The rest of your life is long, you are the most unforgettable

Chapter 3 Do you still remember the first person who stained your lipstick?

1
In my memory, that wonderful summer was red, and that red was the color of her first lipstick.

He was the first to smudge her lipstick.

In the remote and quiet alley, he held her hand and ran briskly, the summer wind passed through the earlobe, making it tickle.

She looked at his bulging white shirt and his hand holding her.

The corners of his mouth fluttered.

After running to the end of the alley, they stopped, looked at each other and laughed, the corners of their eyes and mouths were full of pride after they had succeeded.

Her pink lips glistened in the sun with something strangely seductive.

He looked at her brightly, and in his eyes, she saw her first love, youthful and wanton, surrounded by the sweetness of love.

His lips came up without warning, and his hands wrapped around her waist.

Being pushed against the wall, her mind was blank. She struggled at first, but gradually became quiet, together with the whole world.All that remained was his breath, his own low moan, trembling hands that were strangely stiff and not knowing where to put them, and the endless chirping of cicadas on the tall trees in the distance.

After an unknown amount of time, he rubbed his forehead against hers, then he pursed his lips and said to her with a smile: "I'm the first person to stain your lipstick."

His face was red and his ears were red. In fact, he was as nervous as her, but he always showed an arrogant, wanton, and fearless look.

She took out a tissue and carefully wiped off the lipstick on the corner of his mouth.For some reason, her heart was solemn, she stretched out her hand to touch his lips, she looked at his face, as if she wanted to engrave his appearance on her heart for a long time.

It was Xiaodie, 17, and Zhao Xing.

2
Regarding the first kiss, Xiaodie recalled it countless times later, but she couldn't recall the specific details. Even though she tried her best to recall, her brain could not extract more details.She was a little annoyed, didn't everyone say that the first kiss is the best?

Why can't she recall the sweet process at all, what she remembers is all side details.

That day when she came home, she looked at herself carefully in front of the mirror, took out the lipstick that Zhao Xing gave her, and applied it over and over again. The very girly red color gradually reached the roots of her ears.

She likes him.

A top student and a scumbag, unreasonable, but very suitable for an adolescent combination.

At first, Zhao Xing always blocked her on the way home: "I am Zhao Xing, I like you, do you like me?" Straightforward, nonsensical, and annoying. "You don't like me, then I'll ask again later."

Then, as expected, he came to block her again in a few days.

It's ridiculously persistent.

My impression of Zhao Xing was the school party at the end of the second semester of high school. He was wearing white clothes and white trousers, holding a guitar on the stage, playing and singing by himself.The audience was noisy, and she couldn't hear what he was singing, but his self-indulgence moved her.

It turns out that falling in love with someone is an instant thing.

Just like hearing Zhao Xing talk about his liking for her later, it was nothing more than the fact that when the bell rang for the end of get out of class, he woke up after a class, opened his sleepy eyes, and just saw her beautiful side face; on the way to school, He always met her at the corner of the alley while riding a bicycle, and she walked slowly with earphones on, reciting English words... There was always a kind of indifference in her eyes that made people instantly calm.Unlike other people with good academic performance who are arrogant and domineering, seeing their scumbags is full of contempt, and they are afraid to avoid them.

Until one night after self-study, Xiaodie was once again blocked at the entrance of the alley, but this time it was not Zhao Xing, but a gangster.

Just when the gangster's hand was about to touch Xiaodie's face, Zhao Xing appeared with a brick, like a handsome and invincible hero in the movie.

The little gangster was beaten away, and Zhao Xing was punched a few times, his face was painted and his nose was bleeding.

He didn't care about it, and the first sentence was: "I'm Zhao Xing, I like you, do you like me?"

In such a tense atmosphere, Xiaodie burst into laughter at his thoughtless words.

"I'm a hero to save the beauty, you can say 'I don't like it that much, but I like it a little bit'."

Xiaodie stared at him and nodded silently: "Well, then...a little bit." He didn't know at all, but she already liked him in her heart, but she was too shy to say it.She never thought that it would be in such a situation that she would express her love for him.

It was a long time later that she dared to reveal her heart: "Idiot! When a girl says she likes a little bit, she actually likes a lot in her heart!"

3
In Xiaodie's view, Zhao Xing is different from those boys who only know how to write love letters to her. He is bold, self-willed, and he is the patron saint who came to her side on colorful auspicious clouds.

The whole senior year was uneventful, Zhao Xing was still sleeping in class, Xiaodie was still at the top of the rankings, she couldn't finish her homework, and she stayed up all night with the lights on until dawn.

But after evening self-study, the road from school to home was her alone time with him.

Zhao Xing told jokes to make her happy, made funny faces, sang like ghosts and wolves, she laughed heartlessly, walked side by side with him under the flickering street lights, in the thick night, the cool summer In the icy and snowy land where the wind and Ha get white air.

"Zhao Xing." When she was alone, she would unconsciously open her mouth to practice the pronunciation of his name.She thought, Zhao Xing is the brightest star in her world.

In winter, they study at night, and they would eat Mala Tang at the roadside stall at the entrance of the alley. He looked at her with a silly smile through the hot air under the incandescent lamp, and she always had the illusion of being in a trance, as if in this alley in her previous life. met him.

She laughed at herself for being stupid. People in love are indeed hypocritical and have zero IQ.

When he took her icy hand and put it to his mouth to exhale, she looked at him, and time seemed to freeze at that moment, as if she had finished this life and the next life in this moment.

Every day before going to bed, Xiaodie recounts the details of the daytime relationship with Zhao Xing in her mind, and then she can't help laughing out loud.

Of course, none of this can be told to him.When we were young, we were always afraid of letting the other person know how much we liked him, but we always silently increased the weight of liking in our hearts.

One night after self-study, I was walking in an alley. "After the college entrance examination, will you be my girlfriend?" Zhao Xing looked up and asked her.

Xiaodie was choked all of a sudden, and lowered her head, not looking at him.

"If you don't agree, I'll kiss you."

"Hello!" Xiaodie suddenly raised her head and stared at him with big eyes.

"I'm kissing..." Zhao Xing continued.

"Okay, okay, I promise!" Xiaodie replied hastily.

"Hahahahaha, I also have a girlfriend." Zhao Xing looked up to the sky and laughed.

Xiaodie didn't know whether to laugh or cry, she thought to herself: "Why are you so proud, I also have a boyfriend, hum, it's even!"

4
Then there was the summer after the college entrance examination.

He gave her a lipstick and she agreed to be his girlfriend.

"Put it on quickly and see if it suits you." Zhao Xing urged.

Xiaodie rolled her eyes at him, and went to the bathroom to apply it carefully. It was her first time wearing lipstick, and she used to use colorless moisturizing lipstick.

When he appeared in front of Zhao Xing, he was stunned for a second or two: "Xiaodie, you are so pretty, I imagined countless ways for you to wear lipstick, but after seeing it, I think you are more beautiful than I thought .”

That was the age when she didn't feel awkward and scary without makeup and lipstick.That was their best time.

Coincidentally, in the small dark cinema that day, the movie they watched was "The Best Time" by Shu Qi and Zhang Zhen.When going out, they accidentally bumped into Xiaodie's mother who was walking towards her not far away. This is how Zhao Xing pulled Xiaodie to avoid them quickly, and they had their first kiss.

"All time is wasted and let down, and only after being let down and wasted, can one pick up a certain passage from memory, pat the dust on it, and lament that it is the best time." Hou Xiaoxian said.Many years later, when Xiaodie saw this sentence on the Internet, she felt very sad.

At that time, I didn't know there was a parting, I really thought that the person in front of me would be my lover for the rest of my life, and I never thought of letting down and being let down.So that summer was smudged and colored again and again, red into the sunset glow of the setting sun, and cast into the appearance of memories.

During the day, they rode bicycles to the countryside to climb mountains, fish, pick wild fruits, and occasionally have picnics with a few close friends; They croaked from the place, their palms were sweating sticky, Xiaodie wanted to withdraw her hand, but Zhao Xing refused.

It was late at night, Zhao Xing sent Xiaodie home and kissed her under the street lamp at the end of the alley.The moths gathered above the head under the light of the street lamps, like moths fluttering into a flame, very much like love.

He said: "I want to eat your lipstick for the rest of my life, for the rest of my life." He smiled arrogantly, as if the years were the threads in his palm, and sooner or later he would hold her hand and walk to the end of the years.

Looking at the overlapping shadows of the two under the lamp, Xiaodie smiled silently.

The future is so far away, it is not as beautiful as the shadow of the lights under your feet.

5
After the whole summer, they will be separated from the north and the south.She is in Beijing and he is in Guangzhou.

Long distance relationship.

Going through the stage of inseparability, making the phone hot when you make a phone call, and the moonlight turns cold; When I reached the stage where I blurted out the first sentence of breaking up; I silently reached the stage of one phone call and a few text messages a week...

When Xiaodie recalled, her memory seemed to be able to draw a trajectory like this, and she didn't know how they got to the point where they broke up.If we have to talk about the memorabilia, it is just that two people became three people, and then four people.

At first someone chased Xiaodie, they belonged to a drama club.One day, Zhao Xing happened to call Xiaodie, and Xiaodie's cell phone was in the hands of that person again, and the person picked it up politely, and a misunderstanding arose like this.

Later, Zhao Xing was chased by someone.In the past, he had only tasted the taste of chasing people. He never knew what it was like to be chased and liked by a girl. He didn't fall into trouble soon, but it will happen sooner or later.When he tremblingly called Xiaodie and told Xiaodie the absurdity of drinking with that girl, everything was irreversible.

But the stubborn Xiaodie didn't give up.

She jumped on the train going south and arrived at Zhao Xing's school early in the morning.She saw the girl downstairs in Zhao Xing's dormitory, with a curvy figure and a pretty face, walking with the tall and handsome Zhao Xing, talking and laughing happily.Xiaodie, who was hiding aside, felt an unprecedented inferiority complex.

Without questioning or saying goodbye, she seemed to see that the thread in Zhao Xing's palm snapped instantly, and their future fell apart.

In the toilet of the train going north, Xiaodie cried heartbreakingly.

Why did the person who said he would love you for the rest of his life leave early, while the person who said he only liked you a little bit ended up loving him so much that he couldn't let go and was hurt the most?
When she got off the train, Xiaodie realized that the lipstick she was carrying was missing.It was the first lipstick that Zhao Xing gave her, and there was still a little piece of lipstick left in it that she couldn't bear to use up, so she put it away as a souvenir.

She walked among the turbulent and dense crowd with her head down, tearing off their photo stickers in her wallet as she walked, and the paper scraps quickly disappeared in the wind.

It was 19-year-old Xiaodie and the lost 20-year-old Zhao Xing.

6
Without Zhao Xing, life is still going on.

Xiaodie fell in love again and broke up again, she never cried heartbreakingly again, there is always a next lover, as long as she wants, as long as she is willing.

People can only look forward forever, let the time pass by, and the ups and downs in the heart and the wrinkles of the years will eventually be ironed out.

After graduating from graduate school, Xiaodie stepped on high heels to work in a foreign company in China World Trade Center.

Occasionally, she leaves from the negotiating table, takes the cosmetic bag she carries with her, and goes to the bathroom to touch up her makeup. Xiaodie looks at herself in the mirror. She has long wavy hair, exquisite makeup, and a simple and close-fitting suit. Lipstick is the most in the cosmetic bag , randomly pick up one, apply it skillfully, and then sip it...

When she was not at work, she also went to the bar in Sanlitun, where she met countless men who were either melancholy, passionate, artistic, or hooligan, threatening to eat her lipstick.Every time at this time, she would think of the boy named Zhao Xing when he was young, he said: "I am the first person to mess with your lipstick."

She could no longer remember what he looked like.

It's just that she still misses the color of that lipstick. It was the color of a girl in her first love, and it was her youth that she couldn't get back.She couldn't even remember the brand of that lipstick, maybe Zhao Xing bought it at any counter, it was inconspicuous but painted her youthful.

She has never encountered that color of lipstick again, just like she has seen many people, but she has never met anyone like Zhao Xing.

She once spent a period of changing men like a lantern. Under the street lamp at midnight, on a dark bed, the face of the man opposite was blurred. She was like a hungry and pitiful beast, not knowing what she was looking for.

Every time, she hated herself, why would she always think of those two words: Zhao Xing.

Those chaotic days finally came to an end.

Like the law of attraction, she was at a bar and finally met him.

7
She recognized him the first time she saw him, and her whole body trembled as if electrified.

Did he forget his appearance before, or did he just not want to think about it, and the memory was deliberately suppressed?
Under the dim light, he walked towards her, a complicated smile appeared on the corner of her mouth, like other men, at this moment he only regarded her as his prey.

She tried to hold back a smug smile, but it was clear that the mist slowly rose in her eye sockets, she couldn't appear in front of him in such a mess, so she turned around quickly.

"Hello, beauty, have a drink?" A familiar yet unfamiliar voice rang in her ears.He moved closer to her, and after many years, they finally looked at each other so closely again.

Byron's poem said: "If we meet again someday, how will I congratulate you? With tears, with silence."

"Okay." She picked up the wine glass and touched his, bang, making a crisp sound, as if it shattered the years of separation.At this moment, he is standing in front of her. Isn't this what she is thinking about?

She took a sip of wine, and the cold liquid swirled in her stomach, which quickly woke her brain up.

He approached her according to the routine, and she knew it well, without the slightest resistance, and very cooperatively catered to his intentions.The lights in the bar were dim, he whispered in her ear, and kissed her unexpectedly, she didn't take it seriously, and continued to respond to him with a smile.

But she was extremely sad in her heart. After so long, he didn't recognize her.Is it because she has changed too much with heavy makeup now, or has she never left a deep impression on him?

He offered to take her home, and she accepted with a smile.In the alley, he couldn't help kissing her, and put his hand into her clothes, but she stopped her decisively, with a smile on her face: "Don't worry, let's go to your house."

When we got to his house, closed the door and turned on the porch light, he kissed her violently.In the confusion, Xiaodie suddenly felt that she had returned to the age of seventeen or eighteen, like a reincarnation.When the two faced each other naked, tears still flowed from the corners of Xiaodie's eyes. She used to fantasize about this moment many times like a young girl, but this moment came many years late and came in such a funny way.

Xiaodie has no intention of retreating, but seems to want to use up all her enthusiasm and strength to get entangled with him.All the reluctance and extravagant hopes have vanished at this moment.

The beautiful campus love at the age of seventeen or eighteen will always only stay on that day.

She loved him, rewritten as "loved" at that moment.

8
After taking a shower in the bathroom, she took a white shirt from him and put it on.

Standing in front of the mirror, Xiaodie looked at herself, removed the heavy makeup, and looked not much different from when she was seventeen or eighteen years old, but when she looked closely, there were fine lines at the corners of her eyes, the apple muscles were gone, and the baby fat was gone ...in fact, the changes are quite big.

He has fallen asleep in bed.

Taking advantage of the dim light, she looked at the sleeping Zhao Xing.He hasn't changed much, he's still handsome, he doesn't look unruly when he's asleep, instead he's a different kind of calm and gentle.

"Zhao Xing." She called him softly, wanting to wake him up, but seemed unwilling to disturb him.She had something to say to him, and wanted to ask him why he changed his mind at the beginning, why he didn't want the love he agreed to, was it because of the distance, or because of empathy and no love for her anymore?Did he think of her all these years?Why didn't you come to her after breaking up with that girl?Why is it appearing in Beijing now?Why didn't I recognize her at a glance...

Yes, he didn't recognize her at a glance. Thinking of this, all the complicated emotions came to an abrupt end.She stroked his face. Such a handsome face had been deeply imprinted in her heart long ago, so she could recognize him at the first sight.

She was still unwilling to admit that in the end, she loved him more.

This is where love is absurd.

She opens the door and leaves.Leave without saying goodbye, like the last time I went to his school to find him.

Xiaodie walked on the still brightly lit street, tears welling up uncontrollably, as if she wanted to cry out all the grievances and loneliness of the past few years.She was tired and didn't want to bear another unwarranted love and torture herself.

When we were young, we all loved an ordinary boy, had our first unknown lipstick, and a first love whose whereabouts were unknown... He was the first, not the last, it really doesn’t matter, he had promised That whole life, under that dim street lamp, in that ever-changing kiss, as long as it really existed.

Xiaodie starts to fall in love seriously, lives a good life, quits smoking and drinking, and still feels lonely, but the indifference in her eyes slowly returns.

She will still be broken in love, heartbroken, and upset, but she is not afraid anymore.

That name, like a scar, was slowly erased and the wound healed.

As the night fell, Xiaodie leaned against the window with a cup of coffee in her hand, with bright lights under her feet, and people and cars passing by.She rubbed her temples, her eyes dazed and dizzy from working overtime.She sat back at her work station, opened the APP on her mobile phone, went shopping casually, and habitually looked at lipstick again. She laughed, why did she become addicted to buying lipstick.

His finger slid across the screen, and suddenly, it stopped on a picture.Xiaodie stared blankly, it was a lipstick of a certain brand, it was the color of summer in that memory.Those memories flowed through my heart like a snowflake, and they were fixed on her wiping the lipstick on the corner of his mouth with a tissue. He said slickly: "I am the first person to stain your lipstick..."

A smile formed on her lips.

Lipstick is like a woman's coming-of-age ceremony, like a symbol of love, smearing the girl's thoughts at that moment, declaring that she has fallen into a different adult world, knowing the emotions and desires, and the world is becoming complicated.

Only after growing up did they realize that the lipstick that love handed them at the beginning became their mask in the future, and also a weapon for walking in the urban forest.Sometimes it is fighting in the workplace, negotiating at the negotiating table, sometimes gathering with girlfriends, and kissing the person you like.Draw a delicate makeup, apply color on the lips, and you can instantly switch to a different self, beautiful like no one else.

Sometimes, even if you are alone and put on lipstick casually, the world and mood will be brighter in an instant.For women, such clever things as lipstick have richer and fuller meanings than love, so even if there is no love, loving yourself well is a gentle armor, enough to resist loneliness and difficult things in the world.

We must continue to love ourselves brightly and loudly.Whether there is love or not, it is extremely precious.

(End of this chapter)