speak humor, be humorous

Chapter 7 The Wisdom of Humor (3)
Just at this moment, certain A passed by here, and when he heard someone criticize him, he rushed in and said furiously, "When did I become irritable?" Then he raised his hand and hit certain B.Others said: "How can you beat someone?" "Why can't I, he said that I am short-tempered and reckless in doing things. When did I become short-tempered and reckless? What do you think?" Everyone said: "You are not angry now. Hitting someone is not reckless, what is it?" A felt aggrieved and embarrassed to leave.

■ Once a person is too vain and loves to save face, he must be very concerned about what others think of him.With an attitude of caring about everything, you will feel that others are watching you, and your words and deeds will immediately become uncomfortable, unnatural, and unhappy.

◎ Terrible greed

Once upon a time, there was a poor man who believed in Lu Zu all his life. Lu Dongbin was moved by his enthusiasm, so he went down to the man's house, saw how poor he was, and sympathized with him, so he stretched out his finger and pointed to a rock in the courtyard. It became bright gold immediately, Lu Dongbin asked the man: "Do you want this thing?" The man replied: "No, no." Lu Dongbin said happily: "You are not greedy for money, you are very sincere , I can teach you some immortality." But the man hurriedly said: "No, no, I want your finger." Lv Dongbin was so frightened that he turned the gold back into a rock and left. It's too cruel to chop off my fingers!

■People often say that they are contented and happy, and they could get rid of poverty, but because of "terrible greed", they get nothing.Advice to people in daily life - contentment is good, moderation is better!

◎ The secret of happiness
Sigismund (1368-1437) became Holy Roman Emperor in 1411.Once, he talked about the philosophy of life in the court.A minister asked him: "In this world, people are so fragile and inevitably die, so how can we obtain more lasting happiness? Is there any secret?"

The monarch replied confidently: "Of course, that is, as long as you get rid of those things that you have to allow others to do when you are sick, you will get lasting happiness."

■Happiness is the satisfaction of shortcomings. If you constantly create shortcomings for yourself and satisfy these shortcomings, then you will obtain lasting happiness.

◎ Honest Thief
"It's good to be upright after all."

"Why?"

"I stole a dog and sold it to others. No one wanted it. Later, I returned it to the original owner. They were very happy and gave me ten yuan."

■Being an upright person is not only much happier, but also more rewarding than being a mean person.

◎ Price rise
Beggar A: Prices have risen too much recently!
Beggar B: No, business is not easy.

Beggar A: It's hard to find a job, and college graduates are lounging at home!
Beggar B: It seems that we are really lucky. We have nothing to do with rising prices, difficulties in doing business, and difficulties in finding jobs.

Beggar A: Keep your voice down, we can't make too much publicity, otherwise we will be in trouble.

■No self-knowledge is really the saddest thing, no matter how happy your mood is at the moment, it is a false happiness after all.

◎ When disaster strikes

Once on a sea trip, the boat of the Duke of Wellington was caught in a storm and was in danger of sinking.The captain hurried to Wellington's cabin and said, "We're going to die."

Wellington was just going to bed when he said, "Well, I won't have to take off my shoes."

■True optimism is the calmness of "the mountain collapses in front of you without changing your face", not the indifference to everything.

◎ Mother's worries

Two women are talking.

"My daughter won't tell me anything, and there's nothing I can do about her!"

"My daughter talks to me about everything and it's killing me."

■Excess and insufficiency are the root of people's troubles.

◎ Construction started
Doctor: You have stones in your gallbladder; you have fluid in your abdominal cavity; you also suffer from trachoma...

Patient: Doctor, please check me again to see where there is clay, then I can start work.

■The best humor is a kind of optimism and open-mindedness towards life.

◎ bored
"I'm so sick of it!" grumbled the old maid to the young one, "you know, I've been compelled to repeat all day long: 'Yes, ma'am!' 'Yes, ma'am!' 'Yes, Mrs!'"

"I'm sick of it too!" replied the young maid, "and I've been repeating the same thing all day; 'No, sir?' 'No, sir!' 'No, sir!'"

■Everyone has their own troubles.So, don't always envy others, as if others are always happy, but you always fall into the ocean of troubles and cannot extricate yourself.

◎ need

"Now, you have a luxurious villa! You also have a beautiful car! You probably don't need anything anymore."

"need……"

"what?"

"Need proof that I was not at the scene of the theft."

■ Compared with cars, houses, tickets, etc., what people need most is inner peace.

◎ The Fate of the Frog

One day, a frog called the priest and asked about his fate.

The pastor said, "Next year, a young girl will come to know you."

The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding?"

The pastor said, "No, it's in her biology class next year."

■ Too far-fetched illusory expectations will only make us more painful.Too often, a sense of self-knowledge leads us to more realistic happiness.

◎ Worried about price increases
"Have you heard? Hans, the price of gasoline is going to go up again."

"What's your worry? You don't have a car."

"But I have a lighter!"

■The ancients said "Don't be happy with things, don't be sad with yourself", but in real life, there are not many people who worry about the gains and losses of small benefits. These people are actually depriving themselves of happiness little by little.

◎ Divination
The witch said to the boy:
"You'll be lucky next year, and you'll marry a pretty dark-haired girl, and she'll bring you a dowry of a million pounds."

"Thank you so much, ma'am. I should pay you twice the amount of divination money, but I'm short on money at the moment, should I pay you when I get married!"

■For people, a happy marriage means that a man has found the woman he can rely on for life, rather than finding the other half who can act as a money jar.

◎ Give the kicking donkey a kick

The great Greek philosopher Socrates was walking in Athens with a friend one day.Suddenly a cynic beat him with a stick and ran away.

When his friend saw it, he immediately turned around to ask the man to settle the score.But Socrates stopped him, and his friend asked strangely: "Are you afraid of this man?" Socrates smiled and said: "Old friend, you are confused, do you have to pay back if a donkey kicks you?" A kick?"

■If you compete with stupid people, you will become even stupider. A truly happy person is above the daily life, and he will never take revenge.Laughing at everything in the world, you will become wise and courageous.

◎ She is my mother
One day, Lawson walked by the Sydney theater and saw a woman in rags selling newspapers at a stall. Her voice was hoarse, and she was holding a baby in her arms, and the baby had fallen asleep.

The poet wanted to help, and hurriedly took out the money to buy her newspaper.

Just at this moment, another child ran up, holding a newspaper, and shouted in a hoarse voice: "Sell newspapers! Sell newspapers!"

Lawson could not help hesitating, looking from the poor boy to the poor woman.Which one should I buy?The boy saw it, and said politely to Lawson:

"Never mind, sir! It's the same thing. She's my mother."

■Love can inspire more love, and love can make people transcend worldly interests.

◎ Strong warning

The lighthouse keeper subscribes to a weekly newspaper.Every time the postman delivers a newspaper to him, he is unhappy, because it takes an hour to row a boat for this newspaper, which is too troublesome.

On this day, the postman delivered the newspaper to the lighthouse again impatiently.The lighthouse keeper said calmly: "Please come with a smile next time, or I will order a daily newspaper immediately!"

■If a person loves the labor he is doing, he will feel happy in the process of his labor.

◎ three hairs
There was a man with only three hairs.One day, he went to a very famous hair design shop and was going to have a hairstyle:

Clerk: "What kind of hairstyle do you want to design?"

Customer: "Well... I don't have any opinion, you can make up your mind."

Clerk: "Then I'll braid your hair for you."

In the process of tying the braid, the clerk accidentally lost another hair:
Clerk: "Sir, sir, I lost a hair, what should I do?"

Customer: "Oh, it doesn't matter; then please help me to comb my hairstyle with a middle part." During the process of combing my hair, another hair fell out:
Clerk: "Sir, sir, another hair has fallen out."

Customer: "Forget it, I'll go back with my hair disheveled."

■In the eyes of an optimistic person, no matter what happens, the consequences are acceptable, and they are satisfied because of acceptance.

◎ Assembly
The mother is pregnant, and the four-year-old Xiaobao is puzzled. He wants to know how the future brother or sister will be born.Dad patiently described it to Xiaobao: "Sir, the head is born, the body is born again, and finally there are two legs, do you understand?"

"Got it, Dad. Then you put them together with screws, right!"

■We seem to be used to complaining about suffering—tired life, boring life—but have you ever wondered whether we have assembled our lives too complicated?It's better to put aside so many tedious things - let's be simple!

◎ I have been standing too
On this day, Coolidge was immersed in his work, when suddenly a lady who admired Coolidge broke in, congratulated him on his speech the day before and said: "There were so many people in the hall that day, I couldn't find a seat at all, I just stood there and listened to your speech." All speeches."

The lady said this in an aggrieved tone, obviously hoping to get a few words of comfort in exchange for it.Unexpectedly, Coolidge said indifferently: "You are not the only one who suffers. I also stood up that day."

■When we feel that we have been treated badly by others or by life, we often look at ourselves and feel sorry for ourselves.However, when we bravely raise our heads, you will definitely find the same real shadow as everyone in the sun-suddenly feel enlightened!
◎ Make a phone call

At 03:30 in the middle of the night, the phone rang suddenly, "Is this a bathing center?" asked the other end of the phone.

"This is a private residence, idiot!" Mr. Wang said angrily when he was awakened by the phone call.

"Then why are you only wearing shorts to answer the phone?"

■Other people's unreasonable malicious attacks on us are always because they have found a reason that can make them laugh, but we can't justify it.In fact, at this time, as long as we laugh it off, they will immediately realize their own isolation and boredom.

◎ magnanimity
Picasso didn't care about fake paintings pretending to be his works, and never pursued them.

When seeing a forgery of his painting, at most the forged signature is painted out.

"Why should I make such a fuss?" Picasso said.

"People who make fake paintings are either poor painters or old friends. I am Spanish, so I can't embarrass old friends. And those experts who authenticate authentic works have to eat, and I don't suffer much."

■The gentleman is magnanimous.Tolerance is sometimes the greatest favor to others. A small inadvertent or intentional tolerance can make people happy. Why not do it?

◎ The system is not compatible

"Mike is really a good man, handsome, gentle and lively, and has a successful career. I have never seen a better boyfriend than him, but we still blew it. I use MAC, but he uses WINDOWS! "

■There are no two identical leaves in life, nor are there two identical people.If you care about the minutiae, you will lose the big and miss the opportunity.

◎ Do not resist

"You said you met three gangsters who beat you, tore your clothes, and robbed your wallet. Why didn't you resist?"

"I don't want to get acquainted with them..."

■People's tolerance should have its moral and legal limits. Blindly compromising is either conniving with others intentionally or out of one's own cowardice.

◎ first time seeing

"Mr. Judge, someone called me like a rhinoceros. Can I sue him?"

"Of course. When did he scold you?"

"It was a year ago."

"You should have sued him."

"But I saw a rhino for the first time yesterday!"

■ Some ignorance in life can sometimes contribute to your happiness, or you can ignore the truth that makes you unhappy.

◎ eat pork

A fool wanted to eat pork, but he didn't know how to eat it, so he went to the butcher shop to ask for advice.

The guy in the butcher shop replied: "Chop it up with a knife, cook it and eat it."

"Where can I buy a knife?"

"Go to the knife shop to buy."

So the fool bought a knife in the knife shop.Holding a knife in his right hand and meat in his left, he walks down the street.Unexpectedly, as soon as he left the city, a vulture flew down from the sky and took the meat away.

The idiot didn't go after the bald eagle, but raised his head and smiled: "Haha! This stupid vulture. You don't have a knife, take the meat away, and I'll see how you eat it!"

■There are no two identical leaves in the world, let alone animals and people.Your own shortcomings are not necessarily the shortcomings of others, so how can you use the same standard to measure it?

◎ Chinstrap
During the Spring and Autumn Period, the King of Chu invited many courtiers to drink and eat. During the banquet, there were wonderful songs and dances, delicious food and wine, and flickering candlelight.At the same time, the King of Chu also ordered his two favorite beauties, Xu Ji and Maggie, to toast you in turn.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew out all the candles, and it was pitch black. An official at the banquet took advantage of the opportunity and touched Xu Ji's jade hand.Xu Ji shook his hands, pulled his hatband, hurried back to his seat and whispered in King Chu's ear: "Just now someone took the opportunity to tease me, I tore off his hatband, hurry up and ask someone to light a candle." , and see who doesn't have a hatband, and you'll know who it is."

After hearing this, the king of Chu quickly ordered his subordinates not to light candles, but said loudly to all his courtiers: "Tonight, I must get drunk with you all. Come, everyone take off your hat and have a drink."

■"When you see a servant stealing food, you can only cough, and you don't have to yell."In many cases, we all need tolerance. Tolerance is not only giving opportunities to others, but also giving opportunities to ourselves.

(End of this chapter)