speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 10 The Ability of Humor (3)
■Actually, there are many people in the world, because they have discovered the joy in work, they always show enthusiasm different from ordinary people, which is hard to understand.When many people are laughing at them for being crazy, others may still be laughing at him for being an idiot.Being dumb and being smart is a good attitude especially in China.

◎No Smoke． exe
A gentleman has just bought a computer from a computer store.Within a few days, the computer started to smoke.He asked someone who knew a little about computers, and he was told to change the batch file under DOS.He tried for a long time without success, so he called the store to ask what to do. The store manager said, "Just bring the computer and change it."

But the gentleman insisted: "My friend said that it is enough to just change the batch file under DOS, why bother."

The store manager had nothing to do with this "bar head", so he made a joke with him: "Then let me tell you an unpublished technology of Microsoft! You can add a line of command NOSOMKE·EXE to the batch file, and it will be fine. "

A few days later, the gentleman called again and said: "No way, after I added that command, the computer still smokes." The store manager said: "Your version of NOSOMKE is too low, you and Microsoft Service Department Get in touch."

A few days later, the poor man called again, and he told the store manager: "The people from Microsoft said that the power supply on my computer is not compatible with their NOSOMKE·EXE!"

■If we ourselves are willing to think of ourselves as fools, then all people will deceive you.Humility is not a weakness, only stubbornness will make yourself humiliated.

◎ wife beating
A sow has a litter of litters, only fat and stupid.The husband calculates that the market is just around the corner, and he is delighted.

One day when I went home, I found one missing and asked my wife.The answer was: Let the wolf carry it away.Very angry.Returned home another day and lost another one.The wife said the wolf is coming again.So he didn't dare to go out a little bit, and there were no wolves for several days.

The husband went out in an emergency again, and asked his wife to take good care of him.When I left the village, I suddenly remembered something and turned back home.Seeing his wife was busy in the kitchen, her face was full of ashes.The little pig was almost ripe and was furious.Wife beat.His wife was crying.The husband stepped forward and lifted the lid of the pot. The aroma was tangy, and he was overjoyed to taste it.The wife hurriedly stopped crying: "I haven't put ginger yet, but ginger will be more fragrant."

■While hating some things, I also silently enjoy the benefits brought by these things.At this time, can you still stick to your principles?

◎ Avoid debt

Tom came to Jim to ask for the bill, but Jim hid at home and did not dare to show his face.Seeing Jim's shoes by the door, Tom knew he must be at home, so he knocked on the door.But there was no movement in the room, so he said loudly: "Jim, I know you are hiding at home, and your shoes are still by the door?"

A voice came from inside: "No, I can go out barefoot."

■Things that I think I do are smart may not seem so smart to others.Cleverness will always show his feet, so it's better to be kind.

◎ surprised
"Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator?"

"What, people haven't found it yet? I've been looking for it since I was in school!"

■Sometimes the reason for our surprise may not be that the event itself is unbelievable, it may be just our personal shortcomings, which makes us doubt about things that others are accustomed to.

◎ Lu Fu
There was a rich man who traveled abroad and lived in a big hotel.However, he found that the people there didn't seem to notice that he was a rich man.So, when having breakfast, he deliberately shouted: "Waiter, please come to a breakfast of 20 francs." After the waiter came over, he said: "Sir, we don't sell half breakfast here."

■When a person gets too self-righteous, his unorthodox approach can be the catalyst for more serious embarrassment.

◎ be eloquent
Woman: "Honey, do you really like me?"

Male: "Huh?"

Woman: "You think I'm very pretty, don't you?"

Male: "Huh?"

Female: "You think my eyes are as bright as the stars in the sky. My appearance is as beautiful as cherry blossoms in full bloom. My body is so light and moderate. My voice is so beautiful and melodious. I don't know how many times more beautiful than Miss World, Yes or no?"

Male: "Huh?"

Female: "Oh? Thank you so much? You are so good at complimenting, I am so happy!"

■You can be confident, but you must not be narcissistic. People who are narcissistic must feel sorry for themselves, and they are the most vulnerable to injury.

◎ Works exhibited
"I drew something for the art exhibition. It's already hung up, right next to the entrance in the most conspicuous place."

"Congratulations, what are you drawing?"

"A sign, sign to go left."

■Really powerful people are usually very quiet, because they understand that strength is the most powerful voice; on the contrary, the most superficial guy is very public, because he is pitifully empty.

◎ sparrow
The sparrows were bouncing and chirping on the stage of the Hundred Birds Chaofeng Music Competition.The audience said: It's so noisy.Sparrow: It’s really uneducated. This is the most fashionable rock dance in modern times!

■There is nothing wrong with being unconventional, but the premise must be to respect and understand the real situation.

◎ poor patient
There was a doctor who was always unlucky, and the people who came to see him were always unable to be cured.

His wife asked him: "I said, why do you always treat people ineffective? So, your medical skills are very poor." "No, my medical skills are excellent. But the patients are poor, so the treatment Not good." "To be specific, why is the patient so bad?" "I treat according to the medical book, but the patients don't get sick as written in the medical book."

■Facts are the only starting point at any time, otherwise you are a useless person in vain.

◎ Signs

—A woman parks her car carelessly under a No Parking sign.

The traffic police hurried to her car and asked:

"Ma'am, do you know what this sign means?"

"I don't know," the woman replied, "if you are interested in it, you might as well ask the saleswoman at the roadside stall."

■People who are used to going their own way probably seldom think that there is anything inappropriate about them.

◎ Retreat as advance
Some people persuaded French political commentator and philosopher Marbury to run for the academician of the National Academy of Sciences, but Marbury firmly refused."If I did get elected, people would say, 'Huh, how did he get elected, it must be...' But I'd rather have people say, 'He should be a Fellow,'" he said.

■When reputation and status cannot have both, honest people choose reputation, and greedy people choose status.Therefore, the former is admired by others, while the latter is reviled by others.

◎ Begging
A "blind" beggar asks passers-by for alms in the corner.When there were no passers-by, he picked up the coins on the ground one by one and put them in his pocket.

"Stop pretending!" A passer-by saw through his trick and said angrily, "You are not blind at all."

"Yes, sir. I'm just here to replace the real blind man who always sits here every day. He went to the movies today, so please let me replace him. I'm not really blind, I'm just - dumb."

■In order to cover up a lie, one often has to tell another lie.As a result, you can't extricate yourself from the ocean of lies, and you can't get rid of the never-ending pain and troubles.It is better to be sincere, at least you can get peace of mind and peace of mind.

◎ Beggars should also have the right to vacation
Bernard had a bad temper, but he had a very kind heart.Once there was an old beggar who had figured out Bernard's temper, and stood guard at Bernard's door at a certain time every day, and every time he got his wish.Bernard couldn't bear it, but he couldn't refuse the charity.Finally one day, what Bernard took out from his wallet was not the usual small silver coins, but a large bill. The old beggar was so surprised that he couldn't believe it.Bernard put the banknotes in the old beggar's hat and said to him: "Tomorrow I will go to Normandy, and I will stay there for two months. This money is paid in advance for you for two months, and you also have the right to vacation."

■The reason why good people are bullied is because kind people will not refuse.

◎ Questions from students

The mischievous Brown is called "Mr. Don't Know" by his classmates because he often deserts in class and is always speechless in front of the teacher's questions.

Once, Brown wanted to take revenge on the teacher and asked the teacher: "I saw something without legs, slipping across the kitchen floor, teacher, what do you think it is?"

After much deliberation, the teacher finally said "I don't know".

"That's water," Brown said solemnly.

■A wise man will lose something if he worries a lot; a fool will gain something if he worries a lot.Don't always laugh at others for not knowing. There are many things in life that you don't know. A humble learning attitude is the most important.

◎ A polite lesson
A lady got on a tram, and all the seats on the car were filled.A gentleman stood up and gave up his seat, and the lady sat down without saying a word.

At this moment, the gentleman turned around and asked, "Madam, what did you say?"

"Sir, I didn't say anything!"

"Oh, sorry ma'am, I thought you said 'thank you'."

■A well-educated person not only has a good attitude and an upward outlook on life, but also a person who knows how to be grateful.

◎ Whiskey

One night, the husband came back from dinner, and happily said to his wife: "Today, the manager of our company invited some employees to dinner, and everyone drank to their heart's content. During the dinner, the manager took out three bottles of whiskey and said to everyone, 'Everyone here, you Whoever has never betrayed his wife in his life, these three bottles of wine belong to him', and no one raised his hand, do you think it is strange?" After hearing this, the wife asked curiously: "Then why didn't you raise your hand?" The husband panicked Said: "You know, I've always preferred beer to whiskey."

■Wanting too much, not being satisfied with what is in front of us, or because of various other reasons, many people finally choose not to be honest with others.

◎ As the name suggests
Foreigner: "You Chinese are indeed a hard-working nation."

Chinese: "How do you know?"

Foreigner: "Whenever I pass by the street in the morning, I can often see the signboard on the side of the road with the words 'early' written in big characters, reminding people passing by to work not to be late."

■The reality of life does not avoid and deceive us, but why are we often played tricks by life?Because it is our own superficiality and ignorance - so let's enter the real life with humility and sincerity!
◎ leave
A certain recruit often asks for leave, but in the end he can't find a reason, so he writes on the list that my mother is in labor.The squad leader was furious: Your mother's childbirth is your father's business!What are you doing back home?
Recruit: Oh!My dad died in a car accident earlier!My poor mother has been a widow for seven years...

■ Honesty is a human virtue, lying is a vice.Moreover, people who often lie are often unable to justify themselves, and will always show their feet at a certain time, and that time is when the lie is exposed.

◎ Password Telegram
"Here is a telegram from the General," reported a soldier. "It is addressed to you personally, Colonel."

"Read it!" ordered the colonel.

The signal soldier read: "Our failure should be attributed to your stupidity and incompetence first!"

"This is a coded telegram, translate it immediately!" The colonel instructed solemnly.

■If you know a mistake, correct it. There is nothing good about it.Know your mistakes and admit them bravely. Fear of mistakes is to destroy progress. Avoiding mistakes can never do things right.

◎ so floppy disk
Xiao Zhang went to visit the computer exhibition, walked to the booth of 3M, a world-renowned manufacturer, and suddenly heard a conversation between two middle school students...

A: "Hmph! Liar!"

B: "What's wrong?"

A: "The capacity of the floppy disk is obviously only 12M and 144M, how can there be 3M?"

■ Knowing is knowing, not knowing is not knowing, this is knowing.For things we don't know, we can only make continuous progress by learning humbly and asking for advice.If you think you are right, you will make fun of the Fang family.

◎ Gentleman's demeanor
The teacher asked Little Hamer: "What is the shape of the earth?"

Little Hamer replied, "It's round."

"How do you know it's round?"

"Then let it be square. You're the teacher, and I don't want to start an argument over that."

■When you need to stand up, don't hold back.Show when you need to show, and work hard when you don't need to tolerate.Being a gentleman doesn't just mean not arguing.

◎ Do not recognize yourself
Rick had just been promoted from captain to major. He hurriedly put on a new uniform, looked at the full-length mirror, and asked his wife complacently, "Look at who is in the mirror?"

The wife spat hard and said, "Bah! You don't even recognize yourself!"

■Modity is a human virtue. You should not be complacent just because of a little progress, nor complacent just because of a little achievement. You must always pay attention to maintaining a modest and prudent style.

◎ Aircraft
The reporter went to a remote village for an interview. He looked at the winding road outside the village and asked an old farmer: "Has there been a car in this place?" !” said the old farmer while gesticulating towards the sky, “How many times have I come and gone, but I just haven’t come down.”

■Don't mock others, threesomes must have my teacher, think that others are ignorant and short-sighted, so they look down on others, such a person is often an uncultivated person.

◎ empty belly

A thief went to various monasteries to steal the souls of gods and objects.I went to a lot of temples, but I didn't go to the Earth Temple.One day, he came to the Earth Temple, opened the statue, and sighed in surprise: "Look at it wearing a crown and a scarf, it looks majestic, but there is nothing in its belly."

■Some people pretend to be full of knowledge on the surface, but in fact they don't have any knowledge.It is undeniable that knowledge and academic qualifications are an external expression of identity or grade, but if you do not have these, you should concentrate on enriching your heart in a down-to-earth manner.

◎ show off
There is a man who likes to show off very much. He walks on the street with his son, very proud of himself.I ran into an acquaintance who didn't know his son, and asked him: "Who is this?" He happily introduced and said loudly: "Although this person is the ninth-generation direct son-in-law of the real grandson of the Minister of the Ministry of Officials who is very much loved by the court, , but my son."

■There is nothing wrong with showing one's own strengths and specialties, but if the effect exceeds a certain limit, the effect will be counterproductive, and showing off becomes a kind of stupid behavior.

◎ Can I kill it?

"Mom, my turtle is dead," the son said to his mother with tears in his eyes. "Don't be too sad. Let's wrap it in paper, put it in a box, bury it in the backyard, and give it a funeral, shall we? After the funeral, Mom will take you to eat ice cream and buy you your My favorite pet dog, don't be too..." When the mother was comforting her son, she suddenly noticed that the turtle moved, "Son! The turtle is not dead!"

"Can I kill it?" said the son disappointedly.

■It may be human nature to like the new and dislike the old. The so-called old things don't go away, and new things don't come.But we can't do whatever it takes to get new things, we must adhere to the basic principles of life.

◎ Demonstration
During live ammunition training, a soldier missed the target several times in a row.Angrily, the instructor snatched the soldier's gun and said harshly, "Idiot! Look at me."

He aimed and fired, but the bullet flew off target.He turned aggressively to the soldiers and shouted, "Look, that's how you shoot!"

■People should be lenient towards others and stricter than self-discipline. Those who are strict with others and tolerant of themselves will not make great progress. They will only blow their beards and stare at others, but they don't know that they are the same.

(End of this chapter)