Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 5 Self-Psychological Manipulation: Using Language to Overcome Psychological Obstacles (1)
If you want to use language to control others and control your life, you must first learn to control yourself.A person who is not good at talking, even if he can penetrate the psychology of others, he cannot control the overall situation through his own language anyway.Therefore, the first lesson of psychological manipulation is to master self-psychological manipulation techniques, use practical methods to overcome your own language barriers, eliminate the tension when speaking, and then become the leader of the conversation, allowing the other party to follow your topic and follow your path. Your ideas, to achieve your goals.

1. An objective understanding of one's own ability to communicate

Our ancestors didn't pay much attention to or even liked people who were "speakable", and those who were talkative were often labeled as "boosters".If a person is known to be "bombastic," he's not very likable; if he's known to be good at defending himself, not many people want to associate with him.Conversely, if a person is taciturn and unsmiling, this person is often appreciated.This traditional evaluation standard still leaves a deep imprint on modern people.I often hear people say: "I am a dumb tongue and can't speak." It seems that this is not a shortcoming.Obviously, this is a rather old opinion.

Modern society needs more people who are quick-witted, flexible and eloquent.People who are shy and reserved and stupid in tongues will not become outstanding talents in modern society.Some people are rich in knowledge, but they are not popular because they lack "speaking skills"; There are rich experience and unique insights, but they cannot be understood.

Modern society pays attention to the expression of language, in love, in business, etc. Eloquence plays a decisive role in dealing with people.If you can speak, you can win the favor of the other party; if you are good at persuading others, it is enough to prove your ability; if you can speak and have good eloquence, you will have more chances of success than others.Numerous facts have proved that in today's society, only those who dare to express themselves and are good at expressing themselves can become the real winners.

When British Prime Minister Wilson was delivering his campaign speech, suddenly, someone below shouted: "Garbage! Shit!" He smiled calmly and said, "My friend, don't be too anxious. I will talk about the living environment you mentioned next."

Wilson deliberately misinterpreted the original intention of the troublemaker, and made the speech go smoothly by pushing the boat along the way.Here Wilson's wit and eloquence help him a lot.

There is no one who is born with eloquence and eloquence. Even an admirable speaker or speaker cannot win a lot of applause on any occasion.Speaking, like other talents, needs to be practiced and accumulated over time, not a one-step achievement.People with good eloquence also gradually master skills and continuously improve their speaking ability by observing the audience through experience after experience.Speak is to let others understand what you mean, and to gain mutual trust and understanding through conversation.If you think that the other person cannot understand you, and you don't spend time and effort talking to him, then it means that you don't understand the function of speaking.

Announcers, show hosts, actors, etc. are all experts in using language, but most of them think that they were not good at words when they were young.That being the case, why can they rely on their mouths to eat?The reason is simple, because they think they are not good at eloquence, so they redouble their efforts to improve their expressive ability.

The so-called good eloquence does not mean that you must be eloquent and slick.Many people are very popular because they can always say something humorous and funny when they gather with friends in an informal setting.But when these people participated in some formal meetings, they became taciturn, answering everything with "yes", "no", "maybe" or "don't know".That is, they are unable to speak decent words in formal situations.

Because they are afraid of being teased by others and care too much about others' evaluation of themselves, under this kind of psychological pressure, they cannot express their opinions easily.Everyone will inevitably suffer from stage fright in formal occasions. It is common for many famous actors to be so nervous that they almost forget their lines when they face the camera for the first time.As long as you are calm, generous, and confident, your conversation will be decent, and it will be even better if you can "have a little humor."

In fact, speaking is very important to human beings. As long as you have confidence, your words will naturally appear powerful.As long as we have the courage to try and find out the key to success or failure from the results of our attempts, our eloquence will naturally become better as we practice.

Those so-called poor eloquence are just making excuses for not working hard.After many trials and experiences, you can learn conversation skills, as long as you always think like this: "The result of this method is not satisfactory, what is the reason?" "Is there any other better method?" Accumulate various experiences.In addition, reading newspapers, watching movies, and listening to others can all learn speaking skills and improve expressiveness.

One of the reasons why people who are new to society cannot establish good interpersonal relationships is that they neglect to deal with advances and retreats politely.For example, in terms of diction, young people generally like to say some buzzwords commonly used among friends. These words are too lively and not stable enough, giving people a casual feeling.In addition, if you casually respond with "um" or "oh" when talking with people, it will leave others with the feeling of not being serious and handling it casually, and it will also make your elders and superiors resent you.

Anyone who wants to be accepted by a group must abide by the group's rules.Once you know these rules, you can use the language freely and make speaking a pleasant thing.Most of the time, the conversation is not a chat between friends, and it can be aimless, so it is not enough to just stop at the formulaic pleasantries, and you must advance to a higher level to achieve your own goals.When your ideas or concepts are recognized by everyone, you will feel the joy in your heart, and when you keep feeling that you are good at dealing with people in the conversation, you will find that it is really important to be able to speak.

2. Don’t take talking as a burden
"I am always afraid to speak in front of many people, because my face will turn red, my heart will beat faster, my mind will go blank, I will be humming and talking, and I will not know what I am talking about for a long time." Many people frankly admit that they are afraid To speak in public, and to be distressed by it.In the United States, someone once conducted a questionnaire survey on "What is your greatest fear?" As a result, most of the answers were found to be "The greatest fear of speaking in front of everyone".In British history, a prime minister named Disrai once said: "I would rather lead a troop of cavalry to charge into battle than give a speech in the House of Commons."

Most people have a fear of public speaking, even professional speakers.It is normal for people to fail when they speak because we are human beings, not gods.

George Bernard Shaw, an outstanding British realistic dramatist, is famous for his humorous speech ability.However, most people see his brilliance, and few people know that when he arrived in London at the age of 20, he was ashamed to see others and very timid.When someone invited him to be a guest, he would always linger in front of the door for a long time anxiously, rather than directly knocking on the door.Once, a friend invited him to attend an academic debate.On the set, he rose slowly, nervously, to speak in public for the first time in his life.After the speech, he was ridiculed by many people.After the meeting, he felt that he had acted as a complete fool and suffered a great humiliation.In order to wash away this shame, for a period of time thereafter, he gave public speeches once a week, and people were in markets, churches, schools, parks, docks, and even halls packed with three or four thousand listeners or only a few people. In the basement, you can see his figure and hear his generous speeches.Someone once made a statistic that, in just 12 years, George Bernard Shaw gave more than 1000 speeches.

Just like Bernard Shaw's first speech, the fear of speaking in public is a universal human psychology.The first speeches of many great orators were not all satisfactory, and some even had very embarrassing scenes.

This was the case during Zetkin's first speech, an internationally recognized female activist.Although she had made detailed and sufficient preparations before the speech, when she came on stage, she was so nervous that she forgot all the words she was going to say, and her mind went blank.

When Mrs. Indira Gandhi made her speech for the first time, she was so nervous that she couldn’t speak a word. She didn’t know what she was talking about. She just heard an audience member say: “She’s not talking, but Scream." Amidst roars of laughter, she finished her speech and walked off the podium in embarrassment.

The famous American writer Mark Twain said that when he spoke in public for the first time, his mouth seemed to be stuffed with cotton, and his pulse beat as fast as he was competing for a trophy in a race.

British politician Louis George said that when he tried to speak in public for the first time, his tongue was on the roof of his mouth and he couldn't speak a word.

When former U.S. President Ford first stepped into the political arena, he also stuttered in speech, which made people feel uncomfortable.

There are too many such people to count.However, they gradually grew up after the first embarrassment. After overcoming failures again and again, they began to become eloquent, calm and witty, and finally became world-famous orators.

When a person is afraid of speaking in public, he often thinks that he is the only one with stage fright and others are not, so he always thinks: "Why am I the only one like this?" Most people are like this, but others don't pay much attention to the phenomenon of stage fright.

People are often overwhelmed by show hosts who are unrestrained and generous and can speak freely, and are overwhelmed by some announcers who are eloquent and have a beautiful voice.In fact, they are not born to do so.They also have moments of stage fright.Everyone is afraid of speaking in public. Therefore, it is normal to be afraid of speaking in public. If a person looks calm and talks freely no matter what the occasion, then he seems to be a little abnormal.Therefore, don’t regard speaking as your own burden, but dare to speak, and have the courage to exercise your speaking ability in front of the public. Only by actively adjusting and controlling your own mentality can you better grasp the overall situation of the conversation.

3. Identify the culprits of speaking nervousness

Many people have had the experience of being nervous when speaking in front of others.When you need to speak in a meeting or in public, your courage is gone, your mind goes blank, and you cringe and can't speak.Even when you do speak, your palms are sweaty, your voice trembles, your speech is incoherent, and conversations are often interrupted.What is the reason?Psychology explains it like this: speakers usually judge the quality of their speech through the listener's expressions, movements and eyes, and when the information they get from the listener is how they feel about their speaking style and topic content When impatient, tension arises.It can be seen that the reason for speaking nervously in front of others is that you have shifted your consciousness and attention to the object that makes you uneasy.

Indeed, once the listener's expression and attitude deviate from the speaker's expectation, or even beyond his own imagination, the speaker's subconscious mind will unconsciously leave the topic itself, and turn all his attention to the listener. body.

For example, the speaker originally thought that what he said would cause everyone to laugh, but when he looked around, the audience was not moved by it at all, and their eyes were full of indifference; or he hoped that everyone would be relaxed when listening to him , but unexpectedly everyone has a serious expression and sharp eyes.These unexpected situations make the speaker unable to focus on the speech itself, and tension arises spontaneously.

You're not alone in getting nervous, though.No matter who it is, no matter how many things he has experienced, his nervousness will exist to some extent, so it is normal to be nervous.

However, simply knowing that other people get nervous won't solve the real problem.Understanding these is to let you know yourself and others.If you want to really overcome your nervousness and make yourself speak naturally and fluently in front of others, the most important thing is to practice more.Do more vocalization exercises by yourself first, and then practice speaking in front of people more. Don't miss the opportunity to speak when there are many people, so as to eliminate tension and speak naturally.

When everyone is about to speak in front of the crowd, they will think: "Won't you be nervous? If you are really nervous, you will lose your life." Once you have such an idea, judging from the function of the brain, it is tantamount to Before going on stage, I actively activated the "stress receiver" in my brain.As soon as you start talking, if you encounter a little problem, the "stress receiver" in your brain will immediately receive a message, and you will really start to get nervous.

In fact, the "stress receiver" exists in the human brain all the time, but it is used when life is at stake. When speaking on stage, there is no need to turn it on, so please turn it off.

This is really not difficult, as long as you say to yourself before you go on stage: "Now, turn off the nervous receiver!" Especially when you feel uneasy, be sure to say it to yourself several times seriously, because what you say will affect your performance. To your psychology, saying it a few times will help you eliminate the uneasiness in your heart.Remember: you can control your emotions, you can get rid of uneasy emotions, you must do this, because the so-called "eloquence psychological manipulation" starts with manipulating your own psychology.

4. Focus on topics to help you overcome shyness

It is indeed not easy to speak naturally and fluently in public, and it is extremely challenging for everyone.The so-called difficulties here are mainly for those who are naturally shy and not good at speaking.

The reason why people have shyness is mostly caused by paying too much attention to themselves.People who are shy when speaking often care not about the speech itself, nor whether they will make mistakes, but what people think of them after they make mistakes.What they care about is whether their image in the eyes of others is perfect, and they are afraid that the failure of speaking will damage their own perfect image.In this case, because the focus is on oneself rather than the topic itself, and the attention is not focused on the topic, it is naturally more prone to mistakes, and the occurrence of mistakes further aggravates people's shyness and nervousness.The result of such a vicious circle is that there are more and more mistakes in speaking and more and more shyness, resulting in less and less speaking and less and less willingness to speak.

Shyness is an obstacle to successfully expressing yourself. Only by overcoming this psychology and bravely showing yourself in front of everyone can you take the first step to success.

(End of this chapter)