The rest of my life is no longer sad for you

Chapter 16 The End Is Not as Long as the Rest of Your Life

{If we meet again, after some years, how shall I greet you?With silence, with tears. }
001
When Shu Yan woke up, she was already in the hospital in Jiangzhou.

Ning Zechuan was sleeping next to her. When she moved, he woke up. The two looked at each other and didn't speak for a long time.

After a while, Shu Yan raised her hand and touched a spot on his face with her fingertips: "Have you put on foundation?"

The reason for not speaking for a long time, her voice was hoarse, like a blunt saw being pulled on wood.

Ning Zechuan raised his hand, covered her hand and covered his face. He closed his eyes and rubbed them together. When he opened his eyes again, his eyes were deep, and tenderness flooded his black pupils like a tide: "It's just like a dream."

"Did you say me?"

Ning Zechuan nodded, then shook his head: "You are a dream, and the days before I found you were a nightmare."

Shu Yan's heart felt sour for a while, she couldn't imagine how he spent these days, she was tasting the fear, why didn't he?She huddled into his arms and pressed against his chest, listening to his slow and powerful heartbeat, the emotion of the rest of her life after the catastrophe was magnified to the extreme: "Ning Zechuan, thank you for finding me."

"I'm glad you can wait until I come."

"I knew you would come, I've been waiting for you, I hope you come and I hope you don't."

She was afraid that he would be in danger because of this, which would make her life uneasy.

"Shu Yan." Ning Zechuan suddenly called her in a low voice.

"Ok?"

He didn't speak any more, just hugged her tightly.The long-lost embrace is touching, the chests that are pressed together to keep each other warm, and the two hearts that have been separated for a long time finally meet.

That night, Ning Zechuan hugged Shuyan, and finally had a peaceful sleep.

He was probably too tired. When Shu Yan woke up, Ning Zechuan was still awake. She got out of his tightly hugged arms and didn't wake him up. The room was already full of sunlight. Noticed the mottled on his face again.

Shu Yan suddenly thought of something, took a clean handkerchief, dipped it in hot water, and gently wiped his face.

Bit by bit, the face with the faded foundation slowly appeared, pale face, sunken eye sockets, black eye circles, purple lips.

It was the haggard face of a seriously ill person.

He didn't want her to see, so he covered his face with foundation.

Something in Shu Yan's heart was cracked, she bit her lip tightly to keep herself from crying.

After a long time, when she turned her head, she saw Dean Zheng standing at the door. Dean Zheng looked at her tears and was heartbroken. He waved to her and called her out.

"After your accident, he stayed up all night looking for clues. His cough, which was not getting better, worsened. The weather was cold. He was not hospitalized in time after suffering from a cold injury. The cough eventually turned into pneumonia. On the X-ray film, There are multiple abscesses in the lungs, and there are pathological reactions. He was planning to have an operation, but he wanted to find you with all his heart. Slow down, this trip has become more serious... Shu Yan, he even wanted his own life to find you, but without him, I'm afraid it would not be so easy to find you, which makes me even blame him for not cherishing my body There is no reason."

Shu Yan asked that sentence very difficultly: "Teacher, can he be cured?"

"I can't give you an answer to this question right now. I can only do surgery first, and it depends on the results of the surgery."

Shu Yan lowered her eyes: "I see..."

Ning Zechuan's surgery is urgent and is scheduled for two days later.

The operation was performed by President Zheng and assistant Shu Yan. When he put on a sterile suit and entered the operating room, Ning Zechuan was already lying on the operating table, and the anesthetist was injecting anesthesia into the infusion with a needle.As if sensing her coming, Ning Zechuan slowly opened his eyelids, meeting her gaze.

Shu Yan suddenly remembered the first time she participated in the operation in her life. On that day, she also served as the teacher's assistant. It was a completely different experience from the school's practical anatomy class. The anatomy class was a dead body.When faced with a living body, she was so terrified that she couldn't even hold a scalpel. In the end, she was reprimanded by the teacher and stood aside as a punishment, staring at the operation until it was completed.

After the operation, the teacher told her: "A doctor must first learn to hide his emotions as an ordinary person. Only when the doctor hides his fear well can the patient and his family face it bravely."

She is a good student, and she has learned every word of the teacher very well. Over the years of practicing medicine, she has performed nearly a hundred operations, large and small, and faced them all coldly and resolutely. However, this time is different, Lying in front of her is her life.

Shu Yan stood by the operating table, lowered her head, and said in a voice that only two people could hear: "I'm not afraid, are you afraid?"

He smiled lightly, closed his eyes, and answered.

There was no way for her to operate on him. After he fell asleep, she withdrew from the operating room and was assisted by other colleagues.

Six hours later, the lights for the operation went out.

Dean Zheng came out of the operating room first, and said to Shu Yan who was standing at the door: "This operation can be said to be a success, or it can be said to be a failure. We have temporarily slowed down the spread of the shadow in his lungs, but... it has only been delayed." ... He still has more than a year to live. During this period, a miracle may happen. I know that some foreign medical equipment and technologies are more advanced than domestic ones, but the probability of recovery is too low, and his current physical condition is not good enough. So it is suitable for long-distance travel, if there is an accident on the way, it may not be able to last for a year, Ayan, it is the teacher who is sorry for you, you don’t have that ability..."

Shu Yan couldn't say anything, she stumbled to the bathroom, closed the door, she slid on the ground like a deflated balloon, covered her face and cried sadly.

Not long after, the sound of high heels sounded, and Shu Yan realized that there was another person in the bathroom. She suddenly looked up and saw her mother.

The mother squatted down in front of her, and wiped her tears with a tissue in distress: "When will Xiao Chuan wake up?"

Shu Yan did not avoid her mother's long-lost intimacy. At such a time, she was really sad alone. She needed someone to help her and let her hold on. She couldn't help sobbing: "The anesthesia hasn't passed yet. Poor foundation, too weak body, slow to wake up."

Shi Manli didn't ask about the result of the operation, Shu Yan's tears said everything.

The mother and daughter stayed silent for a while, Shu Yan was crying, and Shi Manli was wiping her tears.Shi Manli was distressed, but there was nothing she could do. She remembered that it was a long time ago that Shuyan cried like this. At that time, she was six years old, she fell from a tree and broke her arm.

She was in pain, unbearable.

as now.

Later, when Shu Yan cried until there were no more tears to shed, and when she gradually became sobbing, Shi Manli handed the box in her hand to her: "This is what Xiao Chuan's mother gave me before she left Jiangzhou, and she asked me to hand it over to you." .”

"what is this?"

"I don't know, open it and have a look."

Shu Yan slowly opened the box, lying inside was a white kimono.

002
Ning Zechuan didn't want to stay in the hospital, and moved back to Wutong Villa within a few days after waking up.

On the way back to the car, he couldn't resist the drowsiness and fell asleep in the back seat.When passing through potholes, the car jolted, and he woke up suddenly. After a moment of stupor, he stared at Shu Yan sleepily: "Shu Yan? You're back?"

Shu Yan endured the sourness in her heart and responded to him: "Yes, I'm back."

"Just come back." He rubbed her hair and leaned on her shoulder. "I'm so sleepy. I'll sleep for a while, and when I arrive..."

Ning Zechuan's voice became softer, before he finished speaking, he fell asleep again.Shu Yan looked at his pale face, and the tears she had been holding back fell in random places.

After returning home, Ning Zechuan slept more and more and longer. He no longer used foundation to cover up his sickness. He knew that there are some things that cannot be concealed, such as coughing, such as he loves her, such as his body.

After the operation, the first thing he said when he woke up was to ask Shu Yan: "How long do I have?"

No matter how sad Shu Yan was, she didn't want to hide it from him: "If you're well, there's still more than a year left."

He nodded, closed his eyes and stopped talking, pretending not to see the tears she couldn't help falling down.

When the weather got warmer, Shu Yan took out the kimono that Ning Yao gave her and hung it up, and ironed the wrinkles little by little with an ironing machine.

After she finished, she turned her head and suddenly found that Ning Zechuan was leaning against the door and watching her for an unknown amount of time.

She asked, "When were you here?"

"Why don't you turn on the light?" Ning Zechuan asked without answering, and walked towards her slowly, holding a corner of the kimono, "This kimono..."

Shu Yan smiled embarrassedly: "Madam Ning gave it to me."

Ning Zechuan was stunned for a moment: "This is a Japanese wedding dress."

Shu Yan was also stunned, Mrs. Ning gave her a Japanese wedding dress?

"Do you know what it's called?"

Shu Yan shook her head: "What?"

Ning Zechuan looked into her eyes and smiled softly: "Bai Wugou." After a pause, he nodded again, "She understands very well, only you are worthy of its name."

Shu Yan felt a warm feeling in her heart, and her eye circles became hot.

But immediately, they were defeated again.

Ning Zechuan suddenly put down his hand: "Put it away."

Just let him be selfish for a while, he doesn't want her to marry someone else in this wedding dress.

Everything else is fine except this one.

He turned his back and said in a very soft voice, "I may have to break my promise for the 30-year-old appointment."

Shu Yan hugged him from behind and shook her head desperately: "No, don't give up in a hurry. The teacher said that there may be a possibility of healing if you go abroad for treatment."

"The cure rate is only three percent."

"But as long as there is even a little possibility, I don't want to give up."

"But, you never know which one will come first, tomorrow or the accident. Shu Yan, I'm afraid, I'm afraid I will die on the road, I don't want to take the risk and even bet on the remaining days, I can't afford it anymore," Ning Zechuan turned around, held her face and looked greedily, "The greatest luck in my life is to meet you, everything else is just luck, but this is enough, I have nothing else to ask for except you .”

He also thought about wanting to be with her forever, if not, it's okay to have it once, slowly, as long as he can look at her, it is a gift from God.But now, his only thought is that as long as she can remember him and have a place for him in her immortal memory, that's fine.

The deeper you love someone, the less and less you will ask.

Ning Zechuan was getting old day by day. He was very thin, but he couldn't eat. He could only inject nutrient solution every day. The smell of disinfectant in the room made him uncomfortable. He lit a lot of sandalwood in every corner of the room, trying to cover up the smell. smell.He didn't want to see anyone, even when Gong Yu came to see him, he didn't see him.

Shu Yan accompanied the rejected Gong Yu downstairs.

"How is he?"

Shu Yan glanced at Gong Yu, then quickly lowered her eyes and stopped talking.

Gong Yu pursed her lips and looked at the half-open door of the study room upstairs: "In case... I mean in case... you have to inform me to see him..."

He couldn't go on, a big man, pulling his hair, cried uncomfortably.

After sending Gongyu away, Shu Yan sat downstairs for a while, taking deep breaths, and after calming down, she returned to the study.

"Why don't you see Gongyu? He wants to see you very much."

"But I don't want him to feel sad when he sees me now. He should concentrate on living his own life."

Ning Zechuan was sitting at the desk, holding a small glass bottle in one hand, and filling it with sand with a wooden spoon in the other.

Shu Yan squatted down, lying on the table and asked him: "What are you doing?"

Ning Zechuan didn't raise his head, focusing on the movements in his hand: "Sand painting, I haven't told you, I made one, it's the fireworks we saw together when we crossed the century, I want to give it to you , but I missed the opportunity I gave you, and when I left Ning's house, I lost it."

He was sick and haggard, his hands were shaking because he had no strength when holding the wooden spoon, and the inside and outside of the sand painting bottle was a mess.

Shu Yan's heart was astringent, she lowered her head and pretended to pick up something, and wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes.

"I want to make another one for you," he said in a low voice, lowering his hands in frustration, "but I can't do it well."

Shu Yan looked at him, but couldn't even say a word of comfort.

It was an unusually hot day during the dog days, and Ning Zechuan felt uncomfortable all over his body. He struggled for a long time before falling asleep, intermittently, and only woke up the next afternoon. Half of his body lost consciousness and lost the ability to move.

One night not long after, Shu Yan wiped Ning Zechuan's body, packed everything, and when she returned to the bed, Ning Zechuan suddenly took her hand and said, "When you disappeared, Ou Zichen was running around every day looking for you. If you are not found, he will foolishly look for you for the rest of his life."

Shu Yan paused for a moment, then said "um" absent-mindedly.

She knew this was not what he wanted to say, she was waiting, waiting for his decision.

Sure enough, after being silent for a while, Ning Zechuan said in a deep voice, "Shu Yan, I want to ask you one thing."

She nodded: "You say."

"Marry Ou Zichen."

He had practiced these five short words no less than five hundred times in his mind. He thought he could speak them easily and naturally, but only now did he realize how difficult it was to utter these five words from his mouth.

As expected, Shu Yan shook her head resolutely: "Impossible."

Whatever he wanted, she would give him everything, and would like anything, but she couldn't agree to this alone.

She said firmly again: "You have to understand that I will not marry anyone but you."

"But you have to understand that I can't marry you anymore, and you can't wait until I'm 30 years old. You and I both understood this from the beginning." Ning Zechuan said this sentence extremely difficult, and his frustration was no worse than at this moment. Clearer, complex emotions surged in his heart, and he felt that his heart had lost its vitality at this moment.

It was only then that Shu Yan realized that he was actually arranging the funeral. She shook her head, tears streaming down like broken pearls, but her eyes were extremely firm: "So you want to entrust me to others, and then you can feel at ease. Leave me alone? Impossible, I won't agree, never."

Ning Zechuan sighed, hugged her into his arms, and hugged her tightly, the sourness in his heart was overwhelmed, but he still wanted to say those words: "I'm not abandoning you, I'm just... Shu Yan, if no one Taking care of you, how can I feel at ease."

Shu Yan held his face sadly, sobbing that she couldn't speak clearly: "Then don't die, Ning Zechuan, I won't let you leave in peace as you wish."

Ning Zechuan hugged her and didn't speak for a long time. He didn't want to die, and he was working hard to live for her, but life and death were always things that he couldn't decide by himself. He had no choice but to help her. She made arrangements for the rest of her life.

After a long time, Ning Zechuan said slowly: "I have already told Zhang Qingming that I don't want to hold a funeral, I like quietness, and I don't want those people I don't know to disturb my purity with hypocrisy, so they burn me It is buried in a place where no one else can find it..."

She shook her head desperately, and cried out in fear: "I don't want it, you don't want to die, Ning Zechuan, I beg you, don't die, don't abandon me."

Ning Zechuan didn't seem to hear, and continued to say: "Don't come to me, lest you cry in front of my grave, it's so ugly."

He stroked the tears that kept falling from the corners of her eyes, and said with difficulty: "Shu Yan, don't be sad, you have always been strong, and you will live beautifully without me for the rest of your life, so I can feel at ease."

His eyelids drooped little by little, they were too heavy to open, he slowly let go of her holding hand, turned his back, breathing became heavy and slow: "Shu Yan, you can leave tomorrow. "

"I won't go."

"Then, I'll go."

These were his last words to her.

Shu Yan was stunned, and stopped crying. Her soul seemed to be pulled out of her body following his words, and she couldn't see or hear anything at once.She knows him too well, she knows that he will do what he says, if she doesn't leave, he will disappear in her world, so that she can never find him again, and even in the end... can't be with him.

Why did he force her to do this.

why?

Why so!

Shu Yan woke up the next morning, washed and tidied up, and went back to the bed. She opened her arms and hugged Ning Zechuan from behind. She put her head on his shoulder and pressed against his cold earlobe, and said with a sob: "I gone."

He was still awake and didn't answer.

Shu Yan greedily looked at his sleeping face for a while, pressed a kiss on his lips, and walked out.

Zhang Qingming was waiting for her downstairs, and handed her an iron box: "Mr. Ning said, you can look at it when you go back."

Shu Yan couldn't hold back, as soon as she walked out of the gate of the villa, she opened the iron box.

Then he covered his mouth, the pain in his heart overwhelming.

In that box were a pair of bamboo grasshoppers with yellow hair and fringe, a black handkerchief, a framed picture album, a watercolor painting of her falling asleep leaning against him, and a five-color sand grasshopper with no discernible pattern. painted bottle.

This was the life he had had with her.

He will give her his life back.

He opted out of her for the rest of his life.

She Shuyan, from now on, will be alone.

"Don't be sad."

She won't be sad.

How could she not be sad.

Under the lush sycamore tree, she squatted down with her head buried in her knees, weeping uncontrollably.

003
On the last day of July, Zhang Qingming came back from Shu Yan's and told Ning Zechuan: "Doctor Shu still sold the wedding house you bought for her, and she wants me to tell you that she will do all your requests." , but she really doesn't like the house you picked, so she will use the money from selling the house to buy what she likes."

Ning Zechuan said "um", and there was nothing else.

A few days later, several trucks drove into the alleys of the Wutong villa area. They were so mighty, and there was a lot of movement. When Zhang Qingming came back from delivering the doctor, he glanced intentionally or unintentionally. This glance almost made him fall. Instead, when I got back, I hurriedly reported: "Mr. Ning... Dr. Shu, bought the villa opposite us."

Ning Zechuan was sitting in a wheelchair, the curtains were mostly drawn, he was sitting by the window, quietly looking at the light somewhere outside the window, his thoughts seemed to have wandered into the world, and there was no movement for a long time.

Zhang Qingming followed his gaze. In the villa opposite, all the glass was replaced with transparent ones, so it was easy to see Shu Yan who was watering a pot of plants under the dim light.

At that moment, Zhang Qingming suddenly understood that deep down in Mr. Ning's heart, he also wanted to see Dr. Shu.

The next day, Zhang Qingming set up a deck chair by the window. After that day, Ning Zechuan would sit on it for a while every day when he got up, bask in the sun, enjoy the breeze, or listen to the sound of rain. Only at that time will the body tormented by the disease rest in peace.

Later, Ning Zechuan's health became worse and worse, which affected his vision. His eyes were covered with a layer of cloudy fog all day long, and he couldn't see anything. However, he still sat on the recliner for a while every day.

Zhang Qingming didn't understand at first, but then he gradually understood that it wasn't just Mr. Ning who wanted to look at Dr. Shu from a distance, Dr. Shu must also want to see him from a distance, so even if Mr. Ning couldn't see him, he still missed him. Dr. Shu sat on the balcony, even if she couldn't see anything, she wanted to satisfy her thoughts.

This lovesickness penetrates deep into the bones, dissolves in the blood, and has become a disease.

A street, two layers of glass, and a blurred figure are the medicine for the two of them.

What Ning Zechuan didn't know was that every day after he couldn't see, Shu Yan would come to see him after he fell asleep, and she promised that she would not let Ning Zechuan find out.Zhang Qingming couldn't bear it, so he let her in, she sat lightly on a chair not far from the bed, she could touch him as soon as she stretched out her hand, but she didn't dare, she just sat there, quietly looking at him, watching Watching him drowsy, watching his distorted body groaning and trembling with pain.

Shu Yan was also trembling, she was crying all the time, but she didn't dare to cry, she bit her hand, the back of her hand was full of shocking tooth marks.

Then one day, it was strange to say that Ning Zechuan seemed to feel something, suddenly woke up, stared at a certain place in the corner of the room for a long, long time, finally sighed softly, and muddy tears slowly fell down the corners of his eyes.

The position he was looking at was the position where Shu Yan was.

After that, Shu Yan never came again.

As summer goes and autumn comes, the lush green leaves turn yellow and fall to the ground, and the wind pushes time, moving forward cumbersomely and quickly.

This year's first snow came very early and very suddenly. After getting up early, Shu Yan sat on the balcony as usual, looking at the opposite side, and kept looking.

After a long time, Ou Zichen came over, took a blanket and draped it over her body, then looked at the opposite French window with heavy curtains, and asked, "Why hasn't he appeared today?"

Shu Yan watched the snow falling harder and harder outside the window, for a long time, said in a hoarse voice: "He won't come."

Ou Zichen was stunned for a moment, and immediately realized that he wanted to say something, but he couldn't say anything.That day, when he left, Shu Yan was still sitting on the balcony without moving, so he called her: "Shu Yan, I'm going back, I'll see you again in a few days."

Shu Yan didn't reply, as if she didn't hear, she really couldn't hear any voice now.

Ou Zichen sighed, closed the door and stepped into the wind and snow.

Later, the sky gradually darkened, Shu Yan couldn't bear it anymore, and ran out, she didn't even wear shoes, and stepped into the thick snow, she couldn't feel anything, all she wanted was to see Ning Zechuan.

She pressed the doorbell desperately, and shouted in a trembling voice, "Ning Zechuan."

The door opened quickly, and Zhang Qingming appeared in front of him with his luggage. Shu Yan rushed in past him without looking at him.

"Doctor Shu."

Zhang Qingming grabbed her wrist, Shu Yan turned her head in a daze, and saw Zhang Qingming bent down and put a pair of cotton slippers by her feet.

"If you get frostbite, Mr. Ning, you will be uneasy."

Shu Yan followed his words in a daze and asked, "Where's Ning Zechuan?"

Zhang Qingming stood up and lowered his eyes not daring to look at her. After a while, he said softly, "Mr. Ning...has left."

"Gone...he's gone..."

Shu Yan repeated, tears fell down so suddenly, she staggered a few steps unsteadily, half leaned against the wall, shivering all the time, whether it was cold or for some reason.

Zhang Qingming was sad when he saw it, but when he thought of what Mr. Ning said to him, he said ruthlessly: "Doctor Shu, Mr. Ning is gone, and I have to go back to Tokyo. The transfer procedures for this house have been completed, and it has been transferred to you Under the name, in the future, you... cherish it."

He bowed to Shu Yan, closed the door, turned and walked out.

The howling wind and snow were isolated from the gate, and the world suddenly became quiet.Shu Yan stood in a daze at the entrance of the room where the two lived, and in every corner as far as the eye could see, images of the two kept flashing.

In this square inch of land, they have cried, laughed, loved and hurt, that is the past tense.

Now, in the future, she is the only one left.

He is really so cruel...

After a long time, Shu Yan straightened up slowly. She walked very slowly, and finally came to Ning Zechuan's room. The decoration there was still the same as before, but there were fewer people that should be there.

Looking at the empty room, she suddenly remembered a poem she learned when she was young, things are people but things are not.

Everything is off.

She fell on the bed, curled up in a baby position, her hands showed a hug, as if she was hugging someone.The smell of disinfectant and sandalwood still lingered on the sheets, which belonged to him. As long as she smelled it, she felt as if there were hands in the dark, gently stroking her back, whispering to comfort her anxiety and sorrow.

Later Shu Yan fell asleep, and the moment she fell into a dream, she felt that everything around her became very light, and her body became heavier and heavier, as if there was a hand pulling her down.She opened her eyes suddenly, and found that she was in the white clouds and thick fog, with a large dazzling white light in front of her eyes, and all voices and people disappeared.Her mind was also empty, as if she had returned to the way she first came to this world. The world was very quiet, without a single sound.

The wind blew gently, and the dense fog gradually dispersed, and the person hiding at the end of the dense fog gradually became clear.

Shu Yan heard the sound of her heart beating again.

In the dream, he walked towards her with very light steps, and his appearance and attire changed little by little. When he stopped in front of her, he already looked like the old man, gray and gray. Long coat, soft facial features like a young man walking out of an ink painting, the wind blows his sleeves, she smells the vicissitudes of time.

She looked up at him, with her head half tilted, with smiles and tears in her eyes.

"It's you?"

With a smile on his brows and eyes, his gentleness spread all over the place: "It's me."

All encounters in this world are reunions after a long absence.

Similar souls, even if separated by heaven and earth, across mountains and rivers, will eventually meet again.

"Shu Yan, long time no see."

A wind mixed with snow particles blows in from the gap of the window sill, and slowly falls on Shu Yan's face, like someone's kiss.She woke up suddenly, and outside the window was the night whitened by the whistling goose feather snow. She was in a trance, and felt that this sleep seemed to have passed through a lifetime.

The life related to him, as beautiful as it was in the last century, ended in a blink of an eye.

And the rest of my life without him is too long.

END
(End of this chapter)