Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 14 Psychological Manipulation in the World: Knowing the Right Way to Make You Right and Right (3)
Under normal circumstances, people should pay attention to sincerity in dealing with others and not to tell lies.But if you are good at telling lies as the truth, and pay attention to the size and art of "lying", "lying" will also bring you benefits.

The key to telling a good lie is to do the fake show for real, to show a sincere attitude, and not to offend the other party's taboos.If you use a casual attitude to say something that sounds comfortable and pleasant to the other party, even if your compliment is polite, sometimes the other party will not accept it, but will think you are hypocritical.Therefore, a sincere and serious expression will change the other person's view of you.

In short, lying also requires a psychological strategy. It is necessary to tell the lie just right. If you are not careful, it will be self-defeating, and it will leave people with the impression of hypocrisy.

8. See the timing and speak at the right time
Confucius said in "The Analects of Confucius Ji Shi": "If you say nothing, you are called impetuous; if you speak about it but don't say it, you call it hidden; if you don't see the color, you call it blind." The meaning of this sentence is: You should not speak Saying it when you should say it is called impatience; not saying it when you should say it is called concealing it;

This is because they did not grasp the timing of speaking well, and did not pay attention to the strategies and skills of speaking.Speaking is not a unilateral act of one person, but a communication between two parties. It is restricted by various factors, such as the speaking object, the setting time, the surrounding environment, etc. When it is time to speak, do not speak, and the fleeting opportunity will make you both Success was missed.Similarly, if you don’t take into account the state of mind of the person you are talking about, don’t pay attention to the surrounding environment, and rush to speak when you are not ready to speak, it may cause the other person’s misunderstanding or even resentment.If you talk nonsense and talk nonsense, the consequences will be even more serious.

During the Qin Dynasty, Zhao Gao wanted to frame Li Si, told Li Si about the rights and wrongs of Emperor Qin II, persuaded Li Si to advise King Qin, and agreed that Emperor Qin Er would meet Li Si in his spare time.One day Li Si was invited to enter the palace, but at the wrong time, he happened to see Qin Ershi having fun with his concubine Ji. When Qin Ershi saw Li Si coming in, he was extremely disgusted and his face was really ugly, but Li Si was at a loss. , didn't notice it at all, and still spoke out without any scruples, Qin Ershi had no other choice but to perfunctory on the spot.As soon as Li Si withdrew, Qin Er Shi became furious and kept complaining, blaming Li Si for being arrogant, looking down on him, lacking foresight, and not finding opportunities to remonstrate.

Although Li Si didn't notice any accident at the beginning, he didn't expect that this inadvertent incident would bring him a fatal disaster.From this point of view, if you want to talk to the other party, you should choose the most appropriate time.It is not advisable to choose the time when the other party is nervous, anxious, angry, unrestrained, painful and sad to speak, otherwise you will definitely hit a wall, not only failing to achieve your own goals, but also arousing the disgust of others.So, when you are happy, you have to find someone who is in a happier mood to talk to; when you are depressed, you have to talk to a frustrated person.Because of this, it is easier for you to find a common language.If you talk about your proud things with a frustrated person, you can only say that you are an uninterested person. In his view, this is your sarcasm and irony to him; on the contrary, if you talk about your frustrated things with a proud person, he will I won't show sympathy for you, but I just pity you on the surface. If you make trouble, you will bring a person who is originally in a happy mood into a sad situation.There are also some young people, because of their lack of moral cultivation, when they have happy things, they talk to everyone they meet, and they are complacent, but they are ridiculed by others.

All in all, if you want to speak, you must first see what kind of person you are facing, what kind of words should be said to him, and what kind of words are not suitable to say to him.You have to think about whether he is willing to talk to you and whether he is willing to listen to you.If he's not the one you're talking to, it's better not to say some things.At the same time, you also have to consider, is this the time to talk?If the time is not right, it is better not to speak.The success of speaking depends on whether your speaking skills are at home, and whether you can get the right person at the right time is inseparable from the success or failure of your speaking.As the saying goes, "Look at the Bodhisattva when you burn incense, and see who you speak with."

9. "Smooth the donkey" should touch the donkey

We often hear that a certain person is "smooth ass" in life, that is to say, if you say what he wants when talking to others, he will obey you very much, so things are often easier to solve, if If you go against his will, then you will end up with no good results.The ancient book "Han Feizi·Shuo Nan" said: "The husband dragon is soft as an insect, and can be sexed and ridden; as long as there is a scale ruler under its throat, if a person has a baby, he will kill him, and the owner will also have it." Ni Lin, whoever talks about Ni Lin, who can have no infants and masters, will have a lot of troubles."In other words, kings generally dislike ministers who speak out and give advice. If they offend them, they will be angry, so when talking to them, they should follow them and don't go against their wishes, otherwise they will be ashamed. Because of this, they will be in dire straits.

In the long history of thousands of years in China, there have been hundreds of emperors, lords, princes and lords, big and small, who, as we say, would not listen to advice.Many of them only know how to have fun, don't care about the suffering of the people, and even punish the ministers who dare to speak out.

When it comes to "Li Sao", we will think of Qu Yuan, a senior official in the Chu State during the Warring States Period. Qu Yuan threw himself into the Miluo River in desperation and died because of his loyalty and advice.

Qu Yuan was the left disciple of King Huai of Chu, and his power and position were supreme, and his talents and learning were unparalleled in the world.But the King Huai of Chu he served was a muddle-headed emperor. Qu Yuan wanted to enlighten him, and he often remonstrated faithfully, with sharp words, and accused King Huai of Chu of many misconducts in his administration.Facing the sharp-tongued Qu Yuan, King Huai of Chu ignored him at first, and finally couldn't bear it anymore and exiled Qu Yuan, causing him to suddenly drop from a prime minister to a "exile" status.After Qu Yuan was full of worry and anger, he wrote "Li Sao", and finally threw himself into the river in anger.

From the above historical facts, we can think of the modern life we ​​live in. In terms of dealing with people, whether you are a figure in the political arena, a shrewd businessman, or a commoner, you should never forget that under certain circumstances and conditions Next, whether it is to your boss, to your friends, to your business partners, or to strangers you meet by chance, when you speak, you should choose what is nice to say, and things should be mentioned in a pleasant way.Otherwise, it is easy to invite disasters.

No matter in ancient times or today, no matter whether you are a king or a commoner, no one wants to hear their views and actions be refuted or even criticized.Most people have this kind of mentality. Because of face, even if they make mistakes, they are not willing to admit their mistakes easily.It takes a lot of effort to get them to admit their mistakes and be convinced.Most people are Shunmao, and the so-called "Shunmao" here refers to people's self-esteem.If a person's self-esteem is offended, it will be difficult for your words to have any effect on him.Therefore, if we rush to prove their views wrong in the first place, we are saying that people who hold such views are stupid.At the same time, it also proved that we are stupid, because we also did a stupid thing of "reversing the scales".Not only will this not achieve any results, but it will also make the listener stick to his point of view even if he knows he is wrong, which is not conducive to the progress of the matter at all.

The really effective way is to speak their minds, understand their true thoughts, and show due respect and support for their opinions, and then point out the misunderstandings they may enter step by step according to their thinking, so that they can I realize the problems and mistakes by myself, reflect on and change my views, and then correct the mistakes.This is in line with the psychological law of people accepting opinions, and it is easier to be accepted by others, so as to achieve our original goal without offending the other party.

10. Sizing up the situation and adopting roundabout expressions
"Mountain Road Eighteen Bends" means that the road is rough and not smooth, but the destination can also be reached through this winding path.In dealing with others, you are often required to use the expression of "eighteen bends on the mountain road".Although the method you choose to communicate with someone depends on the situation at the time, one thing that remains constant is to say what the other person wants to hear.Even if you have to go around in circles, it is very necessary to be able to speak clearly and reduce the embarrassment of the listener when accepting the facts.After reading the following story, you may be inspired.

Wilhelm II sent someone to deliver the blueprints of a warship to an authority in shipbuilding, asking him to evaluate it.He told the other party in the attached letter that this is the result of his research after several years of hard work, and he hopes to help to identify it carefully.A few weeks later, Wilhelm II received reports from authorities.Attached to this report was a stack of detailed analyzes deduced from numbers. The written report read: "Your Majesty, I feel extremely honored to be able to evaluate such a wonderful warship design drawing. It can be concluded that this mighty, magnificent, The warship with super performance is the unique sea lion in the world. Its super high speed is unprecedented. And the weaponry can be said to be invincible in the world, equipped with the world's longest-range cannon and the tallest mast. As for the various facilities in the ship , will make the officers and soldiers of the whole ship feel like staying in a luxurious hotel. The only shortcoming of this unparalleled super warship is that if it hits the water, it will immediately sink to the bottom like a lead duck." William II, seeing this report, couldn't help smiling knowingly.

From this point of view, a good talker is not necessarily a person who can speak well, and people who use a lot of gorgeous rhetoric may not be able to get people's appreciation.And a person who can use the shortest words, but can express thought-provoking and impressive insights, is indeed a master talker.

We sometimes hear people say "to make a long story short". Some people think that speaking should not be too long, otherwise it will arouse people's disgust.But short words do not mean that you have to speak straight to the point. Even if it is short, you can say it in a roundabout way, humorous and interesting.Then let us look at the speaking charm of former US President Eisenhower.

During a press dinner, U.S. President Eisenhower stood up to speak at the request of everyone.He said: "Everyone knows that I am not a good talker. When I was a child, I once visited a farmer. I asked the farmer: 'Are your cows purebred?' He said he didn't know, and I asked : "How much milk can this cow produce every week?" The cow is very honest, as long as there is milk, he will give it to you.'" Eisenhower smiled, and said to all the journalists present: "I am also as honest as that cow. Anyway, if there is news, I will give it to everyone. "These few words made everyone laugh up and down, but in the laughter let everyone understand a truth, that is, you can tell everyone in circles, don't follow me and ask if you have nothing to do, anyway, I will tell you when I have news. Yours!

To learn the art of expressing yourself with twists and turns, you need to know a delaying tactic.The purpose is to strive for more time to facilitate communication.If the communication fails to achieve good results, you can express it in a roundabout way, seek external support or change the original communication mode, and use special methods to break through the communication barrier and keep the communication smooth.

However, what needs to be understood is that circling is different from detours. Circling is lingering until progress is not made.This approach focuses on the original issue, trying to persuade the other party until the other party is bored; or solves the other party's difficult problem, and then stops the circling action after the two parties have obtained a compromise.Of course, this is a communication skill that requires patience.There are even times when going around in circles with your enemies will get you a narrow escape.

A German tourist and a companion rented a car and wanted to go to a remote Italian seaside to see the night view. Unexpectedly, they encountered a group of robbers on the way and stopped the car arbitrarily. Want to rob property, but also want to kill people.

The German tourist had heard that the bandits here were very brutal, not only robbing money, but also killing people, so he couldn't help but start to shudder.But he immediately calmed down, suppressed his nervousness, took a deep breath, and said to the robber with a German accent: "Brothers, my partner and I failed to do business in your country, and now we owe a lot of debt. Not only were we hunted down by gangsters, but also the police came upon hearing the news. All the banknotes on us were given to the smuggling boat owner who was waiting for us by the sea, and we only had some change. We are either waiting to be hacked by the gangsters, or let the police Take it back and go to jail, if you drag it on, the smuggling ship will not wait for us, so let us be robbers with you!"

When the robbers heard this, their hearts began to tremble. If they were killed, the gangsters or the police found out that they had only a dead end. Looking at these two life-threatening little people, it is expected that they would not report to the police and constitute a crime. any threat.So the robbers discussed it and finally decided to flee for their lives. After the two Germans were released, they got into the car and slammed on the accelerator, and fled without looking back.

In the face of some specific situations and characters, when you have foreseen the possible consequences of what you say, you must choose a roundabout way of speaking to resolve the unfavorable results.Although this way of speaking is circuitous, the purpose has not changed, that is to grasp the other party's psychology, let the other party receive the information you convey, and then make the situation develop according to your hope.This is a smart ability to live in the world, and it is also a kind of wisdom in life.

Therefore, learning the art of speaking with twists and turns will be of great benefit in communication activities, so you might as well train yourself in practice.

(End of this chapter)