The rest of your life is long, you are the most unforgettable

Chapter 15

1
One day, I was lying on the desk at the front desk writing a courier slip, and someone took a closer look and said, "Oh, I'll go, don't look at Xiao An's very educated appearance, why does the writing look like a doctor's? "

I don't need to look up, I also know that old Shen Zheng is overjoyed at this time.

The writing pen stopped, and after calming down for two seconds, I looked up at Lao Shen with a smile on my face and said, "It's a pity, despite Mr. Shen's good handwriting, he looks very uneducated. Lament!"

"Hey!" Old Shen made a gesture to hit me.

I fled like flying, and shouted at the same time: "Mr. Shen, I will repay my grievances with virtue, and I praise you for your good handwriting!"

Old Shen is the director of the publishing department, a middle-aged uncle.Not only do I dress casually on weekdays, I also occasionally bring breakfast to my female colleagues to buy drinks and treat them to dinner.The most popular online term "warm man" is the most appropriate to describe Lao Shen.

After Lao Shen laughed at my ugly handwriting, I sent a courier back. I saw Lao Shen was reading a newspaper on his seat, so I had a plan and threw the courier slip in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Old Shen put away the newspaper and looked at me puzzled.

"Help me write the delivery note, your handwriting is so beautiful, don't waste it." I said flatteringly.

I thought that Old Shen would babble a few more words, but unexpectedly he was looking for pens all over the table, and wrote me a courier slip. After looking at the delivery slip for a few seconds, he murmured, "I haven't written for a long time, it's time to practice."

I quickly took over the conversation: "Well, you should practice your handwriting more, and you will take care of my express delivery in the future, thank you."

"Hey, what are you thinking!" Old Shen realized that he had been tricked.

From then on, every time I sent a courier, I would reflexively check to see if Lao Shen was at the work station. When Lao Shen saw me walking towards him with the courier slip, he also looked for a pen reflexively, with a docile appearance of being slaughtered. .

Another day, when it was time for dinner, I was still typing in front of the computer and was too busy.

"Xianggu, what do you have for lunch?" Lao Shen yelled at me across half the office.

I turned around and found that only Lao Shen and I were left in the huge office.Ever since he showed Old Shen the astrolabe and mentioned the horoscope a few times, he no longer cares about me being called Xiao An in private, and just calls me Fairy Aunt.

I corrected him more than once: "How can such a humble name like Xiangu be worthy of such a delicate and lovely person like me!"

But he refused to change after repeated admonitions, as if he could subtly avenge my coercion of coercing him to write the courier bill by fighting against me.

Listen, he called me Xiangu again.I muttered angrily: "Whatever!"

Lao Shen called to order takeaway and ordered two dumplings.After hanging up the phone, Old Shen said as if remembering something: "Xianggu, has Mercury retrograde again recently? I keep thinking about people and things from the past."

"Miss your old lover, don't rely on her water retrograde." I laughed at him.

Old Shen's eyelids drooped, and he answered softly: "My handwriting seems to be better than before."

It seemed that Old Shen was not listening to me at all, and looked sad.

I have something on my mind.

"What's wrong with you?" I changed my tone of sarcasm to an earnest and gentle tone.My intuition tells me that Lao Shen urgently needs a good audience at this time.Old Shen coughed lightly, paused, and stared out the window blankly, as if crossing into the long river of memory, struggling to salvage an old event.

2
In the 90s and [-]s, when Lao Shen was still Xiao Shen, his family had some connections and let him join a local publishing house as a publishing assistant.In fact, it is a mess.

Knowing that he got the job through connections, Xiao Shen is extraordinarily attentive and polite to his colleagues, for fear that others will cast strange eyes on him and feel that he is becoming more and more inferior.He does all kinds of work, and he doesn't let himself be idle, so he almost steals the sweeping aunt's job.

Careful Xiao Shen found that the letters from readers sent by the reception room were all piled up in one corner, and the fat female colleague would only deal with them when the pile was almost the same.Xiao Shen then volunteered to help her female colleague deal with these letters from readers.

At that time, readers could only go to Xinhua Bookstore to buy books. If Xinhua Bookstore didn’t have them, they could only inquire about the publishing house, and then write to the agency to order by mail.Xiao Shen's job is to open letters from readers, count readers' names, addresses, books to buy, volumes, and money, then pick up books from the warehouse, and mail them to readers one by one.

Xiao Shen is happy to do very trivial and boring work.The little people do their duty well and feel at ease.

"Because of your good handwriting, you are always rushing to do this kind of handwriting work, so you can gain confidence and find a sense of value from it." I couldn't help but interjected, and the old problem of loving analysis was committed again.

"Actually, at that time my handwriting was as ugly as yours." Old Chen gave me a look.

Who would have thought that adventures would happen in such a mechanically repetitive work day after day, and a touch of color would suddenly break into the extremely boring life.Faint but fresh.

One day, a book that a reader wanted to buy was gone in the warehouse, not even a broken book, so Xiao Shen asked the editor when it would be reprinted.The editor told him that there will be no reprints in the near future. If any readers want to buy it, they suggest buying other books in the same series.

Xiao Shen replied to the reader with a pen and told the truth: "The book you want is no longer available, and I will not reprint it for the time being. I recommend you to read the ×× book of ××. The author is very famous and the book is not bad. .”

When writing the address, Xiao Shen saw the strong words on the envelope, "Sun Yat-Sen University Literary Major Cheng ×× Received", and thought: Famous university, bullish!Such a good word, amazing!I adore him so much that I almost have to frame the envelope.

After writing the address and sealing the envelope, Xiao Shen looked at what he had written, and then at the reader's handwriting, his face was burning with panic.It seems that there is a voice in my heart: uneducated people even write so ugly.

Two weeks later, Xiao Shen saw the familiar strong handwriting in the pile of envelopes at a glance, which was Cheng's reply.In the letter, Li Cheng politely thanked Xiao Shen for his careful work and the books he recommended: "At first, I scoffed at ××, but I don't have the book I want, so let's read it reluctantly." There is also a book in the envelope. payment.

That "reluctance" deeply hurt Xiao Shen's self-esteem.For a long time, Xiao Shen felt inferior to himself because he didn't read much. In front of the female editors in the agency, Xiao Shen worshiped them like a goddess.

This time, Xiao Shen didn't write anything. He found the book he recommended, and sent it back to Cheng with the money for the book.He thought to himself: Don't you dislike the book I recommend, then I will give it to you directly, and you don't need to spend money to buy it.

People with low self-esteem have stronger self-esteem, and it is very embarrassing to be looked down upon.The more ungrateful the other party was, the more he wanted to push it to him, as if as long as the other party received the book, it would be a powerful counterattack to the other party.

3
I forgot why Cheng wrote back to him again. They went back and forth, and after writing for a few rounds, they became acquainted and became pen pals.

Xiao Shen always thought that Cheng was a boy, because of such strong characters and such a neutral name.When he knew that Cheng was a girl, he looked at the strong and powerful characters carefully for a while, and felt incredible, how could a girl write such strong and powerful characters.What a thick arm?Xiao Shen looked at his thin arms and burst out laughing.

Occasionally, Xiao Shen began to practice calligraphy, one stroke at a time, earnestly, and wrote a few pages of letter paper every day.When there was no one in the office, Xiao Shen would spread out Cheng's letter and copy her handwriting.He thought, it would be great if one day he could write such beautiful characters.

The two of them wrote letters back and forth: Cheng Hui asked him what new book was published in the club recently, and they also talked about fun activities in school, as well as mean and hypocritical roommates, and the continuous rain made people breathless... Xiao Shen He never shy away from talking about his odd jobs in the agency, those knowledgeable editors, his father's expectations for him, and a stray cat he picked up on the way to work... Chatting about the spring, summer, autumn and winter of the north and south, talking about dreams for the future , Talk about the minutiae in real life.

Xiao Shen didn't have many friends in his life, and he didn't have a good relationship with his father, so he almost shared all his troubles and thoughts with Cheng.He sometimes has the illusion that Cheng is a non-existent person, but a tree hole created by himself to meet his need to confide.After all, the name and address were all the true and exact information he knew about Cheng.And the things Cheng told him all sounded distant and illusory.Xiao Shen didn't intend to speculate more, knowing that their relationship was so fragile that they could lose contact if they changed their address.

They are just each other's company and outlet, reading a completely different life far away on paper, it is very novel and full of feelings.In a lot of boring time, waiting for the letter slowly formed a habit and concern.

Once, after Xiao Shen opened the envelope, a fallen leaf and a photo fell out.Holding the photo, Xiao Shen's heart skipped a beat, nervous for no reason.In the photo, Cheng was wearing a bachelor's uniform, smiling quietly in the sun, his eyes were like crescent moons, very pretty.The content of the letter was as usual, nothing special.Cheng said that after the summer vacation, her mail receiving address would be changed to T City in the north, and the fallen leaves were picked in front of the dormitory.Why do they have to be arranged in such a beautiful season, when the sun is shining outside but it seems to be raining heavily inside.Everyone smiled and said goodbye, as if graduation was just a play that everyone conspired to perform, wearing costumes and speaking insincere lines, waiting for the director of life to say "cut", take off the costumes and life will return to normal, she still You can go back to the classroom to listen to the teacher's lecture, the classmates are by your side, and it seems that parting will never come.

Cheng's parting melancholy infected Xiao Shen. He pinched the photo and thought, if one day they lost contact, they would be just two very ordinary people in this vast crowd, as if they had never met before, and there was no need to say goodbye.He must seriously remember her appearance, even if he will forget her in the future.

Out of politeness, Xiao Shen also stuffed a photo of himself in the reply.

His handwriting is getting better and better, he signed up for the training class, carefully read the books recommended by Cheng, his attitude is more positive, and his smile is more; he started to get in touch with real business at work, he became more and more busy, and needed to travel frequently.Cheng's postgraduate life was also colorful, and they still wrote letters, but gradually became less frequent.In the past, Xiao Shen would count the days and wait for the letter from the schedule, but now he often sees a letter lying quietly on the desk when he comes back from a business trip, as if he has been waiting for a long, long time.Can't wait to take it apart to see, separated from the north and the south, he can know her life again.

4
Later, a new colleague came to the unit. She was a beautiful girl. The boys surrounded her and admired her, but she fell in love with Xiao Shen at first sight.Xiao Shen didn't dislike the girl, nor did she feel tempted.He suddenly thought of Cheng, and when he thought of waiting for Cheng's letter, the slow and eager feeling, as if being attached to something but soft and soft.

In an instant, he understood that he liked Cheng, and it was scattered in every letter without a trace.People are strange creatures, they don't notice it on weekdays, and only when another person appears can they distinguish the difference in feelings.

Later, the club arranged for him to attend the book fair, which happened to be in T City that year.When Xiao Shen wrote to Cheng, he mentioned that he was going to T city to participate in the book fair and the address of the possible hotel where he might stay. He really wanted to ask her: "Shall we meet?" He was afraid that he would be unilaterally abrupt, so he ended it hastily. give up.

I have written so many letters and never said that I want to meet, let alone what will I say when I meet?Say you like her?What would she think of herself?She is a graduate student of a prestigious university, and she is just a small salesman... Distraught, he sent the letter.For the first time, he realized that he was still the inferior Shen. He felt inferior in front of Cheng, even though he was already calm and eloquent in front of clients.

After setting up the booth that day at the book fair, Xiao Shen walked alone in an unfamiliar city street in the evening. It was his first business trip in the north. He looked up at the sky, feeling so high and so vast, as if the world had become bigger.Thinking that Cheng was in this city, he began to feel a little annoyed that he didn't have the courage to ask Cheng to meet.He wandered aimlessly on the street, naively wondering if Cheng would suddenly appear in front of him.

It was late when we got back to the hotel.Seeing Xiao Shen, the manager hurriedly said, "You are back. There is a girl looking for you. She waited for you for a long time. Before leaving, she left a phone number and asked you to call her when you come back. Look, this is the phone number."

Looking at the handwriting, he knew it was Cheng. He hurriedly dialed the manager's phone number, but forgot what he said. Youcheng's crisp voice said, "Then see you tomorrow, bye."

They made an appointment at a famous restaurant in T city not far from Cheng school.Before going, Xiao Shen was very nervous, changed all the clothes he brought, and finally put on the clothes of the day silently.He thought he would be too nervous to look into Cheng's eyes, but when he saw Cheng in the noisy crowd, his flustered heart instantly calmed down, and the illusory person on the letter came out of the letter and appeared alive In front of him.They naturally meet like old friends, chatting while eating, and laughing when they are happy.There was only one scene. Cheng turned around and asked the waiter for wet wipes. He saw her white neck and slender collarbone at the neckline, and her slender fingers gently resting on the white porcelain teacup. The strong and powerful words were written by the man, and now, such a thin and quiet girl is sitting beside him.

After dinner, Xiao Shen sent her back to school.There were no stars in the night sky that night, and there were only dim lights along the way. He told her jokes, one after another.Cheng smiled, eyes bent into crescents, blushing, she walked in front, raised her head slightly, the breeze blew her hair, and her thin figure elongated under the street lamp.Inexplicably, Xiao Shen wanted to hold her hand, accompany her to dawn, watch the sunrise in the east, and say good morning girl.

After sending Cheng downstairs to the dormitory, she stood on the steps and waved goodbye as naturally as if they would really meet again tomorrow.The rose flowers in the campus were in full bloom, and they were extraordinarily enchanting. He suddenly thought of a line of poetry: Ask about the date, and point to the rose in the air.

After the book fair was over, Xiao Shen went back. He was getting busier and more frequent on business trips. He always saw Cheng's letters after a long time, and then wrote back.They also left their respective phone numbers in the letter, but the two seemed to have a tacit understanding, and neither of them called each other.The letters got shorter and shorter, and the intervals between them got longer and longer, until Xiao Shen went on a long business trip and came back to work with an empty desk.When he was disappointed, he had a premonition that Cheng would never write again.

really.

5
Speaking of this, Lao Shen was silent for a long time.

I couldn't hold back my temper and asked, "And then?"

"There is no after, we only met once." Old Shen said.

"Ah?" I regretted, "She doesn't write letters, you can write letters, and don't you have her phone number?"

"I wanted to call at first, but I didn't think about what to say. As time went on, I lost the courage to call. It seemed that saying anything was inappropriate, and saying anything was like an interruption."

"Where is the letter, do you still keep it?" After a while, I asked again.

"I lost it when the unit moved, and the photo she gave me." Lao Shen raised his eyebrows and spread his hands, "It is said that when I was young, I loved someone, and I was heartbreaking and reckless, but I never had that kind of love." I feel that if I like her, I just look at her from a distance, and feel that I am not worthy and can’t make mistakes. I met many people later, and most of them only remember for a while, but I still remember her, even though we only met once.”

Girls chasing boys, Xiao Shen finally married the girl in his work unit who admired him.

"If you ask me how much I loved her when I got married, I can't tell, but I know in my heart that she is the woman I have lived with all my life. But Cheng, I liked it, but it is more like a dream. Over time, I wondered whether she really existed, or was it just a story I imagined."

There is a kind of love that seems to deviate from the track by chance, so it happens to meet a peach blossom source, and when it returns to the normal track, the small hole that "seems to have light" will never be found again.

There is no trace, only those who have experienced it will know the true meaning.

"Fate is also fate. Our lives have long been written like this, including the part where we met at the beginning, and the part where we lost contact later. The relationship between separation and separation with others is determined by ourselves. You have no results because you feel that this is your ending somewhere, so you didn’t make any effort during the whole process. Is it difficult to say "I like you"? Is it difficult to overcome inferiority complex? You choose to escape and refuse The kind of life possibility that has a result with her!"

Old Shen didn't look at me and said, "Can you stop throwing chicken soup? You don't understand the heart of a young man... When he was young, a man's inferiority complex would bring irreparable regrets to his life. As they grow older, they will I realize this truth more and more. But, whose youth didn’t go through like this?”

I couldn't help laughing when I heard the middle-aged old Shen talk about the boy's heart. I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Shen children's shoes, only good-looking people have youth, okay!" Come hit me.

I fled back to my station as if flying.

The sky outside the window was pale and pale, as if depressed by Lao Shen's story, the sky in autumn in the north was really high and far away, as if it would keep going higher than outer space.I wonder if there will be another time and space in the world, where all the letters written and lost by everyone are stored, neatly arranged by the name of the recipient.It seems to be waiting for someone to read it, and it seems to be permanently forgotten.

It's not a good love story, maybe not love at all.Many people and things in life are fleeting, and those that can linger in my heart for a long time are the meaning.But we don't know the meaning of who will be who in this second and the next second, and it will be unforgettable in this life.

(End of this chapter)