Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 11 Image Psychological Manipulation: Skillful Use of Language to Enhance Self-Charm (3)
Unexpectedly, the branch secretary opened his mouth and made a self-criticism: "Folks, I am still young, and I still need everyone's help. What tasks I arranged unreasonably and what words I said were inappropriate. Please bear with me and I will do a self-criticism." There was no mention of being beaten.

Later, the troublemaker found the branch secretary and admitted his mistake face to face: "You are doing it for the whole village, and I am doing it for my own family. It is my fault! From now on, I will do whatever you say, and it is all up to you."

It can be seen that the branch secretary knows how to talk.In order to open up the road to prosperity, he endured personal grievances.However, his forbearance and retreat are not cowardice, but a manifestation of strength, and it is also a strategy, a strategy that effectively uses retreat as an advance and buys people's hearts.

Taking retreat as an advance is an effective conversation strategy. On the surface, it is a retreat, but in essence it is an attack. The purpose of retreat is to advance better.It's like drawing a bow and shooting an arrow. The purpose of pulling the bowstring back is to shoot the arrow farther.

Finally, when using the speaking strategy of retreating as advancing, you should pay attention to three points: know yourself and the enemy, and you will be able to win all battles; Hard talk will not achieve good results. Only by following the other party's topic and mentality, and in a natural and logical way, can you retreat skillfully and advance forcefully.

Getting people who disagree with you to do what you say is not easy, but it's not impossible.As long as the method is correct, understand the other party's mind, and follow their wishes, you will be able to gain the understanding and respect of others, and your prestige will naturally be established.

8. Be humble in language, guard against arrogance and impetuosity
There is an old saying in China, "Being a man with a straight chest", but if someone interprets it as a man who needs to hold his head high and despise everything, it is a big mistake.The reason why we say "be a man with a straight chest" is that we are required to be upright, confident and not arrogant.The person who is proud of everything will be despised by everyone; the person who values ​​everything will be valued by everyone.If you want to get envious eyes from others, don't show off yourself in front of others.Arrogance is stupid. Arrogance and bad words will not be respected and loved by people. It will only make you notorious and spurned by people.

Let's look at a fable first.

One day, a fat and strong white horse with a richly decorated saddle was strutting along the road.It came to a narrow alley, and a donkey walked towards it.The donkey was carrying a heavy load and was struggling to walk.Seeing this humble donkey, the white horse yelled loudly: "Get out of the way quickly if you are sensible, or don't blame me for being rude, and move faster!" Quietly stepped aside to let the white horse pass.After that, the donkey continued to struggle forward.Later, because the white horse accidentally broke its leg while hunting with its owner, the owner took off the saddle and began to let it work in the field and carry fertilizer.

As the saying goes, "the road to enemies is narrow".After a few days, the donkey and the white horse met again.This time, the white horse put aside its arrogant attitude and obediently gave way to the donkey.At this time, the donkey said sarcastically: "Why did your beautiful saddle get laid off so quickly? However, you are worthy of recognition, because you have already learned the virtue of humility and courtesy."

A small fable reflects a profound philosophy of life.Humility and comity are the foundation of being a human being, and those who are arrogant and arrogant will only reap the consequences of themselves in the end.In daily life, examples of failure due to pride and complacency abound.

A new math teacher came to a certain school. Although he was quick-witted and eloquent, he always boasted about how good he was in the past and how capable he was because of his arrogant speech. He also bragged to students from time to time during class. , It makes people very disgusted, and the students in the class have repeatedly asked the school to change teachers for this reason.Not long after he took office, the math teacher was "gloriously laid off", and his bright future was ruined.

This kind of people are always eager to express themselves, always want to show their abilities in front of everyone, so as to gain the admiration and recognition of others, but they don't know that the result can only be counterproductive, and their image will be greatly reduced in the eyes of everyone.

When you come to an unfamiliar environment, you should constantly let others understand yourself in the communication. Only in this way can you leave a good and humble impression on others.Only in this way, people will continue to maintain your dignity and honor.On the contrary, if you appear to be superior to others in every way, it will arouse the resentment of others, and then you will be rejected by others.

If you don't want to be disgusted and alienated by others, don't be arrogant and arrogant.If everyone can be free from arrogance and arrogance at any time, then the interpersonal relationship in the whole society will be more harmonious.

The famous British writer George Bernard Shaw was invited to visit Russia. One day, he was walking in the streets of Moscow and met a cute little girl playing games alone.For a while, his childlike innocence burst out, and he happily played with the little girl.When they parted, Bernard Shaw proudly said to the little girl: "Go back and tell your mother that the person who played games with you today is the world-renowned Bernard Shaw."

The little girl glanced at Bernard Shaw, imitated his tone, and said without showing any weakness: "You also go back and tell your mother that the one who played games with you today is the lovely little girl Annie."

Bernard Shaw was very surprised by this answer, and immediately realized his arrogance. Later, he said to his friends: "No matter how much a person has achieved, he should maintain a humble attitude towards everyone. This little Russian girl The lesson taught to me, I will never forget it in my life!"

Bernard Shaw was not arrogant, but he realized from a small incident that one must guard against arrogance and impetuosity in order to gain the respect of others.

"The sky does not say that it is high, and the earth does not say that it is thick."Whether you are capable or not, and how great your ability is, others can see it and know it in your heart, so you don't need to brag, let alone be arrogant.Our code of conduct should be to guard against arrogance and complacency, and avoid arrogance.Anyone who is arrogant and arrogant will overestimate himself and underestimate others.

9. Friendly language builds affinity
It is really a wonderful process for people to go from being strangers to each other, to liking each other, becoming friends with each other, or hating each other, and becoming hostile to each other.So what exactly is at play?In fact, there are many factors, but it is undeniable that distance is an important content that affects the closeness of interpersonal relationships.

American psychologist Kesi once did such an experiment: Let a man talk to two women at the same time, one woman sits 0.5 meters away from him, and the other sits 2.4 meters away from him.After the conversation is over, find out who the man likes more.

The results showed that men generally believed that they had a better impression of the woman sitting 0.5 meters away.

This sense of distance also applies to language strategies.Psychological research shows that a person's words and deeds reflect his heart, and the transmission of language such as words, deeds, and eyes conveys certain information to others, allowing others to read whether you are friendly and willing to talk to others.No one wants to approach a person who looks lonely, because no one wants to see themselves being rejected.Therefore, people are often willing to approach those they seem to be more approachable.

In the process of interpersonal communication and cognition, there is often a tendency to be more willing to approach those who are closer to oneself.People like to stay in a familiar environment and communicate with familiar and kind friends.Not only does it make us feel out of danger, but the vibe is even more contagious.

Lauren is an experienced businesswoman from Los Angeles.She has a fashionable outfit and pays attention to taste.Wanting to slow down her life and feel more of a sense of belonging, Lauren moved to a small town in the Southwest.She likes the city and its people, but she doesn't feel welcome there.She was puzzled, and later, her colleagues pointed out to her that her conversation made the locals feel that she was putting on airs and giving people a sense of distance.So, Lauren began to change her way of dressing and speaking. She wore casual clothes, talked about local things with local people, tried to make herself more involved in local social activities, and tried to make herself look more approachable.Over time, she found it easier to communicate with her new neighbors and colleagues.

In real life, people often prefer to regard those who share their aspirations, have the same interests, or belong to a certain group or organization as "our own people".When other conditions are roughly the same, the interaction effect between the so-called "insiders" tends to be more obvious, and the mutual influence between them is usually greater.Because they are "one of our own", they will feel more approachable to each other.And this kind of closeness to each other usually leads to a sense of intimacy between the communication partners, and they are closer to each other and considerate of each other.

People subconsciously regard those who seem more approachable as "insiders", and think that they can have a relaxed conversation with them. Under the same conditions, the effect of communication between "insiders" tends to be greater. It is more obvious, and the mutual influence between the two sides of the communication is often greater.Therefore, if you want your enthusiasm to be positively evaluated by the other party, you should actively create conditions in the process of communication or service, and strive to create common ground, so that both parties are in the situation of "one of your own" and let others feel close .

The ancients had a saying that "the melody is high and the few are few", which originally meant that the tune is too high to be harmonious.This is a big taboo in interpersonal communication. If you look down on all living beings from above, then everyone will look at you from a distance and will not really talk to you.Only when you are deeply rooted in the hearts of the people and everyone thinks you are amiable can you succeed.

Psychologists believe that people with good popularity use the psychological "affinity effect" intentionally or unintentionally in their speech.The key point is: tap common ground and become one of your own.In the process of interpersonal communication and cognition, there is often a tendency to be more willing to approach those who are closer to oneself.

When Lien Chan gave a speech at Peking University, his first sentence was: "Taiwanese media reported that I went back to my alma mater today, my mother's school. This is a very correct report." Think about it, the whole Chinese people heard such words. what do you feel?His words reached everyone's heart, and Lien Chan suddenly became "one of his own" in the hearts of the mainland people, and all his words and deeds were naturally accepted by the mainland people.

Under the influence of psychological stereotypes, the mutual communication and cognition among "self-individuals" will inevitably exceed the communication and cognition among "non-individuals" in terms of depth, breadth, motivation, and effect.The first thing to establish this kind of "one-of-a-kind" relationship is to find out what you have in common with the people around you. It can be blood relationship, marriage relationship, geographical relationship, academic relationship, business relationship, aspirations, interests, hobbies, interests, etc. They may also be in the same group or the same organization.And these commonalities require you to use friendly language to integrate, so as to form a friendly aura, and use affinity to build a harmonious relationship with each other.

10. Master chat skills and easily gain recognition and favor

There is no one in real life who does not desire to gain the favor of others.And gaining the approval and approval of friends can make people get inner balance and produce a sense of satisfaction of success.Therefore, we must work hard to gain the favor of our friends. "Silence is golden" means that keeping silent in front of those self-evident truths is the best choice.But in social situations it simply doesn't work and is a faux pas.

On the contrary, those who are good at breaking the silence, talking and laughing, and can drive the atmosphere of the venue will be very popular wherever they go.This kind of person can break the silence of the venue and interrupt the lectures of "boring elements" in time.At critical moments, they know how to change the topic in a timely manner so that everyone can step down.The purpose of social activities is to keep the topic going, and the guests and hosts enjoy themselves.If you don't want to talk, just go home and watch TV or read a novel.

The following suggestions can help us improve our chatting skills with friends.

1. In the gathering of friends, don't always stand still in one place, because this will give the "boring element" an opportunity to catch you and talk about his proud things.It's best to go to places where people gather and listen to what those people are talking about so that you have a chance to have an opinion.Wait until the interesting topics are discussed, and then find a suitable excuse to leave and find another person to chat with.This kind of guerrilla method of shooting and changing places makes it easy to find someone you can really chat with and make more friends.

2. If it's a family banquet, don't sit around and chat.At this time, you have an "obligation" to chat with everyone present, and don't neglect anyone.Also, be sure not to run out of topics before the main course is served, lest everyone stare blankly after the food is served.

One lady is very good at chatting.When she chatted with the ladies she met for the first time, she always used the same set: "This necklace (or bracelet, ring) you are wearing is so beautiful, is it a gift from someone else, or..." Almost without exception, she asked The ladies who arrived all told the origin of this necklace with great interest.

3. Never tell "not funny" jokes.When telling a joke, you must be sure of the occasion and the target. When you are not sure, just keep silent and wait to hear other people tell the joke.

4. The topic of the chat should be interesting, and you should talk about well-known people and things.If you're talking about someone you don't know, you're going to be alone and don't expect anyone to be interested.

5. Don't say: "Look, the lady standing in the corner doesn't match her clothes, and she has undergone plastic surgery." Maybe this lady's husband is among the audience.

6. If you find that the audience is impatient, you'd better shut up and listen to other people's arguments, there is no need to hold on.

7. Every man likes to be told that he is funny, and every woman likes to be told that she is beautiful.

8. Playing humor with friends must be just right.In social occasions, joking can enliven the atmosphere and show your wit and humor, but things often have advantages and disadvantages. If you joke too much, you will end up with sorrow and make everyone break up, which is not a successful communication.

9. Speak out of righteousness and lend a helping hand at critical moments.Personal strength is always very thin. When faced with various problems in life, almost everyone needs the help of friends.A philosopher said: The journey of life is completed with the support of friends.In socializing, there will always be problems of one kind or another. When a friend is verbally attacked by others and cannot explain, if you can speak up at this time, you can easily gain the favor of the other party.

10. Don't judge people behind their backs.An upright person speaks to his face, and never talks about his friends behind his back.If you often speak ill of your friends in private, once the other party finds out, they will inevitably complain about you, and may even quarrel with you. A psychological shadow is produced, making the original goodwill disappear instantly.Therefore, we must always remind ourselves not to let our mouths destroy our good reputation, and not to let our mouths hinder the road of friendship.

In short, whether the method or the skill, all need a sincere heart as the premise.Only by understanding the voices of others with your heart and comparing your hearts with others can you gain the sincerity of others and become a truly popular person.

(End of this chapter)