To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 14 During the conversation, you should pay attention to these problems (1)
Before speaking, learn to think calmly.You have to be clear about any precautions and minor problems that need to be overcome.Otherwise, these small problems may spoil your "big event"!
Dos and Don'ts in Daily Conversation

By saying hello and introducing yourself, you can seize the opportunity of interpersonal relationship, but daily conversation can promote friendship.

The goal of daily conversation is not to deepen the content theoretically, or directly solve the problems related to the content of the speech itself; the main purpose is to enjoy the fun of dialogue and seek mutual spiritual exchanges; at the same time, conversation also has a sense of relaxation.

Some needs can also be met through conversation, such as seeking a change of atmosphere or taking a break, and expressing oneself.Therefore, it is very important to sharpen your conversation skills in order to deepen your interpersonal relationship.Things to pay attention to are as follows:

1. Understand the real meaning of the conversation

That is, things that are talked together in a conversation.Because a conversation is not just a one-man show performed by a specific person, it is a joint operation exchanged with the other party.

2. The session has the characteristics of response

No matter what is mentioned, if someone impatiently replies with listless "oh" and "no", it will not make the atmosphere lively.

The main reason for this situation is that there is no response to the topic, or that I have no intention of participating in the conversation on my side. This inner attitude is also the crux of the problem.

If there are rich "talk materials", when accepting the words cast by the other party, you can respond correctly.

Probably because human beings have an instinctive need for self-expression, so once they have the opportunity to speak, they will spontaneously want to speak.If it goes on and on continuously, the atmosphere of the conversation will be heated up, and at this time, the spiritual communication of the participants will be more lively.

For enriching the topic, the prerequisite is not to lose the freshness when touching things, and to maintain the youthfulness of the spirit.If it is not touched, it will be a manifestation of mental aging.Because fresh topics are not injected, the topics will be stale and musty, with no freshness.

3. Don’t get caught up in self-righteous topics

Many people, like PhDs, know it all and think that's what makes a good conversationalist, which is actually a misunderstanding.Although knowing that conversation is important, if you talk about boring topics to the other party, it is equivalent to talking to yourself and listening to yourself.The focus of the conversation is to talk about the common topic between the speaker and the listener.

4. Be careful not to break the rules

There are often people who pour cold water on the way of speaking, or find fault with the speech, and monopolize the upper hand in the speech, etc. These situations must violate the principle of conversation.

When speaking, you should always ask yourself "Is it okay to say this?" If not, the other party will ignore your words.If violated repeatedly, people will stay away from you.Even if you are chatting with you, your mind will be distracted unconsciously, which will cause you to sing a one-man show.Like the "flower facing the wall" at the ball, it is self-inflicted to lead oneself to the road of loneliness.

Frequent Mistakes to Avoid in Interviews

During the conversation, most people often make some minor mistakes. Although they are not very important, they will also reduce the interest of the other party in the conversation and even arouse the resentment of others. Therefore, it is better to be careful and try to correct them.

1. illegible
Some people often have some vague words in the conversation, which makes people not understand clearly, and even misunderstands what they mean.Therefore, if you don’t talk, you just need to speak, and it’s best to say every word and sentence clearly and accurately.

2. Use general words
Some people like to use one word to replace many words. For example, they use the word "good" to replace them on all satisfactory occasions.He said: "This song is really good!" "This is a good article." "This mountain is good, and the water is good!" Want to know how it all works.Is this house good because of its spaciousness, its unique design, or its strong materials?Is this person good because he is honest, straightforward, capable, or willing to get close to others?Or is it because you are generous and like others?Just the word "good" can easily confuse people.There are also such people who like to use "that" to replace almost all adjectives, for example: "This movie is really that." That."... This type of problem is mainly due to lazy mind, unwilling to spend a little more energy to find an appropriate word.If you let this habit go unchecked, what you say tends to make people feel general and empty, without content, and thus will not get proper attention from others.

3. Redundant words

Some people like to add many unnecessary words to their words. For example, in three sentences, the word "naturally" is used twice.Some people like to add the word "but" casually.Some people like to keep asking others "Do you understand?" "Did you say so?"... Such superfluous words and phrases are best carefully avoided.

4. Speech is noisy

Some people add a lot of meaningless noise when they speak, which is more uncomfortable than using redundant words.For example, while talking, the nose is ringing "hum, hum"; or before each sentence, you must clear your throat; some people add a few "uh" words in a sentence... …these murmurs will not only cause a physical discomfort to the other person, but they will also put a layer of dust on your wonderful language.

5. Like to use exaggerated language to emphasize the characteristics of a thing in order to attract the attention of others
Some people use this statement no matter what the occasion.For example: "This opinion is very important!" "This book is wonderfully written." "This is a very great play." "It is extremely dangerous to do this." "This woman is simply unspeakably beautiful." …and so on, if he speaks too much, others will naturally discount his exaggerated words, which will greatly reduce the prestige of the language.

6. Pretentious
There are many manifestations of affectation. For example, some people like to add a few sentences in English or French to the conversation; some people like to add a few academic nouns to the conversation; In the mouth; some people like to quote a few famous quotes, but the place to put it is not appropriate.This will make people feel that he is showing off his knowledge and pretending to be profound, so it is not as easy to accept as natural and plain words.

7. Trivial and messy
When narrating the truth, the most important thing is to be clear and organized.Therefore, before talking, it is best to sort out what you want to say in your mind, divide it into several clear and definite paragraphs, and get rid of some unimportant details.Otherwise, speaking will be procrastinated and confused.Especially when a person narrates his own personal experience, it is easier to be very energetic, eager to tell the whole story of what he has seen and heard, but the result sounds very difficult.

8. Too many proverbs
Proverbs are meant to be witty and persuasive words, but it's not good to use too much in conversation.Using too many proverbs will often make others feel glib and grandstanding, which not only does not help to enhance persuasiveness, but makes the listener feel cumbersome.

Proverbs can only be used in the right place to make a conversation lively and powerful.Therefore, when using proverbs, we should make them as appropriate as possible.

Keep these things in mind when talking
1. Avoid arguing

When you argue with someone, do you think that as long as you overwhelm the opponent with grand arguments, you will get great benefits?Actually, you don't have to overwhelm the other person.Even if the other party succumbs on the surface, he will feel resentful in his heart, and you will not get any benefit.Being argumentative can damage someone's self-esteem, which can turn you off and cost you some friends.Competitiveness is the characteristic of most people, and no one is willing to admit defeat, so all arguments are unnecessary.If you can always respect the opinions of others, your opinions will also be respected.In this way, what you advocate will be easily supported by others.You can realize your ideas, and you can also influence other people's plans, but you should not get it by arguing.

2. Avoid questioning

Talking in a questioning tone is the easiest way to hurt feelings.Many disharmony between husband and wife, brothers, and colleagues are due to the fact that one party likes to talk to the other party in a questioning manner.Except in the context of debate, questioning is unnecessary.If you feel that the other party's opinion is wrong, you might as well express your opinion immediately. Why do you have to question the other party and embarrass the other party?Some people like to use a questioning tone to correct the mistakes of others, which is enough to destroy the relationship between both parties.People who are questioned are often overwhelmed and their self-esteem takes a huge hit.Respect for others is a necessary condition for conversation.Embarrassing the other party for a while, it is of no benefit to others or yourself.You don't want others to damage your dignity, nor should you damage others' self-esteem.

3. Avoid being straightforward

There are inappropriate parts in the other party's speech, of course, need to be corrected, but you must give obvious praise to the proper part, and the other party will be convinced by your fairness.When changing the other party's point of view, it is best to try to secretly transplant your own meaning to him, so that he feels that he is correcting himself, not because of your criticism.For those irreparable mistakes, from the standpoint of a friend, you should give sincere corrections, but not harsh questions, so that he can correct his mistakes.When correcting the other party, it is best to use the tone of asking for advice, and the tone of command is not effective.Pay attention to preserving or motivating the other person's self-esteem.

4. Avoid picking

Never deliberately make things difficult for others.Some people like to express that they disagree with others. People who deliberately express that they disagree with others are just as dishonest as those who agree with others.Eloquence is a way to help you deal with others. No one wants to be a person who is very eloquent but unpopular everywhere.Don't try to show off your eloquence, and make people hate you. Eloquence must be displayed correctly and flexibly.

5. Avoid hypocrisy

Don't pretend to be an expert on things you don't know.Pretending to understand is a dishonest act of self-deception.Just say as much as you know, no one asks you to make an "encyclopedia".Even a very learned person must know something.Therefore, it is never a shame to frankly admit that you are ignorant of certain things. On the contrary, others will think that your speech is worthy of consideration because you are not hypocritical and you are not bragging.

6. Avoid showing off
Don't brag about your personal life to strangers, such as your accomplishments, your wealth, or how great your son is.

Ten ways to liven up the social atmosphere

If you want to leave a good impression on others in life, you should use wonderful language to enliven the atmosphere, especially in social situations.Both the host and the guests are responsible for bringing a lively vibe to the occasion.Never let the frost get on your face when you step into the hall, for a man with a sad countenance is never welcome.So it's best to be calm.Self-possession is a rare manifestation of psychological balance, which includes the courage to laugh at oneself and the tolerance and sincerity to others.

So, how to activate the social atmosphere?

1. A well-intentioned prank
It's not a bad thing to make fun of others in a measured and well-intentioned way.A well-intentioned prank has the unexpected effect of making everyone laugh.When people laugh out loud, they transcend the boundaries of habits and rules, and enjoy the "freedom" without restraint and the "relaxation" of breaking the rules.

2. Bring props

When friends get together, they may be caught in a dilemma because they can't open the situation when they first meet, or there may be a cold silence in the middle.This is where the little props you carry with you can come into play.For example, an exquisite key chain may lead to a lot of topics; a fan, which can be used to shade the sun, write poems or draw pictures on it, can also arouse everyone's interest.Therefore, the magical effect of small props should not be underestimated.

3. Resonate
A successful social interaction should be that everyone speaks freely, each of them shows their best talents and makes the most exciting performances, and it is most forbidden to sing a one-man show, and everyone should be an audience.To achieve this goal, it is necessary to find content that resonates with everyone.Only when we have common feelings can we express our opinions and exchange views with each other, and the atmosphere will be warm.Therefore, if you are the host of a social event, you must link the content of the event with the likes and dislikes of the participants, the topics you care about most, and the skills you are best at, so as to avoid a cold spot.

4. Self-deprecating
Self-deprecating, as the name implies, is to ridicule oneself and ridicule oneself, which is also a kind of irony.It is a manifestation of a person's peace of mind.It can create a relaxed and harmonious conversation atmosphere, make you live a relaxed and free life, make people feel your cuteness and humanity, and thus change their views on you.In real life, timely and moderate "self-deprecating" will often receive witty and meaningful effects.

5. Give a Painless Injury

Sometimes, those couples who raise their eyebrows together may not have no conflicts, while lovers who are usually noisy may be more intimate.The same is true for socializing. If you joke with each other, attack each other a few words, punch and kick, you will appear intimate and unrestrained.

6. Quirky Questions and Answers
In the conversation, interspersing some unexpected, seemingly absurd but meaningful questions from time to time is a very good form of activating the atmosphere.Those who are serious will give people a rigid, monotonous, and boring feeling.Maybe someone will ask you some ridiculous questions from time to time. If you call the other party ridiculous or dismissive, it will not only destroy the atmosphere of the conversation and interpersonal relationship, but also be considered as lacking a sense of humor.

7. Exaggerated praise
After reuniting with friends after a long absence, you can’t help exchanging pleasantries. You can use this to make some high-level remarks, and show off and exaggerate everyone’s talents and achievements. This will make friends feel that you deeply understand, admire them.This kind of words that elevate people extremely high, but without a sense of hypocrisy or flattery, will immediately make the whole atmosphere extremely active and deepen the friendship.

8. Containing Zhuang Yu Harmony
Socializing requires solemnity, but maintaining a solemn atmosphere for a long time can make people nervous.The way of talking in harmony with solemnity is relatively free and can be used in many occasions.Humorous and witty language can also express more important content.

9. Create suspense

In cross talk, suspense is the "baggage" of cross talk masters.Intentionally creating suspense will make people pay more attention to your every move.After shaking off the "burden" when everyone was concentrating and concentrating, people realized that it was a false alarm, and they all laughed and applauded.

(End of this chapter)