Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 4 Psychological manipulation of speech: the intimate relationship between language and psychology (3)
People who speak harsh words like to go to extremes and like to use a magnifying glass to look for other people’s faults. They will zoom in on small problems, and they will find out problems for you if there are no problems. No one can escape their sharp eyes, and no one can hide. Over their rhetoric.Even the person they are praising today may become the object of their satire, ridicule, ridicule and sarcasm tomorrow.Because their language descriptions are vivid and penetrating, they can make you feel ashamed and break out in a cold sweat with just one sentence. Qingwen in "Dream of Red Mansions" is one of the best.Qingwen is charming, handsome, daring, articulate, and especially good at needlework. Baoyu loves her very much.It's just that Qingwen's bitterness offended many people.Seeing Baoyu combing Sheyue's hair, she satirized them: "Before I ate the cup, I got it on my head." The fan confronted Baoyu, and when Xiren came forward to persuade him kindly, she satirized Xiren: "Since ancient times, you have been the one who has served the Lord alone. We have never served you before, because you served well, and you were so sympathetic yesterday!" He also said: "You are the only one in this room who misses him, and we are all idle to make ends meet!"

Qingwen's ingenuity, open-mindedness, and fearlessness of the powerful are indeed worthy of praise, and the final tragic ending is indeed sympathetic.But her bleak ending is indeed not unrelated to her nobleness and meanness.

Being mean makes people feel distanced, and what they feel is cold, without the warmth of love.For a person without love, the bed is cold, the heart is cold, the lips are cold, and the words are naturally cold.

The disease of sharp language is ultimately psychological.First of all, people who speak harshly follow metaphysical philosophies in thinking. They often only look at the phenomenon and not the essence, and only focus on one point and ignore the whole.Secondly, this kind of people tend to have a dark mind, and they often only see the bad side of people and things around them, and they don't like everyone.Finally, such people are usually selfish and narrow-minded. They are narrow-minded and have no tolerance for others. They attack others, often just to belittle others and elevate themselves, looking for psychological balance.

In addition, the most important point is that people's meanness is more likely to stem from inner unhappiness and insecurity.Outwardly, it appears to be aggressive, but internally, it is actually self-defense.A mean person who exaggerates the other party's "badness" on the surface may actually be unable to adapt to the other party's "goodness", which is a manifestation of "sour grapes mentality".

Based on the above, when facing those who speak harsh words, we might as well hold a tolerant heart. If you tolerate his harshness, he will have no way to hurt you.The most gentlemanly and elegant strategy for dealing with these people is to pity, ignore, forgive, smile, and leave.

From another point of view, if you are the one who likes to be mean to others, then start today to "quit" it.The quick talk of the moment will not bring you any benefit except making countless enemies for you, while your inner happiness will be eroded by uneasiness, dissatisfaction and misfortune little by little.Try to be a person full of happiness. A person with a happy heart will not quarrel, because his heart is complete, warm, peaceful and peaceful.

8. Talking too politely is to keep distance

Politeness is the attitude a person should have in dealing with others. If polite words are used properly, they can gain the respect of others and shorten the distance between each other.However, there are also some very polite people in life that make us unable to get close to them.Because excessive politeness and politeness are sometimes used to maintain a certain psychological distance, or even a signal of rejection.

Most people with sales experience have often had such an experience. Among the customers you are selling, there is a kind of person who does not directly put on a rejection way like most customers.They are very polite to you, listen very kindly to what you have to say, and are very polite when they talk to you.In this case, if you think that the order is guaranteed, then you are very wrong.This kind of person will often not give you an affirmative answer in the end. They will politely say to you: "Let me think about it? I will give you an answer in two days." At this time, in most cases, you will base on his previous Instead of taking a more aggressive sales offensive, he should be polite and agree to his request.But in the end, this kind of customer will generally "no news", and when you ask him again, he will politely refuse you.

Therefore, if you receive "excessive" courtesy from others, don't be too happy too early, because it is likely to be a signal of rejection.Moreover, people who are usually treated with "excessive" courtesy will also feel uncomfortable, because they are always treated politely, which means that they have not accepted you from the heart, and have not treated you as one of their own.

For example, a person wants to break up with his girlfriend without causing her too much harm.He is likely to suddenly show politeness to his girlfriend during this time, and his attitude becomes polite and indifferent, politely adding "hello", "thank you", "goodbye" and other polite words to each other's conversations.And this kind of excessive politeness is a dangerous signal that rejects people thousands of miles away.

The same thing happens to girls.They also often use this method to reject the pursuit of men they don't like.So, if the girl you like is always very polite and polite when talking to you, she is actually deliberately keeping a distance from you and adopting a restrained attitude towards your love, making you embarrassed to go any further further.

In addition to the relationship between men and women, this phenomenon is not uncommon in interpersonal communication.When you go to a friend for help, if you encounter a situation where your friend doesn't want to help, that friend will suddenly be very polite to you, handing you cigarettes, pouring tea, and giving up your seat, talking not as freely as usual, but Is very polite and measured.This kind of situation will make the person who comes to ask for help feel a sense of restraint, because the other party has begun to alienate you, and he is rejecting your request.

In short, the person who treats you with kindness and courtesy does not mean that your conversation has resonated, nor does it mean that the other party has accepted you.Instead, it was most likely a rejection cue.When people encounter topics and events that make them feel uneasy or unwilling, in order to cover up this uneasiness or unwillingness, they will adopt a completely opposite attitude, which is called defensive means in psychology.

Therefore, if you think that the other party has accepted you because of his polite and kind speech, then you may be deceived by the illusion and miss the signal of rejection in his heart, which will cause more difficult troubles to solve in the future.Therefore, it is very important to see the true intention behind the polite speech, which can let you retreat before you get hurt more.

Of course, based on the above, we must also realize that in our interpersonal communication, if we want to get closer to each other, we should not be overly polite in speech and manner.Because human nature prefers a relaxed and natural way of getting along, excessive politeness will only make others feel restrained, which will instinctively create a sense of distance, and they will not want to get close to you.Only by correctly using the tool of "politeness" in speech with a healthy and natural state of mind can your interpersonal relationship be like a fish in water.

9. Being naive reflects people's inferiority complex
"Is this dress pretty?" "Not pretty."

"Is this movie good?" "Awful!"

"Today's roast chicken is good!" "It's not good, it's too greasy!"

"The weather is so nice, shall we go out to climb the mountain?" "It's too hot, I won't go!"

"This painting is so artistic! The color matching is also perfect!" "Really? I don't think there is any connotation at all!"

We often meet such naysayers in life.These dissonant voices are always lingering in your ears, and I am afraid few people will feel comfortable.Talking to such people is tiring and exasperating. I believe many people don't know why they like to play against themselves, and they don't know how to handle conversations with them.So, might as well analyze from the state of mind of the other side first, then prescribe the right medicine.

Psychologists have done experiments on naysayers, and found that most naysayers are at work because of low self-esteem.These people lack a sense of self-worth in their subconscious minds. In order to establish a self-protection mechanism for their fragile hearts and self-esteem, they often try to form a self-authoritarian value judgment standard to gain a psychological advantage. .Their anti-tone makes them seem more assertive and more powerful than others.For example, they will intentionally underestimate the strengths that others have but they do not have, suppress those who are not as good as themselves in the fields they are good at, and publish some strange talks and anecdotes to show that they are different and attract others' attention. Gain a sense of self-satisfaction that "stands out from the crowd".

Singing a naysayer is a kind of psychological defense awareness of self-protection of low self-esteem people. When they are not satisfactory in a certain aspect, they try to deliberately belittle the value of someone, something, and something in their hearts in order to achieve psychological balance.

Of course, people with a rebellious mentality also show a tendency to like to sing a different tune.They will deny all the answers you give, whether right or wrong, even if they think so themselves, they will also give the opposite answer.They try to find a recognition of their self-worth from the dialogue, hoping to gain the attention and respect of others through their "brilliant" insights.

When dealing with naysayers, people generally have three reactions: Fools complain more, benevolent people don't speak, and wise people don't care.In fact, these reactions are not the ultimate solution to the problem.Because not all people are benevolent and wise, and even if they are, not talking and not caring about the naysayers cannot really solve the problem.

Therefore, in addition to treating dissenters with a careless attitude, we must also grasp their psychology, and then solve the problems they face.

Method [-]: Try to communicate with those who love to sing a different tune.Playing a naysayer is not a serious matter of principle in many cases, and sometimes it is even beneficial to the development of the situation.At this time, you need to do self-reflection first, and then use your sincerity to impress those who sing against you.Through every sincere communication and interaction, I believe that such voices of opposition will be less and less, and voices of harmony will be more and more.

Method [-]: Agree or even agree with the opponent's objection.Adopt a strategy of retreating to advance, and first accept the opponent's opposing remarks, so as to avoid conflicts and magnify the problem.Then, through slow running-in and gentle persuasion, the other party will finally accept your correct opinion.

Method [-]: Counterattack directly.When dealing with people who find fault or speak too biasedly, sometimes it is necessary to take severe counterattacks, otherwise their inferiority complex will expand into conceit or even arrogance.Going on like this is not only not conducive to the solution of the problem, it is also not good for the naysayers themselves.It is also a good way to wake them up with a strong counterattack.

Method Four: Side-by-side.Let the naysayers realize their own problems, give them encouragement and affirmation as much as possible in the conversation, let them cast off the shackles of inferiority complex, rebuild their confidence, and the probability of naysayers will naturally become smaller and smaller.

The naysayer is caused by a bad attitude of inferiority. The naysayer should be aware of his own psychological weakness, find the root of the problem, and rebuild his confidence; he should not just be angry or avoid the naysayer. Good communication It can eliminate the gap between people and establish a healthy and effective communication mode.

10. Listen to what he says, know what he thinks, and act accordingly
Language reflects a person's heart, even if the content of the conversation is seamless, it will be reflected in various aspects such as actions, tone, and intonation.The biggest difference between human beings and animals lies in language, which expresses the joy and anger in people's hearts.Whether a person's psychology is healthy or not can be reflected in language, and people's emotions can be expressed in language.Just like the various ways of speaking and the contents of speech that reflect people's personality and psychology, there are many psychological activities that people's language can reflect.For example: Some people like to quote scriptures in their conversations, which shows that such people respect authority very much in their hearts; some people use excessively respectful language in conversations, which shows that they have a strong sense of vigilance; Frequent use of "my mother said" indicates that this kind of person is still relatively naive in thinking; Even when people talk to people with deep friendship, they are still very polite and polite, which shows that they may have a huge inferiority complex psychologically; Lack of confidence in what they say; some people talk too much about themselves, talking about their family, career, etc., which shows that they have a tendency to self-consciousness. Such people are mostly self-centered; some people Deliberately stretch a topic for a long time and talk endlessly during the conversation, which reflects the fear of other people’s objections; some people speak very loudly, which means that this person has a willful side of character; some people like to inquire about others and are very interested in some rumors, which shows that they are very lonely and bored in their hearts, and lack real friends; desire.

In short, a person's speech reflects the ups and downs and changes of the heart to varying degrees.If you can listen to what they say, know what they think, and then measure your own words and deeds, you will be able to grasp the scale of language advancement and retreat, and thus grasp the initiative in interpersonal relationships.

Lao Tzu said: "A wise man does not speak, and a speaker is not wise." "The Analects" said: "Be careful with your words." The Gospel said: "Be quick to listen, and slow to answer." There is a Greek proverb: "A man has two ears. , one mouth, it tells people to listen more and speak less." These are good words for life after summarizing the language psychology in speech.Speaking is an art, but also a science. Only after mastering the laws of language and human psychology can one truly become a wise man and a master of speech.

So, whether you are a master of language, or a person who has some kind of psychological barrier to language, or a person who already has a psychological barrier to language and wants to become a master of language manipulation, please start to master it through conversation from this moment. The psychology of others and yourself, discover it, accept it, change it, use it, and make yourself a real language leader and psychological manipulator.Discover the charm and power of language, let it expand your territory for a better and glorious tomorrow, and you will find that you can also become a language expert who masters psychological manipulation.

(End of this chapter)