speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 12 Humorous Attitude (2)
■If false things mean imperfection in life, then imperfection is the true portrayal of life.In any work, in any matter, there are unavoidable unsatisfactory places, but as long as you know how to enjoy life and look at life from another perspective, you will find that the original defects can also derive beauty flower.

◎ Thank God
A man discovers that his donkey is missing, and exclaims, "Thank you, God!"

People around asked him, "Why do you thank God for losing your donkey?" He replied, "Fortunately, I didn't ride on it, otherwise, I would lose it myself."

■Look at the disappointment and misfortune of life from another angle, and be grateful for life all the time, so that you can always maintain a healthy attitude, perfect personality and enterprising belief.This is not purely a kind of psychological comfort, nor is it an escape from reality, nor is it Ah Q's spiritual victory method, but comes from love and hope for life.

◎ Adventure
Abi and Adi went to the bar to get drunk, and there were only two female customers inside. Abi, the leader, suddenly jumped out and said to Adi in a low voice: "Let's go! I didn't expect my wife and mistress to be in there." Adi probed Look, his face changed drastically: "Strange! My wife and mistress are also inside."

■Life is full of adventures and coincidences. It doesn't matter whether it is made by nature or man-made. The important thing is to be open-minded and manage marriage with a loyal heart.

◎ Counting sheep
A person is troubled by insomnia and turns to a doctor for help.

The doctor asked, "Have you tried counting sheep?"

The patient replied: "Of course, when I counted 5, it happened to be dawn..."

■There are so many sheep lingering in our hearts, does it mean that we have too many things accumulated in our hearts?Perhaps, to get rid of all distracting thoughts, to be empty, is to sleep soundly... Detach yourself, the heart is originally pure and flawless!
◎ mourning
Many people came to the millionaire's funeral, and one of them was a young man who was crying like hell.

"Think about it!" People who didn't know the truth comforted him, "Is it your father who died?"

"No," the young man cried even harder, "why isn't he my father..."

■Life will joke with us the most, what you want is not there, but what you don’t care about comes by itself-let’s comfort yourself: don’t worry, it’s yours and you can’t run if you want to; don’t be in vain, it’s not yours. arrive!
◎ Confident old grandfather

When the old grandfather went to the bathroom, there was an earthquake. When people dug him out of the rubble, he laughed loudly: "It's so interesting. When I pulled the toilet lid, the house collapsed!"

■We may not be able to control the occurrence of difficulties and disasters—but at least we can still control the steering wheel of our own mentality—where is the future headed?Optimism and positivity are the clearest pointers!
◎ lucky
A robber came to a store. The next day, the owner said to the detective who came to investigate the case: "Thank God, fortunately, the robber came last night instead of the night before yesterday."

"What's the difference?" the detective asked.

"Yesterday morning, I reduced the price of all products by 40%. If I came the night before yesterday, I would have lost a lot."

■The value of things themselves is objective and inherent, and the value of people's hearts cannot be measured.For the loss, the optimist will reduce it infinitely, and the pessimist will expand it infinitely.

◎ Consultation fees are too expensive
Psychiatrist: "I've been too irritable and nervous recently, I need to see a psychiatrist."

Friend: "But, aren't you the best doctor in your profession?"

Psychiatrist: "I know, but my consultation fee is too expensive."

■Can solve other people's problems very well, but often can't solve their own problems.Smart and capable people also need a space to release their souls.

◎ unlucky
"Oh my God! There's a fly in your ice cream!"

"It's bad luck, it will be frozen to death!"

■From different standpoints, different conclusions can be drawn. Good things can turn into bad things, and bad things can also turn into good things.The most important thing is to have a good attitude.

◎ Call the dog in

In the study, Jimmy is doing his homework and his father is drawing.Both are very focused.

Jimmy was copying a few adjectives about heavy rain when he suddenly remembered that his mother had told him to take back the quilt that was drying in the yard when it rained.So he asked his father, "Dad, is it raining outside?"

Dad said, "I don't know. But there's an easy way: call the dog in and see if he's wet."

■When I focus on one thing, I often think about other things very complicatedly.It's actually very simple: stand up, open the window, and there is a sky outside.

◎ Focus on the present
There was a young man who went to a circus troupe to learn how to walk a tightrope.

A few months later, the master thought that the young man had mastered the basic skills, so he asked the young man to walk on the tightrope and practice formally.Although the ground has been equipped with a safety net, but on the high platform more than ten feet, I feel really trembling in my heart.After walking more than ten steps, the young man looked down. The more he looked, the more panic he felt, and he almost lost his focus.

At this moment, the master shouted loudly on the ground: "Look forward!"

■You are your own master. When facing adversity and challenges, remember to say to yourself: "Look forward! Focus on the present, and there is strength in concentration."

◎ Revenge
In Madrid, a bullfight has just ended.In this game, a famous bullfighter was seriously injured. He was carried to the hospital not long after, and he walked out of the hospital with many bandages all over his body.

"I must take revenge!" the matador shouted to the crowd of admirers gathered in front of the hospital.Then he started walking down the street.People followed him closely, not knowing what he was going to do.

The matador went into a tavern, sat down at a table, and told the waiter:
"Give me two servings of roast beef, the more charred the better!"

■The so-called courage is to face the struggle directly, not to vent on the sidelines.

◎ Balzac and the Thief

Balzac wrote countless works in his life, but he was often in short supply and impoverished.One night, while he was sleeping, a thief crept into his room and fumbled in his bookcase.Balzac was awakened, but did not shout, but quietly got up, lit the lamp, and said with a calm smile: "My dear, don't look, I can't find money in the desk during the day, now You don’t even want to find it when it’s dark!”

■In the face of life's embarrassment, insist on your holy pursuit, and maintain enough optimism and peace of mind, this is what makes a great man surpass ordinary people.

◎ negative number
Mathematicians, biologists and physicists sit in street cafes and watch people walk in and out of a house across the street.First they saw two people go in, time passed and they saw three people come out.

Physicist: "The measurement is not accurate enough."

Biologist: "They reproduced."

Mathematician: "If one more person enters now, the house will be empty."

■Some simple questions, why make them so complicated?
◎ We are always the first when the light is green

A person took a taxi to an unfamiliar place in the suburbs.

Along the way, he talked and laughed with the driver.But for some reason, I encountered five or six red lights along the way.Seeing that we were approaching the intersection, we encountered another red light.The man muttered casually: "What a bad luck! I ran into a red light all the way, and it was just one step short."

The driver turned his head and showed a confident smile: "No luck! God is fair, we are always the first to go when the light is green!"

■In your life journey, you can see the red light or the green light.The red light makes us stop, think and appreciate. The journey of life is not just rushing forward blindly.You can stop and watch when the light is red, and you can continue as before when the light is green. This is how you should face the journey of life.

◎ Catching wild ducks

"How do you catch a wild duck?"

"Go to the vegetable market to buy one, raise it at home for half a year, and then it will be easy to catch..."

■Complete one thing, the greatest joy should come from overcoming difficulties.If you bypass the difficulty in pursuit of the result, even if you finally achieve it, it will lose its original meaning.

◎ answer
Before leaving, the father said to his son: "If someone asks 'Is your father at home?', you should reply that you are away because of something. If you can't remember, just read this note."

The father left for three days and no one came to visit, so the son threw the note away.

On the fourth day, a guest came to the door and asked, "Is your father at home?"

The son searched in his arms for a long time, but couldn't find the note left by his father, and said to himself: "It's gone."

The guest was taken aback and quickly asked, "Why is it gone?"

The son said: "I threw it away last night!"

■ Emotional anxiety and anxiety always make us ignore the problems we are facing.Therefore, being in chaos without being alarmed is a necessary prerequisite for solving the problem.

◎ It is inconvenient to speak directly
A clerk stopped the boss and said uneasily: "Chairman, I guess I have your phone number." "Guess? If it's mine, it's mine. Guess what!" The clerk was even more embarrassed, and stammered: "Call me The man said, put that old... old bastard on the phone..."

■When we get a plausible answer, it is best not to pursue the truth urgently, maybe that is the last thing we want to know.

◎ Answer decisively
A young officer wanted to make a phone call, but he had no change.So he stopped a passing veteran: "Do you have any change on hand? Sergeant." "Let me look for it for you." The veteran reached for his wallet. "Is that how you answered the second lieutenant? Do it again. Do you have any change on hand? Sergeant!" "Report sir, no!" The veteran replied decisively.

■Haste makes waste.The more anxious you are to do something, the farther you are from your goal. Doing it calmly may get twice the result with half the effort.

◎ Interesting facts about military training
During military training, there are often emergency assemblies at night.Today came the news of the gathering at night again.Everyone was waiting for the battle, and they all slept in bed until late at night.At two o'clock in the morning, a long howl pierced the night sky, so everyone put on clothes and folded quilts, and everyone hurried to the playground, but the instructor was nowhere to be seen.Just when everyone was wondering, a student on the second floor poked his head out and said, "I'm sorry everyone, the water for instant noodles is boiling!"

■When you are nervous, you are most likely to make mistakes in your busy schedule.When your emotions are in a tense state and every heartstring is tense, it is the time when you are most likely to make mistakes.

◎ understanding and intimacy

On the eve of the Battle of Alamein, Churchill summoned his capable general, General Montgomery.During the conversation, Churchill suggested that he should study logic.The battlefield warrior Montgomery worried that he would fall into entangled logical propositions, so he found an excuse to shirk.He said to Churchill: "Mr Prime Minister, you know, there is this proverb: "Knowledge and intimacy breed contempt. "Perhaps the more I study logic, the more I despise it." Churchill took down his pipe and said, "But I want to remind you that without a certain degree of understanding and intimacy, nothing will come out."

■"If you know this, you have to do it yourself."Before you understand something, don't express your likes and dislikes arbitrarily, because you are not qualified at all.

◎ "Courtesy" is still reciprocal

Cornelia Otis Skinner, an American film star and writer, has starred in many famous plays and is widely popular.Her verbal dispute with Bernard Shaw is unforgettable.

When she was young, Skinner played the leading role in George Bernard Shaw's play "Miss Conti".After the performance, George Bernard Shaw sent a telegram: "The best, the greatest."

The actress thought it was a reward for her, so she quickly called back and said: "Such a high honor is really too much."

Within two days, Bernard Shaw sent another telegram: "I mean the script."

Miss Skinner called back quickly, saying, "That's the one I mean."

■Don't put your hole cards in front of your opponent prematurely, so that you will have room to fight back at any time.

◎ Good old days
A young man was on the golf course one afternoon getting ready to tee off when an old gentleman came up and asked if he could play a few shots with him.Since the young man was alone, he readily agreed.After kick-off, the old man did not play badly at all. Although he did not hit the ball very far, he made solid progress without wasting any time.When they came to the ninth hole, the young man saw a big leafy tree blocking the way of the ball.The young man observed and measured repeatedly, trying to find a way to avoid the big tree.A few minutes later, the old man spoke:

"Young man, you know? When I was your age, I would hit the ball hard over the top of the tree."

Stirred by the old man, the young man swung his club desperately and hit the ball.Unfortunately, the ball flew straight into the crown of the tree, fell to the ground, and rolled out of sight.At this time, the old man said again: "Of course, when I was your age, this tree was only two meters high."

■Being impulsive is a common problem among young people. Impulsiveness is bound to be ill-considered and easy to make mistakes.People who can overcome this and keep their cool will immediately become the best of their peers.

◎ I made a mistake while busy
(End of this chapter)