Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 17 Social Psychological Manipulation: Witty Quintes, Let You Do It With Ease (3)
Several young people immediately got up and said goodbye: "I'm sorry, I don't know that you have a business trip tomorrow, which delayed your rest."

Teaching the skills of sending people is commensurate with specific communication occasions, objects, and one's own identity, and harmonious communication is realized.If the professor bluntly said that we will talk about it another day, the purpose of resigning can be achieved, but this will put the students in an awkward situation, and it will also lose the professor's kind and amiable image.

In fact, it is common to forget the time during a conversation. The vast majority of people do not realize that doing so will affect others, so it is not suitable to directly refuse.It is the most polite way to use implied psychological strategies to make the other party aware of their behavior and leave voluntarily, and it is also a respect for others.

Of course, for a friend who is very familiar, there is no need to take such painstaking efforts. You can tell him directly that you still have things to do and you can't stay with him for a long time. I hope he will forgive you.

8. Jokes must be measured
In interpersonal communication, making a decent joke can relax the nerves, activate the atmosphere, and create a relaxed and happy atmosphere suitable for communication. Therefore, humorous people are often loved by people.But a bad joke can backfire, hurt feelings, and even get you into trouble.So, keep your jokes in check.

To make jokes, you must grasp the occasion, timing and environment. Generally speaking, joking is not suitable for solemn and solemn occasions, nor is it suitable for working hours. In addition, try not to make jokes in public places and in the public.

People have different tempers, personalities, and hobbies, and jokes also vary from person to person.When the elders make fun of the young, they must maintain the solemn identity of the elders so that the young will not lose their respect for the elders; when the young make jokes about the elders, it is necessary to respect the elders.

When joking, you should also pay attention to the difference between closeness and distance.Under normal circumstances, when you are with people who are close and familiar to you, even if the jokes are a little serious, it will not affect the friendly relationship.But when you are with someone you don’t know well, it’s not advisable to make jokes, because you don’t know the other person’s personality, experience, taste, and privacy, and you may offend the other person in the joke, causing resentment, which is not conducive to mutual understanding and friendship development in the future .

Joking is not allowed, especially making fun of others is not advisable.The ancients said: "One word can ruin the country." This is by no means alarmist.Therefore, we must pay attention to correcting the habit of joking indiscriminately, and joking is also responsible.

In addition, joking should be done in moderation, and you can't keep staring at one person.Most people can't stand it if you keep cracking jokes on just one person.

Joking loses the point of joking if it embarrasses the other person too much.Laugh at your classmates who failed exams, at your friends who are henpecked, at your relatives who lost money in business, at your companions who fell while walking, etc.These are supposed to be sympathetic, but you use them as a laughing stock, not only embarrassing the other party, but also showing your ruthlessness.Do not make jesting a habit of your conversation, for not being able to speak but jesting will only show your shallowness.

People who are accustomed to making jokes often hurt others as well as themselves, either annoying or stirring up trouble.Therefore, when we make jokes, we must look at the target and choose the timing, so that the joke will become a lubricant in communication.Joking is the most common way of speaking for fun between people.It can activate the atmosphere, regulate emotions, create a harmonious and relaxed atmosphere, and make your language more attractive.However, the content of a joke must be elegant. If the joke is too vulgar or too much, it will be counterproductive if it hurts the other party's self-esteem and feelings.Therefore, you must pay attention to the occasion and grasp the scale when joking.

Generally speaking, men should not joke with women, subordinates should not joke with superiors, juniors should not joke with elders, and normal people should not joke with disabled people.Even if you can make some jokes, it is limited to making jokes and the like, and it must imply respect and praise, not presumptuous or frivolous, and avoid exposing others' shortcomings.

In short, joking should be a good intention to amuse and promote mutual emotional exchanges, rather than malicious teasing and taking advantage of each other.Therefore, you must have a good sense of proportion when joking, so that you can truly become a master of communication.

9. Pay attention to the way you speak, don't pour cold water on others

As a first-time mother, anyone can't help but want to share their experience with others. Every mother is beaming with joy when talking about her children.If the other party tells you how cute and smart her child is, you'd better show that you feel the same way, and continue to praise the child positively.The worst way to respond at this time is to interrupt and tell her that you have had this experience too, and that your child is also very cute and seems to be much cuter, smarter, and prettier than her little one.

When someone is beaming and telling you something that he thinks he is very proud of, even if you know it, you'd better pretend to be interested and listen.Don't pour cold water on other people's words. Once you intervene in the conversation and tell the other party your proud experience in this area, it will easily cause the other party's displeasure.

If what you say is similar to the other party's complacency and can make everyone talk more energetically, it is of course great. However, once your experience is much better than the other party's, the other party may think that you are belittling him. he.

So it's really not wise to chime in and say "I know more than you" or "I have better experience than you" when someone else is talking.You should listen and let the other person speak freely instead of pouring cold water on them.

In addition, everyone is familiar with such a joke about logical reasoning.

Zhang San invited four friends A, B, C, and D to dinner.B, C, and D arrived as scheduled, and only A was late.

Zhang San looked at the watch and said to himself: "Why didn't you come when you should come?" After hearing this, B asked unhappily: "Then, I shouldn't come?" Then he walked away angrily up.

Zhang San sighed repeatedly: "Hey, the one who shouldn't have left is gone again!" Sensing that Zhang San's words were ambiguous, B thought to himself: "Since B shouldn't go, then I should go." So he left without saying goodbye.

Zhang San became even more anxious: "I'm not talking about him!" Standing aside, Ding couldn't bear it any longer and thought to himself: "Since you didn't talk about C, then you must talk about me." So he also left.

After a while, A came, and Zhang San sighed: "Everyone who shouldn't go has gone." After hearing this, A thought to himself, it turned out that I should go, so I also left.

As a result, there was not a single guest left, only Zhang San who was at a loss.

In daily social interaction, the way of speaking is very important. Different people have different psychological needs and see problems from different angles.If you don't pay attention to your own way of speaking, if you speak indiscriminately and talk nonsense, you will pour cold water on others without realizing it.

10. Sincere gratitude warms the heart

In social communication, anyone will encounter difficulties and troubles. Faced with these things beyond our ability, we must solve them, which requires the help of others.

After getting help and benefits from others, you should thank the other party. This not only reveals your uneasiness in accepting the other party's hard work, but also a kind of psychological comfort and compensation for helping others, and it is the basis for further deepening interpersonal relationships.The sincere "thank you" is only two words, but it reflects the harmony and tacit understanding of the interpersonal relationship. This charm cannot be replaced even by a long speech. The word "thank you" is not just a polite term, it is also a bridge to communicate with people's hearts. If it can be used properly, it will have an immeasurable effect.

Helping and doing things for others always takes some extra energy, and sometimes you even have to go back and forth to ask for help and owe a "debt of favor".Therefore, we must express our gratitude to those who help us, and at the same time express our uneasiness with apologetic words, such as "I am sorry to trouble you", "I am really sorry", "I have troubled you", etc.

Say thanks first.Don't have the mentality of "save the words of gratitude for later". Only those who know how to express gratitude in a timely manner can be welcomed by others, and others will be willing to help you.

"My wife saw the tie you gave me, and she was full of praise. Even my daughter said it was very suitable for me. When I arrived at the office, the general manager stared straight at me!" "Thank you for the gift, which is both practical and beautiful. "Whether it is expressed orally or in writing, or when receiving a gift or receiving a favor, thank you immediately. The sincerity and enthusiasm revealed during the process will comfort and delight the other party.

The ultimate purpose of saying thank you is to express gratitude, and if your thank you embarrass the benefactor instead, you are defeating the purpose.Therefore, when thanking you, you must also seize the opportunity and consider the time, place, and the characteristics of the other party.For example, if the thanked person does not want others to know that he has helped you, then you should respect the wishes of the other party.If you happen to meet the other party in public, you should thank him implicitly, or whisper in a low voice, or take the opportunity of shaking hands, express enthusiasm and smiling eyes, or find an excuse to say that there is something trivial and want to talk to him alone, Use this to get away from the crowd and find a suitable place to say thank you honestly.

Sometimes the thank-you give a gift along with the verbal thanks.At this time, you can casually say: "It's a small thing, it's not a respect." Or say: "I just bought some small things, and I don't know if you like it." Many people are used to saying this when they are leaving, so as to avoid publicity. It is easier for the other party to accept.This can also prevent items from diluting favors.If it is deliberately publicized and mentioned repeatedly, it will inevitably be suspected of reducing mutual help between people to a money relationship.

On the thank-you side, you must know how to repay your kindness, and once you have the opportunity, you need to repay the other party in action.Therefore, this wish must be properly revealed to the other party.You can say: "In the future, can you give me a chance to repay you?" "Where I will be useful in the future, I will definitely do my best." "I hope that I can do something for you at the right time, and it also shows my share A small heart." "If there is anything I can do for you, just say it, if I don't do something for you, I will feel uneasy."

Although the people who help you may not want your gratitude and return, a word of thanks can warm people's hearts.At least it means that his favor is not in vain. Whether your thanks have any real meaning or not, it will give him a sense of spiritual satisfaction.So, don't ignore the huge psychological energy and social function of "thank you" because it is too simple. A sincere thank you can warm people's hearts and make others willing to lend a helping hand when you need help next time.

(End of this chapter)