To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 4 Communication is to speak well (3)
On the other hand, due to the differences in personality, the expression of each person's thoughts and feelings is mostly contained in a distinctive habitual action and demeanor.In the process of debate, if you are good at insight into the opponent from two aspects, then you will be half successful.Although psychology has revealed to us the general characteristics of human thought and emotional activities on the human body, it is obviously not enough to understand this point in order to accurately grasp each other in social interaction.It should be noted that human beings not only have natural attributes, but also have social attributes.One of its manifestations is that people have a kind of self-control ability, that is, the restriction and domination of speech and behavior. This ability is especially important for those politicians, diplomats and social personnel.

1. Include but not reveal

Social activities are a battle of words and swords. Generally speaking, it is natural for both sides to have ups and downs in the debate, but for some experienced people, they may maintain a calm and gentle attitude from beginning to end. He looked neither agitated nor aloof, but polite.You can't say he's not interested in your question or statement, but you can't see where his real interest lies.When you talk, he may look at you with a big smile and give you a good impression, but he has another problem on his mind.

In social situations, you can't easily think that a person with a gentle expression is a good person, but you should see another side of him.You can't easily assume that a person with a hard expression has bad intentions, but you should see that he probably has a good heart.Generally speaking, a person's speech and appearance or appearance and inner feelings may be unified or contradictory.We cannot underestimate this point.

2. To hide the truth
As far as the general situation is concerned, both social parties always try their best to restrain and cover up their emotional exposure. The more mysterious and unpredictable the impression they give the other party, the greater the possibility of success.

In fact, it is impossible for anyone to speak without flaws, and it is impossible to be absolutely invulnerable.Therefore, some people will take advantage of the opponent's psychology and adopt the method of hiding the truth to fight an active defensive war.Aren't you capturing the change in his expression?He simply "sails against the current", presents in front of you those expressions that should be concealed according to common sense, and pushes you into a state of surprise, confusion, and hesitation, so that you can't believe that all this is actually true. It is so true.

3. Watch your words
People's words and expressions are sometimes simple and exposed, and it is easy to experience them; sometimes they are complex and hidden, and it is more difficult to experience them.Generally speaking, the following points should be noted.

First, character orientation and language orientation.Observing words and expressions in social interaction, in the final analysis, is to capture and judge the subtle changes in the other party's speech, manners, expressions and their meanings. It is a process of "from the outside to the inside".

Personality orientation and language orientation are the first steps in this process.

Personality orientation is to grasp its personality type through observation and analysis of its expressions, speech, and manners.You can throw out one or two questions that the other person is very sensitive to, and wait and see how and how much he responds.It is worth noting that this kind of observation must be meticulous, and never conclude that the other party is a fool just because he seems to be unresponsive.Just like after watching a tragedy, some people shed tears, while others were numb. You cannot say that those who are numb are not moved.After understanding the other party's personality type, we must try to capture the typical actions and typical parts that best reflect his ideological activities, that is, "the positioning of the language point".Eyes, hands, legs, feet, and muscles in every part of the body may be where the "language points" are located.

The meaning of some phenomena is very clear to people.For example, the trembling of the legs is mostly a manifestation of a leisurely mood; the erect eyebrows and wide-open eyes are the characteristics of anger; while the slight frowning and biting of the lips are the manifestations of thinking.In addition, special attention should be paid to the hands of the opponent. Although many people can subtly conceal many things, there are still some general movements.For example, when you are angry, you clenched your fists tightly, or when you crush cigarettes, pencils, etc., your hands may even tremble; Tap rhythmically on the tabletop, sofa arm, thigh, etc.; and more.

Second, seize the "decisive moment".It is impossible for any one person to cover up his expression to be absolutely watertight.The key question is whether you can accurately determine which change is decisive among the intricate changes in the other party's expression.For a witty person, his ability to make up for mistakes is also extremely superb, and it is impossible for him to let you see his flaws for a long time.

Therefore, timing is very precious to you.As for what is the specific manifestation of this "decisive moment" and how to identify and grasp it, it can only be determined by analyzing the specific situation and relying on your experience and feeling, and there is no fixed pattern to follow.

Finally, be proactive.Watching words and watching colors cannot be understood as passive watching with cold eyes.In fact, taking the initiative to attack and using certain methods and methods to stimulate the other party's emotions is the best way to quickly and accurately grasp the other party's thoughts.Here are the following points.

One is chatting to the bottom.That is, before touching the topic, talk about something irrelevant to the topic. The purpose is to observe the other party's interests, hobbies, habits and knowledge. If the other party is bored, your ramblings can also play a role in disturbing their mood.

The second is to cast bait.You can use some topics that are attractive to the other party to determine what the other party is thinking, and find out the changes in the other party's expression, the general characteristics of mental activities and the position of the language point.

The third is the aggressive method.You can attack the other party with a series of irritating questions to make them excited, and then lose control of your emotions; you can also make some arrogant and contemptuous gestures to pose a threat to his self-esteem and arouse his emotions.

The fourth is to be resigned.When you don’t have a thorough understanding of the other party’s temper, as long as you don’t violate the general principle, you might as well accept it first, wait for the other party to reveal more information, and then prescribe the right medicine, and the other party will naturally accept you wholeheartedly.

Different identities, different languages

Some speak modestly and reasonablely, while others speak vulgarly and vulgarly;In short, people can reflect what their character is by speaking.

Noble and extraordinary people speak humbly and rationally, and their psychology includes honesty, trust, superiority, etc., and they often use elegant social expressions.

However, this kind of people should be divided into two types: one is the person whose words match his heart;Many of the latter are people who are noble in appearance but ugly in heart.

Some people don't want to be noticed by the other side of their deficiencies that they try to hide, so they speak in an elegant tone.

On the contrary, a person of coarse speech is characterized by innocence, simplicity, low spirits, philanthropy, caution, and fickleness.This type of people, no matter to their superiors or subordinates, to the same sex or the opposite sex, still does not change their manner of speaking. They will always like what they like to the end, and hate to the end what they hate.

In addition, the likes and dislikes of such a person must be quite obvious when meeting them for the first time.Either he was very impatient, or he suddenly became close to his best friend for many years.Its manifest will completely overshadows any care of the ego.

In addition, people who speak with tears and tears are very dependent.Willful, but seemingly amiable, sociable and flattering people are mostly unpopular characters.

Most of the people who cry are "bad guys", that is, people with "bad roots" as the saying goes.

For example, there is a village of beggars in a certain place, where men, women and children travel all over the world to beg. To achieve the purpose of making money.The attitude of this type of person cannot be changed in a lifetime.

People who don't listen to what the other person has to say, but just talk about themselves and talk freely, belong to the tough type.As long as this kind of person is willing to listen to him quietly with "um, um" when he is talking, he can definitely get his favor.But because of his strong self-esteem, it is one of his major shortcomings that he often takes the lead.

There are also people who are not good at words. This type is mostly people who cannot express what they want to say skillfully, or who lack expressiveness.At the same time, there are also many people who are negative, deep thinking, cautious, and narrow-minded.In addition, there are more people who lack wisdom and have mental defects.Among them, many people can overcome their ego and stand up, as long as they have self-confidence.

(End of this chapter)