To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 2 Communication is to speak well (1)
The power of speaking is enormous, and the wisdom of speaking is infinite.Behind the speech, it reflects a person's character, self-cultivation, talent, learning and city.In the process of communication, good eloquence will always be welcomed and respected by others.It can be said that communication means speaking well.

In the era of communication, use the tip of your tongue to solve the problem

Different people have different views, different organizations have different philosophies, and different countries have different cultures.It is because of so many "differences" that contradictions and misunderstandings are inevitable, so effective communication is required.

Effective communication can meet the needs of people to communicate with each other, enable people to reach a consensus and carry out more cooperation; effective communication can enable people to obtain more valuable information, enable people to think clearly, and effectively grasp the changes in what they do.However, smart people always use language to resolve barriers and solve problems; stupid people always wave their fists to intensify conflicts and create troubles.To conquer a person, or even a group of people, is often not the sword, but the tip of the tongue.

Lao Sun was going to argue with the manager, "Although we are workers, we are also human beings. How can we work overtime without any condolences! The year-end bonus is not much money!" Say, "I'm going to give that self-righteous manager a lesson."

"My surname is Sun, and I have an appointment with the manager." Old Sun said to the manager's secretary.

"Yes, yes, the manager is waiting for you, but unfortunately, a client has an urgent matter to ask the manager, please wait a moment." The secretary politely took Lao Sun to the reception room, asked him to sit down, and piled up the With a smile on his face, "Would you like coffee or tea?"

"I don't drink anything." Lao Sun carefully sat down on the big sofa.

"The manager specially explained that if you drink tea, you must brew a good Longjing tea."

"Then let's have tea!"

After a while, the secretary brought in a bowl of tea attached to a tea tray, and a plate of snacks: "Use it slowly, the manager will come out soon."

"I am Old Sun, you are not mistaken!"

"Of course I'm not mistaken. You are the veteran of the company. The manager often says that you are the hardest. Most colleagues work overtime until eight o'clock. You have to be busy until nine o'clock. I feel really sorry."

Just as he was talking, the manager had strode out and shook hands with Lao Sun: "I heard that you are in a hurry? Sorry, I'm late."

"Actually, it's... also... it's not a big deal. A few workers asked me to come and see you, manager..."

I don't know why, but Lao Sun's unrelenting resentment disappeared all of a sudden.Before leaving, he kept saying to the manager: "You have worked hard, you have worked hard, please excuse me!"

Through the communication with the secretary, more than half of the problem had been solved before the manager showed up.

In fact, there can be no disputes in any organization, as long as we are good at communicating, we can use communication to resolve barriers and let each other open our hearts.Not only that, when the strength of the opposing sides is very different, if the problem can be solved through verbal communication, then why bother to bully the weak?

In 1942, the United States and Britain decided not to open up a second battlefield, but to open up an African battlefield, namely the "Torch Project".To show his sincerity, Churchill personally went to Moscow to meet with Stalin.

Stalin asked sternly: "As far as I know, you don't want to use a large number of troops to open up the second front, and you don't even want to use 6 divisions to land."

"It is true, Your Excellency Stalin." Churchill said sincerely, "In fact, we have enough troops to land, but we feel that it is not the time to open up a second front in Europe, because this may destroy our entire combat plan for next year. War is cruel, not child's play, and we cannot make a decision lightly."

Stalin's face became even more ugly, and he said sharply: "I'm sorry, sir, your view of war is different from mine. In my opinion, war is an adventure. Without this adventurous spirit, how can we talk about victory? I really don't understand, you guys Why are you so afraid of the German army?" The atmosphere suddenly became tense.Churchill saw that Stalin's attitude was so firm, in order to break the suffocating atmosphere, he had to change the subject and began to talk about the bombing of Germany.After this conversation, the tense atmosphere eased, and a smile appeared on Stalin's face.

Churchill thought it was time to speak out about the "Torch Project" agreed upon by the United Kingdom and the United States, so he said: "Well, my lord, now let's talk about the French landing, for which I have come specifically. In fact , I don’t think France is the only option, we have another plan with the Americans. The President of the United States, Mr. Roosevelt, authorized me to tell you this plan in secret.”

Seeing Churchill's mysterious expression, Stalin couldn't help becoming interested in this "Torch Project".Churchill briefly introduced the contents of the "Torch Project". Stalin was very interested and talked about his understanding and opinions on the plan. Churchill agreed.

At this time, although Stalin was displeased with the postponement of the British and American landings in France, the atmosphere had obviously eased.Churchill continued: "We also plan to transfer the British and American combined air force to the southern flank of the Soviet army to support the Soviet army." This time Stalin showed a satisfied expression on his face.So far, the talks have been clouded.

Immediately afterwards, Churchill pushed the boat forward and said: "Now that our three countries have established an alliance, I believe that as long as we work together, we will be able to win." In this way, Stalin finally accepted the "Torch Project".Seeing that Stalin was in a good mood, Churchill immediately said: "Dear Your Excellency, have you forgive me?" Stalin laughed and said: "All this has passed, and the past should be attributed to God."

"A word can prosper a country, and a word can ruin a country."In the field of diplomacy involving state-to-state relations, the important role of eloquence is mainly reflected in diplomatic negotiations and diplomatic mediation to resolve economic, military, trade and other conflicts.In this regard, visionaries and successful politicians in ancient and modern China and abroad have all attached great importance to it, and all regard superb diplomatic negotiation and mediation capabilities as the primary means to achieve political goals.

This is an era of communication. The mainstream of the world advocates civilization and development. When a strong country tries to annex a weak country and war is imminent; When interest disputes arise and conflicts are about to intensify, the crisis should be resolved with tongue instead of fist.This is the power of communication.

The Magical Use of Psychology in Speaking
During the Second World War, the United States had to mobilize a large number of young people to serve in the military because of its participation in the war. However, most American young people were accustomed to living a comfortable life and feared that their lives would suddenly disappear, so they resisted the call-up orders issued by the Pentagon.Among them, the local administrator of Ohio has been reprimanded by the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff for the fifth time.

He said: He has spoken dryly, but he still can't convince those cowardly and divided youth.Just when he was in a state of desperation, someone introduced him to a famous psychologist.

After careful preparation, the psychologist came to the recruiting scene with confidence.When he faced the young people looking around in the audience, he was silent for 5 minutes, and then began to give a speech in a vigorous baritone voice:
"Dear children, like you, I cherish my life very much."

Seeing that he was quite scholarly and what he said was to their liking, the young people began to calm down and listen.

"First of all, I want to remind everyone that there is no sin in loving life, because each of us has only one life. In my conscience, I am also against war and fear of death. If I am asked to go to the front line, I will do the same Find a way to resist this order."

"However, I also have another kind of luck: if I serve in the military, there may only be half the probability of going to the front line to fight, because I may also stay in the rear; even if I go to the front line, my probability of fighting is also only half. , because maybe I will become the right-hand man of a certain officer and stay in a safe area; if I have to carry a gun unfortunately, the possibility of being injured is still only half; Therefore, I really have no reason to worry; if it is a serious injury, maybe with the help of a doctor, it is still possible to escape from the gate of hell; even if it is really unlucky, and I unfortunately die for my country, my relatives and friends will be proud of me, My parents will not only be awarded the highest medal, but also receive a considerable amount of pension and insurance money, and the children in the neighborhood will regard me as a hero and worship me as an idol. And I, a great Soldiers, they will enter heaven and come to the side of the benevolent heavenly father, and maybe they will meet General Washington who is admired by thousands of people."

After listening to this speech, the young people who had strongly resisted going to the battlefield expressed their willingness to take a gamble. They either wanted to be heroes, or their family backgrounds were not good. In case of accidents, their families could receive huge pensions.

In this way, the words of the psychologist broke down the psychological defense of the young people, and they were successfully persuaded.

In reality, the psychologist was just using his expertise in manipulating other people's emotions.Like a hypnotist, he first breaks down the opponent's solid defensive psychology, and then grasps their subconscious psychological needs, and then introduces them step by step into the pre-set network, and finally manipulates the opponent's emotions skillfully to make them easily submit.

If in the process of talking with someone, you especially insist on your own opinions and viewpoints, trying to completely defeat the other party and gain the upper hand, then the other party will instead strengthen their defenses and stubbornly resist, and the result will be counterproductive.

At this time, you should first conform to the other party's intentions, affirm the other party's thoughts, and then express what you want to say in a disguised way intentionally or unintentionally, so that the other party will not find out your intentions.

The power of speaking is enormous, and the wisdom of speaking is infinite.Behind the speech, it reflects a person's character, self-cultivation, talent, learning and city.Eloquence is an important symbol of knowledge, talent and wisdom, and a comprehensive expression of imagination, innovation, resilience and interpersonal communication skills.Good eloquence will always be popular and admired by others, and whether you know the "art of speaking directly to people's hearts" is the key to your success in life.

way of speaking

When we communicate with people, the content of what we say is important, but how others evaluate us and whether we give others a good or bad impression is largely determined by our speaking method.

Therefore, it should be admitted that paying attention to one's own speaking method in social interaction is a crucial part of speaking.

Sometimes the point of a conversation is made apparent when we speak with ease; sometimes we impress people with our peace of mind; Talking to people can also gain the favor of others; even sometimes we are absent-minded when talking to people, but we can still express what we want to say.

Why is this?This is because using different speaking methods under different states of mind can determine whether we can fully express the emphasis that should be emphasized.

Of course, when a person talks to others, he always maintains a good mood, which will definitely deepen others' affection for him; on the contrary, a person who speaks in a pretentious manner, is pretentious, and has a strong sense of superiority will not be favored by others. Agreed, friends will be farther and farther away from him.

Speech should be well-organized, because many aspects of a person's work ability, education level, knowledge level, hobbies, aesthetic pursuits, etc. are all expressed through people's speech.A person who speaks ramblingly without hierarchy makes it difficult for people to understand what he wants to say.

Therefore, if a person cannot master the correct method when speaking, cannot emphasize the key points, and speaks inappropriately, then his social activities will definitely be fruitless, and there will be no good results.

Professor Rob Green, who teaches at the Minnesota Institute of Education in the United States, once asked 75 participants in a seminar to write down the reasons for their anxiety.

As a result, the main causes of anxiety are as follows:
"When I hadn't finished speaking, other people started to express their opinions, which made me interrupted."

"Don't listen to what others say, just speak for yourself."

"In a discussion meeting, someone just wants to express their opinion and ignore what others say."

"I feel slighted when I speak."

"In the middle of the conversation, I was suddenly interrupted."

"I'm afraid I won't understand."

"I'm afraid I didn't explain clearly."

"Is the other party listening carefully?"

"Speaking too one-sidedly."

"I lost interest in the middle of the conversation."

"The other party was silent for no reason."

So, in interpersonal communication, have we also committed the above-mentioned problems, and have we unintentionally hurt others because of this?
Now, you might as well check yourself with the following questions.

When you start a conversation with someone, do you want them to finish quickly?

Do you feel like you don’t know what to say when talking to someone you don’t know well?
Are there other things on your mind when you are talking to the other person?

Are there times when you can’t find a topic?
Do you dislike others introducing you to strangers?

Are there times when you can’t think of good words?
Do you often want to interrupt the other party's speech?

Is there a time when there is nothing to talk about even when talking with relatives and friends?
Do you feel other people fidgeting when you speak?

Does the other person often interrupt your speech?
When talking with people, do you have a lot of disputes?
Do you find it difficult to communicate with others in spoken language?

Do you feel like you can't be humorous?

During the meeting, do you think it would be better to end it early?

Do you often ask the other party to explain the situation as soon as possible?

Is it endless once you talk about it?

Do you often want to teach others?
Are you maintaining your image at all times?

If you answered "yes" to more than 7 of these questions, then you need to pay attention to your speaking skills.

Mastering the correct way of speaking can enable us to judge whether our thoughts are reasonable, and at the same time allow others to have a correct evaluation of us. Over time, we can naturally leave a good impression on others.

Basic manners and etiquette of speaking

1. Don’t treat other people as “robots”

Psychology professor Campbell said: "I still don't understand why there is the term 'robot'. As long as the word contains the word 'human', it undoubtedly means that the height of matter has been artificially raised. I think 'robot' should be called For 'machine ghost', so as not to mix machines and people together. Anyway, the word 'robot' feels awkward."

In reality, don't think of other people as robots that can be manipulated however you want.Only by learning to respect others, realize that the other party also has full potential, and be able to understand problems from the perspective of others, can there be true communication.

There will never be perfect skills in the world, but there may be perfect results through skills.This is also the reason why fruits are better than branches.

Communication is a matter of each other, and a slap can't make a sound.Of course, communication is purposeful, and you can use your desires to your advantage and try to achieve a result that is beneficial to you.But this is somewhat wishful thinking, because others will also use skills, so that the growth and decline of each other's strength will produce a suitable midpoint, which is a result acceptable to both parties.Communication can achieve this goal, and both parties should be satisfied. Although this result is somewhat different from the result you desire, you should accept it calmly.

2. Use as many implicit hints as possible
Since other people are not robots, they deserve your respect as a matter of course.And the coup of respecting others should be a hint.Suggestion is a relatively implicit method of not directly accusing or instructing others in order to preserve the self-esteem of others.That is, indirectly getting others to do what you want them to do.

Suggestions can be the impetus for others to act.When they accept the hint, they already feel respected, so they will take the initiative to help you achieve the result you desire.

Suggestions can also make people willing to communicate with you.

(End of this chapter)