Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 15 Social Psychological Manipulation: Witty Quintes, Let You Do It With Ease (1)
Social interaction is a part of life, and no one can completely avoid it. Since it cannot be avoided, it is better to take the initiative.Psychological manipulation can let you get rid of the passive position in social interaction, and take the initiative and the right to speak.In socializing, what you come into contact with is not those familiar people in your life. It is very likely that you meet for the first time, and you may only deal with them once.Therefore, we do not understand the personalities and psychology of these people.If you want to have a successful relationship with them, you must learn to observe their words and expressions, and be careful in opening, asking questions, answering, addressing, content, methods, etc., in order to gain the other party's favor, control the entire conversation, and get what you want. desired result.

1. A successful opening speech shortens the psychological distance
We live in society and inevitably have to deal with some strangers.The opening remarks of the first meeting are very important. It is a warm-up process in the conversation. If the warm-up is not done well, the phenomenon of cold talk is inevitable.A good opening speech gives people a feeling of intimacy, friendliness, and caring, which can quickly eliminate the strangeness between each other and shorten the psychological distance between each other.Common effective openings are as follows.

1. Greeting style. "Hello" is a commonly used greeting. If you can use different greetings according to different objects and time, the effect will be better.Saying "Happy Spring Festival" during the Spring Festival gives people a sense of congratulations on the festival; saying "Morning" and "Good morning" in the morning is more appropriate than "Hello".

2. Adoration style.Showing respect and admiration to someone you meet for the first time is an expression of enthusiasm and courtesy.Note that this method must be measured and done just right, and you must not brag about it indiscriminately, and you don't have to say things like "I have heard the name for a long time, and it is like a thunder".The content of the admiration depends on who is speaking, when and where it is being said.

3. Climbing relatives and recognizing friends.Although this trick is not very popular, it is indeed very practical.Usually, as long as you do a careful understanding of a stranger, you can find a connection that may be explicit or hidden, close or distant.If this relationship is added during the dialogue, the psychological distance between each other can be shortened at once, making the other party feel more cordial.

4. Make use of strengths and avoid weaknesses.Almost everyone likes to be seen and admired for their strengths.Then, when we meet and talk for the first time, we should do what we like, point out the strengths of the other party and praise them directly or indirectly. Such an opening statement can make the other party happy, and thus have a good impression on you, which in turn stimulates the enthusiasm for the conversation.On the contrary, if you always touch the other party's shortcomings intentionally or unintentionally and hurt the other party's self-esteem, the effect of the conversation can be imagined.

Mr. Hoyla, who is known as the "sales authority", has his own unique communication skills, that is, in the first conversation, you must promote people's strengths and avoid others' weaknesses.Once, in order to promote advertising, he went to visit the general manager of May Department Store.After exchanging pleasantries, Huo Yila suddenly asked, "Where did you learn to fly a plane? The general manager can actually fly a plane, it's really not easy!" Of course it was nothing to worry about, and Hoyla was warmly invited by the general manager to take his own plane.

As the saying goes, "a thousand cups of wine is less than a bosom friend, but half a sentence is more than speculation."Some people get along for a lifetime but become strangers, while others hit it off right away.A good opening statement can make two people who meet by chance reach a spiritual resonance in a short period of time, thus leading the conversation into a pleasant atmosphere.

2. Choose a sincere and clever way of asking questions

The methods of questioning are different, and the results are naturally high or low.In the same way, a clever way of asking will make people happy, and thus successfully achieve the purpose of the conversation, while a stupid person's asking will only make people laugh and even disgust.

When ordering food in a restaurant, if you ask the waiter: "Is today's lobster good?" This is undoubtedly nonsense, because he will definitely say yes, unless you are a regular customer there.And if you ask in another way: "What good seafood is there today?" Then, there will be a different effect, and you should be able to eat really good seafood.

Because these two sentences will cause two completely different psychological reactions.For the former, there are only two answers: good or bad. The waiter will definitely not say bad in order to protect the store's signboard. Besides, there is no fixed standard for good or bad.The latter has a broad definition, and the answer can even be: "There is no good seafood today, but today's roast duck is fat and tender, and it is worth a try." With self-esteem, I will naturally compare various seafood and recommend the best one to you.

From this point of view, asking questions is a small matter, but questioning skills are difficult to master.If you want to ask cleverly, you must master several appropriate forms of questioning.

1. Restricted questions.It is said that some teahouses in Hong Kong are used to putting an egg when drinking cocoa, so the waiter is required to ask "do you want to put an egg" when the guest asks for cocoa.And psychologists suggest that the waiter should not ask "Do you want to put an egg", but should ask "Put one or two eggs".In this way, the opponent's range of choices is narrowed down.This kind of questioning can obviously do more egg business.

This kind of questioning technique is very purposeful, and it can help the questioner to obtain a more ideal answer, so that the probability of the questionee refusing or not accepting the answer is greatly reduced.

2. Selective questions.This questioning method is often used among friends, and at the same time, it also shows that the questioner does not care about the other party's choice.For example, a friend comes to your house as a guest, but you don't know his taste, you can ask: "What do you eat today, crucian carp or hairtail?"

3. Ask questions politely.A boy falls in love with a girl, but he doesn't know whether the girl loves him, but it's not easy to say such a thing, so he can tentatively ask: "Can I walk with you?" , her refusal will not embarrass both parties.

4. Consultative questions.If you want others to do what you want, you should ask the other party in a negotiable tone.For example, if you want the secretary to draft a document, after explaining the intention clearly, ask by the way: "Do you think it is appropriate to write this way?"

We often find newcomers who are naturally shy, shy to be alone, and withdrawn at friends' feasts.They often hide in a corner, drinking alone.At this time, we should not just get together with familiar people and chat and laugh happily, but also pull the newcomer into the conversation atmosphere so that he has a sense of participation.But if the newcomer is still too nervous to fit into the atmosphere, you can use an anti-customer approach and make him the center of the conversation.Everyone tends to relax when talking about their own affairs, especially the reserved ones.Make the non-verbal person the center of the conversation, help him eliminate his nervousness in front of the crowd, and make new friends feel your warm consideration.

In the process of communication, as long as you understand the other party's psychology, master clever questioning methods, and let the other party feel your sincerity and kindness, communication will achieve good results.

3. Watch people speak and respond cleverly

The communication between people is two-sided, and the real communication is to have questions and answers.Therefore, in the process of talking with people, not only must you ask questions skillfully, but you must also answer them skillfully. Only in this way can good results be achieved.Usually, there are several answering techniques as follows.

1. Don't answer the question.Answering an irrelevant question is an avoidance tactic in debate.In some cases, when you have to answer the question raised by the other party for some reason, but it is inconvenient to give a straightforward answer, you can use the way of answering the question, avoid the truth and use non-substantive topics to lead the discussion. On the surface, it seems that he has made a generalization of the sharpness of the other party, but in fact, he quietly bypassed those originally difficult problems.

Once, the composer Brahms participated in a recital given by a young pianist.The concert was specially organized after the young pianist composed a piece for Schiller's poem "The Bell Song".

Brahms was very focused during the concert. Seeing Brahms' intoxicated appearance, the young pianist was overjoyed. After the concert, he happily asked Brahms: "Your Excellency Do you like this song?"

Brahms said with a smile: "This "Song of Bells" is indeed an immortal poem."

He obviously didn't answer the question, cleverly avoided the pianist's question, and expressed his true thoughts tactfully and politely: he admired this immortal poem, but he didn't think the pianist's music was of a high standard.

2. Invalid answer.An invalid answer refers to an insubstantial answer with words that have no practical meaning.It also includes two types of valid invalid answers and pure invalid answers.For the former, on the surface, it does not answer the question directly, but in fact it has profound connotations and needs to be understood by the other party; while for the latter, it is impossible to find any answer from the respondent's answer, mostly because the respondent is not good at answering or unwilling to answer. Reply.

A university admissions officer goes to a city to recruit students.A candidate approached the staff member in charge of admissions and asked, "I heard that my name has been recorded in your school's enrollment roll. Can I be admitted?"

The staff smiled and said, "Your name has indeed been recorded in the enrollment list. As for whether you have been admitted, please read the list of new students admitted to our school in the newspaper!"

Although the staff member answered the question raised by the examinee, he couldn't find the answer of "can be admitted" or "can't be admitted" from the answer. If he wanted to get the answer, he could only find it in the list of admitted freshmen published in the newspaper. .

3. Indirect answer.The so-called indirect answer means that the answerer uses ingenious language to answer by analogy to the questioner's questioning of some sharp questions.

Once, when Churchill visited the United States, an American congresswoman who opposed him said to him: "If I were your wife, I would poison your coffee!"

Churchill smiled and said: "If I were your husband, I would drink that cup of coffee." Churchill used this kind of teasing tone to attack the congresswoman indirectly, which was more powerful than the direct answer, which made the congresswoman very embarrassed. .

4. Use retreat as advance.The so-called "advance by retreat" means that during the dialogue, the answerer admits what the questioner said, and then responds appropriately.

A: "You are so beautiful, why haven't you found someone yet?"

B: "Yes, because I picked more carefully than you."

Fatty: "As soon as I see you, I know that the world is suffering from famine."

Thin man: "As soon as I see you, I know why the world is suffering from famine."

In these two conversations, because the questioner was aggressive, with a sharp tone and no scruples, the answerer adopted the method of first acknowledging and then fighting back, that is, retreating to advance.

5. Evacuation is easy.Emperor Huizong of Song Dynasty had good handwriting. He often asked his ministers: "How is my handwriting?" The ministers all flattered: "Your handwriting is good, the best in the world."

One day, Song Huizong asked Mi Fu: "Mi Aiqing, in your opinion, how do our calligraphy compare?" Mi Fu is a master of calligraphy, and calligraphy is of course better than Song Huizong. If you boast that you are the first, you will definitely offend the emperor, which is really a problem.But the clever Mi Fu had an idea and said: "I think that among the emperors, your character is the best in the world; among the ministers, your character is the best in the world." Song Huizong understood it and admired Mi Fu's wit from the bottom of his heart.

For those difficult problems that cannot be answered head-on, don’t confront them head-on. If you know the “difficulty” and avoid it, answer it from an aspect that is easier to break through. kind.

6. Surround Wei and save Zhao.The so-called besieging Wei and saving Zhao means not being restrained by the other party's questions, not following behind to answer, but taking the offensive, asking questions that make the other party headache, making them fall into a predicament of being overwhelmed, and have to give up the original question.

There are many such questions and answers in diplomatic activities.

Party A: "I would like to know what measures your country will take regarding the issue of ××?"

Party B: "Your Excellency, please believe that we will finally get a satisfactory solution to this issue. My concern is, if the anti-government movement in your country continues to develop, will your government still have the ability to maintain the current rule?"

Party B temporarily shelved the question raised by Party A, and raised another question about the domestic anti-government movement that caused Party A the most headache, making it difficult to answer.In this way, the offensive caused by Party A's question will disintegrate by itself, and Party B does not need to make any answers to the original question.

7. Induce denial.The so-called induced negation means that after the other party asks a question, instead of answering it immediately, it first explains a little reason, puts forward some conditions or asks a question in return, and induces the other party to deny itself and automatically give up the original question.

8. Hit reality with falsehood.This kind of tactic can not only effectively avoid its edge, but also effectively hit the "truth", that is, retreat first and then advance, use retreat as advance, and strike back, successfully achieving the goal of completely negating the opponent's argument.

There are countless answering skills. Here are just some typical methods. There are many answering skills in daily life. As long as you pay attention to observation and learn to adapt to changing circumstances, clever answers will help you resolve embarrassment and greatly enhance your personal charm of conversation.

4. Let others remember your self-introduction

It has always been regarded as a great joy in life to hit it off and meet each other later.Dealing with strangers and mastering the knack of "at first sight" is not only a pleasure, but also beneficial to work and study.To achieve "like old friends at first sight", we must first start with self-introduction.

The so-called self-introduction refers to the process by which people introduce themselves to others in social situations.In this way, you can sell your image and value.The success of this kind of marketing directly determines whether the in-depth interpersonal communication can be realized.

Self-introduction is not simply reporting your name. In a sense, self-introduction is a kind of knowledge and art. It also needs to pay attention to psychological strategies and master many necessary skills and standards.

1. Say "I" first.Self-introduction is indispensable to say "I". The key to the impression you give to others depends on how you say this word well. The word "I" itself is a manifestation of self-awareness. When someone introduces himself with the word "I" in every sentence, how can the audience not be disgusted?Some people have a particularly strong tone when they say "I", and their voice is deliberately prolonged, as if they want to establish a tall image of themselves by emphasizing "I".What's more, when they say "I", they are triumphant, aggressive, and arrogant.Such a person is nothing more than self-admiration when he introduces himself. It can only make people think that he is arrogant and disgusting.

Therefore, only by saying the word "I" peacefully at the right time, with kind eyes and a natural demeanor, can others feel a beautiful image of self-confidence, self-reliance and self-humility.

2. Find a new way.Usually, the self-introduction of ordinary people is to report their name, work unit, occupation, education background, specialty or hobbies, etc. Such a stereotyped self-introduction can hardly leave an impression on people.Because under normal circumstances, people have no way to concentrate on writing down a large list of information you said, not to mention that most of this information is irrelevant to him.

Therefore, if you want others to remember you, you must find a unique way when introducing yourself.The unique approach here refers to choosing content that makes the other party feel meaningful and natural, from a unique perspective, and using lively language to "sell" yourself to others.

3. The details are appropriate.In some specific cases, the content of self-introduction needs to be comprehensive and detailed, not only to clearly state your name, identity, purpose, and requirements, but also to introduce your own experience, education, personality, expertise, and hobbies.In order to gain the trust of the other party, sometimes you should talk about some specific examples.For example, when applying for a job, in addition to the above content, some examples that can highlight personal abilities and characteristics should also be introduced.

In addition, in order to meet the needs of a certain situation, most self-introductions do not need to be exhaustive. Using the methods of "replacing the surface with points" and "grasping one point and ignoring the rest" in the self-introduction will make people sound not wordy. Very labor-saving, but can receive unexpected results.

(End of this chapter)