come on!you are the fattest

Chapter 7 Look, Look, The Face of the Moon
〔one〕

After attending Teng Zijun's funeral in Hangzhou, we rushed back to Beijing.

There was nothing to say about the funeral, mournful and peaceful.Oh, I forgot to mention that Hao Zeyu was photographed smiling, and this smile caused a lot of waves.Originally, when Teng Zijun died, he didn't post on Weibo, so many people scolded him.At Teng Zijun's funeral, did he dare to laugh?The photo was posted on the Internet, and the person who spoke for him also felt that he was too ruthless.

Immediately, his latest Weibo commented more than [-], and various topics of cursing him to death were developed every day with great enjoyment.The self-proclaimed righteous keyboard man even scolded the people he followed. Of course, Lao Niu and I were also fleshed out.

Because Lao Niu's Weibo has been scolding Bai Lianhua and bringing Bai Lianhua fans into the battle, even Lao Niu's alma mater—the official Weibo of Beijing Normal University—is not immune.

In contrast, my end is okay.After being scolded for a few days on the official Weibo account of my former employer "Fashion Trends", they finally issued an official statement saying that I had been fired for lack of work ability, and now it has nothing to do with "Fashion Trends".This moved me. My former boss, Sister Sasha, has worked in Fashion Trends for more than ten years, and her name has never appeared on the official Weibo. My little assistant actually got on the official Weibo of my former boss. What a lucky life!
Of course a thick-skinned person like me will have a good life, but Hao Zeyu's unprecedented "popularity", Lao Niu's various public relations can't hold back, he decided not to return to Beijing, and decided to go to Lingyin Temple to become a monk.

I persuaded him for a long time, and finally said that Lingyin Temple is not a nunnery, you are so beautiful, life will not be peaceful after you become a monk, and your six senses will be unclean.Finally persuaded him.

After one person ate the spicy pot for four people, Lao Niu calmed down and felt that there was nothing wrong with it now. Everyone else was red to purple, and our family was red to black.

As for Hao Zeyu, he has caught a cold for the past few days. Although he is listless, he is in good spirits. He is holding a small book and comparing pictures.

My big heart has become an advantage at this time, and Lao Niu couldn't help but ask me: "Are there any times when you don't worry?"

"What are you worried about? There is food to eat and sleep to sleep. What is there to worry about today, anyway, tomorrow will be even worse."

As soon as the plane back to Beijing landed, dandruff was scattered all over the place, and all subsequent flights were delayed due to the blizzard.

After exiting the customs, a lot of multimedia guns and short guns surrounded me. I wanted to grab the spotlight in front of me, but I didn't think that Lao Niu's skill in stealing the spotlight was deeper than mine. No wonder he changed his clothes before getting off the plane.

Seeing the media approaching, Lao Niu threw the suitcase on me, took the BV bag for meeting guests, and grabbed the center of the camera firmly, saying: "We will not respond for now..."

At this moment, a girl with pigtails ran up and screamed, "Go to hell!" while pouring a bottle of yellow liquid on Hao Zeyu.Fortunately, the liquid didn't fall on Hao Zeyu's body, and it fell to the ground halfway, directly spilling on the old cow.

All the people present were stunned, and the media excitedly pressed the shutter, immediately discarded the blanket star Lao Niu, and came to take pictures of Hao Zeyu again.

At this time, I think the soundtrack should be - "Grateful Heart".Fortunately, I didn't snatch the old cow, otherwise I would be the one who was splashed all over, thank you!Hao Zeyu was not splashed, otherwise how would he mess around in the future, thank you!Hao Zeyu is going to be on the headlines again, although no one wants to be on the headlines like this, thank you!Fortunately, it's just urine, what if it's sulfuric acid!How can the old cow's beautiful appearance be lost?grateful!
The old bull's eye quickly subdued the kid who threw urine, and we went to the airport security coordinator to check for a while, and then came out.

A bunch of microphones approached, and they wanted Lao Niu to change his clothes, but Lao Niu refused to do so. He pulled the microphone in front of him and answered the reporter's question in the tone of a spokesperson for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, "Never accept reconciliation! Strongly condemn the Actual violence caused by cyber violence! We reserve the right to legal proceedings!"

A reporter asked, "You have news every day recently, is it hype?"

The old cow who was still smelling bad couldn't bear it any longer, and approached the reporter, "Is the hype made with urine? You can drink it when you're done!"

The reporter pinched his nose and accepted it.

Of course, Lao Niu's excellence as a manager lies in his judgment. Before boarding the plane, he expected to face the reporter's long guns and short guns (of course he didn't expect to piss). Get a GMC nanny car that comes standard with superstars to make a big splash.

This makes us look good when we get in the car, as if Hao Zeyu is so popular, as if Niu Meili Entertainment Co., Ltd. has a strong background.The luxury car is really luxurious, with a TV, a refrigerator, and champagne in the refrigerator-the old cow told me not to move around, he only rented this car for three hours, drinks are not included.Ah, two hours of delay at the airport, and only one hour left to enjoy!How could I miss it, I quickly touched up my makeup, took more than 1000 selfies, and by the way advised Lao Niu to take off his clothes and change into clean ones.

Lao Niu ignored me, took a picture of his urine-smelling clothes, and posted it on Weibo. The content was: "The assistant asked me to change the clothes, and I said no, this urine-smelling clothes, for a Beijing Normal University For graduate students of the Department of Chinese, it is a disgrace; but for an agent, it is a medal of military merit. It is not just urine, even if someone splashes makeup remover, I will go up to it, because there is nothing more important than my artist.” This Weibo received more than a thousand comments in 5 minutes, and most people praised Lao Niu angrily.A lot of people have @their idol's manager, saying to see how they make a manager, and then look at you!

The mobile phone memo rang, and it said the time to take the medicine. I took out a bunch of medicines from my bag, first found Hao Zeyu's medicine, handed it to him, and then found out my medicine.Looking through the bag, there is only one bottle of water left.I swallowed the medicine forcefully and handed the water to Hao Zeyu.

Hao Zeyu saw, "You drink it, my medicine has already been swallowed."

The two of us seem to be holding a volleyball match, this bottle of water is the ball, we don't want to put the water in our hands no matter what.Oh, and the volleyball game was mixed with a pill meeting: we both swallowed pills like a competition to prove that we don't want this bottle of water.

Lao Niu couldn't bear it anymore, took out a bottle of water from the refrigerator, threw it to me, and said that he would pay for the bottle of water, and people like us who have never gone to college should not learn from Kong Rong and give pears here.

Hey, you can say Hao Zeyu, but I'm not happy to say that about me. Why do you say that I haven't studied in college?The size of our alma mater can be regarded as a pheasant junior college!I love our alma mater!And our graduates are promising!In the past, the top card in the heaven and earth was still our school!With this kind of resentment, when Lao Niu asked me to lend him the perfume in the bag, I simply threw the bag over.Hmph, although I still have a flattering smile on my face, I must use practical actions to defend the dignity of our alma mater graduates!Be sure to hit Lao Niu!

As a result, the zipper of the bag was not pulled, and the contents of the bag fell all over the floor.Hey, fortunately there are a lot of things in the bag, otherwise the perfume would be broken.

Hao Zeyu helped me pack up and picked up a ball of wool mixture.

The old cow was surprised, "Hey, can you knit sweaters? What are you knitting?"

Hao Zeyu recognized the pattern in front of Ban Tian, ​​"Panda?"

The old cow laughed so hard that he lost his composure, "I think it's a blind man!"

I cursed in my heart, you blind people, this is clearly the skull of MC QUEEN!
Yes, that's right, I'm knitting a scarf.Hey hey, comrades, I knit by hand, not on purpose!
That day I slept until the afternoon, and when I woke up, I remembered what my grandma said in the dream. I also thought it was too funny. I forgot about it at first, but I thought that my father was cooking hawthorn in the kitchen and said that he didn’t know what happened this year. , the hawthorn came down very early.

Mom murmured that Da Fuzi was no longer a child, what kind of candied haws are he making, and at the same time found a knitting needle.knitting needle?Oh, when Dad makes candied haws, he likes to use sweater needles as candied haws poles.

Mom also said that the second daughter of the Zhang family, the store opened at the intersection is going to be sold out, and there is a special price for wool, do you want to knit a sweater for Xiaosongzi...

Later, passing by the street, I bought a bunch of wool... I knit if I have nothing to do... I went to Shanghai to attend Teng Zijun's funeral. I think I have so much free time, and I will knit while everyone is not paying attention... Well, it must be my grandma's strange power that confused me!Certainly!

Although everyone didn't know why I knit a scarf (they didn't even recognize it as a scarf), I still blushed and found a reason for myself, "The manufacturers are so unscrupulous now, a thick-threaded sweater costs more than 2000, and I can do it myself." Weave..."

"Sweater? Where are the sleeves?" Hao Zeyu looked over and over.

"It's not a sweater, it's a scarf! I'll practice first!"

The air between me and Hao Zeyu suddenly froze for a second.Hao Zeyu glanced at me, and suddenly there was a gentle sincerity in his eyes, "Fuzi, when I saw this, I suddenly remembered that I lost the scarf, do you remember?"

"Remember," I snatched the wool mixture, "this scarf is not for you to knit!"

Hao Zeyu didn't see my panic, and continued: "When I was looking for the scarf, I looked crazy, did I scare you?"

I pretended to be magnanimous, "Hey, why are you scared! I do the same thing when I throw things."

But he explained, "As a person, I am afraid of two things, one is that something is lost, and the other is that it is broken. I don't care how much it is worth, but I just feel that if something comes to me, it is mine. Objects should always be responsible for it, and should be optimistic about it. This may be a manifestation of insecurity, fear of all changes, and hate all things that are right and wrong.”

Ah, the superstar is talking to me, I am so touched!However, a beam of eyes shot over, cutting my emotion in an instant. The words "things are different from people" in classical Chinese have aroused the dissatisfaction of the master's degree of the Chinese Department of Beijing Normal University.

The old cow said viciously: "You are afraid that things are right and people are wrong, so don't make things wrong in your acting career. I can stop people from throwing urine today, but what if they throw sulfuric acid tomorrow?" ?”

I interjected, "Old Niu, you have to be ashamed! That's not what you said on Weibo!"

Hao Zeyu was interested, "What did Lao Niu say on Weibo? I want to read it too!" He wanted to grab my mobile phone, so I said, "Why don't you use your mobile phone to read it?"

He was a little embarrassed, "I uninstalled it, and so many people scolded me, I was afraid that I was cheap, and I felt uncomfortable seeing it."

I was shocked, I thought he didn't care.

The old cow became even more angry, "You are afraid of being scolded, so don't do things that invite people to scold you!"

When I got downstairs in Hao Zeyu Community, the driver asked me that the three-hour car rental time is up, do you want to renew the rental?
Lao Niu said that no reporter took pictures of us, so of course he would not continue, and then we checked out and got out of the car.

Dude, it's snowing harder and harder outside.Hao Zeyu accompanied us to stop the car in front of his house regardless of the obstruction.

Lao Niu checked the news on his mobile phone and sneered, "You Beijingers really love to make a fuss, and you still say, 'Beijing has a once-in-a-ten-year snowfall, and the city's traffic is stagnant'. We have this kind of snow every day in the Northeast. What did we say?"

I changed a mobile phone app to call a car, but the driver did not pick up the order after waiting for a long time.I was still thinking about eating, "I won't be able to go back, right? Dad will be a lazy dragon tonight."

"What is a lazy dragon?" Hao Zeyu asked.

"It's similar to steamed stuffed buns, no, it's flower rolls with meat stuffing." I was about to popularize old Beijing's food culture with this Northeast person. Another fat Northeast person suddenly began to popularize the Northeast language and culture. Northeast swear words are too broad and profound. , Lao Niu scolded at an amazing speed, I can't remember.

It turned out that Lao Niu got the news: the girl who pissed at the airport said that she was a fan of Bailianhua. Lao Niu kept scolding Bailianhua on Weibo.

I understand Lao Niu's annoyance: I thought this urination was for Hao Zeyu, but I didn't expect that this urination was for myself.Instead of becoming a hero to save the beauty, he became a joke.

What's even more exasperating is that Bai Lianhua responded that my fans made mistakes, and I did not educate them well. I apologize to everyone, but please stop scolding my fans, she is still a child. "My fans, I can only scold you! You are not qualified!"

The crowd turned the tide again, praising the white lotus for its righteousness, "Road to fans!" Microblog topics have been brushed up: "I will also be pollen in the next life."

……

In short, Bai Lianhua didn't spend a penny, and it became a hot search again.

The old cow scolded for a while, but was still furious. He took off his coat, tore off the urine-stained clothes inside, threw it into the snow, and yelled, "Bai Lianhua, I am at odds with you!"

Hao Zeyu and I were stunned at once.I guess Hao Zeyu was overwhelmed by this cultured curse.But what stopped me was the shirtless old cow.On a snowy day, a fat man with sagging chest and belly.I immediately wanted to kneel down, Master, why are you so good at dressing and hiding meat so quickly, teach your disciples how to dress!
〔two〕

Because the city was closed due to heavy snow, and Lao Niu showed grief, grief, anger, and the mental state of three sorrows in one, Hao Zeyu simply took me and Lao Niu to his house.

Hao Zeyu's family has a lot of wine, and if you don't close your eyes, you can think of the wonderful picture of this little funeral star who is unhappy, hiding in this room full of chairs, drinking by himself, mourning the tasteless injury.

Lao Niu drank a few cups, and showed Hao Zeyu an expression of insatiable desire. As a fat man, I did not misunderstand Lao Niu. Once we are fat, our expression is similar to that of insatiable desire.Besides, there are no appetizers for drinking, so how can you drink too much?
Hehe, I aggressively used the leftovers in the refrigerator, and casually made three hard dishes, so delicious that Hao Zeyu swallowed half of his tongue, and then he used the remaining half of his tongue to praise me She is the embodiment of beauty and culinary skills. I flicked my hair in the same way as in the shampoo advertisement, and let out a silvery laugh, "Lingling, ringling, who made me the daughter of the chef, I told you You, my dad used his cooking skills to conquer my grandma, who originally looked down on him..."

With a sound of "stab", the sound of Hao Zeyu frying something in the wok interrupted my fantasy.I'm sorry, the above content, except for my dad's cooking skills to conquer my grandma, I made up the rest. I'm good at eating, so I can only watch when I cook.

What?You say fat people can cook?Humph, this is discrimination!Of course, as the daughter of the God of Cooking, I am Wang Yuyan in the culinary world. Although I don’t know how to cook it myself, I can remember it clearly when I watch other people cook it.

Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang Dang!The following is the program time of "Beautiful Man's Kitchen", let the host Fuzi show you the wonderful cooking skills of the superstar Hao Zeyu.

The beginning of the show is a bit evocative, but it's not off topic, and it's also sexual.

Hao Zeyu filled the bathtub with water and asked Lao Niu to take a bath first.Lao Niusheng said without love: "Except for sleeping with me, there is no other talk."

Hao Zeyu said considerately: "You wash it first!"

In the kitchen, Hao Zeyu opened the refrigerator and found that the only usable ingredients were Haihong, beef and frozen steamed buns in the freezer.He stared at the ingredients for a while, nodded, and took them out neatly.He thawed Haihong first, then took dried chili and poured Haihong into the pan to stir-fry.I go!He can also flip the spoon!Add light soy sauce, white sugar, and oyster sauce, and when the pot is finally started, sprinkle white wine lightly.Beef is easy to serve. Before he fried Haihong, he had cut the beef into strips, marinated it with ingredients, and put it aside.After finishing the spicy fried Haihong, he wrapped the beef in tin foil and put it in the oven.

I don't quite understand the existence of steamed buns.Hao Zeyu said that last time he steamed too many steamed buns.I showed a perverted look of horror, how many secrets does he hide?What are you doing?Is it okay to steam steamed buns to relieve depression?An image immediately came to my mind: he was wearing a royal blue suit from Tom Ford, with his hair combed back, steaming steamed buns.While kneading the dough, he still didn't forget to spread negative energy, "So sad, so sad..." It's so abnormal!It's worse than dismembering a dead body at home!
Of course, Hao Zeyu didn’t see the horror movie I edited. He fried the steamed buns and said, “Actually, fried steamed buns are very unpalatable. Big steamed buns just out of the pan are delicious when served with fresh green radishes.” His face suddenly Brightened up, "By the way, I still have a green radish!"

He dug out a green radish from the balcony, and pulled out a wilted green onion, as if holding a gold bar, "There are green onions! Let's fry steamed buns. My grandma used to make them when I was young. It's delicious!"

Stir-fried steamed buns are very simple. Cut the steamed buns into pieces, put a lot of soybean oil in the pot, fry the steamed buns with chopped green onion, add some salt and pepper before serving.

Now it's time to taste "Beautiful Man's Kitchen".

First fried steamed buns.I am a very fake person, so the praise lexicon is very rich, but for this unattractive fried steamed bun, I can only use a simple "fragrant" to describe it, "really fragrant, the smell of chopped green onion, and the soybean oil mixed in the steamed bun It is fragrant and blends with water and milk..." And the spicy fried Haihong also made me full of praise, "Although Haihong is not fresh, under the turbulent taste of wine and spicy, the meat has a different kind of deliciousness. It sounds like a tongue kiss..."

Hao Zeyu waved his hand in front of my eyes, "Who are you talking to?" He followed my gaze, "Is my house haunted? Where are you looking?"

I glared at him, "Don't disturb me, I'm practicing as a guest on a food show!"

At this time, the beef was ready, he put the beef on a plate and pushed it in front of me, "Then you try this, this is the first time I make this dish."

I was surprised, "Ah, you don't read recipes when you cook?"

"I'll do what's in the fridge."

"Then this dish deserves a name."

He thought for a while, "Since you are the first one to eat, let's call it Fuzi Roast Beef."

Although the name is very simple, but it tastes like a first night... Forget it, I won’t talk about such sex while eating, anyway, Fuzi Roast Beef is so delicious that it can apply for a patent!
I picked up the green radish and stroked it, and the shape made people feel unsatisfied.

Hao Zeyu snatched it, washed it, cut it into strips, put it on a plate to form a flower, picked up a small plate, put it in sushi soy sauce, squeezed a little wasabi, and mixed it as a dipping sauce.

Hao Zeyu explained, "Dipping radish strips and eating them has a feeling of Japanese food. I always eat like this." Suddenly he smiled, "Of course I eat like this now. I used to eat it raw. When I first debuted, reporters interviewed me. What is your favorite fruit, I say green radish."

"Green radishes are not fruit."

"The reporter also said the same thing. I always thought it was true. When I was a child, I was clamoring for apples. My grandma cut green radishes into strips and placed them on the plate in a very high-end way. Grandma said that apples are not good. Chinese radishes are delicious, delicious and nutritious. Later I realized that grandma couldn’t afford apples at that time, but you can see that the old lady is stronger than too many, and being poor is so noble. After I finished this paragraph with the reporter, Sister Dan hurriedly stopped, saying that this episode should be cut off, it would affect the image too much. Also, I have always followed the route of a noble son, who would love an idol who likes to eat green radishes."

Oh, I'm not going to be fooled anymore. As an assistant, I just need to show my face in the newly developed gourmet show "Beautiful Man's Kitchen".

I quickly changed the subject, "Hey, your cooking is so delicious, why do you always eat instant noodles?"

"I hate washing dishes."

"Hey, what a coincidence, I like washing dishes the most!" I wanted to say this at first, but after thinking about it, it was a bit out of bounds.Probably the comrades have also noticed the change in me.The thing about throwing the scarf made me think: Lao Niu is right, an assistant is an assistant, no matter how close Hao Zeyu is to you, he will be polite, don’t treat yourself as an outsider, it will cause trouble for Hao Zeyu.As an assistant, it's fine to make jokes and make the atmosphere hot, but it's boring to wander off.

The old cow suddenly appeared and frightened me.After taking a bath, the old cow is in a much better mood, wearing two bath towels - the bath towel on the body is wrapped into a skirt, and the bath towel on the head is rolled up into a long shower cap. The overall shape is like a water heater advertisement model out of the bath, so noble Mortals cannot see directly.

I blocked my eyes, "Lao Niu, please speak up if you have something to say, don't dress like this! It's not easy for everyone!"

Hao Zeyu said: "Don't I prepare a change of clothes for you?"

The old cow was angry, "I'm wearing underwear." He held my dad's sportswear in his hand, "This dress is too ugly—hey, it's so fat, where did you come from? I think it's still old."

Hao Zeyu looked at me, and just about to say, I picked up the food, "The appetizers are ready, let's drink!"

〔three〕

After drinking high, everyone behaves differently.For example, I hold my mobile phone, with a lewd smile on my face, leave messages for men who are ambiguous in my circle of friends, and give likes to men I don’t know well.As for Hao Zeyu, he just sat there, blushing like a doll in a New Year's painting, and he would be happy if others said anything casually.

In contrast, Lao Niu seems very normal. He drinks too much, talks too much and doesn’t cause trouble. He turns his mouth over and over again like the old three: scolding people for trying to cheat him of money; scolding Bai Lianhua for not dying; Such an uneducated job and being so fat should die.

While swiping my phone, I chattered mechanically, "Yes, scum to die... yes, White Lotus is dying... yes, you should die... no, you can't die, the socialist cultural cause is still waiting for you to contribute Adding bricks and tiles..."

The old cow finally fell asleep lying there. Hao Zeyu was at a loss for drinking with the old cow for the first time, "Do you want to carry him to the bed?"

"Let him lie down there to sleep, he'll vomit later." I looked up, "Don't worry, I often drink with him, and I'm proficient in my business."

Hao Zeyu said: "Your face is attached to the phone, what's so fun about the phone!"

I smiled lewdly, "There is a man in the phone."

He was curious, "Boyfriend?"

I sighed, "Hey, all the men who like me have become ex-boyfriends, and the men I like all refuse to be my boyfriend."

"What do you like?"

"Be thin."

He couldn't help laughing.

I was dissatisfied, "What's the matter, look down on me? Let me tell you, don't look at me as fat, I'm very lucky. And I'm Twangfu, and the man who broke up with me is doing very well."

I'm also wondering, does this count as talent?My boyfriend in junior high school was my first love. We were separated by the head teacher Cuihua when his house was demolished.Became the second generation of dismantling, not going to university, every day is very busy, driving a BMW to the supermarket every day, grabbing special eggs with old men and women, look at the state of life of others.My boyfriend in high school is now a wealthy idler, and my girlfriend has a mine at home, so she treats him like a pamperer, whatever he wants, his girlfriend who is two years older than his mother will buy him whatever.The boyfriend in college is relatively good, and he started a business after graduation. At the last class reunion, a classmate said that he recently raised $2000 million in Series B financing.Everyone feels sorry for me, saying that Fuzi just doesn't cherish it, what's wrong with him?Being a rich same-wife would be better than what I do now, I was speechless and regretful.

Even Yongkang has been doing very well recently. The development of the Beibu Gulf in Beihai, Guangxi seems to have reached the level of a boss.Regardless of the previous suspicions, they still want to lead me to make money. I can make a profit of 69800 million yuan if I pay 1000 yuan. The more people I pull, the faster I will earn.My heart was moved. If I didn't have any money, I would have gone to develop the Beibu Gulf.

My heart suddenly became extremely gentle.There is a saying: As long as you live better than me, I can't stand it?I don't think so, my old love has a worse life than me, so I can't stand it.I would rather have a worse life than them than prove that I was blind back then.

I was immersed in all kinds of tenderness, and was moved by my kindness and righteousness.

Hao Zeyu suddenly said, "Fuzi, you have changed."

I happily covered my face and smiled, "Did you become more beautiful?"

Just after saying this, my stomach churns.I have a happy face and have been constipated for several days. At this time, there is a long-planned cheer from the anal sphincter.

He didn't realize my sense of urgency, so he said in a leisurely manner, "You have become more polite to me."

"What are you talking about, let's kiss." With a strong sense of shit, I slowly stood up, ready to rush into the toilet.

The old cow woke up, covered his mouth to vomit, and ran to the toilet.I hesitated for a second, and hurried to the toilet, seemingly to serve the old cow, but actually wanted to grab the toilet.It takes a while to vomit, ouch, why do you still vomit, you surnamed cattle have a long stomach.No, the sphincter started to hurt, I clamped my butt tightly, choking speechlessly.

Only then did Hao Zeyu see the strangeness in me.

I squeezed out a smile, and tried to put it mildly, "I feel uncomfortable in my stomach, probably my aunt is here..."

"Oh, why don't you use the toilet in the master bedroom."

"Thank you."

He was still hypocritical, "You never said thank you before, but now you think about it for a long time before you say anything to me, and you don't care about it at all..."

Who wants to follow you!I just want to walk the large intestine now - ouch, I can't do it, I clutched my butt regardless of my image, and walked to the bedroom with difficulty.

I'm crying, this bedroom is too big!There is only a platform bed, where is the toilet door?I was so painful that my soul was out of my body, and I saw Sun Yue, the queen of the universe, singing and dancing.Ah, don't sing that "Infinity Charm"!The Queen of the Universe didn’t listen to me, shook her hair, and sang straight to the climax, "Just now, just now, just now... this day I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want...you see Proud proud proud proud proud proud heart..." Don't sing that!I beg you!
At the critical moment, Hao Zeyu pushed open the invisible door of the bathroom for me.I rushed in, and at this moment, the queen of the universe finally sang, "...Bloom and let go." At the fourth "let's go", I finally sat on the toilet and bloomed!How can it be described as a cool word, now you can change the song!Without bothering Jackie Chan or Lin Zixiang to appear on the stage, I will personally drive away the queen of the universe.I started to sing, "Facing the waves with arrogance, the blood is like the red sun..." My stomach gasped again, my face twisted, and I continued to sing, "...Light!"

At this moment, the toilet door was silently closed.Ah, where is Hao Zeyu standing outside the door?I pouted my ass, jumped on tiptoes to turn on the exhaust fan, and sat back on the toilet.I pick up the shampoo bottle on the shelf and concentrate on reading the instructions on the back of the bottle.

what!The world is stable and the years are quiet.

Sadly, I read the instructions on the back of the bottles and jars several times, and it seemed that I could recite them, and I felt relieved again.Why should I maintain my image in front of Hao Zeyu like this?Am I going to debut?I was really good at embarrassing people!I became happy and put the shampoo where it was, but rubbed off Hao Zeyu's travel bag on the sink.

I pouted my buttocks to pick up the clothes, and a small notebook fell down.Hey, isn't it the small notebook that Hao Zeyu has been holding in his hand all day these days, I see him writing and drawing all the time.

At this time, two small figures sitting on the washbasin suddenly appeared.The evil Fuzi smiled and said, "If you want to look it up, you can look it up. No one will know anyway." The righteous Fuzi stopped me and said, "You can't look it up, it's other people's privacy!"

That is, how can I look through other people's things casually? I waved the evil Fuzi away.Under Zheng Fuzi's encouraging eyes, I reluctantly put the notebook on the bag.Ah, I didn't put it down, and the book fell to the ground, revealing the contents inside, it was a scribbled villain.Ah, I didn't put it down again, and the notebook fell to the ground again, revealing different pages. Is this a poem written by hand?Or the lyrics?
It's not that I peeked at it. This book is too difficult to put away. I explained it to Fuzi Zhengyi.Zhengyi Fuzi rolled his eyes at me violently, and was about to say something, but I covered his mouth.You see, I put a quarter corner of the book on the sink, and the book fell down as expected. "Unsteady center of gravity." It must be so.

Hey, why does this page have my name on it.Evil finally defeated justice, Fuzi Fuzi ran away in anger, I picked up the notebook and read it.

Most of the entire book is Hao Zeyu's random paintings. The style of painting can be called dark gothic style at best, and it can be said to be particularly negative at worst.Under the tomb, the little boy watched TV in the coffin; the little boy dug out his heart and grilled lamb kebabs; at night, the little boy was lying on the bed, and the monster under the bed was about to move...

The pages with my name on them are handwritten articles.Hao Zeyu's handwriting is particularly ugly, and the title of the article is "To Live".I can see ten things at a glance, and the voyeurism is very professional.

〔Four〕

Alive
1
Fuzi lives like a Japanese drama, bouncing around all day long.Compared with her positive energy, my negative energy is particularly boring.But I also have something better than her, I don't like to cry.She cried watching TV dramas, watching movies, watching cartoons, and crying when watching news about the abuse of small animals.She even cried watching a bad comedy I acted in before.I said you are crying, she wiped her tears and said that a person who is not funny at all is still trying to make others laugh, it is not easy for my artist.

Later, on the day of Lao Teng's death, Fuzi always wanted me to cry, so I had to guard against her.During the meal, she said that you must be very sad these days.I said it's okay, man, in the face of death, you don't use tears, but live well.After saying this, even I feel that I have said it very well.She nodded, but started to seduce me again, saying but you are still sad, if my friend dies... she started to have tears in her eyes again.

I threw my chopsticks, "I'm not letting anyone eat anymore."

2
The plane was not late, and I tossed all night to catch up with the funeral.

what to wearWill wearing sunglasses look good?How much should I take?I became a child, like the day before a sports meeting or a spring outing, worrying about these useless details, making me not even want to go.

There were a lot of people at the funeral, so many people gathered around to take pictures, what expression should I make, or I will smile, anyway, Lao Teng likes to laugh the most, and I like it too.

Hey?The two of us seem to have talked about the topic of the funeral. I said that I hope that what I play at my funeral is not mourning, but "I Don't Love What I Don't Love"—it would be even better if Faye Wong could be invited to sing live.At that time we were quite popular, and I was dizzy enjoying the illusion of becoming famous every day. I daydreamed happily that I must be popular until Faye Wong knew me before I could die.Lao Teng poured cold water on me, saying that you should not even think about it, Faye Wong is so much older than you, she would have died by then!
I was angry, rushed over, and strangled her neck.If you die, she can't even die! In 2016, Faye Wong was alive and well, reunited with Nicholas Tse, and there will be a concert at the end of the year, but Lao Teng is really gone.

3
I was thinking wildly, Fuzi looked at me intently.I felt an ominous atmosphere and asked vigilantly, what do you want to do?

Fuzi handed over a tube and said why don't you apply BB cream.I am moved, Fuzi is really a considerate and good girl, she will marry into a wealthy family.

Fuzi went on to say, your skin is so bad recently, you were photographed by a reporter, and we couldn't make a photo, what should you do if the manufacturer sees it?I refuse to wear BB cream, she won't marry rich.

She said it's okay if you don't wipe it off, but if you cry later, your face will be smeared and it will be even uglier.Let's sell her to Southeast Asia as a child bride!What assistant!Don't think that I don't know that you have many bags of tissues in your bag, for fear that I won't be enough for a while.I will not cry.Why are men crying?This is what Lao Teng said.

4
Why are men crying?she says.

Watching "Toy Story 3", the life-and-death crisis at the end, the cuties thought they would die in the furnace, but someone said: It's okay, it's a good thing we are together.Then they joined hands and faced death in silence.

She found out that I actually cried!I am a guy who never likes to cry. Whoever is eliminated in the competition, the others are all hugging and crying. I, who can't shed a tear with a dumb face, now I cry watching cartoons!

It had been several years since the competition, we were squatting on the side of the road smoking, I complained to her that Faye Wong might not come to my funeral, I was too unpopular.

Lao Teng asked me, how popular is it?
I said, the two of us used to go out on the street to have an affair, look, how long have we been squatting on the side of the road now, and there is no passerby who took a photo with us.

Lao Teng said that it was because neither of us was popular.She focused on filling me with a lot of chicken soup. After a while, she said that it’s a big deal, let’s make money by filming, and then she said don’t worry me. She said that women are easy to take on the show. In the future, she will find a place to live by the sea. When the time comes I am down and out in old age, and she will leave a room for me.

I slammed the cigarette butt out and said, Lao Teng, why don't we get married, I don't want to hang out like this anymore, you support me in filming, I will cook for you, and my cooking is very delicious.

She said, no one wants you, but someone wants me.

5
In the past, Lao Teng analyzed with me why we can't be together.I said we were so familiar that we would laugh if we held hands.Lao Teng said, I am 0.3, she is 0.8, together is multiplication, and we both will become 0.24 in the end.People like us who are less than one are destroyed together.She said, so, we all have to be with people who are greater than one. If she is 0.8, if she finds someone with 1.1, it will also become 1.08.But I'm worried about that 1.1 person. If he is with people like us, won't he become smaller and smaller?Lao Teng said why so many, anyway, they are all greater than 1.

Lao Teng advised me to learn more from her, to fall in love with people who are more than 1, and not to stay alone. 0.3 is always 0.3.

I'm a little worried, what if that person seems to be greater than one, but is actually less than one?We are also getting smaller and smaller.She said it was a gamble, I can't be 0.8 forever.

Lao Teng really gambled and lost, she refused to play any more and went.Throughout the ages, it has been said that we are ruthless actors.Maybe it's because I don't read much. Thousands of years have passed, and only us actors will truly die because of love.

Isn't this sentient?What is sentient beings, I don't understand.

6
The posthumous photo at the funeral is her Weibo profile picture, or I took it.

After bowing, I thought it was funny.She was clearly holding a cigarette in her hand, but in the photo, the cigarette was removed.

The people next to her were sobbing from time to time, and those cats and dogs who had rolled their eyes at her and angered her had now become affectionate friends.Yes, yes, you are all very emotional!It would be great if Lao Teng came back to life suddenly, she would definitely make fun of these people to my face.

This funeral is really boring, it's not what Lao Teng wants at all.What kind of funeral does Lao Teng want?I remembered that I said Faye Wong would sing "I Don't Love Those Who Don't Love Me" at my funeral.Lao Teng said that at her funeral, everyone should wear mandarin jackets, and Guo Degang should be invited to weave her whole life into a cross talk, and tell everyone about it. When the story is funny, everyone should collectively applaud and shout, "Yu." Everyone is only allowed to laugh, not to cry.

I remember the look on her face when she said that.She said, what are you crying for?All my life, I will always be a comedy.

When the tears were about to come out, I stopped in time.I laughed and shouted in a low voice: Yu...

……

〔Fives〕

Although I was a little touched (ah, it was the first time someone wrote it in an article), I really wanted to take a red pen to annotate: there are quite a lot of typos, and occasionally the more complicated words are replaced with pinyin. In my view of this generation of stars, he can write articles of more than 500 words, and I have already looked up to him; the cross talk applauds, not "Yu", but "噫"; I finally know why he doesn't cry; I finally know Why did he smile at the funeral.

I glanced at the back, and they were all lyrical passages, probably about Hao Zeyu analyzing his heart.This kid is real, why do you write so much in the notebook, post it on Weibo, just this simple and subtle writing style, this deep feeling of sorrow but not pain, will definitely conquer the uneducated spectators, and immediately turn black Powder or something...

Hey, leave him alone.After I finished releasing, it was like having a high-end SPA in a five-star club, which was very refreshing.It feels like sitting on the toilet in a few minutes, and you can become a fairy.The extreme cleanliness of my body multiplied my moral sense, and I wanted to draw a line with the dirty fat man who just sat on the toilet and peeked at other people's privacy-of course, I have seen enough.Fuzi is not someone who peeks at other people's writing. I was just bored just now, and I didn't mean to read it!

I close the book, use the smart toilet seat to wash myself into a pure daisy, mix the book into the clothes, put the clothes back in the bag, and spread the Jo Malone fragrance liquid on the sink outside to cover the smell .

Now just press the button to flush the toilet, well, everything is the same as before.However, I may have released a year's excretion in advance, and the toilet water could not be flushed.I pressed it twice again, and the water spread and lingered, but it almost overflowed.

I wanted to take some water from the basin and continue flushing, but the bathroom in Hao Zeyu's house was too high-end and simple, and I only saw a toothbrush.Take a toothbrush?
I came out of the toilet and faced Hao Zeyu, I couldn't say a word.what can I say?Could it be that my dear, I accidentally blocked your toilet?Or a superstar!Your writing is great!I know why you laughed. You laughed well. If I die, please laugh at my funeral. No, no, please be my funeral executor. If anyone doesn’t laugh, scratch the soles of his feet with a feather duster ?In this case, all I can say is, "I've tried a lot..."

Hao Zeyu was a little dizzy from drinking and didn't take it seriously, but when he faced the toilet, I saw him instantly sober.If the friendship between me and a superstar is ruined by a piece of shit, then I will gladly accept it.

After standing in a daze for a moment, Hao Zeyu didn't say anything, and went to the kitchen silently and brought out an extra large water basin.However, after rushing five times, until I was puzzled, it still didn't help.

For a while, Hao Zeyu and I were a little speechless.I wish I could freeze this piece of shit into an ice skate and stab myself to death.

Finally, Hao Zeyu called the property manager to come over.The real estate of the mansion is really good, it feels like it was transferred in an instant.The master came in with the machine, looking familiar.In the sound of the machine motor "da da da", Hao Zeyu and I squatted outside the door in the posture of Xi'an farmers squatting in the corner to eat, enjoying the spectacle of the toilet.My solidification is caused by the lack of love in life.As for him, I guess it was the severe impact of vision and smell, which led to a short-term crash.

Hao Zeyu suddenly said to me: "I'm sorry."

I was shocked, this is to force me to commit suicide, right! "It should be me who said I'm sorry!" I wanted to cry but had no tears.

"That's not it," he said, turning to me. "Where's the scarf?"

I was surprised again, "Didn't you say that? That's not for you!"

"Huh? I mean the one I gave you, the skull one."

what!That expensive scarf that I lost!I started making up lies again, "I'm at home, I don't want to wear it... I'm going to order a picture frame, frame the scarf, and ask you to sign it. Hey! After you become popular, how much will it be worth..."

He smiled and put his head on his knees, as if he was talking about a dream for no reason, "I am very sick. On the day you lost the scarf, I couldn't help but look for it again after you left. I almost had a schizophrenia when I found it. It was unbearable on the ground. Then I thought, isn’t it just a scarf, so I asked a purchasing agent to print out ten pieces. But I didn’t know you would be so caring, and ran back to find me in the snow... I should call you on the phone..."

To be honest, I have selectively forgotten about this matter.But I'm also very happy that Hao Zeyu said that, the double guilt of clogging the toilet and throwing the scarf has gone down a bit.I acted like a big girl in Beijing, "Oh, why did you bring this up again. To tell you the truth, I was very greedy for the Xianghe meatloaf there that day, and I only turned back when I remembered it on the way home. You know, my mouth is so greedy that I have to eat it, or how did I get my body..."

He suddenly said, "Fuzi, do you think I'm fat too?"

"Yes, I've gained weight, by a couple of taels."

"When I was young, I always said that I was fat. That was the boy who ate with me that day. He said I was fat like a pig. Hey, he said that everyone is fat like a pig. You say this person is so annoying, what about pigs? Yes, I like pigs."

I nodded, joking and saying it was annoying, but suddenly a flash of inspiration flashed through my head, as if I should understand something.When I was about to catch up with the aura to ask what happened, the master who flushed the toilet came out and said that the toilet was ready.

He said excitedly: "Hey, I've never seen so much shit, who did it?" He looked at me and Hao Zeyu, my figure was the undoubted answer, and he looked at me, "You did it? Really awesome!"

I don't feel much about the words, I won't get hurt anymore because I'm numb.

After seeing off the master, Hao Zeyu wanted to drink with me.The old cow was sleeping naively on the sofa and snoring.

I drank the wine in the glass and said to Hao Zeyu: "Xiaoyu, I have a feeling that our friendship will last forever."

He asked why.

I said, "Because we both faced a particularly difficult life problem together."

"Just because of a piece of shit?"

I was even more sad, "That's not an ordinary pile of shit, that's my pure soul, and self-esteem..."

Hao Zeyu put down his wine glass and left.I was dissatisfied, "Why, people are expressing their feelings!"

He ignored me, the back is really heartless.

How many sad things in the world, all laughing and talking with the wine glass, I drink one after another.The old cow woke up and began to sweep the leftovers on the table.

My phone rang and it showed that Hao Zeyu wanted to make a video call with me.Hehe, I don't want to talk to anyone other than talking naked with me.

But I still turned on the video, Hao Zeyu didn't appear on the screen, the light was a bit dim, and I couldn't see clearly.I drank a few more glasses just now, my eyes were a little out of focus, and the old cow's head moved closer.

He chewed something in his mouth, looked at it and said, "What is it? It's yellow."

I put the microphone on speakerphone and asked Hao Zeyu over there, "Have you gone to cook? What is this?"

The screen suddenly lit up, and Hao Zeyu's voice-over sounded, "My soul and self-esteem—I'm sorry, I'm usually not used to this point, my soul and self-esteem are a little bit short, don't mind me."

The old cow didn't understand.I forgot he was still eating, maybe I was also a little shocked, and subconsciously explained, "This is shit."

The old cow didn't take it seriously, thought I was joking, and glanced at the screen again, and I was sure he believed it, because he vomited and ran to the toilet again.

A laugh came from the microphone over there, "You have seen my soul and self-esteem, and now we are even."

I threw the phone aside and asked the old cow who was holding the toilet and throwing up, "Can I resign?"

As expected of a graduate student in the Chinese Department of Beijing Normal University, when Lao Niu vomited, his expression was still very clear, "There is no need to resign," vomited, "I will terminate the contract with him first."

〔six〕

Lao Niu believes that celebrities are a commodity, either loved or hated.What if you were a star and no one loved or hated you?Go to hell!

Hao Zeyu has been hated for a week, and he has achieved a lot. He has accepted a few Weibo advertisements, and these Weibo advertisements have caught up with his income for half a year last year.

Lao Niu was a little bit crazy, and asked me, what else happened to Hao Zeyu, it was so hateful to say it?He is ready to operate.

I thought about it, "Mourning?"

"No, evil people have to be evil to gain positive energy."

I thought of another one, "Let me see shit?"

"It's not shocking enough to make you eat shit, it's not too bad."

So, comrades, why do some star teams unswervingly love hype, image is nothing, and attention is the way to make money!
The good luck didn't end here. Hao Zeyu received an invitation for a horror movie called "Whoever gets fat dies first", full of malice towards fat people.

Lao Niu refused to read the script and was so angry that he bought a bag to vent his anger, while I bought twenty buns, regained my energy after eating them, and started to read the script to see how fat people like us die.After reading the script, I knelt down and kowtowed three times to the script.Able to write a horror film into a comedy effect, the screenwriter is too good, the absolute king of bad movies, whoever plays it will be dug up.I can imagine that after the release, the public's new and old hatred will add up, and they should verbally have sexual relations with all the female relatives of Hao Zeyu's family.

Hao Zeyu asked: "What do you play?"

"Protagonist."

He blushed, covered his face, and was so shy and shy, "He's so red."

"Dead within 10 minutes..."

"Ah, is this also the leading actor?"

"Later he changed his gender, and in the last seven or 10 minutes, he was replaced by an actress who joined the group." Lao Niu suddenly showed a lonely and independent expression on his face, "Actually, I think, I am quite suitable for this role. , both men and women can act."

I nodded, "Well, it suits you quite well, your performance must be quite scary."

Hao Zeyu flipped through the script, "But this character seems to have a sex scene with the second female..."

Lao Niu hesitated, and looked at Hao Zeyu, "Why don't you forget it? It's disgusting..."

He hesitated to answer and looked at me.As a brother who has seen superstar shit, I have always been the embodiment of beauty and caring, and I quickly understood his embarrassment.Although Hao Zeyu has no culture, he made his debut. He acted in many TV dramas when he was popular.But he has never acted in a movie, and now he refuses, and he doesn't know when he will have the chance next time.Maybe, there will never be a chance.

Of course, I can't say that this movie is a once-in-a-century bad movie, and it is very suitable for your dark to purple artist route.You can't talk like that to your own artists.I said: "Take it, after the filming is over, you will be a movie star, and you will be one step closer to your beloved Zhang Ziyi."

Hao Zeyu thought it made sense and decided to accept it.

Lao Niu started to make phone calls, preparing to meet with the director and investors. Hao Zeyu started to get sick again, feeling that he was very fat recently.

I rolled my eyes, sometimes a male artist really looks like a woman, "What do you call fat? Then what am I?" I used myself as an example.

He said: "You are fat, you are fat, you are unique. I am fat, and I am called the public fat. Once I am fat, I will disappear from everyone."

As soon as I heard it, I was happy, "Then what should I do, kill all the other fat people? Make you fat and brilliant?"

"Good way! In order to make my fat unique, I am going to eat all fat people."

"Keep one, I really like Jia Ling."

He said seriously, "No, eat them all."

Crazy, Hao Zeyu repeated, "In order to make my fat unique, I am going to eat all fat people."

I ignore him.After a while, he suddenly said, "Except for you."

I didn't respond, and started to look up the director's profile.I took off my coat. Why is the heating so hot this year? It was so hot that tears welled up in my eyes.I think it may be too long since I have had sex, and I can hear the feeling of love from a man who is crazy.I must be wrong.

〔seven〕

After meeting with the director, it was quite late, and the neighbors in the courtyard were all asleep. I just put the key in the lock, and the door opened.Dad waited for me again, the living room was dark, and the light came from the TV screen. Dad probably pressed the mute button, and the shopping expert stretched his neck and performed pantomime on the screen.Since I started working and I came back one night, my dad sat in the living room watching TV and waited for me. He was afraid of disturbing my mom, and the TV was silent. I just watched TV like this for so many years-when will this problem be changed?

Dad went into the kitchen to help me warm up the dishes, and said that the second aunt from the Northeast had delivered sauerkraut again.

While eating, I said, "Dad, do you remember the first movie you showed me when I was young?"

"Ah, when did it happen?"

"Five years old, I beat up a little boy, and the teacher asked you to go to the kindergarten to bring it back. You didn't scold me, and took me to the cinema to watch a movie. I remember this clearly, zombie movies, scared I'm sick. You also said that I'm worthless, and I'm not afraid of beating people, but I'm afraid of going to the movies."

"Oh, it seems that there is such a thing, how do you talk about it?"

"What a coincidence, the director I met today was the one who made this film. He is from Hong Kong. He is older than you. He has no belly, and his gray hair is still braided. He has a special style. I see him old. Moved."

Dad listened to my trivial talk, and asked me, "Is this movie set for Xiao Hao to act?" Dad memorized Hao Zeyu's name a few times, but he didn't remember it, so he just called him Xiao Hao.Dad also saw Hao Zeyu's photos and said that Xiao Hao looked like my grandfather when he was young.

I suddenly felt a little melancholy, "I don't know, it was pretty good at first, but looking at it now, I'm a little confused, let's see how the director is drinking." I asked my father again, "Dad, you said that the man drank too much. Do you remember what he said?"

"How do I know, I don't like drinking - look at what you said, Hong Kong people are like Northeast people. If you don't drink to be happy, you can't get things done?"

I pushed the bowl in front of Dad, and asked Dad to serve me another bowl. Dad said that I drank and ate so much, it was not easy to digest.

I said I didn't drink alcohol, so my dad could say, "I smell of alcohol, and I couldn't open my eyes as soon as I entered the room. You, you, are just like your grandma's family. They are all drunk."

Dad started to clean up the dishes, nagging me to stop the commercial accident insurance that I bought for him, saying that it’s fine for so many years, and I might as well deposit it in the bank if I have this money.

I didn't want to break up with Dad, so I went back to the house and went to sleep.After thinking about my savings, it’s okay. I can survive the end of the year by paying this year’s premiums. Lao Niu’s year-end bonus can also be used to give my parents a red envelope.Thinking of this, I slept very peacefully.Unexpectedly, grandma came again, sneering and sarcastic.

"The poor pretend to be rich, and you still have money to pay for your dad's insurance, why don't you think of changing me to a better urn!"

I was annoyed, "Okay, okay, I'll give you a gold one! Really, your urn is not good? My dad bought it, you go to your hellish place to find out, who is the old lady whose son-in-law gave her to die?"

Grandma is also full of fighting power, and said: "He should! Who made him incompetent? You also go out to inquire. Who gets married and doesn't have a house, so you have to ask the woman's family to prepare it?"

"Whose house? Grandma, your house! When my grandpa married you, he also lived in your house. My great-grandmother didn't run away. I complained to me in my dream that my grandpa was incompetent." Quarrels with the dead grandma in dreams are One of the great joys of my life.

In the dream, grandma started to be confused again, and started to speak for my dad again, "Hey, Dafuzi, your dad feels sorry for you because you have no money."

"I know, but grandma, maybe Hao Zeyu will give me a red envelope at the end of the year. This year is too good to last."

One year it was miserable, I worked as a copywriter in an advertising company, and by the end of the year I couldn't even get 100 yuan in my wallet.Fortunately, at the end of the year, I made an order for a medical customer, and they gave me a 3000 yuan gift voucher. I went to their store to pick up a lot of health care products, and made up the money as a New Year gift for my parents.How good it is now, I don't know what Dad is worried about, and it won't be so miserable that grandma dreams of it.

I comforted my grandma, "This year is a bit bumpy, but it will be better. When Hao Zeyu becomes more popular next year, I can still raise my salary. Don't worry, grandma, maybe the sky will fall in the past two years and hit me on the head." , I opened it and saw that this pie was a house stuffing, the kind of large three-bedroom house with 70-year property rights in the East Third Ring Road, and I immediately took my parents out to live in it." Grandma touched my eyebrows, and then touched me Her face was covered with calluses, which felt hard.Grandma suddenly played the trick of warmth to me again, and said, "Dafuzi, our family is not well-off, otherwise you wouldn't be bullied."

I laughed, "Who bullied me?"

"Today, someone poured wine all over my head and face..."

Ah, if grandma hadn't mentioned it, I would have almost forgotten it.I don't feel wronged.

When I met the director today, Lao Niu and I dressed up and dressed ourselves up like two dancing girls, and deliberately asked Hao Zeyu to dress a little less, without makeup on purpose.In contrast, his eyebrows and stars are even more striking, so I dragged him to boast to the Hong Kong director, "With this look, if he acts in a horror movie, even a ghost would be embarrassed to kill him!"

Of course, it’s too easy for Hao Zeyu, a top mourner, to be lovable. On the way here, he was still grimacing. He sat in the cafe of the NUO Hotel for 10 minutes, and was even more lost because of unfamiliarity. What to do, but at a certain moment, when the social switch is turned on, it feels like a spring breeze, it's not human at all!If I were the director, I would fall in love with him.

The situation was so happy that the two groups were about to marry Jinlan, and Lao Niu's bad nature of Northeast people was revealed. He was blind and generous, noisy and invited everyone to dinner, and booked a private room in an expensive restaurant.

On the way there, Lao Niu said that his credit card was overspending, and asked me to pay with my credit card first. I said with a little distress: "Hong Kong people are too thieves, they drink coffee when they meet, and we will settle the bill. No matter how small the meal is, it costs [-] yuan. Is it appropriate to spend so much money? "

Lao Niu scolded me for my short-sightedness, and he was reluctant to let his children not be caught by wolves. He vowed to talk about his plan. First, through this film, he entered the Hong Kong director circle that was developed in the north, and then took various co-productions, won the Academy Award, and then we The film salary will be increased, so it is planned until the [-]th anniversary of the founding of the People's Republic of China.

When things progressed to the point where the Hong Kong director wanted to sign a contract with Hao Zeyu right away, everyone was drinking in high spirits, and the Hong Kong director wanted to drink Moutai, but this restaurant didn’t have it, so I hurried out to take a taxi to buy it, and soon brought back a bottle of Moutai.

The Hong Kong director opened Moutai, smelled the wine, and said the taste was wrong.

I said no, I bought it from a roadside supermarket for more than 600.

Lao Niu thought that I was not good at doing things, and said that the one with more than 600 could be Moutai.But I also want to buy Moutai produced in the 80s, where can I buy it now?
The Hong Kong director suddenly changed his face again, and said with a smile, forget it, don't waste it when you bought it.Unscrewed the cap and poured it straight over my head.

I was taken aback.It has been so many years since Hong Kong returned to the motherland. Why do Hong Kong compatriots drink so much and be so unique?

The director said in Cantonese while talking, as a veteran TVB fan, I can probably understand a little bit. "As for the pig, soak it in wine and bake it in the oven tomorrow. It's very delicious."

The people from the Hong Kong team pulled the director and apologized to us, saying that the director used to be a cook, and he became a cook when he drank too much.

I forced a smile and said, "The director is quite cute."

Hao Zeyu went to the toilet at that time, washed his face, and when he came back, he knew about me, smiled, smelled my body, and said that the wine was quite fragrant. He fetched the bottle of wine and poured it himself Drinking, still chatting and laughing happily.

As I was talking, I felt a little guilty, the director has always held a grudge.During the meal, he kept asking the staff to pour me wine. When he told dirty jokes, I cooperated so much that he also said how open-minded I am as an old maid.I said director, who do you look down on, I have many boyfriends, and he said that those men have eye problems...

I was very angry, "Grandma, you are so serious! I didn't pay attention to this at first, but you insisted on mentioning it, now it's fine! It made me narrow-minded, is the narrow-minded Fuzi still Fuzi!" I pushed again She said, "Are you just saying I'm useful here? I really feel sorry for me, so I went to scare that Hong Kong man in his dream! If you're so scared, maybe you'll be filmed in a movie!"

Grandma stretched her neck and shouted, "You think I didn't go! There is smoke from his ancestral grave, and eight generations of ancestors have protected him!"

"Then you can't beat people, you think there are no dead people in our family!"

"I yelled! Speaking of this, I'm so angry. Your old Fu's family only protects your grandson, no one protects you! This makes me angry, and scold them..." Well, for me, these gangsters The elders who had died also started fighting.

I put my arms around my grandma and said, "It's alright, it's fine, if you have this heart, you too, you will fight with your in-laws every day when you are alive, and come to find trouble when you are dead. The biggest relative of my grandparents is the emperor of the Qing Dynasty." Well, he has a small mind, you, a commoner, why are you fighting with them?"

My grandma is still full of combat effectiveness, "I am afraid of them? I still have Chairman Mao!" Grandma was a party member before her death, and the biggest cultural guidance for me when I was a child was to memorize "Quotations from Chairman Mao".Because of Tong Zigong, I can remember clearly what my grandma taught me in my dream, "Never forget class struggle", "Imperialism is a paper tiger" and "The power of thorough materialism is infinite"... …

I interrupted my grandma, "Forget about this one. If you are really materialistic, grandma, you can't come down to see me if you have nothing to do."

Grandma was right when she thought about it, and she asked me again, "Comrade Xiaohao didn't sleep well, did he?"

"I haven't slept with him before, how would I know," I was suddenly alert, "Didn't you still go to his place?"

"Well, I took a look at him."

I exploded, "Why are you running there? Seeing that my granddaughter is called Tuomeng, and she is called Haunted Ghost."

"I can't thank you enough. In today's matter, he has a conscience and stood up for you." My heart skipped a beat, and I thought I was wrong.

Grandma said: "At first I wanted to go over today and tell him, Comrade Xiaohao, thank you for helping our family Fuzi today. I know all about it. You see that braided southern barbarian bullying my family Fuzi. If you are not angry, just Deliberately pouring him alcohol..."

After eating, I came back from the toilet. Something was wrong with Hao Zeyu. He was very courteous to the director and made the director very happy.

Later, when we were withdrawing, Lao Niu went to check out, and I called a car for the Hong Kong team to go back to the hotel. They were all drunk. In the corner, Hao Zeyu supported the director, and he looked like a good buddy. He patted the director face, "Director, do you know what the silly hat means?"

"Of course I do."

Just as the director was about to explain, he suddenly vomited. I don’t know if the contact lenses were a bit dry. I saw Hao Zeyu stumble, and the director immediately fell on a pile of vomit. I ran over to help, but Hao Zeyu squatted down. He said something to the director.

The director struggled, a little excited.When the people from the Hong Kong team over there came to help, Hao Zeyu left him alone and dragged me away.

I asked him what he had said to the director.

He was slightly drunk, like a fresh strawberry, he smiled, "I said, you are a good person."

Why do I look at the mouth shape and feel that what he just said is "you are such a fool"?

〔Eight〕

The reason why I'm still not sure about this idea is that he loves peace so much that he doesn't want to offend anyone, so he wouldn't offend a director just because of his assistant.And it's still in such a naive way, like a junior high school boy.

Grandma was still talking to herself, but I interrupted her and asked, "After you told him this, how did he react?"

Grandma got excited when she heard this, and said, "Before I spoke, an old lady dragged me away and set up chairs for me..."

"Ah? There's an old lady? An old lady who dares to die loves to go back to the world for a walk."

Grandma had a contemptuous expression, "I feel that the old lady is an old and dishonest woman, she is very well groomed, and she is also wearing a mink..." My head lit up, and I knew who the old lady was.

Grandma suddenly smiled mysteriously, "This time I'm a bit hasty, next time I'll meet her well..."

I wanted to continue asking my grandma, but the phone rang at this moment.I opened my eyes, and of course my grandma was gone. I looked at the ceiling and stared blankly for a while.It was cold in the bungalow in winter, and the phone rang again suddenly. I opened it and saw that Lao Niu sent me a red envelope of 1000 yuan.I was shocked and hurried back, "What is this for?"

Unexpectedly, the old cow did not sleep.Lao Niu replied, "Lao Mazi would like to express her condolences to the ugliest idiot under her banner. If you commit more crimes, you will be rehabilitated as soon as possible."

My heart warmed up, and I smiled while lying in bed.Lao Niu is a thermos bottle that is cold on the outside and hot on the inside. He tells you all the cruel things in the world and brings you all the warmth in the world.If the director poured boiling water on my head, Lao Niu would not give me a red envelope of 1 yuan.Lao Niu is so nice.Come on, director, I have a thick skin and can bear it.

While I was scrolling through Moments, I thought about using the money to buy a bottle of face oil for my mother.Who knew that 1 minute ago, Hao Zeyu shared a song "A Cloud in the Sky", by Bai Guang.

I hummed a song, "A cloud in the sky, a cloud in the sky, wandering and carefree, my lover, lonely and wandering, just like a cloud in the sky..."

I sent a message to Hao Zeyu, "Did you sleep?"

"I fell asleep and couldn't sleep again."

"Did you not sleep well?"

"The old ghost presses the bed."

"Huh? A nightmare?"

"Almost, just now, I met an old lady."

My heart skipped a beat, and I asked, "Your grandma?"

"No, Mrs. Tertu."

I shook my head and silently recited "The power of thorough materialism is infinite", but I felt wrong again.What is a special old lady, my grandma is not a native!
He sent a photo.In front of the ice lantern in the northeast, Hao Zeyu with a crew-shaven face and an immature face hugs an old lady.The old lady was beautiful, well, in mink.In the photo, Hao Zeyu is smiling like a spring, I have never seen him smile like that in real life.

Hao Zeyu typed, "My grandma must be western."

"Looks very exciting."

"It's a very exciting life. Don't look at my grandma wearing mink in the photo. That year, after buying tickets to the Ice and Snow World, our family only had more than 100 yuan left."

"Your grandma has a big heart."

"Yes, grandma's mantra is: Anyway, tomorrow may not be better, so it's better to be happy today."

I laughed, typed on my mobile phone, and replied: "Then you are really unfilial. You only memorized the first half of the sentence. It may not be better tomorrow. You didn't implement the second half of the sentence."

"whee."

I put down my phone and was about to go to sleep, but Hao Zeyu called suddenly.

"Hee hee." He laughed on the phone.

I scolded him, "Crazy."

I heard Hao Zeyu's slightly drunk voice floating in the microphone, "Fuzi, can you see the moon from your window? On my side, the building opposite looks like a monster, and the moon is his eyes."

"Outside my window is the neighbor's wall." I don't think this is a big spoiler, and I even think that what I said is a bit unique. A fat middle-aged girl in Beijing who lives in a courtyard, facing the crazy lyricism of an artist in the middle of the night, is so cool.

Then, a video invitation from Hao Zeyu suddenly appeared on the screen.Is it for me to watch "Soul and Self-Esteem" he just pulled out?If it is true, Hao Zeyu, you are even cooler.

I accepted the invitation and just said, "Do you want to see me look good without makeup, or do you want me to see your fresh shit?"

"I want you to see the moon."

When the camera turned, the moon on Hao Zeyu's side was silver with green ridges.

I was stunned for a long time, touched the moon on the screen, and then said, "...the moon is not bad."

Unexpectedly, Hao Zeyu told me: "Don't point at the moon."

"Where did I point, I wiped the screen."

"That counts as a finger!"

"What's wrong with pointing?" The moon on the screen looked like phlegm, and I deliberately pointed a few times, "Can the moon still come down and hit me?"

Hao Zeyu's face appeared on the screen of the mobile phone. He leaned against the head of the bed, and he was really impressed by the photogenic people like them. He didn't even have a double chin at this angle.

He said seriously: "Haven't you heard of it? It means that the moon loses its ears."

I laughed, "What, that means you can't lie to the moon. If you lie, if you fall asleep at night, the moon will send someone to cut your ears. This is the correct version."

"Who did you hear?"

"My grandma."

"Oh, I heard from my grandma."

I'm stuck, the dead are the big ones.But even thinking about it is wrong, my grandma is still dead.I stiffened, "What should I do? Your grandma vs my grandma, who is right? How about we fight a duel."

On the screen, he smiled, "Don't, you're right, you can't lie to the moon." He pointed his phone at the moon again, and asked me, "Fuzi, are you boring following me?"

How did you mention this?
He went on to say, "Don't lie in front of the moon."

I had a plan in mind, "Then today, are you calling the director stupid?"

"Ah, when?"

I also said, "Don't lie in front of the moon." I suspected that the signal was off, because the moon on the screen didn't move, and he didn't speak.I got out of bed and looked all over the world for a signal. At this time, there was a sound over there.

"Hmm." Hao Zeyu's "hmm" was so milky that it made me laugh. Is it true that crazy people don't grow old easily?Is it easy to be childish if you lose your sperm?
I said: "I don't think the director is stupid, I think you are quite stupid... Lao Niu spends so much money, isn't it just to push you into the show? Are you worthy of Lao Niu?"

"I know."

"I know you still do it."

"Don't blame me."

"Who's to blame?"

"It's the wind. I hid my temper all night. When I went out and let the wind blow, I couldn't help it."

I finally couldn't help it, and laughed out loud at the moon on the screen.

He also explained, "I thought I did a good job, so I vomited on him and just called him a fool. We people in the Northeast will know this, and they will expel me from the Northeast - so much nonsense with him Why, go straight up and kick."

"All right, all right, you're amazing," I said again, "Don't do this next time."

"Ah."

Haha, I feel like I am a primary school teacher teaching primary school students.Facing the moon on the screen, I continued to answer the reporter's question, "So, to answer your first question, follow you, I am very strong, I feel that whoever bullies me, you can stand up for me, what a good little master what."

Later, I faced the moon on the screen and chatted with him for a while about "The Legend of Zhen Huan", saying that if he were Zhen Huan, I would be Huanbi, Liuzhu, Jinxi... I gradually fell asleep, and my thick and fat eyelids would cover the whole world When I was watching the moon, I thought, Hao Zeyu just held it up to shoot the moon, isn't his arm sore?
At that moment, the moon on the phone screen turned into a person's face.I was so sleepy I couldn't see clearly, I couldn't tell if my face was reflected in the dead phone.Just heard a laugh, who is it?Am I laughing?or him?In the haze, I seemed to see Hao Zeyu's face appeared on the screen of the mobile phone, and the bright smile in the old photo that I hadn't seen for a long time appeared again.

Hao Zeyu, whether this is my hallucination before going to bed or not, I hope you will always laugh like this in the days to come.When you smile, Fuzi, you can always be energetic.

(End of this chapter)