speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 40 Humor Method (6)
When a friend of mine visited her mother in Florida, she took her to a shoe store to buy shoes.While she was trying on different styles of shoes, my friend pulled the manager aside and said, "If she picks out a pair of shoes she likes, you tell her it's 12 yuan. I'll pay the official price, no matter how much it is. expensive."

The next week, my friend walked by the shoe store when the manager recognized him and told him to come in.

"What's going on?" my friend asked as they walked inside. "Is there something wrong with my check?"

"That's not it," the manager replied. "The problem is that your mother brought all her friends to buy these 12-dollar shoes."

■While we understand other people's words, we often ignore his heart. The kind of language that is full of love only for you may make us get used to it inadvertently and extend it to others.So be good at discerning the language of love that may only be directed at you, and then enjoy it alone in the sweetness.

◎ Ying Shuyan said
People in the state of Chu wrote letters to Prime Minister Yan. They wrote at night, and the candle was not lit. The writer said to the person holding the candle: "Lift up the candle." up. "Raising a candle" was not what the letter intended to say.Prime Minister Yan Guo was very happy when he received the letter. He said: "The so-called 'holding the candle' means advocating the light. To respect the light, we must appoint virtuous and talented people." Yan Xiang told the king what he meant, and King Yan Love the proposition too.Due to the appointment of talented people, the country is stable and prosperous, and the country is stable, but it has nothing to do with the original intention of that letter.Nowadays, most of the scholars in the world study and study in this way.

■Do not explore the true meaning of things in depth, but like to take the meaning out of the text and attach it to the meaning, and the conclusions drawn from this are often contrary to the original intention.Ying Shuyan said that it was a crooked attack, which produced a positive effect, but misinterpreted the original intention, and more results in a negative impact.

◎ A scholar buys firewood

There was a scholar who went to buy firewood, and he said to the firewood seller: "Come here, whoever pays you!" Two words, so he put the firewood in front of the scholar.

The scholar asked him, "What's the price?" The seller didn't quite understand this sentence, but he understood the word "price", so he told the scholar the price.

The scholar went on to say: "The outside is solid but the inside is empty, there is more smoke and less flame, please damage it (your firewood is dry on the outside, but wet on the inside, when it burns, there will be more smoke and less flame, please reduce the price." Let’s go).” The firewood seller couldn’t understand what the scholar said, so he carried the firewood and left.

■It is best to use simple and easy-to-understand words to convey information, and you must have a good grasp of the speaking object and motivation. Sometimes excessive modification will not achieve the desired purpose.

◎ shake your head

When the British Parliament was in session, a member of Parliament saw Churchill shaking his head to express his disapproval when he was speaking.The MP said: "I remind everyone that I am only expressing my own opinion." At this time Churchill stood up and said: "I also remind Mr. MPs that I am just shaking my own head."

■In this world without God, no one has the right to use their words and deeds to influence others.However, everyone's words and deeds affect others unconsciously.This is probably the profound meaning of what Sartre said "others are hell"!
◎ The best and the worst
One day, the master said to the servant: "Go and slaughter a sheep and bring us the best."

The servant brought the lamb tongue.

The next day, the master said to him again: "You slaughter another sheep and bring us the worst one."

The servant still brought the tongue.The master asked him why, and he said: "There is nothing better than a tongue to say good, and there is nothing worse than a tongue to say bad."

■"All mouths make gold, accumulate and destroy bones", the magic power of language lies here.In fact, while hating, people are not living in the comments of others, it's just that some people can do their best to ignore it while others can't.

◎ Recruitment
An antique shop is looking for a salesperson, and a young man applies for the job.

The boss picked up a piece of sawdust from the ground, put it on the red velvet cushion and asked, "What is this?"

"A toothpick used by Emperor Qianlong."

"Great, you can start working now!"

■What is the difference between the thing itself? The difference lies in how people talk about it.

◎ praise
"Do you like the thief in my new play?"

"Of course, you made the thief so real. He steals everything, even his lines."

■ I remember that Kong Yiji once defended himself by saying, "Scholar's business, can it be regarded as stealing?" This is naturally a sad self-deception.Moreover, the so-called theft and theft, its objects are not only objects, but also people's thoughts.

◎ Contents of dinner

A student ran to the cafeteria and asked the chef, "What's delicious tonight?"

The chef said: "There are thousands of delicious food today."

"Really! What's there?"

"Fried soybeans."

■We always use the language we think is appropriate to describe what others expect, thinking that it has nothing to do with us, thinking that we are not cheating, but we ignore that we have already let others down before we know it.

◎ steal turkey

The thief went to church to say mass.The pastor asked, "What brings you here? You didn't steal a turkey this week, did you?"

"No, not one was stolen."

"Have any other chickens been stolen?"

"nor."

"Great, you are one step closer to God."

The thief whispered, "If he asks me if I stole the duck, I will be far from God."

■Language is an art, and inquiry is a skill.Whether you can get the desired answer as quickly as possible is the way to judge whether a person's design problem is superior or not.This is why some people can be chief reporters and interview world celebrities, while others can only proofread their manuscripts.

◎ 24 pigs
The young lawyer appeared in court for his first case in which 24 pigs of his client were run over by a railway bureau car.To emphasize the magnitude of the loss, he said excitedly: "Gentlemen, think about it, 24 pigs! 24! Twice as many as our jury."

■When everything we want to express inadvertently starts to deviate from the effect we originally wanted to achieve, we might as well think about whether we have forgotten that we are telling others, not just talking to ourselves.Respect for others always benefits us.

◎ difference
A: What is the difference between a diplomat and a woman?
B: A diplomat who says "yes" means "maybe", and saying "maybe" mostly means "no", and those who say "no" directly are not diplomats.On the contrary, a woman who says "no" means "maybe", and saying "maybe" mostly means "yes", and whoever says "yes" directly is not a woman.

■Learning to distinguish the "semantic" difference between different people will make us more comfortable in actual social interaction.

◎ The difference between debauchery and lasciviousness
Henry IV went to a manor to dine and sent for a libertine to accompany him.Henry IV seated the libertine across from him and asked, "What's your name?" "My lord, my name is a libertine," replied the countryman. "Oh! Libertine! Your name is Libertine. It's an interesting name, so can you tell me the difference between licentiousness and lasciviousness?" "Your Majesty, they are only one table apart," replied the countryman.

■In the face of external attacks, if you say that you don’t retaliate with an eye, it will make the other party mock yourself even more arrogantly. In the face of the disdain of the rich, the poor should have the backbone to respond. At this time, money and status should not be used as bargaining chips, but Witty language.

◎ My surname is Darling
The president of the company got into his limousine and found that the driver had been replaced by a strange girl.

"Excuse me, what's your name?"

"Charles, sir," answered the girl.

"Sorry, I never call my employees by their first names," said the president.

"Sir, my name is Darling."

"..." The president hesitated for a moment, and had no choice but to say: "Drive, Charles." (Note: Darling, English, meaning dear)
■There is no absolute thing in the world. Some accidents will make people change their original intentions, but changing their original intentions does not mean that there is no principle. Adherence to principles should also be conditional.

◎ Make use of the topic
American five-star general Cartlett Marshall (1880-1959) asked a lady to let him take her home after a reception in his station.The lady's home was not far away, but Marshall drove for more than an hour to deliver her to the door.

"You haven't been here for a long time, have you?" she asked, "You don't seem to know the way very well."

"I dare not say that. If I am not familiar with this place, how can I drive for more than an hour without passing your door once?" Marshall said with a smile.The lady later married Marshall.

■The best way to express love is always to be euphemistic and straightforward.If it is too tactful, it will be cautious; if it is too straightforward, it will be superficial.

◎ Get people through wells
There was a man surnamed Ding in the state of Song who didn't have a well in his house. To irrigate the fields, he sent a man down the mountain to fetch water every day.Later, his family dug a well, and there was no need to send people down the mountain to fetch water.He told others: "Drilling a well in my family is equivalent to gaining a person!" This word was passed around, and people continued to add branches and leaves, and it was passed down as: "Ding's family dug out a person through a well." This sentence It was passed on to the monarch of Song State.He felt very strange, so he sent someone to Ding's house to inquire.The Ding family replied: "My family saves one person by digging a well, which is equivalent to gaining one person's labor. It's not digging a person in the well."

■ Rumors pile up and destroy bones, and often deviate from the original appearance of things.Listening to others, losing judgment, wrong!To follow what others say and spread it everywhere is to add to the mistakes!

◎ Return to normal

A man paid homage to the cemetery in the evening and forgot the time when the cemetery closed. When he remembered, the gate was already closed.He was terrified, so he ran to the door and shouted for help to the grave guard who was about to leave: "My God! Don't close it, I want to get out, I want to get out!" The grave guard replied: "You are too humorous, or Get back to normal!"

■When a misunderstanding occurs, all our excuses are weak and pale.Others have fixed paradigms of thought on all our actions.What we can do at this time is to wait for his "waking up".

◎ Military Insurance
Mr. Hunter was sent to a U.S. boot training center to promote military insurance.100% of the recruits who listened to his speech bought insurance voluntarily, and no one has ever achieved such a high success rate.The training director wanted to know his way of selling, so he quietly came to the classroom to listen to what he said to the recruits.

"Boys, I want to explain to you the protection brought by military insurance," Hunter said, "If there is a war and you are unfortunately killed, the government will compensate your family members with $20. But if you don't buy insurance , the government will only pay a pension of $[-]..."

"What's the use of this, no amount of money can buy my life back." A recruit below said dejectedly. "You're wrong," Hunter said unhurriedly, "Think about it, once a war breaks out, which kind of soldiers will the government send to the battlefield first? Those with insurance or those without insurance?"

■The way of expression in the speech is very important. Different ways of expression will bring people different perspectives of thinking, and will also make your speech have different responses, and you will get different results.

(End of this chapter)