Eloquence Psychological Manipulation: Improving Language Ability and Improving the Quality of Life

Chapter 6 Self-Psychological Manipulation: Using Language to Overcome Psychological Obstacles (2)
Mary was a timid and shy girl, and whenever the teacher asked a question, she always lowered her head quickly.Once, the teacher suddenly asked Mary to express her opinion. Mary was very nervous. She glanced at the teacher timidly, knowing that she could not avoid it, so she said to herself: "Now is not the time to be afraid. I must seize the opportunity. I know I can do it." She forced herself to forget her timidity and concentrate on answering the teacher's questions.So she turned her attention to the question, focusing on the question and the answer itself instead of her own emotions.She really did it, her timidity and nervousness disappeared because of the diversion of attention, which made her answer very complete and accurate, so her performance was also affirmed by the teacher.After that, Mary gained confidence, and she was no longer the submissive and timid girl she used to be.Because, she has mastered the knack of eliminating inferiority and cowardice, that is to only focus on one point, and this point is the topic rather than herself.

The society is changing rapidly, and emergencies may occur anytime and anywhere in life and work. Is it necessary to bury your head in the sand like an ostrich for the rest of your life to escape reality?To make yourself stand out from timidity and tension, you must first forget your fears and yourself, and concentrate on facing the current problem.

Almost all of us have had experience speaking in front of a group, and probably stage fright.Even those elated and impassioned orators on stage, or well-known performers, will be nervous and timid before facing the audience.However, when they stood in front of everyone, all their fears would be thrown aside, and they only had one thought, which was to do this thing well.It can be seen that the best way to overcome fear is to accept the situation you have to face and concentrate on dealing with it.

Always remember that your shyness, nervousness and insecurity mean nothing to the audience, and whether or not you make a fool of yourself, and to what extent, will not have any impact on their lives, all they care about is what you say What you care about is whether what you say can help them solve their problems.You yourself are not the object of their concern at this moment, so please stop being sentimental about your shyness, no one pays attention to it at all!Turn your attention to the issues that people care about, and it will bring you unexpected results and applause because of your attentive treatment.

5. Laugh at yourself to avoid embarrassment
Everyone will inevitably say the wrong thing when speaking, and saying the wrong thing will naturally make people embarrassed. If you stop talking because you are afraid of saying the wrong thing or embarrassment, it is tantamount to giving up eating because of choking.Of course, saying the wrong thing is indeed a matter of losing "face" and hurting "lizi", but if you want to cultivate into a master of language manipulation, you must not be afraid of saying the wrong thing.It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, just make up for it in time.And self-deprecating is a thoughtful and practical remedy.

If you inadvertently say the wrong thing, you might as well launch a well-intentioned attack on yourself.This can not only shift the focus of the other party's attention, but also take care of the other party's self-esteem invisibly, so that the tense atmosphere can be eased.

On the night of the first day of freshman admission, after sorting the dormitory according to size, the fifth child said to the sixth child, "You are the youngest, our baby Pidao, and your surname is Wang, so why not call you 'King Pidao' from now on." Unexpectedly, the speaker was unintentional, but the listener was intentional. It turned out that the sixth son had acne all over his face, which was a knot in his heart. Today, he heard what the fifth son said, and his face was obviously much gloomy.The fifth child also realized that he had said the wrong thing, so he hurriedly looked in the mirror and said, "'Curled between the cheeks, leaning between the ears, the charm is all in a little bit'. Oh, little six, I am really' One wave is not flat, and another wave is rising'ah!" After hearing this, the sixth child couldn't help laughing.It turned out that Lao Wu himself had freckles all over his face.

This old fifth's self-correction skills are very clever. When he realized that he had offended others, he immediately made some self-mockery, and cleverly used the poems in Yu Guangzhong to point out that he also has the disadvantage of freckles. "One wave is not flat, and another wave rises again", which is not only a self-mockery of the distribution of freckles on his face, but also a self-blame for causing a disturbance because of his inadvertent words.Of course the sixth child also understood, so he was no longer angry.

Laughing at yourself can create a harmonious atmosphere, make your life easy and free, and make people feel your cuteness and humanity.Of course, self-deprecating is not self-abuse, not making yourself ugly.Self-deprecation is a tool that, if done properly, can be a great way to get you out of an embarrassing situation when the time is right.

For example, if you accidentally say some uncivilized words when talking with others, which makes the other person feel unhappy, there is still time to remedy it, and you can laugh at yourself: "Oh, I'm really sorry, I'm really rude. The swear words in my stomach can never be eliminated, please forgive me a lot.”

For another example, you may have an argument with someone, and your words are blunt or your voice is too loud during the argument, which makes the other person feel unhappy, you can say: "Sorry, I am more excitable, and I became a fighting cock again just now. "I believe that after listening to your words, the other party will laugh it off and stop worrying about the past.

For another example, when talking with others, if you accidentally hurt their self-esteem and uncovered their scars, at this time, one of the best ways to save the situation is to laugh at yourself.If you are sitting in front of a disabled person, and you talk about the advantages of a healthy person, and even mention the job that the person cannot do, it will definitely make the person unhappy.You can say something like this: "However, then again, healthy people are not necessarily strong. Many disabled people have made achievements that healthy people can't do, such as Helen Keller. I am a person , well-developed limbs, simple mind, and often speak far-fetched."

When you have caused confrontation due to your mistakes, you may wish to laugh at yourself in a timely manner, and you will find that, in fact, it is not difficult to get forgiveness from others.This is like two people who are fighting, one party suddenly falls to the ground and admits that he is not an opponent. At this time, as long as the other party is not a rascal, he will usually be angry and funny, so there will be no hostility anymore, and maybe he will come forward to help "Self-defeating" one!

Clever self-deprecation can help people get out of trouble and relieve people's tension.Of course, sometimes there are many reasons for the tension, and our coping methods should also be adjusted according to our "emotions", but the most important point is to put your mind at peace. When you relax yourself, maybe everything will be fine. up.

There are too many variables in life, you don't know what will happen in the next moment, but there is one thing that is clear, timely self-deprecation can make our interpersonal relationship more harmonious.Personalized, visual self-deprecation can often make one's own language interesting.When necessary, laugh at yourself. People who laugh at themselves will be respected by others, and they may change the trajectory of their lives.A truly great man laughs at himself and encourages others to laugh with him.They give and take by sharing their humanity, and you can too.

6. Humor can easily relieve tension
A tense atmosphere can often make people uncomfortable and conversations can easily bog down.If you can add a little humor to the conversation at this time, it will lighten the whole atmosphere.When people are in an embarrassing situation, humor tends to downplay the big and the small.Therefore, humorous speech can not only improve the quality of the speech, but also win the favor of others.

Wanrong County, Shanxi Province is famous for its abundance of jokes. On this day, two people were arguing: "Why are you being unreasonable?" up.In the laughter, the anger of the reasonable party disappeared, and the unreasonable party apologized without hurting self-esteem.This is obviously much better than the effect of strong words and direct admission of mistakes.

One day, the great German poet Goethe was walking in the park.When walking on a path that can only pass one person, a critic who once made sharp criticisms of his works came in front of him."I never give way to fools!" exclaimed the critic. "And I do the exact opposite!" Goethe said, stepping aside with a broad smile.Amidst the laughter, Goethe returned the title of "idiot" to the critics, who were speechless and had no choice but to accept it.This kind of humorous tactics used by Goethe is like using softness to overcome rigidity in Chinese Tai Chi. It not only achieves the goal of counterattack, but also shows his own wisdom, thus leaving an eternal story.

Humor is like gentle drizzle, gurgling water, and melting spring. It makes the atmosphere between people happy and peaceful. Humor is like the acid-base neutralization in chemical reactions. The two sides looked at each other and smiled, shaking hands and making peace.

Humor is not crude farce, it is a high art.Humor is not ridicule or sarcasm, because it does not embarrass the other person, hurt the other person's feelings, or insult the other person's self-esteem.Humor is a kind of ideological aerobics, which requires long-term ideological training; humor is a kind of cultural accumulation, which needs to reach a certain level of cultural level; humor is a component of a person's overall quality, reflecting the person's spiritual world, Moral sentiment and cultural accomplishment.

All great leaders have a rich sense of humor, and they often keep their promises.Zhou Enlai is such a character. His humor has extraordinary charm and can resolve embarrassment in many diplomatic situations.Zhou Enlai's humor has left a deep impression on foreigners, and his humorous language has profound implications and always attracts many people deeply.

In the early days of the founding of the People's Republic of China, at a press conference, a foreign reporter suddenly asked Zhou Enlai a sensitive question: "Excuse me, Premier, how much money does the People's Bank of China have?" .Zhou En glanced at the reporter, and said without hesitation: "As far as I know, the monetary resources of the People's Bank of China are 18 yuan, 8 cents, and 8 cents." This figure surprised the Chinese and foreign reporters present.After a short pause, Zhou Enlai further explained: "So far, the People's Bank of China has issued ten kinds of coins with denominations of 10 yuan, 5 yuan, 2 yuan, 1 yuan, 5 cents, 2 cents, 1 cent, 5 cents, 2 cents and 1 cent. The main currency and the auxiliary currency total 18 yuan, 8 cents and 8 cents." Finally, Zhou Enlai added: "The People's Bank of China is a financial institution authorized by the People's Government of the People's Republic of China to issue full powers. It has an outstanding reputation and a stable currency value."

Currency issuance is a benchmark to measure a country's inflation level, and it is a top-secret topic in a country. How can it be easily treated by outsiders?However, as the prime minister of a country, it is not easy to push this issue to the competent authority; it is even more inconvenient to prevaricate with "no comment"; , Such a quick and specific answer.

In internal and external activities, under unexpected questioning, before ulterior provocations, and in the face of unpredictable emergencies, he can always use his profound wisdom, rich experience, clear thinking, quick response, accurate language, Even with humorous frowns and smiles, resolving difficulties, handling various unexpected situations with ease, galloping on the road of world diplomacy, this is the charm of Premier Zhou Enlai.

For those who have certain psychological barriers in speech, we may not be able to reach the realm of great or successful people, but we can follow their example and slowly add humor to our own language.This will not only relieve your tension when speaking, but also make the conversation easy and interesting, and gain the favor of the person you are talking to, so that you will no longer be afraid to speak and become more confident.

7. Prepare in advance and enrich the conversation

A famous talk show host once said that the secret to never panicking when he hosts a show is to prepare well.He believes that the confidence generated by making sufficient preparations is not for others to see, but to make oneself really confident.

If you want to get rid of the fear of talking from the bottom of your heart, adequate preparation in advance is a necessary condition for talking freely.Only when there is something in the "belly" can it be possible to "spit" it out when speaking.

Whether it's hosting, speaking, negotiating, or even just ordinary conversations, what you say is first of all what you have in your mind.Even a wise and adaptable answer needs to rely on the rich accumulation at ordinary times as the foundation, and only when you have the resources to talk can you talk smoothly.

Numerous examples prove that a person who is good at speaking must first have a keen observation ability and be able to understand things deeply. , You must know how to analyze, judge and reason. Only in this way can you speak in an orderly manner; finally, you must have fluent expression skills and profound knowledge in order to speak vividly and interestingly.

Tracing back to the source, if you want to become a successful master of language, you must always work hard on observation, thinking and accumulation.Only by constantly expanding one's interests and hobbies, accumulating one's own knowledge, cultivating one's sympathy and sense of responsibility, and doing preparation work anytime and anywhere, can one constantly enrich the subject library of one's conversation.

Mr. Cao Yu, a famous playwright, once said: "One day we become obsessed with language, and that is when we have entered the gate. Later, we may enter the world and become a rich man in language." So what should we do specifically?Let's look at a few effective methods.

1. Go deep into life.Life is the richest source of language.It is impossible for a person who works behind closed doors and has no contact with the outside world to enrich his language.Mr. Lao She once said: "Find language from life, and language will have its roots." This tells us that daily life is the root of language.Under normal circumstances, the daily life language used by the broad masses of the people is surprisingly large, colorful, lively and moving. We must pay attention to learning languages ​​from the masses.

2. Expand knowledge.An important reason for poor language, especially poor vocabulary, is poor knowledge.Great people can skillfully use language and express their thoughts and emotions appropriately. The most important point is that they can open their minds, dabble in all kinds of knowledge, and make their cognition and acceptance scope wider and wider.Therefore, a witty person must have extensive knowledge.Vocabulary is the most sensitive reactor of social life. The increasing number of new vocabulary reflects the endless emergence of new things. If we want not to fall behind this era, we must master and be able to use these new vocabulary proficiently in time.

3. Read classics. "Familiar with three hundred Tang poems, even if you can't compose poems, you can chant." It tells us that no matter what we do, as long as we are familiar with it, we will use them unconsciously.The same is true for language. To improve your speaking skills, you should read more classics. "Reading through thousands of volumes, writing like a god" is the same truth. It tells us that we must pay attention to accumulation and learn languages ​​from countless literary works. Only in this way can we apply what we have learned and put our thoughts into practice. Resort to the pen or resort to the "oral" end.The so-called "poor books are often recited in secret", if you chant them, you can understand them, generate strong interest, and even resonate.Mastering the subtleties of language will arouse sensitive feelings; familiarizing with the subtle words of famous works can collect rich vocabulary.When you have enough conversation materials, when you are speaking and speaking, those beautiful words will pop out by themselves. As long as you can use these conversation materials reasonably, it is by no means impossible to become a master of eloquence.

(End of this chapter)