speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 13 Humorous Attitude (3)
In order to attend the banquet, the chairman jumped into a taxi in a hurry at the entrance of the company, and at the same time said loudly: "I'm in a hurry, drive faster! There are only 20 minutes left!" After speaking, he opened the evening newspaper in his hand come and see.After watching for more than ten minutes, he raised his head and saw that the car was still in front of the company. He was very angry, and when he was about to get angry with the driver, he realized that there was no driver in the car.

■The busier you are, the more you must keep calm and make no mistakes, otherwise it will really fulfill the old saying - haste makes waste.

◎ Misunderstanding
The pilot of a small plane with an engine failure landed on a sparsely traveled state highway.The driver jumped out and walked towards the only car in sight, hoping to hitch a ride to the nearest exit.The car came to a slow stop on the side of the road, and the woman in the driver's seat poked her head out and said nervously, "I'll drive right away, sir, as long as you tell me how to get back on the road. I'll get the car off as soon as possible." From the airport!"

■The more you are in an unfamiliar environment, the more you need to keep a calm head.You can't just choose the wrong reference object.

◎ Hard to come by
The defendant promised his defense lawyer: "If you have the ability to allow me to stay in prison for only half a year, then you will get an extra 1000 yuan as a reward." The defendant finally got his wish.

The lawyer said while collecting the money: "This is really a tricky job. The judges originally wanted to acquit him."

■Sometimes jumping to assertions and conclusions can make matters worse.

◎ Vicious language
Judge: "Did you try to stop him before he hit you?"

Plaintiff: "Yes! I tried to stop him with the most vicious and ugly language, but he still beat me hard."

■Pouring a fire with oil will only make the fire burn hotter.Don't try to think that vicious language only belongs to the category of morality, as long as it is serious enough, what awaits you will be accusations of insult and slander.

◎ The order is wrong
At a diplomat's dinner, a French diplomat who had just arrived in the United States was a little embarrassed because everyone had to stand up and say a few words, but his English was really bad.First, a distinguished guest said, "Let's toast the women in the Eastern Hemisphere." Later, someone offered a toast to the women in the Western Hemisphere.When it was the French diplomat's turn to speak, he stood up and said, "Gentlemen, let's toast to both hemispheres of women."

■ When you are not very sure, really do not engage in reckless.You know, proper humility is more acceptable than pretending to be understanding.

◎ blame

The manager blames the secretary:
"Who asked you to wipe the ashes off my desk? I wrote down several phone numbers on it, and now I can't find any of them."

■While blaming others, you need to think about whether you should think about it first, maybe you have been wrong from the beginning.

◎ IBM and Boeing 777
The Boeing 777 is the first aircraft in history to be designed and manufactured entirely in computer virtual reality, and the equipment used is entirely provided by IBM.Before the test flight, the president of Boeing very enthusiastically invited the technical director of IBM to participate in the test flight, but the director said: "Ah, it's a great honor, but it's my wife's birthday that day, so..."

The president of Boeing became angry when he heard it: "Coward, I haven't told you the date of the test flight yet!".

■Before you understand the whole situation, don't expose your thoughts prematurely and let yourself fall into a passive position.

◎ Confirm identity
A man goes to the bank to cash a check.The staff member said to him: "Okay, but you must confirm your identity first."

The man looked in the mirror, nodded and said, "Yes, this is me?"

■Before finding out the problem, it is best not to act rashly and act arbitrarily—it is better to confirm the crux of the problem!
◎ not cost-effective

At a banquet, a rocket expert enthusiastically announced to his friends: "Recently, we will send a few mice to a distant planet."

Before the words were finished, a lady interrupted and said, "Hey, isn't it too expensive to kill rats like this?"

■When we are faced with a situation that is different from the usual situation, the only thing we should do is to observe and summarize with thinking.Don't let your usual thoughts slip out of your mouth.

◎ Difficult to obey
Mr. Brown, a whiny old man, was always complaining about his haircut and angrily berating his barber.Fresh off a haircut once, he said, "I want my hair parted down the middle."

"I can't do that, sir," said the barber.

"Why?" growled Mr. Brown.

"Because your hair is odd, sir."

■ When we complain for a long time without reason, it is not that our venting has been fully reflected.On the contrary, the result of things is often that others easily find ways to make us complain more in their usual habits, and use this to attack us.

◎ Recruit parachuting
Recruits undergo skydiving training.Because it was the first time, the recruits were terrified and did not dare to jump down, so the instructor grabbed a recruit and threw him off the plane.When the second soldier was caught, that soldier was struggling, and the instructor didn't allow him to speak, and threw him down too.

At this time, the rest of the recruits laughed.The instructor scolded: "What are you laughing at? You coward!" One of the recruits explained: "You threw the driver down."

■Don't make impulsive decisions without clarifying the facts, otherwise it will be too late to regret when the above-mentioned instructor's absurd behavior occurs.

◎ The two fools who sent off like this

The train was about to start, and the three men hurried to the platform and found that the train had already started, so the three men rushed to catch up along the platform.

The two people who ran in the front finally jumped into the carriage at the last moment, and the remaining one really couldn't catch up, so they had to stop and watch the train slowly leave.

Suddenly, the man burst out laughing.The platform staff asked puzzledly:
"Sir, what's so funny about you not being able to catch the train?"

"No!" the man said with a smile, "It was I, not them, who took the train. They were just here to deliver the train."

■Don't worry, it's what you want and you can't run; it's not what you want and you can't get it!

◎ The hero is short of breath
A lady handed a check through the bank window and said embarrassingly, "I'm sorry, but my husband's signature is a bit difficult to read. I didn't expect him to be so scared when he saw me with a pistol..."

■What we want to obtain, when we are going to get it at all costs, it is always easy to inadvertently tell others about the method of obtaining it, which may not be wise or even forbidden, in the excitement of about to win, and thus make us away from the desired result.

◎ Who will go to the elegant palace
Isaac Barrow Snow (1630-1677) was a famous British mathematician. He was a professor of mathematics at the University of Cambridge and made great achievements in geometry.He was also a priest and wrote a large number of prestigious sermons.He was modest and amiable, but he had an intractable feud with the Earl of Rochester, the favorite of King Charles II at that time. Whenever they met, they would inevitably fight with each other.

Rochester is said to have ridiculed the Barrow priests as "a moldy seminary".

One day, Barrow met Rochester after praying for the king.After bowing deeply to Barrow, Rochester said sarcastically, "Doctor, please tie my shoelaces for me."

"Lie down on the ground, my lord," replied Barrow.

"Doctor, I invite you to the center of hell."

"My lord, I ask you to stand opposite me."

"Doctor, I invite you to go to the deepest level of hell."

"Don't dare, my lord, such an elegant palace should be reserved for someone with status like you!" After speaking, Barlow shrugged and walked away.

■Talk and sword also need skills, aimless abuse and sarcasm often miss the point, and even because of ignorance and high emotions, the opponent will catch the weakness and flaws.

◎ What's your name

Once Alexander went abroad with his wife.During the passport check at the border, the prosecutor asked his wife's name.

He couldn't remember her name at this time.The prosecutor looked at Alexander suspiciously.Just then his wife entered the house at the checkpoint, and Alexander said to her at once: "Katya! For God's sake, what is your name?"

■There is often such a phenomenon in life: If we are too familiar with a thing, our memory of it will always be blank in our desperation.But it is precisely because of this over-familiarity that we inadvertently shake it off.

◎ Advertising
There is an advertisement posted on the street of a certain city in the United States: "If you send me a hundred dollars, then I will tell you how to get a thousand dollars..." Someone actually sent a hundred dollars and a letter letter, the answer was: "You find ten fools like you!"

■In the face of temptation, you must learn to keep a calm and clear mind, otherwise the only benefit you may get is-spend money to buy lessons.

◎ The way home
The policeman saw a drunk man touching the side of a big wooden bucket and circling around, so he said, "What's the matter with you?"

"It's okay! I'm going home, and the end of this wooden fence is my home."

■Do we also often walk into the blind corners of human nature, even if we encounter a broken head and blood, we don't want to turn back?The so-called mountains and rivers are full of doubts and no way out, and the willows are dark and the flowers are bright and another village-let's calm down and be flexible!

◎ Alarm
Late one night, Robert, the police officer on duty, received a call to the police.The caller claimed to be in the No.13 block. After he came out of the nightclub, he found that the steering wheel, brakes, accelerator, etc. in his car had been removed by thieves.

Robert said he went to the scene of the accident immediately.

The moment he started the patrol car to set off, the phone rang again, and Robert had to get out of the car and pick up the phone.

The caller was still the one who called the police just now: "I'm really sorry, sir, you don't need to come. I drank too much, and a gust of cold wind blew just now, and I realized that I was sitting in the second row of seats in the car. .”

■When we find ourselves with nothing, it may not be the truth.Let yourself calm down, maybe you will find that everything is still the same.Just because you're lost in your own forest doesn't mean you've lost your own.

◎ Poor old gentleman

One day, an old gentleman was walking slowly down the street when he saw a little boy who was about to ring a doorbell, but the doorbell was too high for him to ring.The old man was kind, so he stopped and said to the boy, "I'll ring the bell for you." Then he rang the bell so hard that the whole house heard it.

The boy said to the old man, "Now let's run away, quick!"

Old gentleman: "..."

■When you see someone in trouble, even if you have good intentions, it's best to figure out what's going on before you act.

◎ wedding gift
A newly married couple, one day a wife's best friend Helen came to their house for dinner and somehow broke a fork.While the wife was dealing with it, the husband comforted Helen and said, "Helen, don't worry too much, that tableware is cheap and crap."

The wife immediately turned around and shouted, "That's a wedding present from Helen!"

■In life, we often do wrong things with good intentions. The reason is that we express our opinions too easily and act too impulsively.Think twice before you act to be effective.

◎ Myopia
A myopic eye sees a sign hanging on a tall pole.He looked at it for a long time but couldn't see what was written on it, so he simply climbed up to a window sill, approached the sign, and took a closer look, it turned out that it read:
"Watch out for the chimney!"

■Don't just satisfy your blind curiosity. When you see that it is actually a trap, it may be too late.

◎ Fish dead and net broken
A member of the production team planted a pumpkin. After several months of hard work, the first pumpkin that could be harvested was stolen and picked.The melon grower was furious when he saw it, and in a rage, he chopped the lush pumpkin plant to pieces with a sickle, and cursed at the same time: "If you can't eat melons, everyone don't want them."

■Thieves who get something for nothing should be condemned, but it is also debatable whether it is wise to kill chickens because of the loss of eggs: thieves can be prevented and caught, and they can still grow again if they lose a melon, just because they lost a melon Wouldn't it be a pity to destroy the melon plants in full flowering stage in a moment of anger?

◎ Horses, deer and people
A horse found a rich meadow, where he often came to eat.But later, a deer also discovered this secret, and came to eat some grass when the horse was away.

When the horse found out about this, he felt that the deer had encroached on his interests, and wanted to take revenge on the deer, but he couldn't do anything, so he asked someone to help.The man said: "I can't do anything, unless you put on the bridle and I ride you, then I can catch up with it and punish it."

The man rode a horse and punished the deer.After that, the horse was tied to the trough head.

At this time, the horse came to his senses and sighed: "I am so stupid, trying to get revenge for a little thing, but making myself a slave."

■It is not advisable to show off your enthusiasm for a while, and it is not advisable to have grievances. In order to retaliate and use any means, you will eventually make yourself pay a heavy price.

◎ fool
Once, when British Prime Minister Winston Churchill was speaking in public, someone handed over a note from the audience with only two words "stupid" written on it.Churchill knew that there were people who opposed him in the audience waiting to see him make a fool of himself, so he said calmly to everyone: "I received a letter just now, but unfortunately the writer only remembered the signature and forgot to write the content."

■Successful people are often not the smartest, but those who can control their emotions.Control your emotions so you can control your future.

(End of this chapter)