Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 12 Psychological Manipulation in the World: Knowing the Right Way to Make You Right and Right (1)
If a person wants to spend his life easily and smoothly in this world, he must master a set of good philosophy of life.The way you deal with "things" directly affects the results of your "world".A master in the world will not let the situation that is not good for him happen, even the harsh advice can have a pleasing effect.The art of speaking is also reflected here.Only those who can read people's hearts can not panic and deal with things without chaos, can speak to others' hearts, and can make themselves invincible in interpersonal communication.

1. Save more face and less blame

As the saying goes: "One sentence of good words will warm the winter, and half a sentence of bad words will be cold in June." It is good to be upright, but it is wrong to offend others because of your integrity.It is the wisest way to deal with the world if you can achieve inner square and outer circle.

When interacting with others, unrestrained people tend to hurt each other unintentionally, especially after others make mistakes, no matter how many people are around, they will accuse them face to face, which will make the other party unable to step down.You know, the speaker is unintentional, but the listener is intentional. Maybe your accusation is really good for him, but your inadvertent mistake made him lose the image established by long-term painstaking efforts in front of everyone. After all, the measurement of ordinary people is limited. , the other party will probably hate you for this.

Han Xin likes to wear a long sword in the market. When a young man saw it, he opened his mouth and insulted Han Xin. He said: "You always wear a long sword, but do you dare to kill? If you can kill, you can kill me; if You can't kill me, so please get between my legs." Han Xin then bent his body and slipped between the boy's legs.This is the origin of the "humiliation under the crotch".Later, Han Gaozu Liu Bang appointed Han Xin as a general. Han Xin called the young man who had insulted him to him and said to him, "You have insulted me in the past. Do you still dare to ask me the same question now?" He had to fall to his knees and beg Han Xin for mercy.Han Xin pardoned his crimes and made him a minor official.

Han Xin was considered a very magnanimous general, and even remembered the provocations and insults of an ignorant brat when he was down and down. It lasted for several years.Ordinary people will wait for the opportunity to act after being accused and humiliated in order to restore their "swept" face.Therefore, one should not be too sharp-edged, especially young people who are already sharp-edged. They are not familiar with world affairs, and they are not mature enough to speak and do things. It is easier to offend people unconsciously.You must pay attention in daily communication, try not to let yourself have unintentional mistakes, and try not to accuse others face to face.Changing to a way that takes into account the face of others will have a better effect.

Crowley, a salesman of Taylor Lumber Company in New York City, has repeatedly "accused customers of mistakes in person", and later he learned a lot of profound lessons from it. He said: "It is very ridiculous to accuse customers in person. You can Win the debate, but you don't sell anything."

A customer called one afternoon and complained that most of the lumber they shipped was substandard.After hearing this, Crowley immediately drove to the other party's factory. He could basically predict the problem.In the past, when he arrived there, Crowley would proudly take out the "Timber Grade List", open the "National Standards for Timber Grade Specifications", and criticize the other party's inspectors for their mistakes by citing classics, and finally categorically determine the supplied timber. is qualified.But repeated losses made Crowley realize that the customer is God, no matter how rich his "knowledge and experience" is, no matter how correct his "judgment is", in the end, he may have to act according to the wishes of the customer.

Therefore, when Clory saw the stern-faced supply section chief and sullen-faced timber inspector, he didn't mention the issue of timber quality at all, but just smiled and said, "Let's go and have a look."

Once at the scene, Crowley discovered the problem, which was that the inspector was too strict, and he used the same standards for inspecting miscellaneous wood as inspecting white pine.But he did not accuse or imply the inspector's mistake, but repeatedly emphasized that he was asking the inspector for advice, asking the inspector why the timber was unqualified, and hoped that the quality requirements of their factory could be fully met in future deliveries.

Crowley's attitude made the inspector's face slowly return to normal.Crowley saw the timing, and reminded a few words carefully and tactfully. When the inspector realized his mistake, he was a little embarrassed at first, and then he began to ask Crowley for related technical issues.Only then did Crowley modestly explain why the white pine wood shipped in met the requirements.While explaining, Crowley did not forget to emphasize that as long as the inspector thinks it is unqualified, the wood can still be replaced.

The inspector finally came to his senses, and he frankly admitted that he had made a mistake in the grade of the timber. According to the requirements of the contract, all the timber in this batch was qualified.Clorey eventually received a check for the full amount.

We know how to think twice before speaking. No matter what kind of person or situation we face, we can restrain ourselves. Even if we are right, we should not criticize others in person, but should give others a chance to step down.Integrity is not the same as being direct, nor is decency the same as being unscrupulous.Opening his mouth to say, it has no meaning except to show his own impetuousness and shallowness.

2. Harmony and loyalty
Good medicine tastes bitter, unpalatable advice help line.If this sentence is repeated too much, people will form the illusion that words of advice to others must be unpleasant, and words that are not unpleasant are not worthy of being called "faithful advice."In fact, many examples throughout the ages tell us why good medicine should be bitter, and good advice may not be harsh.

In the last years of the Shang Dynasty, King Zhou was fatuous, and Prime Minister Bigan tried to remonstrate many times for the sake of the country and the country. Not only did he fail, but he was executed by heartbreak.But not all loyal ministers in history have ended up like Bigan.In the early Warring States period, Zou Ji of the Qi State used sincere and euphemistic language and convincing examples to make King Qi Wei accept his remonstrance, and also issued a notice: "Officials and ordinary people at all levels can accuse me of my faults face to face. , will get the first prize; those who advise me in writing will get the second prize; those who can comment (my fault) in public and let me hear it will get the third prize.”

Therefore, nothing is absolute, and those who can speak will make loyal words no longer hurt their ears.When you find someone else's mistakes, how can you speak your advice to his heart?No matter what era it is, leaders are often more confident, even conceited, and it is nothing new to act arbitrarily.

1. Highlight your sincerity.The most important thing to offer advice to others is to let the other party feel your sincerity and let him know that you are out of good intentions.If your accusation makes the other party feel that you are not out of concern, but have other plans, he will not only not accept your criticism, but will regard you as one of his enemies and immediately confront you.

Be considerate when giving advice to others.Although the other party is not perfect in some aspects and needs to be improved, it is best to shout long live understanding when giving advice, and talk about the process as well as the result.

2. Speak with facts.Facts speak louder than words, and all words are powerless in front of facts.When giving advice to others, it must be based on the facts and truth, instead of catching wind and shadows and making something out of nothing.Only when you know the truth, you will not be self-defeating.

If you are an employee of a company, it is very difficult to gain the trust of the leader if you put forward your own opinions before you have a clear understanding of the company's various businesses, management models and background.You may even be considered by the leaders as an incompetent person who can only talk.

This is true in the workplace, and even more so in the social field.When you don't understand your friend's intentions, don't judge his behavior, otherwise it will only increase the other party's dissatisfaction with you.

3. To give advice, you need to talk about "occasion".No one wants to be taught a lesson in public.When giving advice to the other party, it is bound to involve the other party's shortcomings, and sometimes it may even touch the other party's scars.People have a face and a tree, and anyone who is exposed in public will feel uncomfortable. Once they are unable to step down, resistance will naturally arise.Therefore, even if you are kind, others will not accept your kindness.

4. Highlight key points concisely.When giving advice, it is very important to be concise. Messy thinking and wordy words will definitely affect the probability of the advice being adopted.

5. Leave room for the opponent to maneuver.When giving advice to others, don’t block the way of the other party, and don’t criticize them as useless. You should hide what should be hidden, otherwise it will make the other party’s rebellious psychology very strong. It's over.While accusing implicitly, you might as well add some compliments, such as "You usually work very hard and behave positively. If you are more stable, your future will be brighter." This kind of tone makes the other party feel not criticism but encouragement , There is no one who is unwilling to accept such advice.

Give advice to others, the same advice, but different formulations may win you respect, and may also cause you unnecessary trouble.Therefore, when giving advice to others, you must act cautiously, and leave room for it.

3. Speech tolerance, pleasing others and self-interest
Tolerance is not only a virtue of low-key life, but also a wise principle of life.Tolerance is the "lubricant" in interpersonal communication.Tolerance is a kind of happiness. If there is more tolerance in life, life will be more happy and life will be more happy.Tolerance creates the happiness of life and the joy of life.

In life, everyone has to live, work, enter society and form a family.In the tedious work and life, it is inevitable that there will be conflicts between each other, and there will be mistakes and mistakes of one kind or another.At this time, if you fight back and forth, if you don't let me and I don't let you, it will easily lead to family conflicts or fights among colleagues, making the relationship between them unharmonious.At this time, if you cannot forgive yourself or others for your mistakes and mistakes, and you cannot treat others leniently, then you will increase psychological pressure on yourself and others, and even affect your normal work and life in the future.Therefore, we need to learn tolerance.

However, people are born "selfish". This is human nature, and no one can escape it. However, the selfishness of "benevolent people" always has a grateful heart, and they can get what they want by helping others. The "selfishness" of man is a kind of noble "selfishness".

Selfish people are often those who lack tolerance or even have no tolerance. They keep hurting and harming others for their own self-interest. In the end, it is not others who are hurt, but themselves. They can only reap the consequences .The communication between people is like entangled silk threads. If you want to untangle these threads, you cannot pull them hard, because the harder you pull, the tighter the threads will become.That is to say, in daily interpersonal communication, many people use this method of "pull hard" to solve problems.People who only know "don't forgive others when they are justified", but don't know "forgive others when they have to be forgiven", "pull the tent with the wind, and accept it when you see it", can only end up being entangled in entanglements.

After Churchill retired from politics, he once wandered on the road on a bicycle.At this time, a woman was riding a bicycle and came from another direction. Because she couldn't stop the car, she finally hit Churchill. "Can you, a dirty old man, know how to ride a bicycle?" The lady started, "Don't you have eyes?" "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm not very good at riding a bicycle." Churchill didn't mind the lady's arrogance , just kept apologizing to the other party, "It seems that you have learned it for a long time, hasn't it?" After hearing this, the lady's anger immediately disappeared, and after a closer look, he turned out to be the great Prime Minister Churchill, so she had to be ashamed Said: "Did you know? I only learned half a minute ago, and it was you who taught me to ride a bicycle."

In fact, right and wrong are not as important as happiness.The secret of happiness is to learn to give in and extend a friendly hand to others first.Letting the other person be the "right" person doesn't mean you're the "wrong" person.Because, when things turn out well, you'll find that you'll find peace and the joy of being "right" to others.Therefore, you also did "right".

Rohner had worked as a lawyer in Vienna for many years before fleeing to Sweden during World War II, penniless and desperate for a job.He knows the languages ​​of several countries and hopes to find a job as a secretary in some import and export companies.But the vast majority of companies wrote back telling him they didn't need such people because of the war.But they'll keep his name on file.Among these replies, one letter read: "You have no idea what we are up to. You are stupid and stupid. We don't need a secretary who writes for us. Even if we did, we wouldn't ask a Swedish secretary like you. The writing is not good either, and the letter is full of people who make typos." When George Rona saw this letter, he was so angry that he almost went crazy.Faced with such humiliation, George Rona also decided to write a letter to anger that man.But he calmed down and said to himself, "Wait! How do I know if this person is right? After all, Swedish is not my mother tongue. If that is the case, you have to study hard to get a job. He Putting his opinion in bad terms doesn't mean I'm not wrong. So I should write a letter thanking him."

So he wrote a new thank you letter: "I am really grateful that you can write back to me, especially when you don't need a secretary. I don't understand your company's business. I really feel ashamed. The reason why I wrote back to you is because I was introduced by others, saying that you are a leader in this industry. There are many grammatical errors in my letter, but I don’t know it. I am ashamed and very Sad. Now, I plan to redouble my efforts to learn Swedish and correct my mistakes, thank you for helping me keep improving."

Not long after this letter was sent, George Rona received a reply from the man.Not only that, but he also got a job from that company.

It can be seen that having a tolerant heart will play a vital role in your life.

A wise man once said: "With a little tolerance and a little measure, you will eventually be able to turn hostility into friendship." As the saying goes, "Take a step back, and the sea and the sky will open; give three points, and you will be calm."For the faults of others, there is nothing wrong with the necessary accusations, but if you can tolerate others with a broad mind, you will make the world more exciting, and you will live a more wonderful life if you accept the faults of others with tolerance.Turgenev said: "People who don't tolerate others don't deserve others' tolerance, but who can say that they don't need others' tolerance?" Ordinary words speak extraordinary truths.Indeed, everyone needs forgiveness from others, and there are times when others need your forgiveness. Only when everyone forgives each other can the relationship between people be harmonious and life can be happy.

4. Be cautious in your words and deeds, and don't offend the little people

In this society, it may be difficult to change some people's nobleness, but everyone has their own habits. For those people who you don't like, there is no need and no reason to insult them. If it is to show yourself The "noble quality" of a person, in theory, is called unreasonable; in reality, it is just looking for trouble and getting angry.

Li Bai, a poetic fairy, is talented, literary, and arrogant.Although he was always full of enthusiasm for serving the country and his talent was valued by Tang Xuanzong, his official career has been bumpy.This has a lot to do with his personality.He was arrogant and arrogant, and always insulted the key people around the emperor. It was reasonable for him to be plotted against and lose his official position.

(End of this chapter)