To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 15 During the conversation, you should pay attention to these problems (2)
10. The opposite of the irony and the opposite of the truth

When using the irony method, the important point is to handle the relationship between one negative and one positive.In a conversation, when you are about to negate the other party, you first come with an affirmation, that is, it seems to affirm the other party in the form of expression, but the content of negation is subtly hidden in the form of affirmation.When you are speaking, you should be serious and serious, so that the other party will be interested in listening.Then, shake out the content of the irony in an affirmative form, forming a strong contrast with the original righteousness, thus producing a sharp irony, making people believe it is true, increasing the effect of the conversation, and enlivening the atmosphere.

The irony is fascinating, and the truth is also quite meaningful.To say the right thing in reverse means not to give a direct answer or elaboration on a certain topic, but deliberately find another way, and from the negative point of view, make it the same as the right way to say the same thing.In this way, head-on conflicts can be avoided, subtle and tactful, and reasonable, and receive a surprisingly winning persuasion and satirical effect.sometimes.The twists and turns of telling the truth can enable people to deepen communication in a relaxed situation and ease the tense situation.

Sophisticated Conversation

The difficulty of speaking is that it cannot be revised. Once a word is spoken, it is hard to follow.It is not like writing an article, which can be added, deleted and changed, but it can be carefully thought out. Once the words are spoken, there is almost no room for taking them back.

In reality, there are all kinds of social partners. Therefore, it is advisable to make a draft before the conversation to sort out the theme, so as to avoid impromptu speech or confusion.When speaking, of course, you should keep your eyes on the other person, and pay attention to the other person's reaction at any time, so as to adjust your topic.If you find that the other person has an expression of not wanting to listen, or glances at his watch from time to time, you should make a long story short and end the conversation as soon as possible.If he looks suspicious, you should explain more.If he's interested, you might as well play on it.If he wants to chime in, you let him have an opinion.All in all, when talking with people, you must know how to read words and expressions to avoid misunderstandings.

When expressing your attitude, you must also have a sense of proportion. For example, if you think it is right, you can reply "very good"; Try it out, I can’t guarantee success”; if you can’t do it, just say “this matter is too difficult, I’m afraid there’s not much hope”… In short, you should leave some room in the conversation to avoid a dilemma afterwards.

In fact, conversation should be somewhat restricted, because conversation is limited by three aspects: first, people; second, time; third, place.If it's not the right person, it doesn't need to be said; if it's not the right time, even if you get the right person, you don't need to say it;It's too much to tell the truth if it's not the person; it's too much to tell the truth if you get the person, not the time, just say three parts, give him a hint, and see how he responds; get the person, get the time, not the time Other places can attract his attention. If necessary, you might as well choose another place to have a long talk. This is called mastery of the world.

For example, sometimes when you meet someone who likes to pry into other people's privacy, he will attack in a roundabout way and insert some main questions in the conversation, hoping that you will reveal the truth. , or simply say "no comment" to stop him from bugging you constantly.

In addition, it is not advisable to talk when you are hungover or after a fit of anger.Because the mood is restless at this time, it is most likely to "speak misfortune".

You must pay attention to the taboos of others
China has a vast territory, and the dialects are different in different places. Often the same sentence has completely opposite meanings.You consider it insulting, he regards it as respect; you consider it respectful, he regards it as insulting.That's why the ancients had the idea of ​​"do as the Romans do when entering the country".

Once upon a time there was a man from Zhejiang who went to the north to be an official, and his wife was also from the south.One day, the wife taught the maid to wash the clothes, and she said: "After washing, go out to dry."When the maid heard this, of course she felt strange.After the wife asked the reason, she laughed and cursed: "Tangke!" "Tangke" is a curse term in Jiangsu and Zhejiang. It turns out that in Hubei and other provinces, "Tangke" means to respect women.

It's a joke, but it demonstrates the difference in dialect meaning.There are many other examples like this. For example, for a little boy from someone else’s family, it’s not wrong to call him little brother, right?But to Taicang people, they think you are scolding him.For an old man, you call him old man, is it not bad at all?But to the people of Jiading, Jiangsu, they think you are insulting him.In Anhui, calling your friend's mother an old woman is to respect her; but in Jiangsu and Zhejiang, calling your friend's mother an old woman is simply scolding her.Customs and taboos vary from place to place, so when interacting with others, one must be careful about the other party's taboo words.Otherwise, if you don't pay attention and blurt out, it will be the most unpleasant.Although the other party knows that you do not understand his taboos, it is understandable, but it is always almost rude to you, at least if you violate the taboos of the other party, your friendship will not be further improved.

For example, it is not very serious if you call a jerk to a person from Jiangsu and Zhejiang, but if you call a girl from the north, it will be considered a shame and a shame, and I have to negotiate with you.Once upon a time, there was a primary school teacher who called a student's mother an asshole during an argument. Unexpectedly, the parent was a northerner, so he came to the school to "question" and asked the teacher to tell the truth about her being an asshole.It turns out that the word "bastard (account)" means a woman stealing a man in the north.This kind of explanation made the problem appear serious. Although the school has repeatedly apologized and stated that they had misunderstood, the parents still refused to give up. The school had to ask others to persuade them.This almost joke story is more than enough to prove that taboos in dialects must be paid special attention to.

Paying attention to each other's taboos is a trivial matter in communication, but it has a great impact on friendship.When you behave and do things in society, the fewer enemies the better, and it is not worthwhile to recruit more hollow enemies because you don’t know taboos.

Find a common topic for everyone

When you're trying to start a conversation with someone, the first thing you need to do is choose a topic for the conversation.In layman's terms, it is what you want to talk to the other party and where to start the conversation.If you often find it difficult to talk to people, perhaps the most important reason is that you have a deep misunderstanding of what to say.

One of the most common misconceptions people have about conversation is that only the most extraordinary events are worth talking about.Such a result makes the conversation boring for both parties.While they rummaged for something important, they lost sight of the meaning of the conversation itself.Have you ever had such an experience that when you meet an acquaintance, you will search hard in your mind, looking for some weird anecdotes, thrilling events, or fascinating experiences, as well as exciting and exciting things? matter?Naturally, such matters are of the greatest interest to the general public.Being able to say such beautiful things during a conversation is a kind of satisfaction for both the listener and the speaker.However, there are not many such things in our lives after all.Some sensational news in the society, you don't need you to say it before others have heard it.Even if it is a relatively special thing that you have personally experienced, there is no need to talk about it here and there.Also, a story you tell that is popular on one occasion may not be popular on another.So if you think only the most extraordinary things are worth talking about, you'll often feel like you have nothing to talk about.

In fact, besides listening to anecdotes and anecdotes, people are also willing to talk with friends about common topics in daily life.For example, which school is better for children to go to when they grow up, which insecticide should be bought for flowers and trees bitten by insects, what good movies to watch this weekend, etc. These are all good conversations The subject matter can also make both sides of the conversation feel interested.In short, when you choose a topic for conversation, you need to know whether the other party is interested in it, and whether the other party's knowledge and experience can carry the conversation to the end.If you can do this, then you can be called a good talker.

Be careful when talking to people

When speaking with people, you should be very careful.What you want to say, it is best to prepare a draft in advance and list the outline so as not to miss it temporarily.When speaking, you must first be calm and calm, look at the other person with both eyes, and show a sincere expression. Always pay attention to whether the other person agrees with your opinion, and adjust your statement accordingly. If you find that he does not want to listen more, You should try to end the topic.If he has doubts, you should explain more. If he is willing to accept your opinion, you should go straight to the point without going around in circles; if you find that he wants to interrupt, you should ask him to express his opinion.

For the other party's answer, you have to pay special attention and pay special attention.The same word "oh" has different expressions. "Oh." means knowing; "Oh!" means surprise; "Oh?" means doubt.If he says, "Okay, that's it." That's totally acceptable. "Okay, let's talk about it later!" This means refusal to accept. "Okay, wait for me to study." This is agreed in principle, and the method still needs to be discussed.If he says, "Okay, you hear back from me," that's a sign of being helpful. "Okay, I'll keep an eye out for you." This was an expression of uncertainty. "Okay, I'll do something for you." This is an expression of Ken's responsibility.Sophisticated people are often reluctant to make explicit expressions, which can easily make you misunderstand what he means.If you can experience it carefully, you will know whether the speech was successful.

When answering, you must also be measured. If you think it is right, just answer him "very good".If you think it is wrong, answer him: "This question is hard to say." If you think it can be done, answer him: "I will try, but I am not sure whether it will succeed." If you think it can't be done, answer it : "This matter is too difficult, I am afraid there is not much hope."

In short, don't say too sure, too sure answer, the most likely to cause unpleasant consequences.There must be some room for maneuver in all answers. In case you can’t make a decision temporarily, you can answer: "I will answer you after I think about it!" Or say: "After I discuss with XX, let XX answer you !” The former is divided equally between acceptance and non-acceptance, while most of the latter are polite rejections.If the other party keeps nagging and you don't want to listen any more, there are several ways to deal with it: you can say something else that is not important and divert the target; you can also say "OK, that's all for today", and Stand up and say "I'm sorry, goodbye! Goodbye", and he will naturally end the conversation and leave you.

If the other party is a person who likes to spy on you, he will often adopt a roundabout method, inserting an important sentence in the middle, hoping that you will reveal the truth. If you are unwilling to tell him, you should pay special attention to that important sentence and try to avoid it, or Deliberately pretend not to hear, or be vague, or say "no comment" to stop him from constantly attacking you.In addition, don't see guests when you are hangover; don't see guests when you are angry.Because, when drunk, it is easy to say wrong words and reveal secrets; when angry, it is easy to blame visitors and offend people for no reason.Good feelings between people are rare, and bad feelings are easy to achieve, so you must be cautious when talking with people.Of course, confidantes get together, ancient and modern, east, west, north, south, with them, talk about everything, there is no need to be restrained, but the talk of the waves should not be abused, otherwise a mistake in a word will cause cracks in the relationship. This is unavoidable, and must be cautious.

be careful not to be self righteous

Around us, some people like to argue. As long as they talk to others, they will be tit for tat. No matter what others say, they will always refute them. In fact, they have no opinions at all.When you said "yes", he must say "no"; when you said "no", he said "yes" again.This is a very bad habit. You must have the upper hand in everything, and you are self-righteous everywhere.In life, if you are unfortunate enough to be that kind of person, please listen carefully to the warnings of others.

Even if you really know more than others, you should not talk to others with this attitude.This bad habit will cut you off from your friends and colleagues, so that no one is willing to give you opinions or suggestions, let alone give you a little advice.You may have been a very good person, but unfortunately you developed this habit, which caused friends and colleagues to leave you.The only way to improve is to develop the habit of respecting others.First of all, you have to understand that in daily discussions, your opinion may not necessarily be correct, and the opinions of others may not necessarily be wrong.Put the two sides together and you're at most half right.So, why do you have to contradict others every time?

Probably among the people who have this bad habit, most of them are smart, or they think they are smart. Maybe they are too enthusiastic and want to come up with higher insights from their own thoughts. He thinks that this will make others admire him, but in fact Totally wrong.There is no need to bother with advanced research on some ordinary things.At least the purpose of our usual conversation is more entertainment than research, right?Since you are not studying the problem, why bother to be stubborn on some trivial matters?In addition, it should be noted that one should not be too serious in a casual conversation.

When someone talks to you, he doesn't intend to ask you to preach at all, it's just everyone talking and laughing.If you try to be smart and come up with a higher opinion, even if it is a superior opinion, the other party will never be willing to accept it.Therefore, you can't always appear as if you want to teach others.

When your colleague makes a suggestion to you, if you can't immediately agree with it, you should also express that you will consider it, and don't refute it immediately.If your friends chat with you, you should pay more attention, too much stubbornness will make an interesting life boring.

If someone really made a mistake and refuses to accept criticism or advice, don’t rush for success. You might as well take a step back, extend the time, and talk again every few days. Otherwise, everyone’s opinions will not solve the problem. , but will hurt feelings.Therefore, in socializing, you must always consider other people's opinions and don't be a stubborn person. Only in this way can you gain the appreciation and love of others.

There is ample evidence that people have a purpose when they talk: to know whether others have the same view on something as they do, and further hope that others will have the same view as themselves.If other people's views are slightly different or very different from your own, you will feel extremely uncomfortable, and even become unhappy immediately. phenomenon of communication.Therefore, people should pay more attention to learning to control their emotions in daily communication, and don't be self-righteous. Even when others disagree with your views on something, you should be more magnanimous.

Of course, when you hear that someone else has the same opinion as you, you immediately agree with it.Don't think that if you do this, people will think that you are going along with it, so you don't say anything.Keeping silent, although it will not be misunderstood as echoing, it is also easy to make people think that you do not agree with their opinions.

(End of this chapter)