There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 13
There are many things that a person needs to give up in his life, but there is one thing that can never be given up, that is, the sincere and pure love in the world from parents to children, and from children to parents... There is a kind of love that tears the heart apart Lungs, earth-shattering, any words are pale and fragile in front of it, if you must give it a definition, there are only two words that can be appropriate-sacrifice.

My brother and I are twins. Since I can remember, my mother has told me and my brother like this, but my brother and I feel that we don't look alike at all.

In addition to my elder brother and my younger sister, my mother is pulling the three children by herself, and life has been tight.Snacks are beyond our three brothers and sisters.Fortunately, there are many legends and stories in my mother's belly. My brother, sister and I grew up happily in one story after another of my mother, and became the envy of people in the small mountain village.

Once, my mother went to help a newly married family, and they gave her two pieces of wedding candy.My mother wrapped the candy in paper and took it home, gave one piece to my sister, and the remaining piece. My mother looked at me and then at my brother, and said, "Just one piece. You cast lots. Whoever catches it will give it to him. If you can't catch it, it will be given to you." Don’t get angry when you arrive.” After the mother finished speaking, she found two pieces of paper and wrote them on respectively, “Eat” and “Don’t get angry”, put them in the porcelain jar at home, put the lid on, shook it, and put the lid on When I opened it, I grabbed a note first, and I couldn't wait to open it, and I was discouraged at once. The note said, "Don't get angry".

After that, when the mother could no longer make a decision, she would draw lots.Although I always lose, I have never complained, because I think it is a fair result, and I can only complain about my bad luck.

Going to school, the first semester exam, I took the first class in the first class, and my brother took the first class in the second class.My mother bought a new pencil case as a gift, and my brother and I drew lots to determine the ownership of the pencil box. My mother wrote two notes and put them in the porcelain jar. She often grabbed first, and I often lost to my brother, so I moved. With an eye, let my brother catch it first, but in the end, the pencil case was still caught by my brother.

When I graduated from junior high school, my brother and I were admitted to a key high school in the county seat, but our family could only support one person in high school.After dinner that day, my mother took out the porcelain pot that was used many times at home, rolled up the two written notes, put them in, shook them, picked up the lid, and said to my brother and me: " One note said to go to school, and the other said to go to work. Whichever one you grab is the one, mom can only be used by one of your brothers, don't blame mom..." The air became extremely oppressive, almost suffocating.My brother walked up to my mother and reached out to grab the note. My mother hesitated for a moment, stopped my brother, and said, "Let your brother come first, he is my brother." My mother handed the jar to me, and my hands trembled. Stretching into the porcelain jar, I hesitated to decide which note to grab. This is the note that determines the fate of my brother and I in our lives!
I finally grabbed a note and opened it - "Go to work"!I ran out of the house like crazy, and my mother and brother were calling after me... The next day, I went to a small coal mine five kilometers away to work as a coal digger.The small coal kilns are five to sixty meters deep from the ground, and the temperature is as high as 60 degrees, making people feel like they are in a steamer.Go down the well at 7:7 a.m. and go up the well at [-]:[-] p.m.When I came out, only my teeth were still white, and everything else was black, and I didn't recognize anyone.In the first few nights, because of overwork, I couldn’t sleep. When I finally fell asleep, I would have the same dream. I dreamed that my lungs had turned into briquettes. I often woke up from the dream, thinking, what if It would be nice to be able to continue to go to school!

But I am not jealous of my brother, I work crazily and overtime, and I want both my brother and sister to go to college.The radiance of my brother and sister is also my radiance.After all, we are a family of blood.

Soon, my elder brother took the college entrance examination and was admitted to a famous university, and my younger sister was also admitted to a key high school.Money at home is getting tighter and tighter.I decided to go out to the provincial capital to work.After arriving in the provincial capital, a week passed, and I couldn't find a job, so I set up a street stall.A year later, my stall turned into a bed stall, and I could barely pay for my brother and sister's tuition.

Once, passing by the city where my brother went to school, I walked in and pushed away my brother's dormitory. I was stunned. My brother was eating a dry steamed bun without even pickles.My eyes became hot, and I said to my brother secretly in my heart: brother, brother must let you eat better.

Through a friend, I started smuggling.The profits are much larger, but they are always on tenterhooks.After my brother knew about it, he persuaded me not to engage in smuggling business and break the law.I smiled and said, "I'll be careful, nothing will happen."

I was still found out, so I left the bed and hid.One day, my brother called and said that my mother was sick and asked me to rush home.I rushed home in a hurry, but was caught by the police waiting at home.When the police took me away, my mother cried like a tearful person, and kept telling me to take care of myself.I stared at my mother without saying a word.

I was sentenced to six years in prison.

My sister came to see me and persuaded me to reform myself and strive to get out as soon as possible, so that I could have a good life after I got out.I smiled wryly, saying that the lottery between going to school or going to work had already decided my fate, and I resigned myself to it.The younger sister was anxious, and said: "During the lottery, after you ran out, my mother and brother chased after you. I also opened another note in the porcelain jar, and that note also said 'go to work'." , Mom cheated, it’s not that your fate is bad, you can’t bow to fate..."

Many years ago, my mother had already abandoned me!I froze, no more tears fell, I had become a shell that had been drained of blood.

My mother came to see me and brought me a pair of knee pads, which she said I had arthritis and sewed for me.I pushed the kneepad back to my mother and said, "I don't have a mother, so you don't have to visit me in the future."

In an instant, my mother aged a lot. Looking at her crying and walking away with her hunched body, I felt a kind of pleasure in my heart.

In my heart, the word mother has been cut off from now on, and I no longer have a mother.

My brother still came to visit me often, and brought the pair of knee pads with me every time. I found that the pair of knee pads would get thicker each time. My brother told me that every time the knee pads were returned, my mother had to sew them on again. layer.I thought to myself, no amount of layers can warm my heart.

Six years later, I was released from prison, but my heart was already full of ice.My brother, who is already the deputy general manager of an electronics company, offered to help me, but I refused.My younger sister, who is already a school teacher, said that my mother missed me. I asked my younger sister to tell my mother that I had no mother for a long time.

I chose the city and opened a snack shop with my friends. A year later, my own restaurant opened.With money, I don’t have to worry about food and clothing, but the pain in my heart that I didn’t go to college has become more and more intense. My memory often goes back to the day when I drew lots, and my longing for my hometown and resentment towards my mother became stronger...Brother My sister and I will continue to come to me, telling me that my mother misses me very much and hopes to see me, and said that my mother goes to the intersection of the village every day to look around, she has aged a lot and so on.I still refused coldly, but every time I refused, it felt like a knife had been cut in my heart. The cut always reminded me of my mother covering me with a quilt when I was a child, and holding me who was sick and panting to the hospital.

What should be remembered most is the easiest to forget, who remembers the sweet taste of breast milk.My mother became my longing and pain at night.

One day, my younger sister called and said that she was nursing her mother in a small village in her hometown. My mother was seriously ill, but she refused to go to the hospital. She just kept saying my name and wanted to see me very much.

I said indifferently: "I am busy making money, I have no time and no interest." But when I put down the microphone, I felt that my thoughts flew out of my body, left my brain, and flew to the small village in my hometown, and a cold liquid slipped out of me. the eye sockets.That night, I got very drunk.

A few days later, my sister found me with a depressed face.I said impatiently: "If you have something to say, hurry up, I still have something to do."

"Mom is dying, and she said she wants to see you."

My heart skipped a beat, but my mouth was firm: "I don't have a mother."

But the younger sister said to herself: "I went back to my hometown this time, and the old man in the neighborhood told me that my brother was adopted by my father and mother..."

When I was just born, my elder brother happened to be born in another family in the small village.At that time, the woman in that family bled to death when she gave birth to her elder brother. When the man in that family found his mother holding his crying brother, the mother took him in.When my elder brother and I were over two years old, the man in that family and my father died in a fire while rescuing public property. My mother took me, my elder brother, and my younger sister to live together... Time and thinking suddenly Stop, I was stunned as if being shocked by an electric shock, the world was empty and expanding around me... Mother never abandoned me!When the choice is forced to give up, when the part to give up is a part of the heart, then giving up is a pain that runs through the bones of the heart!And no matter how much you let go, there will be a mighty love left behind!But I hurt myself and my mother with my ignorance, shallowness, and narrowness.

I rushed to the train station like crazy, feeling for the first time that no train can keep up with the speed of my heart.I kept praying in my heart, praying that God would give me and my mother more time... But it was too late. When I rushed back to the small village in my hometown, my mother had already been buried under the loess.Kneeling on the head of my mother's grave, I added soil to my mother's grave with handfuls, and tears fell drop by drop.I don't know what kind of pain and suffering my mother has endured over the years, and whether my tears can still moisten my mother's misunderstood heart.Holding the pair of knee pads that my mother sewed for me, I knocked them down again and again, screaming in my heart: "Mom, mom..."

But I can't recall my mother's smile anymore.

(Lantao)
(End of this chapter)