Aura Compilation Manual

Chapter 22 Part4: How to Make an Aura Star (3)
It is worth mentioning that we pay strict attention to the use of "you" and "I" in this process, because "you" is a signal to move forward in a conversation, while "I" is a signal to stop.You should try to lead the conversation to the other party's points of interest, such as using more interesting inquiries such as "why", "where" and "how", to guide him to continue talking and reveal more information to you.When he says, "I have a two-hundred-acre farm in San Francisco," please don't rush to say, "Ah, I own two companies in Washington and a luxury villa in New Orleans." Feeling a kind of malevolent comparison and competition, thinking that you are hostile to him, you should ask instead: "Oh, where is the farm? What property do you have there?" Or: "Sir, you really let me I admire that owning a farm is a dream of mine, but I just can't do it." This will win you over to your partner and make him think you're an interesting conversationalist.

Avoid self-centered conversation
The simplest trouble is usually that we are too selfish.In a conversation, many people are eager to talk about "I" instead of the other person.A young playwright, for example, talked to his girlfriend about himself and his play for two hours before calmly saying, "Enough about me, now about you. What do you think How about my play?" This was the first "you" that appeared in his conversation, and it was to let the other party evaluate himself and continue his so-called admiration.The result was visibly bad, and the girlfriend stood up: "I've had enough, I'm going home, fuck your goddamn script!"

Remember that conversation is a game for both parties, not a dialogue between yourself and your heart.This space can not only contain your own aura, but also include the person you are talking to.In your case, instinct makes you tend to be self-centered as soon as you start a conversation.Of course you want to express yourself, you want to make a deep impression.But in fact, if you can turn the conversation to the other party in a timely manner, you will definitely win higher evaluation from others.He will think you are a very intelligent and very friendly person and will be overwhelmed by your aura.Otherwise, he will think that you are just a selfish person, not worthy of any association with you.

A conversation rule is that we need to ask ourselves a question in our mind: "What do I really want to get out of this conversation?" exchange?If all you need is the former, then you can only talk about yourself, and then be ready for the other person to walk away at any time, and there will never be a second conversation, and you don't have to expect anything else through the conversation .

when can you talk about yourself

I am sure you have thought of some instances, like the public speaker, who often speaks of himself rather than others, of his own experiences, of his travels, of his exploits, of his thoughts, and of the views he is eager to make public.But don't forget: These people are invited to talk about themselves.They are invited to tell their story, so the audience knows what they are there for, and is there to listen.So what the speaker is facing is not a forced audience, but a group of voluntary people.

The right time to talk about yourself is when you are invited and the person asks you to talk about yourself.If someone is interested in you, he will definitely ask you.When he does offer you an invitation to talk about yourself, to learn something about you, don't say no to him, take the opportunity.Tell him even a little bit about you, and he'll be flattered.Because you are talking with him in a very friendly manner, you communicate on an equal footing, and the atmosphere has always been pleasant.But my advice remains the same, don't talk too much about yourself, and after answering his questions, you should turn the conversation back to him again.

Try to use the word "me too"

Another right time to bring yourself into a conversation, in a psychological sense, is when you can tell the other person something about yourself—thanks for the content of the conversation, because what you have to say will be related to Some of the things he said connect and create a tight bond between you.

For example, if he says: "I live in a city by the sea." You'd better answer: "Really? Me too." When he talks about the sea with great interest, you have to talk about the sea more or less personally. Your knowledge and experience, and even your understanding of his hometown, will make him feel more important and grateful to you for fulfilling his inner need for attention.

If he mentions, "I like stocks or tech," and it happens that you do too, you have to find a way to tell him that.Even if you don't care about these things, you should try to talk to him about the stock trading methods of the rich on Wall Street, the flow of hot money, and the differences between the stock markets of various countries to show that you care; you can also talk about the American space shuttle, And the intrinsic link between technological superiority and world domination.

Advocate "pleasant conversation"

If you want to be a talkative person, and always be the center of substance in the conversation, so that people want to talk to you, another secret is to create a pleasant atmosphere and a comfortable rhythm as much as possible, so that the conversation can be engaged. Those who are easily soaked in this environment.

The man who talks about problems in a pessimistic way, who points out that the world is heading for the abyss, or who keeps talking about all his personal troubles, will not win any competition for fame.This is the eternal truth.Once the pessimistic atmosphere is brought into the conversation, it will be disgusting, unless he is your closest friend, who is taking on the sacred mission of saving your soul at this time; or he is a priest, psychologist, and some psychological endurance is strong enough people.

Never air your difficulties in public.Trust my judgment, telling people how much you've endured doesn't make you a hero, it just makes you a nuisance, with an air of dread all over you.

Do’s and Don’ts of Conversation: Do not tease, provoke or be sarcastic at any time

I don't know how many of us like to make fun of others, and just yesterday I heard three bank employees laughing at their colleagues in a conversation on the streets of Washington.They talk to each other with sarcasm, try their best to discuss each other's shortcomings, and even hope that the other party will recognize their intelligence and appreciate their humor in the sarcasm, and they don't want to be justified by the other party out of self-protection. fight back.

It's a really disgusting habit.Remember that any unrestrained teasing and teasing hurts another's self-esteem, and anything that threatens another's self-esteem is dangerous and a physical damage to our aura.Even in jokes between friends.You don't know if the friend who was treated like this really doesn't mind, maybe his impression of you has dropped a lot, he has decided not to regard you as his best friend, and he will find a chance to give you the next step. You are embarrassed.Sarcasm is always tinged with cruelty, and it shows a shameful state of mind, a calculation to make others feel small while you yourself are great.

Good-natured banter is only allowed between very close friends, but it also requires strict discipline.Best friends don't care about and pursue those little things that don't matter, but if you cross the red line, be careful you will lose

A best friend.

◎Patiently listen to the last punctuation mark

Mr. Bree, a university teacher, asked me: "I want to be the protagonist in public relations, don't I? Why can't I seize all the time to express myself, but sit there like a piece of dry wood?" He thinks that an audience is like a tree. Wood is lifeless, which is really in line with his professional habits.He's the kind of guy who can babble at a podium for two hours, and it's no wonder the students at State don't like him.

I told Bree that listening is not just a skill but a discipline.Knowing how to listen is sometimes more important than being able to speak.Because listening has a magical power, which will make your whole body exude an aura of kindness and respect, and it can help you win the other party's true feelings and trust.

The Power of Listening: The Overlooked Aura Indicator
Now I ask you, do you know how to listen?Many people will be confused, so please try to answer the following two questions first:

I would like to hear some specific things, do not want to hear unrealistic words?
When someone speaks, I think if I have the chance, what must I say?
If you answered "yes" instead of "no" to both questions, it means you don't know how to listen yet.

According to our statistics, about 70% of the people in this world are unqualified listeners. They will only say that I have a strong desire to express, and I wish that all the people in the world can hear his voice and understand him. In his heart, but the consciousness of listening was left behind by him.However, this is the most easily overlooked competitiveness in today's life.

An article in the "Harvard Business Review" pointed out that, compared to "speaking", "listening" is our unused potential and needs to be developed urgently.More than [-] large companies have set up training courses for learning to listen.If employees learn to listen, they can strengthen their executive power; if managers know how to listen, they can keep the company alive for a long time.

I said to Bree, "We're wired to think we have ears to listen, but there's a big difference between listening with your heart, listening with your head, and listening with just your ears."

People who listen only with their ears forget up to 50% of what they say within eight hours of talking.It is this forgetting rate of up to [-]%, which has caused huge losses to individuals or companies, which is beyond regret.

Where is the reason?Because listening is slower than thinking. In 1 minute, our brains can think 120 to [-] words, but you can only hear [-], [-] to [-] words, so we often think about other things while listening. It is this fatal mistake that makes us People miss important information.

In the listening training courses set up by the organization for senior managers of enterprises, I divide the listening level into five levels, which are completely ignoring, pretending to listen, selective listening, active and empathetic listening, and professional consulting. listen.

○Complete indifference: I can't hear anything.

○Pretending to listen: Appears to be concentrating, but is actually thinking about something else.

○Selective listening: only listen to the key parts.

○Active and empathetic listening: pay close attention to the parts of interest.

○Listening for professional consultation: listen fully and understand every word the other party says.

There was a car salesman in Europe who sold as many as [-] Mercedes-Benz cars in ten years and became one of the top super salesmen in the world just because he knew how to listen.When he talked about this issue, he warned everyone: "Every customer is like a book, you have to listen carefully to read it."

At the beginning, he was a very amateur salesman. As soon as a customer came to the door, he only talked to him for three sentences, and he hoped that the customer would pay for the car and leave immediately, so his performance was always zero.

Until one time, a customer asked him to shut up first and slapped him unbearably.Only then did he realize his problem: I talked too much and listened too little.

"Later, I asked myself not to speak, let the customer speak first, so that I can hear the needs and considerations of the other party, instead of selling directly."

A lady once went to his shop with her chin raised high to look at the car. His colleague approached him kindly and said, "Are you here to see the car?" The lady replied very displeased, "I'm not here to look at the car , What do you want to see again?" At this time, he brought a glass of water and stood aside without saying a word, replacing the colleague who was angry and even became angry because of this.

The lady said coldly: "Your salesman's service attitude is very poor, and the cars you sell are expensive." He asked modestly: "You are right, so how can we improve?" He invited the other party to the VIP room Sit down and close the door.

Three and 10 minutes later, an order of 200 million yuan was received.

The colleague asked him in amazement how he did it, how he got rid of that troublesome woman."I didn't say anything and just listened quietly to her complaining for 10 minutes," he said.

It turned out that the customer had already locked in a car, but she visited several car dealers but did not meet a salesman who satisfied her.The salesman listened attentively to her complaints, echoing them as he gathered his thoughts.After the customer's anger subsided, he began to chat with the other party about his experience in dealing with those salesmen, and reminded her to choose the right place to buy a car.So in less than 10 minutes, the transaction was successfully completed.

If you were a customer, what would you do?I hope readers can think from the standpoint of the other party. Only when you have empathy can you realize the other party’s desire to talk, and you can be an excellent listener with peace of mind.

correct "do not speak"

(End of this chapter)