people who clearly love each other but can't stay together forever.How far is the distance between us?Often, a distance that is too close is less mysterious; a distance that is too far away makes it easy to forget each other.
Love needs to keep a distance. Only by keeping a distance can we advance and retreat freely without leaving too many regrets in the rose garden.
So what kind of distance should we keep on the emotional road to be perfect?
First and foremost, keeping your distance is about being financially independent.
Should know the importance of independence.When you are financially independent, men will respect and like you more.
When the relationship is immature, it is not appropriate for a man and a woman to have frequent economic exchanges.Money is a sensitive topic, and there are many examples of men and women in love who immediately turn against each other when real interests are involved.Feelings belong to feelings, and money belongs to money. They should be clearly distinguished, so as not to lose their wives and lose their soldiers.
Love must last forever and must be financially independent, even if he shouts every day that he wants to support you until you grow old.An independent woman will have an independent and equal love.But don't be independent for the sake of independence, because haggling is the fatal wound of love.
Second, keep a little personal space.
When lovers are in a relationship, no matter how gluey they are, they must always remember to reserve their own private space.This little distance, not only does not alienate him, but helps to add a bit of mystery, and brews the love and infatuation of the other party.
Don't talk too much about yourself.If you tell him everything from your birth to the present, then you have no sense of mystery to him at all. Therefore, if you mention yourself, you must insist on not mentioning a certain period or a certain period. These topics, staged a period of blank years.For example, if you deliberately don't say anything about sisters, when the other party asks you if you have sisters, you can pretend to be surprised and reply: "Didn't I tell you?"
Never tell him stories about you and men from your past.If you try to irritate him with stories about what you've done with other men, where you've been, making him jealous is the stupidest way to do it, and it's always going to cost you more, and he'll start talking about all the women he's had before. friend story.
While giving yourself personal space, you should also give him free space.
Everyone is an independent individual, even if he loves you again, he still needs to have his own friends and independent private space.Don't think that he loves you and that all his time is yours.When he encounters difficulties in life, when he also wants to be alone, don't think that he doesn't love you anymore.Just because of many things, he doesn't want you to worry.He just needs to be quiet.So, when he says he's tired, give him the freedom to relax completely.He will love you even more.
Again, to keep a distance is to keep a distance in space.
After a date between a man and a woman, the man usually sends the woman home.At this time, the woman can specifically designate that only the man will send herself to the station or the alley, and she will never explain the reason to her.This approach can also create a sense of mystery.After a period of time, the woman can find an excuse to explain to the man, saying that she is afraid of being gossiped near her home.
Life is a tree, it blooms when it should bloom, and bears fruit when it should bear fruit.If you want to talk about a long-term relationship, it is best to avoid getting along day and night, give each other more space and respect, and you will win sweet love instead.
Cohabiting too early usually lowers the chances of marriage.Cohabiting couples enjoy readily available sex and many of the pleasures of family life, but are less motivated to commit—since one can enjoy the pleasures of marriage without the burdens and constraints of marriage—why? get married!
Even if there is a physical relationship, women must not put on a look that you must marry. Sex is a common feeling for both parties, and it is the sublimation of feelings, not a burden or a condition for holding them back.
In addition, women must maintain their independence even in love, which requires them to have their own lives, hobbies and pursuits in addition to their feelings for boyfriends.Sanmao once said, "My heart has many rooms, and Jose just comes in and sits." You must have your own social circle.
As soon as you fall in love, you evaporate in place and cut off all your friends. This will only make your life more and more narrow.When you have your own interests and hobbies, you can use them to enrich your life and pass the time when he is not around you, instead of being "swallowed" by your boyfriend.
The vitality of love is limited. To make love last longer, please keep an appropriate distance.
Psychological qualities necessary for happy love
A sound psychological quality of love is the solid backing of sweet love.The success and failure of love, in addition to many external reasons, the soundness of love psychology is also a very important factor.
So, what are the characteristics of a sound love psychology?
1. Concern
Fromm once said: "Love is an active concern for the life and growth of the object of love. Wherever this concern is lacking, there is no love."
I am afraid that everyone knows the important role of care in love.First of all, caring is paying close attention to the object of love, always paying attention to the feelings and needs of the loved one, and being ready to comfort and satisfy them at any time. This is also the dedication of love.Secondly, caring can be reflected in the little things in life, such as tidying up your lover's clothes, combing your hair, wiping your tears, etc.Thirdly, caring can also be reflected in major life events, such as caring about the future and fate of lovers.Meticulous care is the foundation of love, and it is also the additive of love.
However, caring is not being self-sufficient, and it cannot be imposed on others regardless of the other person's feelings.If you care too much or care about the wrong place, it will make your lover bored.The real care should be the care that meets the needs of the other party.
2. Single-minded
Love is the most taboo half-hearted.Maybe you may not understand, dedicate enough, care enough or appreciate your lover enough, but you must not step on a few boats.Happy love must have a single-minded investment.The Bulgarian ethicist Vasiliev said in his "On Love": "The choice of love object is a specific preference for a person among the many opposite sexes he is familiar with, and it is an idealization of the value of this person. No one will Loving two or three people deeply, selflessly, and passionately at the same time. That inevitably leads to psychological turmoil, confronts the person with difficult choices, and spreads the torrent of emotion. Love first requires that one focus on one object, Harmony and completeness of the senses are required."
A person may love more than one person in his life, but it should not happen at the same moment in his life.Just as learning requires concentration, love also requires concentration. Only in this way can we get full feelings.
3. Dedication
In a sense, love should be an active, selfless, unrequited, and brave dedication.Only those who know how to give can get true love.Love should be given actively, not passively waiting.
But in real life, people pay more attention to how to be loved and how to be given, and like to respond to other people's active dedication with restraint, avoidance and arrogance, thinking that only in this way can they have identity and meaning.Especially men and women with great wealth and power.People who understand the true meaning of love do not pretend, they sincerely and actively show love to the person they admire, and they can give everything for the person they love.In return for selfless dedication, it will naturally be a sincere feeling.
4. Trust
Love requires mutual trust, not random suspicion.Don't ask why the other person doesn't answer your phone, don't have to figure out why the other person is a few minutes late for an appointment, or ask why your lover doesn't come home occasionally.This will only make the other party feel bored, which is not conducive to the stability of the relationship between the two parties.If you are willing to tell or need to tell you, the other party will definitely let you know.It is not advisable to follow each other in person or hire others. No matter how deep the love is, a certain amount of freedom is needed.Just think about it, even if the other party is really unfaithful to you, can hard questioning and investigation be able to save your love?That will only make the opponent escape faster and farther.
Trust is respect, only if you trust the other party, the other party will trust you; trusting the other party is trusting yourself, and those who do not trust the other party are often unconfident people.Unfounded suspicion will not lead to happy love.
5. Respect
Fromm said: "Respect means that a person allows another person to grow and develop according to its own laws and wishes. Respect implies no exploitation. Let the loved person grow and develop for his own purposes, not to serve Me. If I love someone, I feel attuned to her or him, but it’s with her and him who are her or him, not the tools I need to use.”
True love is consensual and mutual respect.Love without respect is cruel possession, which will cause one party to have psychological depression and deprive him or her of happiness and due affection.Respecting each other means respecting each other's hobbies, occupations, choices and personalities, and don't violently interfere or force each other.
6. Confidence
Psychology master Maslow believes that mentally healthy people can accept and love themselves. "They can accept their own willfulness without worry, including its various shortcomings and various differences from the ideal image. But it is obviously inappropriate to call them complacent. We want to point out that they treat people The fragility, evil, weakness, evil, etc. of nature, just like the characteristics of nature, accept and approve with the same unsuspecting attitude." Only self-confidence can have a certain psychological endurance, charm, and dare to Only when you take the initiative to love others can you dare to accept the love of others.Inferiority makes people close, people avoid, avoid their own love, and even avoid the love of others.
7. Understand
"Long live understanding", love cannot be separated from mutual understanding.Only by understanding can there be love; only by constantly deepening mutual understanding can love continue to sublimate.In psychology, there is a saying of "empathy psychology", which means focusing on the mood of others and experiencing all the emotions of others.Self-centered, always consider others from their own interests or ideas, and will never understand others.To understand, you have to put yourself in your shoes.Similar cultural backgrounds and similar experiences are more likely to resonate and understand, but fundamentally, understanding depends on the care and communication of both parties.
8. Appreciation
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Men and women who are passionately in love always feel that each other is the best in the world.Regardless of whether it is an illusion or not, the appreciation in it is worth advocating, and it is indispensable for love.This kind of appreciation makes you feel happy, wonderful and even crazy, maybe your "beauty" is ordinary to others.Appreciation of love includes not only the appreciation of the object of love, but also the liking of all related things around it. The so-called "love the house and the bird" is the truth.Know how to appreciate, know how to praise, how can your love not be sweet?
9. Independence
Independence in love is not alienation from lovers, let alone isolation from others.Independence is self-confidence. Once an independent person meets an ideal love object, he will express his love without hesitation.Independence means being strong. An independent person does not want to be lingering, day and night, but to work hard for love and give the loved one a happy home.Independence is a mature psychological quality.Independent people can withstand the blows of love, and can quickly stand up from emotional setbacks and start over.
10. Tolerance
The German philosopher Bruno Bauer said: "The mutual participation in love is to give everything to the other without reservation, and to get everything from the other." Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. To love someone requires Appreciate each other's strengths, but also accept each other's weaknesses. Love requires tolerance.Tolerance is understanding, sympathy and forgiveness; tolerance is to accept each other to the maximum extent.People who are too demanding can never tolerate the shortcomings of others, idealize the standards of their lovers, and never find love.
Tolerance means to forgive the other party's mistakes.True love is always worth cherishing. If one party has made a mistake, if he really repents, why not give both parties a chance to start over?
Be a good wife to your husband
George Bernard Shaw said: "Choosing a wife is like making a battle plan. If you make a mistake once, it will always be bad." People often say: "Behind every successful man, there is always a great woman." And how many young people who were originally promising, because of an unsatisfactory love or marriage, ended up mediocre or even tragic.It can be seen that choosing a wife is indeed a very important thing in a man's life.
What are the characteristics of a good woman in the new era?Men can use the following criteria to evaluate.
1. Independence
Independence is the characteristic of women in the new era.A woman in the new era has a complete and independent personality and does not rely on anyone economically, because she understands that a solid economic foundation is necessary to maintain self-esteem.Through economic independence, she enjoys the satisfaction of achievement; in the spiritual realm, she is not an accessory of a certain man, but more self-aware, and they pursue their own value and self-goal.Although having a happy family is still the pursuit of many women, some mature women will no longer shed tears for men who do not love themselves, nor will they spend their entire lives waiting for a man's promise.New age independent women only believe in themselves.
2. Tolerance
Women in the new era are more tolerant. They know how to respect other people's choices and agree with other people's lifestyles. They allow the existence of different life philosophies.They are more open-minded than before, and they understand that there are all kinds of wonders in the world, so what does it matter if strange things happen?In everything in the world, there is no absolute concept of right and wrong.Everyone has their own way to go to the heights, and maybe they will reach the same goal, but in the end they will stand on the same commanding heights.
3. Confidence
Confidence is the charm of a woman, and a confident woman must be beautiful.Confident women believe that the way to surpass men is not to oppress them under their own hegemony, but to live as freely as they do; confident women will not issue war letters to men all day long, or put on an "emperor Take turns, come to my house this year" aggressive attitude; confident women will not be arrogant all day long, they are confident but not arrogant, they always believe in themselves and have full confidence in themselves.
4. Beautiful
Women are born to love beauty, this is the same, and should not change.A beautiful woman is not necessarily born beautiful, but she definitely knows how to dress herself up.Women in the new era know how to brighten up their daily mood with their clothes and makeup. They are beautiful, not to please men, not an expression of vanity, but an expression of loving life and maintaining self-esteem, which is a manifestation of extremely high confidence in life .
5. Decisive
Women in the new era are always full of innovative spirit. They are very active and conscientious in their work, act competently and decisively, and never procrastinate.Starting from the self, do not pay attention to coordination with the surrounding.If there is a dispute, it is only about the matter and not about the person.No complacency, no conformity, value creativity.
6. Strong energy
Vigorous energy has always been the advantage of men. The intensity of modern labor is no less than that of the pre-industrial age. Behind the competition of brain power lies the invisible little fox of physical strength.Excellent modern women must include a strong body in their lifestyle, and fitness is as important as vitamins.A smart woman will know how to give up, giving up those things that require physical strength and energy but have little meaning and value.
7. Always charge
In the ever-changing world of technology, if you don't advance, you will fall behind.Good women in the new era understand this, so they constantly enrich themselves and improve their knowledge and skills.She may not have a natural advantage, but she definitely believes in the creation of the day after tomorrow.They work harder than men, not because they lack confidence in themselves, but because they are more ambitious than men.So, men start to feel a sense of urgency.
In addition, characteristics such as thrift, ingenuity, eloquence, gentleness, and self-cultivation are also important aspects to evaluate a good woman.
Be a good husband to your wife
Do you know what kind of husband a wife wants most?How can you make your wife appreciate you more?Understanding the good man in the eyes of a wife is the first step in effectively improving the relationship between husband and wife.
1. A man must be able to make up his mind
Women are lazy, so sometimes they don't want to spend their brains on making decisions-it's not about their own beauty anyway, why bother to affect their mood?Therefore, an assertive man becomes the wife's reliance, and no matter how strong a woman is, she still hopes to be cared for and loved by a man.Therefore, as a man, he needs to have his own opinions about life and the future, have his own goals in life, and gradually strengthen himself so that he can become his wife's reliance.A man must have a man's personality. If a man has his own opinions, he will arrange everything so that his wife does not worry.
2. Men should respect their wives
For various reasons, true equality between men and women cannot be achieved.Therefore, equality between men and women lies in how men and women get along with each other. A man who knows how to respect women is worthy of his wife's trust.Because you are full of masculinity, of course you can be a bit machismo, but you can't act arbitrarily. You must put yourself in your wife's shoes, don't let her be wronged, and treat her on an equal footing with you. Such a man will attract Wife likes it.
3. Men must be masculine
Some people say that Buttercup is a woman's idol, but no one says that they are a woman's marriage love.Women prefer men who are masculine and masculine.If the man around her is more "feminine" than her, full of sissy, coy and feminine, it will make wives feel so painful.Not only do women look down on such a man, they simply want to hide away and never see him for the rest of their lives!
4. Men must be gentle
A gentle man is also an ideal object in the eyes of women, but this gentleness is quite different from "sissy".Although tenderness is the unique essence of women, because women have always appeared as weak people.But gentle men should be the kind of men who can give their wives a great sense of security, and they don't seem to violate women.In other words, gentle men are the most secure typical men in women's minds.When getting along with this kind of man, the wife does not have to maintain a high degree of defensiveness, so they are deeply loved by their wives.
5. Men should pay more attention to feelings
For a wife, affection is more important than anything else, so finding a man who values affection is the most important thing. Of course, emphasizing affection is not sentimental.With the development of modern society, women have their own jobs, can support themselves, and do not need to rely on men to support them. Therefore, economic conditions, family background, etc. are no longer the most important conditions for choosing a spouse.Moreover, with the opening up of society, people's minds are also opening up, and there are more and more temptations outside. If you don't have true feelings, you will inevitably be shaken.Therefore, for a wife, a man who emphasizes affection is undoubtedly an ideal object and a guarantee for a happy family.
6. Men should have their own unique "beauty"
Wives also like men who are vulgar in the eyes of men. For example, in the eyes of men, a certain man may be pretentious and vulgar, but he unexpectedly makes his wife feel happy easily.
(1) He can create "intimacy" with his wife. No matter when they meet on any occasion, he often has an unconscionable smile on his mouth, and his words are smooth and fluent.He can intuitively see his wife's interest, and compliment her subtly and appropriately to put her in a good mood.How could a wife not like such a man?
(2) This type of man has an affinity for women, and they are often considerate and considerate. He will never accuse his wife of something wrong, and he will never say anything that damages the relationship between the husband and wife.
love is deep understanding and acceptance
Marriage experts believe that tolerance and gratitude are the prerequisites for a harmonious relationship between husband and wife, and the foundation of a happy marriage.As the saying goes: "There is no gold, and no one is perfect." There is no one who does not make mistakes, and husband and wife live together. If you have tolerance in your left pocket and forgiveness in your right pocket, then today will be in your heart. Harvest happiness in your left pocket, and tomorrow you will harvest happiness in your right pocket. After a long time, you will be full of happiness and joy around you.If you have complaints in your left pocket and jealousy in your right pocket, then today you will have pain in your left pocket, and tomorrow you will have troubles in your right pocket. After a long time, there will be pain all around you. and annoyed.A wife can tolerate her husband's shortcomings, and a husband can forgive his wife's problems. This is a kind of love.
In real life, we can often see some couples quarreling over little things, some quarrel because their lover goes home to smoke; some quarrel because their lover picks their noses; Some quarreled because they didn't clean up the house; some quarreled because they had disagreements with their lovers about educating their children; some quarreled because their lovers didn't wash their feet when they went to bed; Some quarreled because their lover lost something; some quarreled because of the TV remote control.In life, we can still see some couples fighting over a trivial matter, turning the world upside down, causing the family to fall into the abyss of pain, and even going on the road to divorce just because of a small misunderstanding.
After carefully analyzing the reasons for these quarrels, it is actually not a major issue in principle, but some trivial matters that make the husband and wife quarrel. The reason is the lack of tolerance and gratitude between the husband and wife.
Some people often lament that their marriage is not happy, and complain that their lover is useless. In fact, these are all negative attitudes caused by lack of tolerance.If this mentality continues, I am afraid that I will never get the happiness of marriage.To find happiness in marriage, resentment, complaints, and accusations are useless, and we must learn to tolerate and forgive.With tolerance and forgiveness, there will be more beautiful things, and happiness will surround you.
There is such a couple, the man has a Band-Aid on his nose, and the woman has a bandage on her head, and neither of them pays attention to the other.It turned out that the husband and wife were watching TV at home the night before, and the husband picked his nose for a while and picked his toes for a while.The wife couldn't stand it, so she stood up and said sharply, "How disgusting! How did your mother educate you?" The husband became anxious, and stood up and said loudly, "How did your mother educate you? How did you Talking to your husband like that?" Seeing that her husband dared to talk back, the wife became so annoyed that she raised the remote control in her hand and threw it at her husband's bridge of nose, causing his nose to bleed immediately.When the husband saw that his nose was bleeding, he picked up the remote control and threw it at it. Due to excessive force, it hit his wife's temple. With a "plop", the wife fell to the floor.The husband panicked and called an ambulance in a hurry, and this "war" was finally over.
The wife pointed at her husband and cried and said, "I can't live through this day. There are a lot of bad things, I don't make the quilt when I sleep, I don't like to get up on time, I have no sense of time, I don't understand women's hearts, I don't have economic sense, I don't love Talking, in short, no matter how you look at it, how awkward it is, it is really hopeless. What should I do? There is no way to live through this day."
The husband also has grievances, full of complaints, saying that his wife is too harsh, too picky, too serious, too domineering, and not gentle at all.Now I have no sense of happiness at all, and I am very distressed.
What happened to the husband and wife?Why is there no sense of happiness?What is the problem?
Both husband and wife have problems.There are three problems with the wife: one is that she does not have the heart of tolerance, her eyes are full of shortcomings, and she cannot tolerate her husband’s shortcomings and bad habits, which makes her feel bored; The dissatisfaction is vented; the third is to speak harshly, disrespect your lover, and disrespect your elders.The problem of the husband is: without good hygienic habits, the wife is angry, he is not calm, narrow-minded, confronts anger with anger, counters violence with violence, and does not know how to tolerate his wife.
Just imagine, if the husband sees his wife getting angry, he admits that he is wrong, and the wife calms down.When the wife gets angry when she sees her husband picking his nose or picking his toes, he immediately hides in the study or bathroom, and the husband will understand the wife's hints and correct himself.If the wife had spoken softer and sincerely said, "For your health, don't pick your nose or pick your toes, okay?" The husband would feel that his wife was tolerant and would love her even more.
A kind neighbor came over to persuade the quarrel, and said to his wife seriously: "Does your husband have no advantages?" The wife said: "No, he has no advantages at all." The neighbor said: "Think about it carefully, if he has no advantages , why did you marry him?" When the neighbor asked her, she calmed down and said, "There are still some advantages, but I can't remember them." The neighbor asked her to write down her husband's advantages carefully with a pen.What surprised her was that her husband has many good qualities: he loves his job, respects his parents, does not smoke or drink, has a sense of family responsibility, is more diligent, respects the old and loves the young outside, and is diligent and hard-working in the workplace.The wife looked at the advantages on the paper and said embarrassedly: "Why does he have so many advantages?" Psychology calls this phenomenon the tendency to ignore.Husband and wife are used to living together, and they don't see the advantages, but only the shortcomings and mistakes. If this continues, the husband and wife are prone to estrangement, conflicts, and even mutual disgust.
Husbands and wives should always remember each other's strengths, so that when things happen between husband and wife, it is not easy to have strong friction, and they will not fight over trivial matters.After some persuasion, the husband and wife apologized to each other. The husband said that he must get rid of bad habits in the future and be patient with his wife when things happen. The wife also said that he must care about her husband more in the future.
If you are a caring person, you must learn to open one eye and close one eye.For the sake of a happy marriage and family unity, open your eyes to the strengths of your lover and the whole family, and all the strengths of your lover will appear in your mind, and you will have a sense of happiness; You won't be disappointed in your lover until you can't see his flaws in your eyes.
Husband and wife have lived together for many years, and it is inevitable that they will get angry over trivial matters. How can they avoid exacerbating conflicts and tolerate each other?To be tolerant and grateful, just remember one word "heart".Because it can hold a lot of things in the heart.If your mentality is good, you are sunny, and your lover is sunny and tall in your heart.If there is no sunshine in your heart, you will feel that your lover is not good anywhere.
Husband and wife should always be tolerant
Husband and wife live together, in order to be happy and happy, it is very important to have a tolerant heart.To be tolerant, you must learn to use a magnifying glass to see the advantages and keep them in mind.In the relationship between husband and wife, don't underestimate the role of the magnifying glass.Smart people will increase the multiple of the magnifying glass. The higher the multiple, the more and bigger the advantages they see, the stronger the sweetness, and they will respect and respect their spouse from the heart.Being tolerant is reflected in two aspects: one is to admit the differences in personality; the other is to forgive the mistakes made by the lover.
1. Acknowledge differences in personality
In real life, people with different personalities abound, and couples are no exception.Many couples with different personalities live a sweet life. What is the reason for this?It's very simple, that is, husband and wife can tolerate and forgive each other.After several years of running-in, happy couples gradually understand a truth: in the relationship between husband and wife, it is very difficult and futile to try to change each other's personality, and it will eventually make you exhausted and painful.
There are two good sisters, both of whom are relatively introverted, but their husbands are both impatient.The two women were chatting together, and the eldest sister said: "You big brother-in-law, you are so unmanly, nagging all day long, sometimes you think I am slow to go out, sometimes I think I am slow to go to the bathroom, sometimes I think I am slow to make up, and sometimes I think I am slow to cook. Slow, always say that I am slow. Today, after he hurried down from upstairs, he found that he did not bring the car keys, and came back. I just got off the elevator and said, "Isn't this the key?" But he also complained to me: 'It's all because you're slow, I forget it when I'm in a hurry.'" The younger sister said slowly: "My husband is so kind, he always knows how to let me go, sometimes I comb my hair slowly, and he just looked at me quietly and said Slow down, okay, slow down, I will see more beautiful women. I cook slowly, and he said, it’s better to cook slowly, so as not to have sand in the porridge, so as not to be cooked. I go out slowly, he said, it’s better to go out slowly , It’s safe to go out slowly, it’s not often said, rather stop for three minutes, don’t grab a second, how fast can you go?”
You see, for two couples in the same situation, one has incompatible personalities, and the other has complementary personalities.Because they have different hearts, they live different lives.
Therefore, if you are tolerant, you have to admit the difference in personality, because it is almost impossible for a couple to have the same personality. The impatient and the slow have their own advantages. When you realize the difference in personality, you are ready to accept and tolerate each other. , It is easy to use one's own advantages to influence and influence the other party, so as to achieve the unity of character and emotional harmony of both parties.
2. Forgive your loved one for their mistakes
Allowing the other person to make mistakes is the key to a happy marriage.How can a husband and wife not make mistakes?No matter who makes a mistake between a husband and wife, it is not terrible. What is afraid of is that the door to correcting mistakes will be ruthlessly closed by you, and the door to marriage and happiness will not be opened.If the lover has made a mistake, you can bring it up, but you must consider the psychological endurance of the lover.Taking a blunt, simple approach will only exacerbate the problem.
Wang Jun and his friend took a taxi to a gathering of friends. After getting out of the car, they found that both of them had left their mobile phones in the car.This is the third mobile phone, and it was just bought by his wife a few days ago. Wang Jun felt very uncomfortable, and blamed himself for being too careless, so he went into that restaurant bravely.The wife and the others arrived early, and after entering, the wife said, "Why didn't you answer the phone? I'll just wait for the two of you." Wang Jun had no choice but to admit that he had lost his phone.At that time, I thought my wife would be angry in front of everyone, but she said: "If you lose your mobile phone, just lose it, and if you don't lose it, it's fine." When the wife said this, everyone said, "Your wife is really big-hearted and can forgive your mistakes. .” Seeing that his wife was not angry, Wang Jun heaved a sigh of relief.
But the friend's wife stood up and said loudly: "Why do you always lose everything? You are like a child. Sooner or later, you will lose everything at home. I am so mad." Yes, stand up and leave.
Some time ago, Wang Jun made a big mistake.He tidied up the antique cabinets at home, and as soon as he opened the cabinets with a stool, there was a particularly good jade article, and it fell down.At that time, I was very heartbroken, and at the same time, I was afraid that my wife would be angry.
As a result, his wife ran in immediately when she heard the noise, and when she saw that the jade was broken, she said very calmly, "Did it not fall? It's good if it didn't fall. It's fine if it's broken. You'll be safe every year." I thanked her for forgiving her mistakes.
Therefore, in order to have a happy marriage and live together as husband and wife, they must forgive each other for their mistakes as much as possible.
3. Tolerate different living habits
Being tolerant between husband and wife requires acknowledging differences.The living habits of people are different, the south is different from the north, and the city is different from the countryside.Since they are not the same, there will be differences, and how to treat differences is an artistic issue.
Li Jun used to have a neighbor whose husband was from the south and his wife was from the north. Every day they could hear their family quarreling over eating. The words "Why are you eating steamed buns again" are repeated many times a day, as if you can't eat without making noise.Later, their family moved away, and another neighbor moved in. The husband is from the south and the wife is from the north. They have never heard of their quarrel.
One day Li Jun asked the husband, you two, there is such a big gap in the region, why don't you see conflicts between you two because of living habits and other issues?He said: "It's okay if a man is not broad-minded? She doesn't make rice for me, and I eat steamed buns. It's fine. When we were young, we held two steamed buns and had pickles. It's good to eat when we're full. Now we can eat Steamed buns are served, what else to choose!"
The words are plain, but they sound inspired.Sometimes a happy marriage is neither taught to you nor snatched by you. It is obtained through mutual understanding, tolerance, and support in life. As long as husband and wife understand, tolerate, and support each other, Support, then put happiness in your heart.
Aura, also known as psychological energy field from a psychological point of view, refers to the strength of a person's psychological motivation.A person with a strong aura gives people the impression of being vigorous and capable; while a person with a weak aura often makes people feel that the person is weaker or even less capable.As a person in the workplace, practicing aura can make you look super capable and do things like a duck to water.
(End of this chapter)
How to maintain attraction between lovers
The so-called sense of mystery refers to the fresh, strange, unfathomable and other experiences arising from the gender differences (including physical and psychological) between men and women.It plays a special promotion and vital psychological role in the whole love process, and even in the life of husband and wife after marriage.The mystery between men and women is grateful for the curiosity between the sexes. Driven by this curiosity, the two require contact and explore each other. In the process of contact and exploration, if they appreciate each other and are attractive, they will have a good impression.On the basis of good feelings, the attraction is generated by the mystery of the other party. Through further understanding, if many shining things are found in each other, then love will arise.If there is no exploration of this mystery between the opposite sex, then there will be no attraction between the two, and there will be no love at all.
In order to enhance the sense of mystery and maintain the attraction between lovers, the following specific methods can be adopted.
1. Joy of life, changing a single, day-to-day, unchanging life
For example, suddenly bringing a surprise to the other party, or changing yourself, changing your hairstyle, or changing your room layout will make the lover feel fresh and happy.
2. Be polite and respect each other
Although the two have been passionately in love and have no distinction between you and me, they still have to maintain the etiquette like they did when they first fell in love, and don't lose the original tenderness and consideration, because any disrespect for each other's words and deeds will greatly damage their own attractiveness.
3. Occasional brief separations
Love does not lie in day and night, as the saying goes, a small farewell is better than a newly married.Especially after some conflicts have arisen, the brief separation will not only give both parties time to calmly think and reflect, but also multiply the sense of mystery when they meet after separation.
4. Try to avoid and reduce physical contact
Behaviors such as kissing, hugging, and touching in love are beyond reproach. They can beautify and promote the love between two people, but the frequency should not be too frequent.This is the same as our diet, eat less with more flavor, eat more with less flavor.
For premarital sexual intercourse, from the point of view of sexual physiology and sexual psychology, it is not suitable to carry out.Don't be exposed to your lover frequently and naked, which will make you lose the mystery of sex.Everyone's physiological response to sexual intercourse is basically similar, but their psychological states are different.Pursuing the mystery and freshness of sex is the psychological motivation and driving force of those who love the new and dislike the old.
It is a very difficult art for men and women to maintain mutual attraction, and its specific methods are far more than the above points. I hope to draw inferences about other cases from one instance.However, maintaining a sense of mystery is by no means mystifying, concealing and deceiving each other.Otherwise, it will be self-defeating.
Both parties in love should give each other free space
The furthest distance in the world is not "I'm by your side, but you don't know I love you"; it's two people who clearly love each other but can't stay together forever.How far is the distance between us?Often, a distance that is too close is less mysterious; a distance that is too far away makes it easy to forget each other.
Love needs to keep a distance. Only by keeping a distance can we advance and retreat freely without leaving too many regrets in the rose garden.
So what kind of distance should we keep on the emotional road to be perfect?
First and foremost, keeping your distance is about being financially independent.
Should know the importance of independence.When you are financially independent, men will respect and like you more.
When the relationship is immature, it is not appropriate for a man and a woman to have frequent economic exchanges.Money is a sensitive topic, and there are many examples of men and women in love who immediately turn against each other when real interests are involved.Feelings belong to feelings, and money belongs to money. They should be clearly distinguished, so as not to lose their wives and lose their soldiers.
Love must last forever and must be financially independent, even if he shouts every day that he wants to support you until you grow old.An independent woman will have an independent and equal love.But don't be independent for the sake of independence, because haggling is the fatal wound of love.
Second, keep a little personal space.
When lovers are in a relationship, no matter how gluey they are, they must always remember to reserve their own private space.This little distance, not only does not alienate him, but helps to add a bit of mystery, and brews the love and infatuation of the other party.
Don't talk too much about yourself.If you tell him everything from your birth to the present, then you have no sense of mystery to him at all. Therefore, if you mention yourself, you must insist on not mentioning a certain period or a certain period. These topics, staged a period of blank years.For example, if you deliberately don't say anything about sisters, when the other party asks you if you have sisters, you can pretend to be surprised and reply: "Didn't I tell you?"
Never tell him stories about you and men from your past.If you try to irritate him with stories about what you've done with other men, where you've been, making him jealous is the stupidest way to do it, and it's always going to cost you more, and he'll start talking about all the women he's had before. friend story.
While giving yourself personal space, you should also give him free space.
Everyone is an independent individual, even if he loves you again, he still needs to have his own friends and independent private space.Don't think that he loves you and that all his time is yours.When he encounters difficulties in life, when he also wants to be alone, don't think that he doesn't love you anymore.Just because of many things, he doesn't want you to worry.He just needs to be quiet.So, when he says he's tired, give him the freedom to relax completely.He will love you even more.
Again, to keep a distance is to keep a distance in space.
After a date between a man and a woman, the man usually sends the woman home.At this time, the woman can specifically designate that only the man will send herself to the station or the alley, and she will never explain the reason to her.This approach can also create a sense of mystery.After a period of time, the woman can find an excuse to explain to the man, saying that she is afraid of being gossiped near her home.
Life is a tree, it blooms when it should bloom, and bears fruit when it should bear fruit.If you want to talk about a long-term relationship, it is best to avoid getting along day and night, give each other more space and respect, and you will win sweet love instead.
Cohabiting too early usually lowers the chances of marriage.Cohabiting couples enjoy readily available sex and many of the pleasures of family life, but are less motivated to commit—since one can enjoy the pleasures of marriage without the burdens and constraints of marriage—why? get married!
Even if there is a physical relationship, women must not put on a look that you must marry. Sex is a common feeling for both parties, and it is the sublimation of feelings, not a burden or a condition for holding them back.
In addition, women must maintain their independence even in love, which requires them to have their own lives, hobbies and pursuits in addition to their feelings for boyfriends.Sanmao once said, "My heart has many rooms, and Jose just comes in and sits." You must have your own social circle.
As soon as you fall in love, you evaporate in place and cut off all your friends. This will only make your life more and more narrow.When you have your own interests and hobbies, you can use them to enrich your life and pass the time when he is not around you, instead of being "swallowed" by your boyfriend.
The vitality of love is limited. To make love last longer, please keep an appropriate distance.
Psychological qualities necessary for happy love
A sound psychological quality of love is the solid backing of sweet love.The success and failure of love, in addition to many external reasons, the soundness of love psychology is also a very important factor.
So, what are the characteristics of a sound love psychology?
1. Concern
Fromm once said: "Love is an active concern for the life and growth of the object of love. Wherever this concern is lacking, there is no love."
I am afraid that everyone knows the important role of care in love.First of all, caring is paying close attention to the object of love, always paying attention to the feelings and needs of the loved one, and being ready to comfort and satisfy them at any time. This is also the dedication of love.Secondly, caring can be reflected in the little things in life, such as tidying up your lover's clothes, combing your hair, wiping your tears, etc.Thirdly, caring can also be reflected in major life events, such as caring about the future and fate of lovers.Meticulous care is the foundation of love, and it is also the additive of love.
However, caring is not being self-sufficient, and it cannot be imposed on others regardless of the other person's feelings.If you care too much or care about the wrong place, it will make your lover bored.The real care should be the care that meets the needs of the other party.
2. Single-minded
Love is the most taboo half-hearted.Maybe you may not understand, dedicate enough, care enough or appreciate your lover enough, but you must not step on a few boats.Happy love must have a single-minded investment.The Bulgarian ethicist Vasiliev said in his "On Love": "The choice of love object is a specific preference for a person among the many opposite sexes he is familiar with, and it is an idealization of the value of this person. No one will Loving two or three people deeply, selflessly, and passionately at the same time. That inevitably leads to psychological turmoil, confronts the person with difficult choices, and spreads the torrent of emotion. Love first requires that one focus on one object, Harmony and completeness of the senses are required."
A person may love more than one person in his life, but it should not happen at the same moment in his life.Just as learning requires concentration, love also requires concentration. Only in this way can we get full feelings.
3. Dedication
In a sense, love should be an active, selfless, unrequited, and brave dedication.Only those who know how to give can get true love.Love should be given actively, not passively waiting.
But in real life, people pay more attention to how to be loved and how to be given, and like to respond to other people's active dedication with restraint, avoidance and arrogance, thinking that only in this way can they have identity and meaning.Especially men and women with great wealth and power.People who understand the true meaning of love do not pretend, they sincerely and actively show love to the person they admire, and they can give everything for the person they love.In return for selfless dedication, it will naturally be a sincere feeling.
4. Trust
Love requires mutual trust, not random suspicion.Don't ask why the other person doesn't answer your phone, don't have to figure out why the other person is a few minutes late for an appointment, or ask why your lover doesn't come home occasionally.This will only make the other party feel bored, which is not conducive to the stability of the relationship between the two parties.If you are willing to tell or need to tell you, the other party will definitely let you know.It is not advisable to follow each other in person or hire others. No matter how deep the love is, a certain amount of freedom is needed.Just think about it, even if the other party is really unfaithful to you, can hard questioning and investigation be able to save your love?That will only make the opponent escape faster and farther.
Trust is respect, only if you trust the other party, the other party will trust you; trusting the other party is trusting yourself, and those who do not trust the other party are often unconfident people.Unfounded suspicion will not lead to happy love.
5. Respect
Fromm said: "Respect means that a person allows another person to grow and develop according to its own laws and wishes. Respect implies no exploitation. Let the loved person grow and develop for his own purposes, not to serve Me. If I love someone, I feel attuned to her or him, but it’s with her and him who are her or him, not the tools I need to use.”
True love is consensual and mutual respect.Love without respect is cruel possession, which will cause one party to have psychological depression and deprive him or her of happiness and due affection.Respecting each other means respecting each other's hobbies, occupations, choices and personalities, and don't violently interfere or force each other.
6. Confidence
Psychology master Maslow believes that mentally healthy people can accept and love themselves. "They can accept their own willfulness without worry, including its various shortcomings and various differences from the ideal image. But it is obviously inappropriate to call them complacent. We want to point out that they treat people The fragility, evil, weakness, evil, etc. of nature, just like the characteristics of nature, accept and approve with the same unsuspecting attitude." Only self-confidence can have a certain psychological endurance, charm, and dare to Only when you take the initiative to love others can you dare to accept the love of others.Inferiority makes people close, people avoid, avoid their own love, and even avoid the love of others.
7. Understand
"Long live understanding", love cannot be separated from mutual understanding.Only by understanding can there be love; only by constantly deepening mutual understanding can love continue to sublimate.In psychology, there is a saying of "empathy psychology", which means focusing on the mood of others and experiencing all the emotions of others.Self-centered, always consider others from their own interests or ideas, and will never understand others.To understand, you have to put yourself in your shoes.Similar cultural backgrounds and similar experiences are more likely to resonate and understand, but fundamentally, understanding depends on the care and communication of both parties.
8. Appreciation
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Men and women who are passionately in love always feel that each other is the best in the world.Regardless of whether it is an illusion or not, the appreciation in it is worth advocating, and it is indispensable for love.This kind of appreciation makes you feel happy, wonderful and even crazy, maybe your "beauty" is ordinary to others.Appreciation of love includes not only the appreciation of the object of love, but also the liking of all related things around it. The so-called "love the house and the bird" is the truth.Know how to appreciate, know how to praise, how can your love not be sweet?
9. Independence
Independence in love is not alienation from lovers, let alone isolation from others.Independence is self-confidence. Once an independent person meets an ideal love object, he will express his love without hesitation.Independence means being strong. An independent person does not want to be lingering, day and night, but to work hard for love and give the loved one a happy home.Independence is a mature psychological quality.Independent people can withstand the blows of love, and can quickly stand up from emotional setbacks and start over.
10. Tolerance
The German philosopher Bruno Bauer said: "The mutual participation in love is to give everything to the other without reservation, and to get everything from the other." Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. To love someone requires Appreciate each other's strengths, but also accept each other's weaknesses. Love requires tolerance.Tolerance is understanding, sympathy and forgiveness; tolerance is to accept each other to the maximum extent.People who are too demanding can never tolerate the shortcomings of others, idealize the standards of their lovers, and never find love.
Tolerance means to forgive the other party's mistakes.True love is always worth cherishing. If one party has made a mistake, if he really repents, why not give both parties a chance to start over?
Be a good wife to your husband
George Bernard Shaw said: "Choosing a wife is like making a battle plan. If you make a mistake once, it will always be bad." People often say: "Behind every successful man, there is always a great woman." And how many young people who were originally promising, because of an unsatisfactory love or marriage, ended up mediocre or even tragic.It can be seen that choosing a wife is indeed a very important thing in a man's life.
What are the characteristics of a good woman in the new era?Men can use the following criteria to evaluate.
1. Independence
Independence is the characteristic of women in the new era.A woman in the new era has a complete and independent personality and does not rely on anyone economically, because she understands that a solid economic foundation is necessary to maintain self-esteem.Through economic independence, she enjoys the satisfaction of achievement; in the spiritual realm, she is not an accessory of a certain man, but more self-aware, and they pursue their own value and self-goal.Although having a happy family is still the pursuit of many women, some mature women will no longer shed tears for men who do not love themselves, nor will they spend their entire lives waiting for a man's promise.New age independent women only believe in themselves.
2. Tolerance
Women in the new era are more tolerant. They know how to respect other people's choices and agree with other people's lifestyles. They allow the existence of different life philosophies.They are more open-minded than before, and they understand that there are all kinds of wonders in the world, so what does it matter if strange things happen?In everything in the world, there is no absolute concept of right and wrong.Everyone has their own way to go to the heights, and maybe they will reach the same goal, but in the end they will stand on the same commanding heights.
3. Confidence
Confidence is the charm of a woman, and a confident woman must be beautiful.Confident women believe that the way to surpass men is not to oppress them under their own hegemony, but to live as freely as they do; confident women will not issue war letters to men all day long, or put on an "emperor Take turns, come to my house this year" aggressive attitude; confident women will not be arrogant all day long, they are confident but not arrogant, they always believe in themselves and have full confidence in themselves.
4. Beautiful
Women are born to love beauty, this is the same, and should not change.A beautiful woman is not necessarily born beautiful, but she definitely knows how to dress herself up.Women in the new era know how to brighten up their daily mood with their clothes and makeup. They are beautiful, not to please men, not an expression of vanity, but an expression of loving life and maintaining self-esteem, which is a manifestation of extremely high confidence in life .
5. Decisive
Women in the new era are always full of innovative spirit. They are very active and conscientious in their work, act competently and decisively, and never procrastinate.Starting from the self, do not pay attention to coordination with the surrounding.If there is a dispute, it is only about the matter and not about the person.No complacency, no conformity, value creativity.
6. Strong energy
Vigorous energy has always been the advantage of men. The intensity of modern labor is no less than that of the pre-industrial age. Behind the competition of brain power lies the invisible little fox of physical strength.Excellent modern women must include a strong body in their lifestyle, and fitness is as important as vitamins.A smart woman will know how to give up, giving up those things that require physical strength and energy but have little meaning and value.
7. Always charge
In the ever-changing world of technology, if you don't advance, you will fall behind.Good women in the new era understand this, so they constantly enrich themselves and improve their knowledge and skills.She may not have a natural advantage, but she definitely believes in the creation of the day after tomorrow.They work harder than men, not because they lack confidence in themselves, but because they are more ambitious than men.So, men start to feel a sense of urgency.
In addition, characteristics such as thrift, ingenuity, eloquence, gentleness, and self-cultivation are also important aspects to evaluate a good woman.
Be a good husband to your wife
Do you know what kind of husband a wife wants most?How can you make your wife appreciate you more?Understanding the good man in the eyes of a wife is the first step in effectively improving the relationship between husband and wife.
1. A man must be able to make up his mind
Women are lazy, so sometimes they don't want to spend their brains on making decisions-it's not about their own beauty anyway, why bother to affect their mood?Therefore, an assertive man becomes the wife's reliance, and no matter how strong a woman is, she still hopes to be cared for and loved by a man.Therefore, as a man, he needs to have his own opinions about life and the future, have his own goals in life, and gradually strengthen himself so that he can become his wife's reliance.A man must have a man's personality. If a man has his own opinions, he will arrange everything so that his wife does not worry.
2. Men should respect their wives
For various reasons, true equality between men and women cannot be achieved.Therefore, equality between men and women lies in how men and women get along with each other. A man who knows how to respect women is worthy of his wife's trust.Because you are full of masculinity, of course you can be a bit machismo, but you can't act arbitrarily. You must put yourself in your wife's shoes, don't let her be wronged, and treat her on an equal footing with you. Such a man will attract Wife likes it.
3. Men must be masculine
Some people say that Buttercup is a woman's idol, but no one says that they are a woman's marriage love.Women prefer men who are masculine and masculine.If the man around her is more "feminine" than her, full of sissy, coy and feminine, it will make wives feel so painful.Not only do women look down on such a man, they simply want to hide away and never see him for the rest of their lives!
4. Men must be gentle
A gentle man is also an ideal object in the eyes of women, but this gentleness is quite different from "sissy".Although tenderness is the unique essence of women, because women have always appeared as weak people.But gentle men should be the kind of men who can give their wives a great sense of security, and they don't seem to violate women.In other words, gentle men are the most secure typical men in women's minds.When getting along with this kind of man, the wife does not have to maintain a high degree of defensiveness, so they are deeply loved by their wives.
5. Men should pay more attention to feelings
For a wife, affection is more important than anything else, so finding a man who values affection is the most important thing. Of course, emphasizing affection is not sentimental.With the development of modern society, women have their own jobs, can support themselves, and do not need to rely on men to support them. Therefore, economic conditions, family background, etc. are no longer the most important conditions for choosing a spouse.Moreover, with the opening up of society, people's minds are also opening up, and there are more and more temptations outside. If you don't have true feelings, you will inevitably be shaken.Therefore, for a wife, a man who emphasizes affection is undoubtedly an ideal object and a guarantee for a happy family.
6. Men should have their own unique "beauty"
Wives also like men who are vulgar in the eyes of men. For example, in the eyes of men, a certain man may be pretentious and vulgar, but he unexpectedly makes his wife feel happy easily.
(1) He can create "intimacy" with his wife. No matter when they meet on any occasion, he often has an unconscionable smile on his mouth, and his words are smooth and fluent.He can intuitively see his wife's interest, and compliment her subtly and appropriately to put her in a good mood.How could a wife not like such a man?
(2) This type of man has an affinity for women, and they are often considerate and considerate. He will never accuse his wife of something wrong, and he will never say anything that damages the relationship between the husband and wife.
love is deep understanding and acceptance
Marriage experts believe that tolerance and gratitude are the prerequisites for a harmonious relationship between husband and wife, and the foundation of a happy marriage.As the saying goes: "There is no gold, and no one is perfect." There is no one who does not make mistakes, and husband and wife live together. If you have tolerance in your left pocket and forgiveness in your right pocket, then today will be in your heart. Harvest happiness in your left pocket, and tomorrow you will harvest happiness in your right pocket. After a long time, you will be full of happiness and joy around you.If you have complaints in your left pocket and jealousy in your right pocket, then today you will have pain in your left pocket, and tomorrow you will have troubles in your right pocket. After a long time, there will be pain all around you. and annoyed.A wife can tolerate her husband's shortcomings, and a husband can forgive his wife's problems. This is a kind of love.
In real life, we can often see some couples quarreling over little things, some quarrel because their lover goes home to smoke; some quarrel because their lover picks their noses; Some quarreled because they didn't clean up the house; some quarreled because they had disagreements with their lovers about educating their children; some quarreled because their lovers didn't wash their feet when they went to bed; Some quarreled because their lover lost something; some quarreled because of the TV remote control.In life, we can still see some couples fighting over a trivial matter, turning the world upside down, causing the family to fall into the abyss of pain, and even going on the road to divorce just because of a small misunderstanding.
After carefully analyzing the reasons for these quarrels, it is actually not a major issue in principle, but some trivial matters that make the husband and wife quarrel. The reason is the lack of tolerance and gratitude between the husband and wife.
Some people often lament that their marriage is not happy, and complain that their lover is useless. In fact, these are all negative attitudes caused by lack of tolerance.If this mentality continues, I am afraid that I will never get the happiness of marriage.To find happiness in marriage, resentment, complaints, and accusations are useless, and we must learn to tolerate and forgive.With tolerance and forgiveness, there will be more beautiful things, and happiness will surround you.
There is such a couple, the man has a Band-Aid on his nose, and the woman has a bandage on her head, and neither of them pays attention to the other.It turned out that the husband and wife were watching TV at home the night before, and the husband picked his nose for a while and picked his toes for a while.The wife couldn't stand it, so she stood up and said sharply, "How disgusting! How did your mother educate you?" The husband became anxious, and stood up and said loudly, "How did your mother educate you? How did you Talking to your husband like that?" Seeing that her husband dared to talk back, the wife became so annoyed that she raised the remote control in her hand and threw it at her husband's bridge of nose, causing his nose to bleed immediately.When the husband saw that his nose was bleeding, he picked up the remote control and threw it at it. Due to excessive force, it hit his wife's temple. With a "plop", the wife fell to the floor.The husband panicked and called an ambulance in a hurry, and this "war" was finally over.
The wife pointed at her husband and cried and said, "I can't live through this day. There are a lot of bad things, I don't make the quilt when I sleep, I don't like to get up on time, I have no sense of time, I don't understand women's hearts, I don't have economic sense, I don't love Talking, in short, no matter how you look at it, how awkward it is, it is really hopeless. What should I do? There is no way to live through this day."
The husband also has grievances, full of complaints, saying that his wife is too harsh, too picky, too serious, too domineering, and not gentle at all.Now I have no sense of happiness at all, and I am very distressed.
What happened to the husband and wife?Why is there no sense of happiness?What is the problem?
Both husband and wife have problems.There are three problems with the wife: one is that she does not have the heart of tolerance, her eyes are full of shortcomings, and she cannot tolerate her husband’s shortcomings and bad habits, which makes her feel bored; The dissatisfaction is vented; the third is to speak harshly, disrespect your lover, and disrespect your elders.The problem of the husband is: without good hygienic habits, the wife is angry, he is not calm, narrow-minded, confronts anger with anger, counters violence with violence, and does not know how to tolerate his wife.
Just imagine, if the husband sees his wife getting angry, he admits that he is wrong, and the wife calms down.When the wife gets angry when she sees her husband picking his nose or picking his toes, he immediately hides in the study or bathroom, and the husband will understand the wife's hints and correct himself.If the wife had spoken softer and sincerely said, "For your health, don't pick your nose or pick your toes, okay?" The husband would feel that his wife was tolerant and would love her even more.
A kind neighbor came over to persuade the quarrel, and said to his wife seriously: "Does your husband have no advantages?" The wife said: "No, he has no advantages at all." The neighbor said: "Think about it carefully, if he has no advantages , why did you marry him?" When the neighbor asked her, she calmed down and said, "There are still some advantages, but I can't remember them." The neighbor asked her to write down her husband's advantages carefully with a pen.What surprised her was that her husband has many good qualities: he loves his job, respects his parents, does not smoke or drink, has a sense of family responsibility, is more diligent, respects the old and loves the young outside, and is diligent and hard-working in the workplace.The wife looked at the advantages on the paper and said embarrassedly: "Why does he have so many advantages?" Psychology calls this phenomenon the tendency to ignore.Husband and wife are used to living together, and they don't see the advantages, but only the shortcomings and mistakes. If this continues, the husband and wife are prone to estrangement, conflicts, and even mutual disgust.
Husbands and wives should always remember each other's strengths, so that when things happen between husband and wife, it is not easy to have strong friction, and they will not fight over trivial matters.After some persuasion, the husband and wife apologized to each other. The husband said that he must get rid of bad habits in the future and be patient with his wife when things happen. The wife also said that he must care about her husband more in the future.
If you are a caring person, you must learn to open one eye and close one eye.For the sake of a happy marriage and family unity, open your eyes to the strengths of your lover and the whole family, and all the strengths of your lover will appear in your mind, and you will have a sense of happiness; You won't be disappointed in your lover until you can't see his flaws in your eyes.
Husband and wife have lived together for many years, and it is inevitable that they will get angry over trivial matters. How can they avoid exacerbating conflicts and tolerate each other?To be tolerant and grateful, just remember one word "heart".Because it can hold a lot of things in the heart.If your mentality is good, you are sunny, and your lover is sunny and tall in your heart.If there is no sunshine in your heart, you will feel that your lover is not good anywhere.
Husband and wife should always be tolerant
Husband and wife live together, in order to be happy and happy, it is very important to have a tolerant heart.To be tolerant, you must learn to use a magnifying glass to see the advantages and keep them in mind.In the relationship between husband and wife, don't underestimate the role of the magnifying glass.Smart people will increase the multiple of the magnifying glass. The higher the multiple, the more and bigger the advantages they see, the stronger the sweetness, and they will respect and respect their spouse from the heart.Being tolerant is reflected in two aspects: one is to admit the differences in personality; the other is to forgive the mistakes made by the lover.
1. Acknowledge differences in personality
In real life, people with different personalities abound, and couples are no exception.Many couples with different personalities live a sweet life. What is the reason for this?It's very simple, that is, husband and wife can tolerate and forgive each other.After several years of running-in, happy couples gradually understand a truth: in the relationship between husband and wife, it is very difficult and futile to try to change each other's personality, and it will eventually make you exhausted and painful.
There are two good sisters, both of whom are relatively introverted, but their husbands are both impatient.The two women were chatting together, and the eldest sister said: "You big brother-in-law, you are so unmanly, nagging all day long, sometimes you think I am slow to go out, sometimes I think I am slow to go to the bathroom, sometimes I think I am slow to make up, and sometimes I think I am slow to cook. Slow, always say that I am slow. Today, after he hurried down from upstairs, he found that he did not bring the car keys, and came back. I just got off the elevator and said, "Isn't this the key?" But he also complained to me: 'It's all because you're slow, I forget it when I'm in a hurry.'" The younger sister said slowly: "My husband is so kind, he always knows how to let me go, sometimes I comb my hair slowly, and he just looked at me quietly and said Slow down, okay, slow down, I will see more beautiful women. I cook slowly, and he said, it’s better to cook slowly, so as not to have sand in the porridge, so as not to be cooked. I go out slowly, he said, it’s better to go out slowly , It’s safe to go out slowly, it’s not often said, rather stop for three minutes, don’t grab a second, how fast can you go?”
You see, for two couples in the same situation, one has incompatible personalities, and the other has complementary personalities.Because they have different hearts, they live different lives.
Therefore, if you are tolerant, you have to admit the difference in personality, because it is almost impossible for a couple to have the same personality. The impatient and the slow have their own advantages. When you realize the difference in personality, you are ready to accept and tolerate each other. , It is easy to use one's own advantages to influence and influence the other party, so as to achieve the unity of character and emotional harmony of both parties.
2. Forgive your loved one for their mistakes
Allowing the other person to make mistakes is the key to a happy marriage.How can a husband and wife not make mistakes?No matter who makes a mistake between a husband and wife, it is not terrible. What is afraid of is that the door to correcting mistakes will be ruthlessly closed by you, and the door to marriage and happiness will not be opened.If the lover has made a mistake, you can bring it up, but you must consider the psychological endurance of the lover.Taking a blunt, simple approach will only exacerbate the problem.
Wang Jun and his friend took a taxi to a gathering of friends. After getting out of the car, they found that both of them had left their mobile phones in the car.This is the third mobile phone, and it was just bought by his wife a few days ago. Wang Jun felt very uncomfortable, and blamed himself for being too careless, so he went into that restaurant bravely.The wife and the others arrived early, and after entering, the wife said, "Why didn't you answer the phone? I'll just wait for the two of you." Wang Jun had no choice but to admit that he had lost his phone.At that time, I thought my wife would be angry in front of everyone, but she said: "If you lose your mobile phone, just lose it, and if you don't lose it, it's fine." When the wife said this, everyone said, "Your wife is really big-hearted and can forgive your mistakes. .” Seeing that his wife was not angry, Wang Jun heaved a sigh of relief.
But the friend's wife stood up and said loudly: "Why do you always lose everything? You are like a child. Sooner or later, you will lose everything at home. I am so mad." Yes, stand up and leave.
Some time ago, Wang Jun made a big mistake.He tidied up the antique cabinets at home, and as soon as he opened the cabinets with a stool, there was a particularly good jade article, and it fell down.At that time, I was very heartbroken, and at the same time, I was afraid that my wife would be angry.
As a result, his wife ran in immediately when she heard the noise, and when she saw that the jade was broken, she said very calmly, "Did it not fall? It's good if it didn't fall. It's fine if it's broken. You'll be safe every year." I thanked her for forgiving her mistakes.
Therefore, in order to have a happy marriage and live together as husband and wife, they must forgive each other for their mistakes as much as possible.
3. Tolerate different living habits
Being tolerant between husband and wife requires acknowledging differences.The living habits of people are different, the south is different from the north, and the city is different from the countryside.Since they are not the same, there will be differences, and how to treat differences is an artistic issue.
Li Jun used to have a neighbor whose husband was from the south and his wife was from the north. Every day they could hear their family quarreling over eating. The words "Why are you eating steamed buns again" are repeated many times a day, as if you can't eat without making noise.Later, their family moved away, and another neighbor moved in. The husband is from the south and the wife is from the north. They have never heard of their quarrel.
One day Li Jun asked the husband, you two, there is such a big gap in the region, why don't you see conflicts between you two because of living habits and other issues?He said: "It's okay if a man is not broad-minded? She doesn't make rice for me, and I eat steamed buns. It's fine. When we were young, we held two steamed buns and had pickles. It's good to eat when we're full. Now we can eat Steamed buns are served, what else to choose!"
The words are plain, but they sound inspired.Sometimes a happy marriage is neither taught to you nor snatched by you. It is obtained through mutual understanding, tolerance, and support in life. As long as husband and wife understand, tolerate, and support each other, Support, then put happiness in your heart.
Aura, also known as psychological energy field from a psychological point of view, refers to the strength of a person's psychological motivation.A person with a strong aura gives people the impression of being vigorous and capable; while a person with a weak aura often makes people feel that the person is weaker or even less capable.As a person in the workplace, practicing aura can make you look super capable and do things like a duck to water.
(End of this chapter)
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