The psychology of the aura that makes your heart strong

Chapter 8 Eloquence improves aura, speaks weighty words, and be a weighty person
Don't let talking ruin your aura
The quality of the speaking effect mainly depends on the speaker's ideological level, cultural accomplishment, and moral sentiment, but paying attention to the art of language is also very important.The same thought, spoken from different people, often has different effects.

Good conversation can help a person succeed, and bad conversation can hinder one's life.In daily life, there are people around us who are eloquent, some who are ignorant and incomprehensible, some who speak eloquently, and some who are dry and indifferent... People have different eloquence abilities, and the effect of speaking is also very different don't.Therefore, if you want to become a master in speaking and reach the realm of "words are the voice of the heart, and the heart follows the words", you must grasp the mystery.

Whether a person's words can be accepted by others depends on his credibility, and to improve his credibility, not only should he dress appropriately, behave generously, speak naturally and appropriately, focus his eyes, and calm his expression, etc., in order to improve his credibility. Also observe each other.

Different people accept the opinions of others in different ways and with different sensitivities.

Generally speaking, people with a higher cultural level disdain to listen to superficial and popular words, and should use more abstract reasoning for them; people with a lower cultural level do not understand advanced theories, and should give them more obvious examples.For headstrong people, it is not advisable to be persuasive, but provocative methods can be used; for those who like to exaggerate, you don’t have to be the same, you might as well induce; for people who are silent by nature, you should provoke him more; If you are a person, you must focus on his interests; for those who are emotionally abnormal, you must wait until his emotions return to normal before talking.Only by knowing yourself and the enemy can you prescribe the right medicine and get good speaking results.

How to speak very learned
Throughout the ages, people have different attitudes towards speech, and one of them uses two words "dangerous words" when expressing the highest state of language.The realm of dangerous words is similar to the words of sages such as "the great appearance is invisible, and the great sound is invisible".Just like Zen people "hang their mouths on the wall".But we ordinary people, who can not speak?Even sages can't avoid talking, but they can say it at this time and not at that time, say what should be said, and not say what should not be said.Even though the mute cannot speak normally, he still has his own way of expression.

In fact, speaking is very learned.Sometimes I want to say it but I can't, sometimes I want to say it but I shouldn't, sometimes I want to say it but I can't, sometimes I want to say it but I dare not.There is a fable in ancient Greece that compares the tongue to a monster. It can praise you with the most beautiful words, and it can also curse you with the most vicious words. It can say that an ant is an elephant, and it can also say that a clown is a king.

People who are good at speaking can express their intentions fluently, and can also explain the truth clearly and beautifully, and make others willing to accept it.Some people are eloquent and eloquent, uttering countless good words and admonitions; some people make lies, tell lies, and create nonsense, stupid, and useless words, leaving people with a bad impression of frivolous words and sloppy actions.

As the saying goes: "A good word makes three winters warm, and a bad word hurts people's June cold." One sentence can make people laugh, and one sentence can also make people jump.Words are the clothes of thought, and in vulgar and beautiful diction, different characters are displayed, and unconsciously, consciously or unconsciously, they paint their outlines and portraits for others.

In today's information age and civilized society, it is inseparable from speaking to explore knowledge, contact affairs, exchange information, impart skills, as well as socialize, convey emotion and entertain.Even to measure whether a person has strength, whether this strength can be manifested, depends to a large extent on his ability to speak.In addition, we also know that eloquence is not innate, it can be improved through self-training.Therefore, to speak, or not to speak, what to say, how to say it, and who to say it to is a kind of culture, and even more an art.Master this art, you can control the wonderful tongue and change your life.

To this end, we can shape our speaking image and language ability from the following aspects.

1. Try to clear the voice barrier and adjust your timbre
Some people's voices are sharp and piercing, some people's voices are hoarse and deep. Although the tone of a person's voice cannot be changed, everyone can still make some different voices. Among them, there must be a tone that is the most beautiful and attractive.In different occasions, pay attention to the use of effective pronunciation.A firm and aggressive voice gives people a sense of excitement; a soft, crisp voice makes people happy; a low and melancholy voice makes people sad; and a vulgar and impatient voice makes people angry.

2. Speak at an appropriate speed
If you speak too fast, you will be out of breath, and others will not be able to hear you clearly, and your tongue will be wasted; if you speak too slowly, you will become impatient.When speaking, pay attention to the high and low pitch, just like the speed and strength in music. If you want to make your words sound like music, you must pay attention to the high and low pitch.In addition, speaking with mantras will disrupt the rhythm and appear disorganized.You should not speak too loudly at ordinary times, and pay special attention to civility in public places.Making loud noises can only make others look at you.

In interpersonal communication, people are most taboo about that kind of arrogant tone, arrogant look, and rigid tone.And the humble attitude and euphemistic tone can give people a kind of convincing power.

On the Oscar podium, the famous film star Ingrid Bergman won the Best Supporting Actress Award again after winning two consecutive Best Actress Awards, but she highly praised Frentina, who competed with her for this award. in every possible way. "Forgive me, Frentina, I didn't intend to win the award in advance." A humble sentence eliminated the psychological barrier with the other party.

3. Don’t talk about “I”

Don't be self-centered, don't take the least valuable word "I" as the largest word in your speech, and change the most frequent "I think" and "I think" into "we", "what do you think", "" You think".Tell less about your own experiences and stories, and don't spit out bitterness every time you meet anyone, and treat the people around you as the object of venting.Cursing, swearing, wishing all over the sky, interrupting casually, are also vulgar and vulgar expressions.Don't talk about topics that others are not interested in, but mobilize everyone's interest in the conversation.

Of course, we should also be aware that words that go too far, mean, sarcasm or sarcasm, or words that hurt feelings can leave a scar in someone's psyche.Try to avoid causing trouble with your tongue, don't tell stories, don't tell people's shortcomings, and don't talk about other people's privacy.When you should express your attitude in a situation, don't shrink back.If the drum does not beat, there will be no sound, and the words will not be clear. You must have the courage to explain the situation at the time, otherwise you will artificially cause troubles and misunderstandings, and it will be difficult to explain afterwards.

Exaggerated words have an effect of attracting attention, but when used too much, they make people disbelieve.It is impossible for you to tell the most important news every time, and it is impossible to tell the most touching stories every time. If the word "most" appears anytime and anywhere, others will think you are a person who likes to exaggerate.

Finally, some people often dare not speak because of low self-esteem and can't open their mouths.Or for some reason bother to speak.Confucius said: "If you have aspirations, your words will be sufficient for your aspirations, and your writing will be sufficient for your words. If you don't speak, who knows your aspirations?" It is to make people not stay silent or be silent unnecessarily.In fact, speaking is the same as writing an article. The key is the first sentence. As long as you speak the first sentence bravely, you will spit out the second, third, and fourth sentences, and others will never care how you say it.So speaking out is the key, because no matter how you express your thoughts, communicating with others is the ladder of learning and progress. Don't be a "pretentious" deep wise man. It is not beneficial to close yourself up.

The witty words are astonishing and shocking

When communicating with people, it is most taboo to speak hesitatingly, and the words are not expressive.This will not only make it difficult for others to communicate with you, but may also give people a bad impression.Therefore, in communication, we should try our best to speak witty and quick, and the language is accurate.

Social conversation requires style, and language communication requires skill.Don't you see, there are so many amazing and witty remarks in the social field, which startled everyone, and how many strange talks scared away the guests.In many cases, you are not afraid of not speaking, but you are afraid of saying the wrong thing.

A guide accompanied a judge back from hunting, and someone asked him, "How is the judge's harvest today?"

"The judge is a good shot," he replied, "but God is especially kind to the birds today."

In fact, the judge's marksmanship was too ordinary and he failed to hit a bird, but the narrator used artistic language and humorous words to attribute the reason to God.

The famous talk artist Tokugawa Mengsheng said: "The purpose of our daily conversations with people is nothing more than the following, based on will, based on emotion, and based on seeking knowledge."

The first type is based on will.Whatever you think in your heart, you have to express it in words. It is very painful to have something on your mind but it is difficult to express it with your tongue.Sometimes you try to use your words to influence the will of others.For example, if you ask others to do something and they agree to you, it means that you have influenced the will of others.

The second type is based on emotion.This is the most common way for us to connect with each other, and the purpose is to improve the relationship between the two parties through mutual conversation.

The third type is based on seeking knowledge.This is what you want to know about something or ask others for advice about something.

In daily life, it is advisable to first determine which category our purpose belongs to when socializing with others, and then we can proceed.Because what we want is success, not failure.

The reason why many people fail in socializing is because they are not moving towards their goals, and they often create extra problems and do things that have nothing to do with the goals or even run counter to them.There are also some people whose methods of entertainment are simply against human nature.

The same sentence, slightly different wording, the effect will be very different.For example, saying "Where is the bowling alley?" may have different answers than "Where is there a bowling alley?"

In some special occasions, the parties should pay more attention to the wording.

Once, a British TV station interviewed Liang Xiaosheng and filmed the TV interview program on the spot.The interviewer was a seasoned and witty Englishman. He walked up to Liang Xiaosheng and said, "The next question, please answer it with the shortest one or two words without hesitation, such as 'yes' or 'no'." Liang Xiaosheng Nod in approval.There was a "snap" of the mirror shield, and the recording microphone was immediately extended to Liang Xiaosheng's mouth.The reporter asked: "Without the Cultural Revolution, young writers of your generation may not have been produced. So in your opinion, is the Cultural Revolution good or bad?"

Liang Xiaosheng was startled, the question was so "tricky".He had an idea, and immediately asked: "Without the Second World War, there would be no famous writer who reflected the Second World War. So do you think the Second World War is good or bad?" The British reporter was taken aback, and the camera immediately stopped shooting.

In our daily life, we often encounter such a situation, that is, others often ask us how we evaluate someone.In fact, such a wording of the question is often difficult to say. Instead of asking "Do you hate him very much" or "Do you like him very much", it is better to ask "What is your impression of him".

And when answering this kind of very personal question, many respondents are quite contradictory.At this time, we can use some ambiguous words to answer.

When Japanese actor Yoshiko Nakano was asked by a reporter in China when she was going to get married, it was really difficult for her to answer because she had just lost her love, but Yoshiko Nakano tactfully replied after thinking about it: "If I get married, I will definitely come to China for my honeymoon. "This can be said to be a typical example.

Make your language sound beautiful and melodious

Usually, when we talk and communicate with people, we mostly hope that we can leave a good impression on them, so we pay attention to language skills and rhetoric.

Language skills focus on the word "clever".Mastering certain language skills will definitely be of great help to daily communication activities.

1. Speak at a normal speed

Generally speaking, it is difficult to control the speaking speed, even for some professional speakers or politicians, sometimes it is not easy to grasp the speaking speed.Speak too fast and others will not understand what you are saying and will be out of breath.Speak too slowly and people won't listen to you at all because they're impatient.According to experts, the normal speaking speed has different standards in different situations. The speed of the news announcer of the Central People’s Broadcasting Station is about 350 words per minute, and the appropriate rate for teachers’ classroom lectures is 200-250 words per minute.The usual speaking speed should not be fixed. If the effect of pauses and emotional changes are not included, it is generally slower than reading aloud, about 160 words per minute.When we read aloud, we speak faster than we speak.And the speed of speaking should not be fixed. Your thoughts, emotions and the content of your speech will affect the speed of your expression.Grasping moderate pauses and speed changes in speaking will add rich effects to your speech.

To measure your speaking speed, read a speech at your normal speaking speed, and then use a stopwatch to measure how long it takes you to read.If your speaking speed cannot meet the above standard per minute, you can try to adjust the speaking speed to see if you will get good results.

2. Make the tone of speech match the content

Intonation can reflect a person's inner world when speaking, expressing his emotions and attitudes.When you are angry, startled, doubtful, or excited, your tone of voice must also be unnatural.From your tone of voice, people can tell whether you are convincing, humorous, and approachable, or if you are reserved, provocative, flattering, or sinister.Your tone of voice can also reflect whether you are indecisive, inferior, and hostile, or whether you are honest, confident, forthright, and respectful.

No matter what topic you are talking about, keep your tone of voice appropriate to what you are talking about and appropriately expressing your attitude towards a topic.To achieve this, you should also: deliver accurate information to others in a timely and accurate manner; persuade others gracefully; advocate for others to implement a certain action with strength; speak decisively without dragging your feet.

3. Use precise words when speaking

Let every word say exactly what you mean, and don't waste a word, don't speak for the sake of speaking.Think of words as the best way to communicate thoughts and emotions.

This may mean you have to slow down, think before you speak, listen more carefully than usual, and pause at any time to choose the right word or words.Do not speak too highly of yourself, or use words that people cannot understand, and let no one guess what you mean.

If you want someone to know that something is significant in your life, say "significantly," not "seems to be significant."Leave out catchphrases like "that," "you know," "really?", etc.Use words sparingly, but ones that convey the purpose and emotion of what you are saying.Use gestures and expressions at the right time to aid your conversation, so that you can express your meaning more fully and reduce the number of words you need to use.

4. Grasp the rhythm of speaking
Speaking can not only show a person's inner image, but also reflect a person's inner cultivation.

Those who stutter and speak without any sense of rhythm can seldom move us, and such people can hardly say anything worthy of our attention.Only those who know the rhythm of speaking and have clear thinking can have active thinking.

The highest state of mastering the rhythm is to speak naturally and fluently.

Of course, appropriate pauses are not disfluency, because we often use pauses to develop new ideas, or to transition from one point to another, or to repeat a word in order to impress the audience more deeply.

The number of stumbles can be counted, and it's a fun way to get through listening to those annoying speeches.There are stumbles in most tasteless speeches.In your own speech it is of great practical value to ask others to count the number of times you have stumbled.

Few people can speak impromptu without stumbling.Relevant studies have found that the most can reach 30 per minute, and many professors have as many as 20.

So, how do you improve your speaking fluency?
First, you should be familiar with the subject of your speech.When there is no hesitation in our thinking, what we want to say comes to our lips automatically.Good preparation can increase your fluency because it increases your self-confidence and makes you more determined about what you have to say.In addition, familiarity with the subject will lead to a greater passion in the speaker, which will make the speaker's whole body and mind into the realm of his speech.In this way, fluency will not be a problem.

Second, the pronunciation should be accurate.Slurred pronunciation is a sign of hesitation in speaking.If the speaker hesitates several times in a row, it will give the impression that he does not really know what he is talking about.And trying to figure out what's wrong in your head will result in even less fluency.Therefore, if we make some conscious effort towards fluency, we will get good results; conversely, if we only work on other aspects of speaking, thinking that fluency will come naturally in time, the result will only be disappointment.

Again, be enthusiastic.We noticed that when people were excited, their voices became higher and faster, and the speech seemed to be more fluent at this time.So, when speaking, contagiously contagious with your enthusiasm and speak loudly.Speak especially loudly if your emotions have been disturbed, if you stand trembling with fear before an audience.

Finally, speaking quickly can also improve fluency.Your brain functions more efficiently when you speak quickly, just like reading, if you can concentrate and read quickly, you can read two books in the time you thought you would spend reading one. book, and possibly gain a better understanding.Grasp the rhythm of speaking so that the speech is as tense as the strings and flows slowly like flowing water.For this reason, we should study actively.

Get rid of some minor problems in speaking
If a person has scars on their face, they can be seen in the mirror and can be covered or treated with cosmetics or medicines.Similarly, deficiencies in speech can be changed, as long as you can clearly recognize these deficiencies before treatment.If you don’t know the flaws in your speaking, you can also use a mirror to compare your speaking posture: whether there are too many gestures, whether the corners of the mouth are raised, whether the expression is ugly, whether the tone of voice is suppressed...

The following points are common defects in our speaking, we can check and correct them.

1. Speak nasally

Nasal speaking is a common and very damaging defect, which occurs when you speak through your nose.If you pinch your nose between your thumb and forefinger, the sound you make is a nasal.If you don't open your mouth wide enough when you speak, your voice will also come out of your nose.In movies, nasality is an acting technique, and actors tend to speak nasally if they're playing a whining, grumpy character.Nasals hurt women more than men, and you can't meet a woman who keeps nasally and looks attractive.If you expect yourself to be extremely persuasive or captivating in front of others, you'd better not use a nasal voice but a chest voice.The correct way is to keep a distance of half an inch between the upper and lower teeth when speaking.

2. The voice is too high-pitched
When a person is frightened or loses his temper, he tends to raise his voice and let out a piercing scream.Most women make this mistake, so pay more attention.Because sharp voices are more unpleasant than heavy nasal ones.You can use a mirror to check yourself for these characteristics: Does your neck feel tense?Are the blood vessels and muscles protruding like ropes?Do the muscles around the jaw appear visibly tense?If this is the case, you may experience harsh squealing noises.At this time, you must act decisively, relax yourself as soon as possible, and lower your voice at the same time.

3. Stuttering
Stuttering is a general term for stuttering.Stuttering is a habitual language defect for very few people, and it is a morbid reaction. People who stutter are also called stutterers.Stuttering is the repetition of words or interruptions in speech.In order to cure the stuttering problem, in addition to drug treatment, it is more important to remove psychological barriers.Former Japanese Prime Minister Kakuei Tanaka suffered from stuttering in his youth. In order to overcome this defect, he often recited texts and corrected his mouth shape in front of the mirror in order to pronounce accurately. Later, he became a famous politician and orator.People with a stutter may wish to try this method - insist on reading the article aloud.As long as you persevere and maintain a good attitude, I believe it will produce good results.

4. "Hands and feet"

"Hands and feet" here means that the movements are too frequent when speaking.You can check yourself to see if the following actions are constantly occurring when speaking: fidgeting, frowning, raising eyebrows, crooked mouth, pulling ears, touching chin, scratching scalp, turning pencil, pulling tie, fingering, shaking legs, etc.These are some bad factors that affect your speaking effect.When you speak and move too frequently, the listener will be attracted by your movements, and it is impossible to listen to you seriously.

5. Change the mantra

In daily life, people often hear such mantras, such as "that", "do you know", "is it", "right", "um" and so on.If a person uses these words repeatedly in his speech, it will definitely affect his image.Catchphrases come in so many varieties that even some famous politicians have this glitch in TV interviews.

Too many voices such as "ah" and "uh" in the conversation are also a manifestation of mantras.Famous orator Oliver Holmes said: "Never spread those dreaded 'uh' sounds in your conversation." If you have a tape recorder, try recording yourself on the phone and see if you have it .Once you have figured out your own faults, then you must always remind yourself to pay attention to this in the course of speaking in the future.

Here are a few ways to overcome mantras for your reference.

(1) Speak silently.One of the reasons for the occurrence of mantras is that you are not familiar with the content of what you are talking about. After speaking the previous sentence, you forget the next sentence. At this time, you need to use mantras to gain a little time for thinking so that you can remember the next sentence.Speak silently several times in advance, and be very familiar with the content and diction, so that mantras can be reduced or not used in formal speeches.

(2) Read aloud.The method of reading aloud to overcome the mantra is to change your spoken language from unclear to clear and fluent.If the internal language is fluent, no mantra will emerge.Reading aloud the works of language masters such as Lao She and Ye Shengtao will help you overcome your own shortcomings with standardized language.

(3) Listening.The language of broadcasters and actors is generally more standardized, without catchphrases.When listening to the radio or watching movies, you can listen and talk softly.Over time, you will be pleasantly surprised to find that your oral English has become more refined, with fewer mantras, and even your Mandarin level has improved.

(4) PRACTICE.Listen to the recording of your own speech, and you will hate the mantra in your speech.In this way, you can often make yourself very vigilant when speaking, and the number of mantras will decrease accordingly.

(5) Slow language.For a period of time, try to speak as slowly as possible, develop the habit of thinking and speaking in a calm and unhurried manner, and think and say every sentence, which has a very good effect on overcoming mantras.

develop your speaking style

Cultivate your own speaking style and make it unique, which will have an unexpected effect on your speech.

Only when a person has his own style of speaking can he easily attract others and produce the charm he deserves.

Likewise, if you want to be a good talker, there has to be something unique about your speaking style that will catch people's attention or make it easy for people to remember you.

You can use your appearance or body to attract people's attention, but it can only be temporary and not enough. It can only help you attract people's attention, but it can't really attract people .Unless you have the charisma of a great man, you must develop your speaking style, which is the best way to make yourself convincing and memorable.

Remember that your talking style, the way you talk to others, can make a significant contribution to your reputation and your success.If you speak arrogantly or even contemptuously to your subordinates, the subordinates will resent you; if you speak too humbly to your superiors, they may think you lack ability or spine, and dare not entrust you with important responsibilities.Your speaking style is not only a question of your use of vocabulary, but also a question of the way and method you use of vocabulary, which can also reflect your attitude and self-cultivation.

Therefore, if you want to establish your own speaking style, you should not be erratic, left or right, let alone try to imitate others, showing things that do not belong to your own style or that are not suitable for your own style.While it's good to learn from others, don't deliberately try to imitate their style or tone of voice.The reason is so simple that it doesn't need much explanation. No one wants to meet a pretentious talker.Imitating other people's speech, like the kind of person who drank a lot of liquor and wanted to hide it. He couldn't hide the fact that he drank alcohol, because people would understand as soon as they smelled it, "he regarded himself as someone else."

Vitality, another name for the aura of the body, is a common thing found in the classics of India, China, Japan, Germany and England.Body aura mainly includes body posture, eye control, facial expression, language momentum and so on.People usually draw a circle with the body as the center and a radius of one meter to represent the personal aura.The aura is variable and can be manipulated with study and practice.In fact, each of us is subconsciously changing our aura anytime, anywhere.

(End of this chapter)